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brian_clay
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The VVitch: A New-England Folktale (2015)
The Witch or VVitch, as in Very Very poorly made.
If the sound, lighting, and actors annunciating their lines are crap, films start off on bad notes with me. The Witch was a perfect movie to "watch" during this past week's billiard night at my house. You barely could hear anything and I ended up with the tv volume at 32 when about 14 is normal. And if you could actually make out the actors speaking, their use of old English on top of all the mumbling made trying to following the absurd script maddening. But that was cool. It didn't bother the party. Yes, the film it set outdoors and often at night or inside dark cabins but again, some scenes were just 90% unintentional darkness. Perhaps producers could work on getting the tech stuff right.
Way Down (2021)
Preposterous but watchable I guess.
The sets are good. The cinematography is good. The sound is good. The acting is OK. The storyline premise in itself is not bad. The popcorn I popped was fine.
So there was about 45 minutes left and the "action" was about to begin and I was really thinking about watching something else. All I could think about was that it's been done. I've seen it before. Many times in many films. I didn't need to watch the end because I've seen it over and over and over. Every cliche from The Italian Job, The Sting, Mission Impossible, Ocean's Eleven, The DaVinci Code, any Bond flic, even the freakin' Dirty Dozen and a dozen more caper movies.....they're all in here. Too many technological absurdities are available at a moments notice. Too many things just fall into place. And the end is always either a bittersweet failure or subdued success with the music coming up and the hero walking into the sunset.....with a wink and a smile.
Entertaining. Fun. Good music. All things that fit this film. New. Unique. A cliffhanger. Not so much.
Ad Astra (2019)
Ad Astra and Add Expresso
I admit it. This must be my fault. Even though I watched start to finish, I did occasionally fight with Mr Sandman for the remote, but I did watch it all, mostly. So here are a few things I really don't understand.
What exactly is The Lima Project? SETI-ish stuff?
Was The Surge some sort of EMP?
Why and how was it done?
Dad killed his whole crew.....why?
What did he eat and breath for those 29 years?
Can astronauts just "fly" from the ship to the planet and back, using a shield of course?
....etc.
So I have to say that visually it was very interesting. Plot-wise though, for a space movie I rank it right up there with Jodi Foster's Contact in attention keeping.
One last thought. Didn't someone once say...
"In space, no one can hear you scream."?
Evidently not here.
Bigfoot: I Saw It! (2021)
I saw it too. Sorta. If you squinted.
Not the worst pseudo-documentary I've seen. Kinda interesting. Somewhat fun to watch. A bit repetitive with all the "other" myths explored. The best I can say is that it was better than the mermaids.
Nebraska (2013)
An amazing film
So amazing that not quite 47 minutes into this movie I flipped the remote to Outdoor Channel for catfish noodling on the Mississippi. What's even more amazing is that although it's highly rated, and evidently an incredible film according to those who know, I don't really care if he gets any money or not.
The Little Foxes (1941)
I thought I'd seen them all.
As one who has watched his fair share of TCM films, it's unusual that I find one I haven't seen. I don't mind watching classics a few times and great classics many times. Somehow I've missed The Little Foxes until today. I'm sure I will see this one every time it's convenient because it is fantastic.
Betty Davis is an enigma to me because I don't consider her particularly beautiful, completely non-sexy, and really just not my cup of tea. But I do acknowledge that her portrayal of characters is amazing. Her specialty of a conniving, backstabber here is more than worthy of her legendary film status.
The plot of an old, post Civil War cotton dynasty, way past their hay day, and looking to regain wealth if not status, has enough similarities to the Ewings of Dallas and the Carringtons of Dynasty to keep most viewers of a certain age engaged. Money triumphs family is, and has been, a story for the ages and The Little Foxes is no exception. Who ends up with what and what was the cost is a theme repeated many times, but never better than here.
Proximity (2020)
They sure do get around. Quickly too.
