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Monster-in-Law (2005)
Forced Storytelling
Well it's official, I now despise eighty percent of all the romantic comedies that exist in this world. For it was a pain to get through this flick. Monster-in-Law is an incredibly ugly film about a psychotic mother attempting to disassemble her son's marriage, by torturing Charlie the fiancé at every waking moment. And it is incredibly uncomfortable to watch. Jane Fonda is a really likable actor, but the writing surrounding her character is so mean spirited that it's difficult to relate to her.
During the first act when she learns that she's being replaced by a dimwitted pop star, instead leaving her talk show with dignity and moving on with her life, she snaps and attacks the pop star on live television. Throughout the entire film she brags about she's met all the most famous people in the world, but I don't believe her for second because of this forced scenario. An intelligent character wouldn't commit to something so barbaric unless there was some sort of motivation to trigger this event.
The romance between Charlie and Kevin also feels really artificial. Sure Charlie is attracted to Kevin, but it's only due to his looks. We're never given a reason to why she shares a connection with him. Their romance moves so fast, Sonic is telling them to slow down. Tell me about there hobbies, shared interests, build up the chemistry, just give me a reason to care about them.
But don't worry, it gets worse. All the side characters are practically stereotypes. With Wanda Sykes playing the generic, sassy black friend, that only exists to state the obvious and give barebones advice. And Adam Scott playing a boring best friend, who barely has any lines in the movie. But you have like him because he's revealed to be gay in the third act. I can't stand this type of safe writing, gay characters are still characters, you have to give them a reason for existing in the story. To think Disney would use this lazy writing technique so many years later, to get easy support for there films.
With poor slapstick consisting mostly of food poisoning and unhealthy manipulation, this film felt like horror film without a kill count. Just please tell me the nightmare is over.
Gekijôban Spy x Family Code: White (2023)
Spy x Family = Average Family Film
Being a fan of the show, I was eager to see the cinematic release of Spy x Family's first major film. The anime had a really nice blend of undercover action and clever slapstick that entertained both children and adults, and I was hoping that it would be further elevated in movie form. And unfortunately, that's not what I got here. While I had some good laughs here and there, I felt a bit underwhelmed by the story.
At first it starts out pretty funny, with the Forgers going on a winter vacation in order to gather info for a school project. The animation is really expressive, the winter festival setting is relaxing, and there's plenty of great jokes. I think it's really interesting how similar the creator Tatsuya Endo is Twilight. At first, he didn't really like the characters he made, but overtime he started to form a connection with them. Similar to how the lonesome spy formed a connection with Yor and Anya. Battling his depression in a sense.
It's the film's greatest strength and weakness. Because while it is a fascinating concept, it does make me a little sad that his passion project has yet to reach the big screen. Which is probably why the story feels a bit too basic. I very much doubt he was thrilled to work on this project.
While the slapstick feels fresh, the narratively weak plot hurts the film a lot. With plenty of convenient encounters and plot holes. This is just another episode about stopping a villain from starting a war, only with better animation. Kids won't mind it too much, but adults may be a bit confused. How did Anya pay for that item? Who cares, she's getting kidnapped. And man, the way they tied up Anya in the third act made me really uncomfortable. Not that the gross out jokes were helping my mood.
While I liked most of the jokes in this movie, the jokes involving Anya trying to avoid using the bathroom really stressed me out. They drag on for way too long. And in theater form, where the bathrooms are faraway from the screen, and people are hoping to just wait till the movie ends, it's pretty painful to watch. I came here for some laughs and exhilarating action, can we just stop whatever this is?
And while the fight scenes in the climax are fast paced and really fun, I won't give too much away, I did wish the main villain had more depth than just being an evil general. The animation looks nice, but this feels like a film I would put on during hotel trips with all the weak set ups. I don't know if this film will inspire any kids, but for a family flick, it's best to watch at home, especially with a remote and a close bathroom. Personally I like the show a bit more, but if you're a fan of the anime, I doubt it would leave a negative impact on you. If you don't mind gross out humor or convenient plot points, you'll enjoy this fine.
Bedazzled (2000)
Disappointing Monkey's Paw
Bedazzled is a pretty boring comedy. While it has an interesting concept with a lonely man selling his soul to the Devil in exchange for his greatest desires to be realized, the story isn't creative enough to bring out the full potential of this set up. Elliot Richards is also a pretty boring protagonist. With his only motivation being "getting the girl", it's hard to care for him when he doesn't describe why he is in love with his coworker Alison.
And while I do like Elizabeth Hurley as the Devil, the writing for her isn't particularly intimidating. While she can be pretty funny, she's portrayed more as a feminine fatale rather than a terrifying queen of monsters. In fact Hell itself is portrayed more like an endless party, rather than a nightmare. The weak theming and cheesy effects take away a lot from her performance, I swear one her costumes came from a Party City store.
While it has some decent jokes here and there, it also has a lot of forced advertisements that feel distracting, and remind me of the worst scenes from the "Cat in the Hat", where they directly advertise Universal Studios. Overall, I don't recommend this movie. It's not awful, but its a disappointing Monkey's Paw story that needed a lot more creativity to leave an impression.
