Catfight-2's Reviews

The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

2/10

8 March 2006

Warning: Spoilers

Call me a hypocrite, but I can't help but think that while movies like Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Halloween and even Hostel have some redeeming value (whether social commentary or just plain entertainment), this one's pretty damn pointless.

The good -The character of Bobby (the teenage son) carries the film, and is pretty much a stand-in for the usual female hero that survives in the end. The kid who plays him did an excellent job and was very realistic, and though the character makes some stupid mistakes throughout, he never really has you yelling at the screen.

-The music from Tomandandy (who did Mean Creek's excellent music) was good, mostly country and B-movie instrumentals (like in the old Dogs of War trailer).

The bad -Pretty much everything else.

-The back story about the miners refusing to leave their homes and being mutated by government nuclear tests is weak. Hey guys, if they were going to do tests there, chances are the mines were barren and you'd be living in a ghost town anyway. This makes the "point" of the movie- that anyone can be driven to murder like a barbarian- kind of moot. The trailer family (who, by the way, are hardly the usual city folk pitted against murderous hillbillies-- they're gun-wielding republicans who would probably vote to let them keep their land, while liberals may have stopped the nuclear testing in the first place) is killing because half of them have been raped and killed and had their baby stolen, not because they were asked to move out of their dying desert town. Maybe if the government had taken the people's children away or not warned the residents in time... I dunno. After Wrong Turn, maybe we're just lucky to get ANY explanation for inbred hicks killing outsiders, other than the fact that, hey, they're inbred hicks and they've got a taste for blood.

-The rape scene and ensuing murders were needlessly graphic. Call me old-fashioned, but I like my horror movie serial killers impotent and sexual threats nonexistent or implied, like in Texas Chain Saw Massacre or A Nightmare on Elm Street. If Oscar-winning filmmakers have trouble not making rape scenes exploitative, Alexandre Aja sure isn't going to pull it off.

The ugly -The make-up is pretty good. The creepiest mutated people were really the ones who looked most human.

I'm not sure I would even call this movie horror. It's more 1970s exploitation (unsurprisingly) meets snuff flick, with better special effects. Plenty will be disgusted, few will be truly scared. I guess now I know how other people see horror movies that I love.

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Reeker (2005)

8/10

Ridiculous premise-- good movie

27 July 2005

Warning: Spoilers

All right, so everybody laughed when the trailer played in the theatre. A horror movie based on smell? But as far as the whole 'teens stranded at an abandoned motel' genre goes, this one is pretty good. The opening is cool. The acting ranges from decent to good. The characters are likable. Scott Whyte's character is genuinely funny (not in a pathetic Saved by the Bell way). The attack scenes are heart-pounding. It's scary without being gratuitous, and the production values are a far cry from pathetic '80s horrors (though there is an excellent bit with an '80s rock classic that everyone laughed and cheered at). There is a bit of the tired "magical blind guy" schtick, formula following and the now-requisite twist ending (which is pretty obvious and drawn out waaay too long. It goes on a good five minutes after the "surprise" is revealed- people were yelling "Wrap it up!" But in the end, it was much, much better than I thought it would be. I was pretty surprised to learn that My So Called Life's Brian Krakow was in it. Plus the heart throb from Welcome to the Dollhouse and the guy from City Guys. It's worth a look (and maybe a second one, for me) based on that alone.

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Open House (1987)

Not even worth watching just to make fun of

25 October 2001

Horrible, horrible, horrible. The only redeeming quality I could salvage from this achingly slow and sloppily made excuse for a bad horror movie was telling people how awful it is and summing up the plot for them: "It's about a guy who goes around killing people with razorblades glued to a stick because he's angry about the price of real estate." As an aspiring filmmaker, I'm not sure whether I should cry over the film and time that was wasted making this atrocity, or rejoice over the fact that someone, somewhere, has a money tree and is willing to lend it to anyone with a 50¢ script and the desire to film it.

(to find out the only abomination of a film that could beat this one as the worst film I've ever seen, check out my review for "Hundstage" [Dog Days])

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Dog Days (2001)

1/10

The WORST film I have EVER seen

22 October 2001

I didn't think it could be done, but something has come along and replaced Open House- a low budget horror about someone killing over the high price of real estate- as the worst film I've ever seen in my short but otherwise sweet life.

It was touted as the best film in Montreal's most recent film festival, which leads me to believe that every other entry must consist of blank-wall shots accompanied by people reading gloomy poetry.

Watching this movie was like a little slice of Hell. It's from Austria, and it attempts to stumble along in the footsteps of Short Cuts and Blue Velvet- scenes about various characters living in a suburban area with a dark underbelly. There's the fat dog owner and his fat maid wife who stripteases for him, the skinny divorcee whose wife still lives with him in a house that includes the untouched room of his dead child, the über-annoying woman hitchhiker who recites top ten lists... The list goes on. Forever. Much like the two hours plus I spent in that theatre.

