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tommagnenorbom
Reviews
Gunsmoke: Old Friend (1967)
That catfish might have had the head of a woman
This is a one of the more silly episodes of the long running western series. Doc Adams, an educated man, doesn't even know what a mythical mermaid is supposed to look like. Like Festus, he seems to think that it is a fish with the head of a woman. And since he is isn't entirely certain that the creature doesn't exist - in a pond near Dodge, at that - he decides not to eat the fish that he has been served at the local restaurant. Where did he get his education? In a lunatic asylum?
And when told that four badmen are coming to Dogde to rob the bank, Matt decides to go after his old friend, who would have been an helpful ally, instead of laying a trap for them. That is just idiotic. The logical thing for him to do, would be to let the rogue lawman be until the bandits had been taken care of.
The guy responsible for this mess unfortunately chose to portray both Doc Adams and Marshall Dillon as idiots.
The Mortuary Collection (2019)
Not unless you want to be bored
Horror? Not unless the thought of being bored to death frightens you. If it does, you won't find a greater horror movie than this piece of ... Others are advised to stay away.
Van Helsing (2016)
Recommended for uncritical fanboys
There used to be a time when each vampire had his or her own coffin, and often a human servant or two, but these cut rate "vampires" probably live in trash cans since they look suspiciously like homeless people. When they attack someone they go Grhhrhhh and Gngghghghh and gnash their filthy teeth and wave their arms in the air like meat hungry zombies. And then they are beheaded by the heroes, who spend most of their time spouting inanities to each other, inanities that unfortunately are taken for good writing by the fanboys.
Need i add that this show is boring? If it had been any worse it would at least have been campy fun.
Ready or Not (2019)
Helpful advice
If the thought of being bored for an hour and a half this is definitely the horror movie for you. Otherwise, stay away.
The Wretched (2019)
What a wretched movie
If there's one thing that this flick proves it's that's impossible to make a good horror movie with a moron for a protagonist. But that is by no means its only problem. It is in fact the least of them. The movie tries to be creepy but in the end it's just boring. And the ending couldn't have been more clichéd if the film makers had tried to make it so, it is so silly and expected, considering how hamfisted the rest of the movie is, that it seems like a parody on the horror movies made in the fifties and sixties.
How do these movies get made? And what kind of persons give them eight and nine stars? That's the real horror.
John Wick: Chapter 2 (2017)
Just surface noise
This movie is as slick and superfical as a comic book. One bad guy running aruond shooting other bad guys does not an interesting movie make, except for those viewers who don't demand a story to go with all the mayhem.
The Collector (2009)
A lesson in how to bore your audience
This horror movie commits the cardinal sin of being boring, despite the gruesome subject matter; it's really nothing more than a collection of cliches that are presented in a way that makes the story's utter lack of originalty as well its lack of internal logic glaringly visible to all but the most easily pleased genre viewers.
The Bravos (1972)
Boring.
It's movies like this that give westerns a bad name. Yes, it was made for TV, but that's no reason to bore the viewers. But at least the Kiowas were played by Native Americans and not not a bunch of white guys with feathers in their rugs.
Terminal (2018)
A terminal bore
Thr movie is supposed to be a neo noir but comes across as an unfunny comedy. It's neither intelligent nor exciting and it feels about twice as long as it really is. My advice is:Avoid.
Snatchers (2019)
What a lousy movie
Rarely if ever have I seen a movie as infuriatingly bad as The Snatchers. It is so boring and slow and unimaginative that it's pure torture to watch, so imagine my surprise when I looked at the Credits and discovered that it wasn't made in Hell by a sadistic demon.
The Searchers (1956)
Mamma Mia
It's not often one gets the chance to quote ABBA when reviewing a Cowboy movie. But Mamma Mia adequately summons up my feelings after having watched this overlong movie, which is the best Western ever made according to several other reviewers. It's no such thing. It's boring, badly written and acted, and it has a John Wayne that is as wooden as any totem pole. In fact, I was looking for termites on the ground every time he scratched his face. That was considerably more fun than watching the "comic" interludes between the more serious business of chasing the predatory Comanches all over Texas. I mean the peaceful Navahoes all over Monument Valley. It turns out that the indian chief was a white guy with feathers and warpaint, as is often the case with indians in Westerns from the fifties.
The Searchers is an unsavory mix of ersatz drama and low comedy that never gels and leaves the viewers frustrated as well as dissatisfied. And did I mention that the movie is overlong? John Ford certainly succeeded in giving the impression that the search for the girl stolen by the Comanches took years, because it felt like the movie lasted almost as long.