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Reviews
Animal Kingdom (2010)
What are you people on?
Started off OK. I kept waiting for something to happen to make the main character start to actually 'act' but he never did. His mouth never moved even when he spoke. His arms did not move (did he have any?). His eyes or face did not move. He was like a mannequin.
What was the very good actor Guy Pearce doing in this? He is good enough to act as a hard-nut or anything he wants to be, but none of the other guys were believable hard nuts. Why would the very large main character run from the little weed several times? I am not very hard myself but I would never run from that guy. Come on! I understand that the movie was written and directed by a 'newcomer', so that explains a lot. But if that is the case, charge me only a dollar for watching it. The colour of the movie was green/grey/brown - almost like post-nuclear war or something. It was not very well-written; there were several sub-plots that were never finished or explored properly. And the end REEKED. Yes, of course I saw it coming. This whole situation reminds me of the Blair Witch film, actually.
All or Nothing (2002)
I'm from London... They should rename this movie F*** OFF!
I used to live in the East end of London and people do not say f*** off every second sentence. Also, people are not always depressed and on the verge of crying all day long. Also, sad music does not play in the background all day long. And not everybody is fat and ugly. I've lived in several different US states and the girls of London compare pretty favourably.
These films about low class London written by middle class idiots are always hilarious because they are always the same. These people watch Eastenders a couple of times and think they can write a 'realistic' film about the poor cute little Londoners.
F*** OFF!
My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)
It's about as far from 8 out of 10 as your average modern Greek is from Socrates.
Must be a lot of Greeks happy to see a Greek Hollywood film, voting high marks. But I'm sorry. This is a fat Greek turd. I'm assuming it's meant to be some kind of 'comedy'. But there are no jokes. No plot. No anything. It's about as far from 8 out of 10 as your average modern Greek is from Socrates.
U-571 (2000)
history hollywood style
What a stupid movie. There were so many true stories from the War that could have been made. Why make one up, and such a stupid one?
Of course the whole story is ridiculous, but how about this: A black man aboard a US ship as part of a special mission and is 'one of the guys'? I'm sorry, but not in the 1940's.
The Iron Giant (1999)
Superb family film
This film was a real surprise. So rare today to see a film with wholesome morals and not dirtied by the usual Hollywood filth. Very good for children and adults - I recommend it heartily for people who are sick of their kids watching the usual trash. I also enjoyed it myself!
Magnolia (1999)
Quite enjoyable but a pretentious mess - and too L O N G zzz
I quite enjoyed this movie. But it was a hell of a mess. It needed to be cut in half - at least. Some scenes seemed to last for about an hour.
These big-name directors have a big hit then they think they can get away with murder. Had this been properly edited, it could have been good. But not as good as Boogie Nights - nowhere near.
Actually the more I think about it, I think I should have marked it lower than a six.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Scarier than the Exorcist? Don't make me laugh. Scooby Doo is scarier (and better).
It just shows you what hype can do. This is very poor indeed. I don't care how much it cost to make; it still cost the same to watch. When the ending came, I sat there thinking "Was that it"? I honestly think that the distributers did this for a laugh - let's see what we can get away with.
A pile of bricks can win 'art' awards, so why not?
The Shadow Men (1997)
Oh dear
This is so bad it isn't even funny. I think it must have been written by an unintelligent child. It really is quite unbelievable how poorly-made this film is. It actually has a good cast, but it is one of those films that you can't understand why it got made at all. Best line: "MIB meet TNT"!
Bulworth (1998)
Childish, unsubtle political propaganda, unintentionally hilarious
This is a very funny film, because it is so ridiculous. It is a very sad reflection of American society that this has received so many high marks. I have lost all respect for Beatty. God help us all if he becomes president.
Schindler's List (1993)
What is wrong with you people?
Exactly what one would expect. What a surprise that he won an Oscar for this one. What an awful, awful movie. Spielberg's movies get worse and worse. Still, at least this one has no 'wise kids' at the centre of the action. Too serious a subject, I suppose. Black and White. Or is it?
Jurassic Park (1993)
Special Effects and no plot - may as well play a video game...
Poor acting, casting, writing, direction. The 'plot' is very, very silly. Even when I was a kid I would have thought this very childish. The dialogue was awful and Jeff Golblum was especially dreadful.
I like Sam Neill and Bob Peck. What were they doing in this? Dicky Attenborough, we've come to expect this silliness of him.
Typical Spielberg precocious 'wise kids' at the centre of the action as usual. Cheesy themes, predictable outcomes.
But the special effects were great...
The Exorcist (1973)
Classic shocker, never bettered
The first part of the film were a bit flat and I thought everything I'd heard about it was was an exaggeration. But when the scary bits started I knew exactly what people were talking about. My hair actually stood on end at one point.
This really is a classic film, one you'll never forget. I had to sleep with the lights on for some days after watching this! The visuals are excellent, the sound is terrifying, the whole film is very well-made by a very good director.
One thumb up!