lruella's Reviews

Spaceman (I) (2024)

1/10

Another space movie that is not about space

6 March 2024

I dont know whats wrong with hollywood.

Space buffs want to see movies about space, where men do manly things and solve engineering and scientific problems overcoming the odds of a harsh environment to heroically accomplish a near impossible mission. THATS WHAT WE EFFIN WANT.

Instead hollywood keeps giving us family soap operas one after the other after the other.

This movie is only set in space, but that's irrelevant. Could have been set in an apartment in chicago. Besides, who sends a 1 man mission to mars? This movie didnt make sense from the start.

Just give us an effing space movie about the effing space. Is it too much to ask?

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Night Sky (2022)

1/10

Old people doing stuf

10 July 2022

I watched only the first 30 minutes, I have a rule that if a sereis doesnt catch me in the first 20 I don't watch it. So I gave this one an extra 10.

All I saw was: old people go to the supermarket, old people have a cofffee, old people go to doctor, old people drive.

This is all, why should I invest my time in this?

Bye bye.

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Stranger Things (2016–2025)

5/10

Season 4: just kill this show already

5 July 2022

Stranger things season finale: I confirm my previous review. Pacing is all over the place, characters all over the place, tone all over the place, storylines all over the place.

Many looong expositions that water down the narrative and the action, cartoonish characters (surfer dude and russian smuggler) that are even more irritating and unfunny than Jar Jar Binks, and even the characters that are not cartoonish often have inappropriate jokes or tone for a life or death situation.

The Russia storyline has no connection with the main narrative, and the show wants to be too many things simultaniusly but you can't be both a light-hearted Goonies-style comedy and a dark apocalyptic horror at the same time cause those two tones are gonna spoil each other (unless you're Ivan Reitman directing Ghostbusters, but the Duffer brothers are no Reitman).

Plus some protagonists became totally useless and plainly unsufferable, with their 1 teen-angst expression throughtout the whole season turning their entire screen time into a snooze fest (hello Will).

Bottom line: this show had one season to go for and that was brilliant. Anything after that is just beating a dead horse and it becomes more apparent season after season, which in view of the upcoming season 5 fills me with dread and frustration.

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Bang Bang Baby (2022– )

5/10

Interesting bits lost in a boring storytelling

8 June 2022

Some parts are interesting, the character of the grandma is very cool but the protagonist girls has 1 expression and the general storytelling is fragmentary and counterclimatic. Wanted to like it but stopped watching at episode 2. Also, signature gay character that needs to be shoehorned in every modern series made my eyes roll at minute 5. Director wants to imitate Sorrentino but should have had a more Gomorra-like pacing and style to make this enjoyable.

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Outer Range (2022– )

1/10

20 minute rule

1 May 2022

I have made a rule for not wasting time: if a show or movie doesn't make me wanna watch it within 20 minutes, I call quits.

I went 36 in with this one and didn't enjoy a single second of it. All boring mumbling from badly introduced characters and some hole.

No thanks.

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Layer Cake (2004)

2/10

I have no diea what's going on

9 April 2022

I am 1 hour into the movie and I have no idea what's going on. Is it about looking for a girl? Is it about trying to steal MDMA? Is it about someone framing someone else? Everything is confused and mishmashed together, the plot is all over the place. I have no idea what this movie is about. I give 2 stars instead of 1 because the first 10 minutes were really cool.

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The Little Stranger (2018)

1/10

No idea what the movie is about

10 February 2022

Watched it for 40 minutes with my girlfriend then we looked at each other and said "do you understand what this movie is about?". We didnt, we were just bored and switched it off. I read somewhere that it was a ghost story. Really? After 40 minutes we had no idea. Zzzzzzzz.

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Salvation (2017–2018)

1/10

I rolled my eyes so many times I felt like a slot machine

17 January 2022

I gave up after about 20 minutes into the show. I hated every character and the story was horribly written. It's like they put together every possible cliché from all the scifi movies ever written and tried to make it worse. So called MIT students throw around technobabble in an eyerolling attempt to tell the audience they are geniuses. Fake Elon Musk acts too-cool-for-you and throws around eye-rolling smartass lines totally inappropriate for the situation. (his explanation for the extinction level event is literally: "Asteroid... Earth..... Boooom!"). The firdy bar-pickup scene is a terrible imitation of the one from "A Beautiful mind" and the following sex is the most horribly cliché hollywood depiction of "passionate sex after bar" you can imagine. I could go on forever but it's already too much for a show I've seen for 20 minutes.