Obviously a Berkley Film School mid-term that received a C-, and that was only for the sound and lighting. When people have no knowledge about a topic they should maybe read up on it a bit, or stick to watching Big Bang Theory reruns. Even Leonard would laugh at this. An inane waste of time.
Gretel & Hansel (2020)
Very captivating, for one and all.
I usually consider a film rated here at 5.3 as a possible stinker, but something to at least fill an hour or so if needed. I was very pleasantly surprised when I still had interest after 15-20 minutes. I couldn't understand all the low ratings until it occurred to me that the majority of them were probably from film viewers who think the genre of horror can only come from flesh eating zombies or dystopian societies of the future. This film kept me watching if for no other reasons than it wasn't ridiculously dark, and I could actually hear and understand the dialog. What a concept in filmmaking these days!
The creepiness was palatable throughout. The cinematography and sets were very well done and saying that it was atmospheric in more than one way certainly describes it correctly. The constant background score many times unconsciously added to the uncomfortable feelings of many scenes. The rolls of the two young actors were portrayed excellently, and the Witch made my skin tingle at times. To remember and relate the original fairy tale, though not an exact retelling, allowed it all to come together for me. Its feel wasn't quite edge of your seat but it sure kept my interest, and even gave me a white knuckle or two. Not the greatest I've ever seen but I'd be willing to bet The Brothers would approve.
Grimm indeed.
First Cow (2019)
Here's my beef....
I don't really care how many stars a film gets, or how highly IMDB rates it, I gave First Cow 15 minutes to pique my interest. Even that was being generous. I had absolutely no interest in continuing to watch, in addition to the fact that it was so DARK AND BLURRY that it was hard to figure out what was going on. First Cow is should be renamed First Skunk because it stinks.
Prince of Darkness (1987)
King of Awful
Even during quarantine I still just wasted 1hr 42mins of my life.
Windtalkers (2002)
Poor imitation of a war film
If you like slam bang, shoot 'em up movies and not much else, then this might be for you. I guess a lifetime of watching action and war films has given me too much to compare this to. For anyone who's of an age where everything is compared to Saving Private Ryan, well I guess this isn't too bad.
From the opening I felt that casting and details give this flic a poor look. All the actors, every one, are way too old. WW2 Marines were 18, 19, maybe 20 tops. Not one "Marine" has a regulation haircut. Christian Slater uses way too much non-USMC issued product in all that hair. And mustaches?? Who the heck was in charge of historical details? Everything in the combat scenes is clean and green. None of the trees are blown off short. Those just don't translate with the over abundance of pyrotechnics.
The main actors were very stiff, actually except for the ones who played Navajos. They were rather convincing. But Nicholas Cage always seems to be in one of his Leaving Las Vegas, drunken thousand yard stares. Enough of the shortfalls, let's talk about what I liked.
Um.....well, let's see. Lots of stuff blows up. Nobody swears like a Marine. The good guys win in the end. John Woo attempts to correct any and all the then societal wrongs with short moments of righteousness. And that's about it. Sorry it wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great either. Woo needs to budget more for accuracy and less for explosions and pretty faces.
Motherless Brooklyn (2019)
I just couldn't......
This seemed like a good premise for a film. I like Edward Norton and of course Bruce Willis. The first few minutes were difficult to understand. Fast talking. Slurred lines. Lots of details. And then we find out Norton's character's has a speech impediment, maybe Tourettes Syndrone. Coincidentally the same speech impediment he had in Primal Fear. It wasn't all that bad to follow then, but here, it was way overdone. As Forrest would say, "And just like that I was much more annoyed by it than the movie seemed like it was worth." Once Bruce was killed off early I didn't want to waste another 2 hrs of life listening to that annoying way of speech so I turned it off. Sorry but I just couldn't.
The Final Wish (2018)
Wish you never saw it.
Watching this film gave me the feeling that I was going through some sort of court ordered restitution for a horrible crime that I committed.
The Hummingbird Project (2018)
Diggin' a hole too deep to get out of.