Yes, the characters interact, but not in a clever or interesting or even relevant way. I couldn't say if they were any good as actors, as, according to the subtitles, they were given lines that were the Austrian equivalent of "You are so lame!" They certainly didn't have to learn many, as each repeated his or her same lines at least three times in a scene.

This is no Gummo, or any of the aforementioned movies. There is no art to discover, and nothing to dwell on afterwards except maybe whether or not you should change your "never walk out during a movie" policy (which quite a few older couples did during a random orgy scene- and if that sounds appetizing, it's not, unless you're one of few who doesn't find the idea of your parents having sex- and with a few local middle-aged couples, to boot- revolting).

This movie was offensive to me. Not the flabby nudity, not the cringe-inducing soundtrack, not the shockless scenes involving guns. I was offended that someone actually spent money to make this when there are capable writers and filmmakers out there looking for funding. I was offended that someone from out of town might have gone to see Dog Days and come out wondering if that was the best us Montrealers could find. Most of all, I was offended that, somehow, the people involved with the festival duped everyone into believing that the emperor had a gorgeous and mesmerising new outfit when it was painfully clear that he was as naked as the fat maid wife doing a striptease.

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Ghost World (2001)

Hilarious and Heart Wrenching

16 July 2001

I hate to sound like a fake movie reviewer, but Ghost World was HILARIOUS AND HEART WRENCHING. I saw it at the Fantasia film fest, and, although the title makes it seem otherwise, it was one of the only films without violence (minus a pair of nunchucks) or the supernatural. Buscemi is incredibly awkward, he had everyone laughing and squirming. Johanssen is so realistic, dry wit and growling sarcasm in the shell of a country club debutante. Even Brad renfro, whose endless talents are barely used in his small part, fits in perfectly as a somewhat slow abusee of the two girls. Thora Birch is achingly good- self conscious but outwardly cruel, carefree but bitter, dressing her movie star body in loud prints and 50s cuts, covering her full lips with green gloss. She is truly in the midst of Ghost World- that place and time between high school and the rest of one's life. She is also in that utter void between being a girl, almost androgynous as a child (and unnoticed by boys while with Johnassen's character), and a woman, a powerful, sexual being.

God, maybe it's 'cause I can identify so much, but I adored this film. The first half is completely hilarious (especially the scenes with Douglas, the flaky art teacher who shows the class her experimental film) and authentic. Personally, I loved the end. Though a little depressing, it fit perfectly with the theme. (Without giving too much away), there is no pefect, happy resolution. Enid (Birch) obviously has a lot more things to experience and learn how to handle.

Please, send any teenaged girls you know to see this. Other than MTV's Daria, this is one of the only examples I can think of where a teenaged girl isn't: -bleached blond, buxom and a size 0 cheerleader -a science geek who is, thank goodness!, brought out of her shell by the school jock a la Pygmalion or She's all That -in only a single scene, either as filler, background art or a caricature who yells "Get off my back! You just don't understand!" and whom the "real" adult characters can comment on occasionally and reflect their lives against. (Can you tell that I'm a teenaged girl myself?)

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Making the Band (2000–2002)

A-freakin'-mazing

1 June 2000

Maybe it's 'cause I don't have MTV (we Canadians are much too frail and sensitive for it), but this show is like nothing I've ever seen before. All the guys are really interesting and funny, as is their situation in general. I hope they continue the series on the road with the final group. My only qualms: they should have had ten guys and narrowed it to five ('cause taking 3 off is just cruel). Also, while I haven't seen the final episode, I don't think they chose my favourite guys (Mike and Paul). Probably wanted the submissive ones so they wouldn't have to sue again (BSB, 'Nsync). Ah well...

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Fight Club (1999)

Flashback Humour- Stay Alert

15 October 1999

See it now. Don't wait 'til it's in the discount theatre or at the video store. If you've read the book, the movie sticks pretty closely and even surpasses it at some points (except the very ending is completely different- FYI Don't let anyone tell you the ending). Brad Pitt is hilarious, Edward Norton is great. Sure, it's violent, but it's for violence's sake (as opposed to entertainment's). My only qualm would be the after effects of the film: pretentious college students analysing scenes and dialogue in the lobby, and genius pre-teens missing the whole point and deciding to start their own Fight Club. There you go. It's a great movie, so says all the critics and myself. Still, though, I've got the feeling that it's makers were expecting more criticism. Oh well, I'm sure they'll appreciate anything Rev. Falwell will say (probably comment on the homosexual undertones).

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