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Tolo Tolo (2020)

1/10

Immigrationist movie

9 January 2022

Immigrationist movie with lackluster jokes. Humour cannot hide the unnecessary preaching. Zalone should not try to this again. Leave political agenda to others.

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Sweet Home (2020– )

5/10

Some good moments but all over the place

30 October 2021

So the premise is interesting. It has the look of a manga if you like that sort of thing and some moments are really cool. However the story is all over the place, so I agree with everyone who says it starts well but gets boring because of slow pacing and disjointed story telling. It's hard to follow also cause the characters all look the same and the korean names dont help, everyone is like Jun Jin Jon, Kwon bun bam, cin ciun lan, who the hell remembers that. And yes the CGI is that of a low budget straight to dvd movie, but if they paid a bit more attention to crafting a better structured story I would have excused it. In the end disappointing.

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Blind Revenge (2009)

6/10

It's ok-ish

12 October 2021

I like how well spoken the protagonist is. The thrills are not great, not terible. It's a luke-warm thriller with a not-so climatic ending that tries to be something but ends up unconvincingly. All in all worth a watch if you really have nothing else.

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Fantasy Island (2020)

10/10

Really entertaing

7 October 2021

I had low expectations because of the ratings but I was surprised to be very entertained from beginning to end. Now, this is of course not a 10/10 movie but a solid 7.5. I gave it a higher rating because 4 is really too low, expecially considering that nowadays 90% of the movies are boring.

I think Michael Peña was not a good choice for Mr. Rourke though. He really doesn't have the right presence or charisma. Nothing to do with Ricardo Montalban.

This said, the fantasies are interesting, it's interesting how they turn grim and it's interesting how they eventually connect together. There is almost never a dull or slow moment during the movie and it's not even predictable in the ending as one would expect. Watch it.

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Foundation (2021– )

1/10

I don't understand what's going on

29 September 2021

I know nothing about the foundation books.

Watched 30 minutes of this, i didn't understand a thing about the story nor the characters. I switched it off.

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Containment (I) (2015)

2/10

Starts great but then nothing makes sense. Missed chance

16 September 2021

Warning: Spoilers

Movie full of absurdities and overly caricatural characters.

First of all, the way the containment is managed makes NO SENSE at all. Do you really think the English government would EVER seal shut entire blocks of people cutting water and electricity and without telling them what's going on? Why? What's the advantage? Has the government suddently turned into the Saw villain? How can anyone believe this would EVER work.

Then if the government really wants to be SO authoritarian, why there is literally zero soldiers except for a single sniper in the entire area. Just a bunch of doctors that are, surprise surprise, soon easily overpowered.

And why at some point the government decides to just leave, forgetting corpses of their own people on the ground forever? So much for keeping it secret.

And why are they sending an unarmed woman and a guy alone to remove people form their apartments? In fact they get overpowered after 2 minutes.

And why regular people just instantly become murderers, kidnappers, etc. And start behaving like it's a war, instead of just cooperating with the authorities hoping to get help.

So plenty of plot holes plus the terrible characterization of the protagonists that are cartoonish in their clichés. Also one stupid and absurd behaviour after the other.

Like.... the last thing I would do if there was a containment situation in my building was kick down my own wall after 5 minutes to go talk with the neighbour, I would have to spend thousands of euros to just repair it.

I could go on but I think it's enough.

Such a wasted chance.

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Aura (2018)

10/10

For the small budget is a pretty good movie

6 September 2021

First this movie deserves actually a 6/10 or 7/10, I gave it 10 just cause the general score is too low.

This said, the production is super cheap, looks like a movie school project.

However, if hollywood remade this same exact script, it would be a pretty catchy horror movie with a cool ending. Considering the low budget, I wasnt disappointed one bit after watching it. I have seen faaaaaaaar worse movies which were much better rated so give it a chance.

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Creed II (2018)

1/10

Creed was already unnecessary, let alone Creed II

14 August 2021

So basically it's a repetition of EVERYTHING you have already seen in other Rocky movies, just worse in every aspect.

Should have been a 5/10 at best but gave 1 to balance out the excessively good reviews.