An interesting premise for a film about tech advances and getting an edge. If only that premise was translated onto the screen. The plot and story don't really matter here because the movie is so jumbled up it doesn't matter what happens to whom. And the acting is bad enough that many viewers won't mind turning it off before the end.
Eisenberg succeeds in perpetuating his only character, though unintentionally. The one that no one really cares about and who elicits no sympathy from viewers, even though a terminal disease is added as a plot device. Annoying is the best way to describe his roll.
Skarsgard is interesting as the technologically brilliant but socially inept genius. How he has, and keeps a normal, pretty wife and kids is puzzling. His Anton character does unravel into a cartoonish paranoid though.
Hayek is the mystery. Either she owed someone a film or someone owed her a roll. Either way it's easy to tell that she's completely miscast as someone with a brain and power.
I've seen worse films but very few that have had as many plot holes and implausible dialog as this one. Trust me on this. You won't care if you see it to the end or not.
Brightburn (2019)
Not so bright. Definitely no burn.
This film is not terrible, but not great either. Sort of a standard creepy horror-ish story, reminiscent, as the PR says, of the original Superman plot. There are differences and twists though. Nothing award winning, but all in all something to occupy 90 minutes of free time.
But what I absolutely can not take is a Director who doesn't know how to properly light the sets. To me, films that are just too damn dark are not moody, or setting an ambience, they are JUST TOO DARK as in not lit well. Be it from either incompetence or lack of money for entire intricate sets, it really turns me off to the plot immediately. Though not too bad here, poor sound quality also gives me the same bad opinion of the filmmaker's ability. Meh.
The Long Ships (1964)
Great, clean adventure for everyone.
A film that takes me back to my earliest years, watching movies Saturday afternoons. This film, Jason and the Argonauts, The Five Man Army, and so many others that, while not exactly award winners, were fun and exciting for both adults and 6 year olds like me.
In the years when Ray Harryhowsen's special effects were the pinnacle of make believe, giants, genies, and sea serpents became every bit as real as any of today's multi-million dollar CGI blockbusters.
I can still enjoy this, even after 50 years and maybe 20 viewings, as a great way to spend an hour or two without blood, sex, profanity, or gutter humor. Yes, there is violence and killing, but in the antiseptic way of film making past.
I won't explain the plot or outcome, only to say that it is about a Quest. A Noble Quest for a treasure. The treasure that has been sought in countless stories and legends where good men, often tempted by the evils of the world, struggle to rise above and celebrate their victories.
Copying Beethoven (2006)
I can take it or leave it.
First a note here. Do not make the mistake I made and read all the 10 star reviews before you see this film. ESPECIALLY the review that actually wrote that this film is better than Amadeus. Really? Please, while this is a somewhat interesting effort at creating a historical picture of Beethoven, "Copying Amadeus" would be a much more accurate title.
Again, it's not terrible, Ed Harris and Diane Kruger gave admirable performances, the sets were good, if a little bit "constructed" looking, and there is little character depth except for the leads, but BETTER than...well, you be the judge.
Definitely too many notes.
Fate Is the Hunter (1964)
Fate..............and a cup of joe.
A good example of 1960's overacting combined with the then need to showcase technology of the day....or maybe tomorrow's. It wasn't really all that bad, but the lack of realism would have been better if this was a sci-fi film instead of a quasi-true life depiction. Between Rod Taylor's "Blue Moon", the carefully inserted stereotypes, and the Flash Gordon engines it gets silly fast. You would think that for an airplane that good they would have put in some cupholders.
Elizabeth Harvest (2018)
Indescribable
No, really. If I had to describe the plot line of this film I would have to add so many "and then"s and "but then"s that it would make no sense at all. Which is a lot like this movie. This has got to be THE MOST unscary scary movie I've ever seen. There is a plot. Sort of. But if you have any ability to watch and analyze films you'd figure it out in the first 10 minutes. I won't add any spoilers because they'd only confuse you more. I'll only say that you would be much better served to watch Cocoon from 1985.
Eight Below (2006)
What a great movie!!
I never bothered to watch this previously because being a Disney film I was thinking a cross between Kratt's Creatures and Happy Feet. I was looking at all the dismal options on tv tonight and Eight Below was the best of the bunch. Was I pleasantly surprised! It was wonderful to watch. A great story. Good acting by humans and even better by the pooches. The cinematography was fantastic too! Of course there were some parts that were a little shmaltzy with the dogs helping each other but overall it was very well done. If there were more films of this nature instead of zombies and wear wolves maybe half the country wouldn't be as screwed up as it is in my opinion. A great night of watching for the whole family.
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
Come with me if you want to live...
Hey, it's T2.
If you've seen it I don't have to tell you anything about it. Terminator 2:Judgement Day and Die Hard are without question the greatest action movies made in the last 40 years. If you haven't seen it...No problamo. Do it now.
Hasta la vista.
Baby.
The Spanish Prisoner (1997)
You either love it or hate it...
I'll start out saying I can take Mamet or leave him. I don't dislike "intellectual" films but I don't go all crazy over them either. The plot is interesting enough and the intrigue does make it a fun watch, but when I saw it a second time I was barely interested. I thought that it was almost "over directed". I'm certainly no expert but to me it seemed like the sets and the lighting and the actors were too perfect. It doesn't give the impression of real life, but more like a staged presentation. The actor's dialog was very stilted and any emotion they had didn't look real to me. Mamet fans will be cringing hearing this. I don't NOT recommend seeing this film. The first time will be enjoyable enough if you are a film fan. Additional viewings may move your opinion to less and less stars though.
Oh, and I don't like chicks with bangs.
The Dyatlov Pass Incident (2013)
They've become...intangible.
Do you ever watch a movie and you convince yourself that it's so bad or preposterous that you should just turn it off? But you don't because you think maybe it'll get better? But it doesn't? And then you do because you don't want to lose another precious moment of your life watching it?
This is that movie.
So bad it wasn't even funny bad.
So stupid it wasn't even silly.
So unscary it wasn't even, well.....scary.
Early on, this exchange of dialogue should have warned me...
After the hikers experience an avalanche and lose a team member, they're sitting trying to figure out what to do. One takes his cell phone and tries to get a signal, to no avail.
Girl: Dude, that won't work here.
Guy: But I PAID for the international plan!
All the service plans in the world won't get this to work either.
Burke & Hare (2010)
Funny stuff! Just watch it and see.
It's humorous (humourous) to read the reviews that rip this film. As an American who knew very few of the actors or their backgrounds, I'll tell you that I don't really care about Pegg making a poor comeback or Corbett taking a part beneath himself. For goodness sake, it was FUNNY!! I got many of the inside jokes although the dog and Wordsworth ones needed a bit of explanation.
The Lister halitosis bit and the club doorman were hilarious! The sets were very well done and were deserving of many other "high minded" Brit Flix. I had a bit of trouble understanding the Scottish brogue once in a while but I got through it. The actors were great.
Maybe to the British film goer past performances influence their expectations of newer films. To this Yank, I watched it with no thoughts about what the cast did before and just laughed quite often. I'll take silly stuff like this over Jim Carey, Ben Stiller, Amy Schumer, or many of the other one-laugh wonders we have over here. I guess you could say I had no Great Expectations.
It was FUNNY FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!
Churchill (2017)
"History for $400, Alex...."
Even Jeopardy viewers would realize that this film has little basis in reality. While I'm not exactly a scholar concerning Churchill or English WW2 history, I certainly know that he wasn't the raving lunatic as portrayed here.
If the answer is "Churchill" then phrased in the form of a question, the reply would be, "What do the producers have little concern for?"
Melodramatic, shmaltzy, and decent enough in some places, my concern is that many of today's younger viewers might actually believe that this is how it was....but without zombies.