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The Traitor (2019)

1/10

Watched the first 30 minutes and gave up

12 June 2021

So this review is partial but I made a rule for myself that if a movie isn't interesting in the first 20 minutes, then bye bye movie.

So the movie starts with a party by I dont know who for I don't knwo what. A million characters get introduced, I don't understand who they are.

One character goes to Brazil to do I dont know what

Some people who I dont know who they are kill other people who I dont know who they are for reasons I don't know, incluiding a priest.

A couple more scenes I do not understand follow, at which point I get frustraded and angry and I decide to throw this movie in the garbage.

I dont know if film makers decide to make movie impenetrable just to make them seem more intellectual, but I am fed up with that crap.

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Interstellar (2014)

1/10

Everyone murmuring all the time

6 June 2021

Why is everybody murmuring and whispering all the time? It seems to be a characteristc of all movies trying to be "smart" and "deep": everyone is murmuring .

This makes conversations boring and sleep inducing.

For the rest, I can't add anything that hasn't been said yet: a few parts are interesing but mostly it's boring and the the ending is ludicrous.

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Baggio: The Divine Ponytail (2021)

5/10

Baggio deserves better, nobody cares about daddy issues

28 May 2021

This movie has no pathos, no sense of scale. The reenactment of the world cup games are not believable for one second. They feel like they are playing a backyard game, not the world cup. There is no buildup. Actors are ok, especially the father who is the most charismatic, but in general I was disappointed by the sense of small-scale this movie has. Also no mention of Juventus in an entire movie about the life of Baggio? Too many important part skipped or played underwelmingly in a counterclimatic way and there is almost no sports or action, it's mostly introspective. This is not what Baggio lovers want. This is not a high adrealine sports movie, it's a daddy issues family drama that nobody wanted. Please have this movie re-made by someone else who can rework the script. Is really a woman director a good idea for a movie about a football God? The movie should have been made by someone who really experienced those feelings in the 80s and 90s, I am not being sexist but just realist. The director was probably playing with dolls during those years and didn't care a thing about football.

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The Intruder (I) (2019)

10/10

Predictable but ejoyable

25 May 2021

Yes, the movie is predictable (except for a good plot twist in the end) but it's enjoyable. Yes you will sometimes scream at the protagonists making dumb choices, but isn't this true for every horror movie ever, even the best ones?

So I gave it a 10 to balance out the excessively negative reviews, I think the true vote would be 6.5, especially compared with the garbage that hollywodd made in the last 15 years. It became so hard to find a movie that's not utter garbage, that this one being ok seems like a masterpiece.

If you're ready to not be too picky about some of the logic, and the formulaic plot, you'll enjoy it.

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Do You See Me? (2014)

6/10

Very funny but sadly sexist

10 May 2021

The movie is very funny with brilliant characters and lots of ideas and it made me laugh a lot. Unfortunately it has one fatal flaw, unacceptable sexism against men which are all depicted as incompetent, exploiting and sketchy, while women are all hard working, smarter and better educated. I found this very annoying and ruined a movie which would have been absolutely brilliant otherwise.

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Steve Jobs (2015)

5/10

They managed to turn an interesting story into a boring one.

7 April 2021

It could have showed us the beginnings, how Steve and Woz met, how they developed the first Apple, however most of the movie is just the backstage of different product presentations. You think they are gonna last 5 minutes but they last two hours. Is this really the best way to show Job's life? I don't think so.

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His House (2020)

1/10

incredibly boring and pointless

19 March 2021

I watched the first 20 minutes, got terribly bored, skipped to the last 5 minutes and got even more bored. Skip.

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The Haunting of Hill House (2018)

1/10

Boring

19 February 2021

Watched the first 30 minutes of the first episode, didnt' understand anything about who's who or what's going on, just a series of disconnected scenes, got bored and quit it.

Tihs is my new rule. If a show doesn't manage to become interesting within 20 minutes, it's a waste of time.

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Toc Toc (2017)

3/10

One trick pony

25 January 2021

You see all the jokes in the movie in the first 10 minutes

The number guys says numbers. ahah The hygene lady freaks about hygene ahah. The tourette guy swears. ahah

Then they do it all over again from the beginning and again and again and again. At the tenth time the number guys says numbers you will wanna kill yourself and you're only halfway through the movie.

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lruella

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