One Piece (2023)
The One Piece is Real
I'll be honest, when this adaptation was first announced I was beyond skeptical. A One Piece live action show be handled by Netflix, sounded like an idea that was dead on arrival. It sounded like a cash grab, banking on the success of the continuous success of one of the most beloved Shonen Jump series. Live action remakes, particularly those associated with anime have had a terrible track record of hitting all the wrong notes and pissing off hundreds of fans.
I was ready to tear this series to shreds, but to my surprise I was greeted by a familiar yet unique world. The giant islands, the transponder snails, this felt like One Piece. In fact it didn't just feel like One Piece, it was new portrayal of the high seas adventure that breathed new life into Oda's craft. I couldn't believe it. Not only did I immensely enjoyed revisiting the East Blue, but I'd go as far and say this series does some things better than the original.
While most of the beats are the same, with Luffy recruiting crew mates and making a name for himself on the East Blue. There are a ton of new plot points that expand on underrated characters and create new set pieces to add personality to the old favorite fight scenes.
Captain Kuro acting like a horror movie slasher chasing everyone in the Syrup Village Mansion, awesome. The Strawhats stuffing the floating head of Buggy in a bag to shut him up, hilarious. Having Garp test Luffy in combat before he enters the Grand Line, pretending that he's going to force him to join the Marines, its a crazy fight scene that never happened in the original series, but it's something I would believe Garp would do.
Because this series was created after One Piece had released over a hundred volumes, the writers have the advantage of adding extra foreshadowing and are able to add extra sparks to the igniting conflict. Seeing those extra wants posters for Foxy and Bellamy add more enjoyment than some may think. It means we now can enjoy One Piece in a brand new art form and look forward to every reborn story arc in the near future.
But by far, my favorite addition to this series is the dynamic of Garp and Coby. I love seeing these two talk together. While Coby did get a lot of development in the original series, it was mostly off screen. To a point where I wondered how much impact he really had on the story besides being a good marine. But here in live action, he plays a much bigger role in the story. Constantly trying to prevent Garp from hunting down Luffy while also trying to understand the true values of being a true hero from Garp.
He plays strategic board games with Garp, in order to learn the basics of intelligent tactics. He isn't afraid to take on brutal training. When he's prepared to stand up for Luffy, he knows he has one foot in the grave, but he's willing to risk it all in order to become strong like Luffy. I love these new scenarios.
I would say the only complaint I have is that I think the Baratie arc was missing a few cogs. I still really enjoyed it, but I did find it odd that Don Krieg wasn't the villain in focus. In fact he, gets quickly killed off by Hawkeye. In an action scene that looks awesome, but it made Sanji's story arc feel incomplete and I think was handled better in the manga and anime.
Other than that though, the sets are fantastic, the writing is packed with charm, and the actors are full of life, I couldn't be happier. Set sail and check it out today.
Wish (2023)
The Greatest Disappointment
After hearing all the negative reviews and watching all the gloomy faces, I had decided to check out the one hundred year blunder for myself after it hit streaming services. And I can now say with complete confidence, this isn't one of the worst Disney films ever made. I've seen far worse in the past. However, because this film was designed to celebrate Disney's one hundred year anniversary and failed so spectacularly, it feels like the worst.
This film feels so artificial and by the numbers that it made me feel empty inside. There is no part of me inspired to see this film again. From the stale jokes, to the hollow characters, to the shallow plot, nothing was leaving an impact on me. Where was Disney's ambition? This was the company that brought fire breathing dragons, giant demons, and horrifying sea monsters to the big screen. But now we have King Magnifico, who feels like a tap water version of Maleficent.
I want to enjoy Chris Pine's performance but this cookie cutter script makes Sesame Street villains look more intimidating. In fact, Disney practically threw all of these talented actors under the bus with this incoherent story. They are literally getting nothing to work with. Asha's character design is good, but because she has no weaknesses she has no walls to overcome. The king maybe, but that's only because he turns evil on a dime.
While none of the characters are annoying fortunately, they're also incredibly forgettable. I dare you to name all seven of Asha's friends without hitting the search bar. Because their only purpose in the movie is to serve as an Easter egg, in a movie that's nothing but references to better films.
Even the climax was underwhelming, I thought after seeing Simon turn into an evil knight, Magnifico would make evil versions of all the stolen wishes. Like a wish to fly turn a person into a flying monster. But no, he just makes more mirrors and stops people from walking like we've nerve seen that before in any fantasy movie.
And seeing him being defeated by singing at the end was incredibly cheesy. He just stole all the magic, he absorbed the star, how and why is this working? I highly recommend you skip this film. Its the equivalent of an apprentice magician that puts not heart into his magic. Failing the master in every degree of expertise.
My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)
Julianne the Manipulator
As romantic comedies go, this isn't the worst one I've seen, but that didn't stop me from experiencing life threatening boredom for the next hour and a half. In this so called heartwarming movie, food critic Julianne Potter gets a call from her old friend Michael and learns that he is about to get married in a few weeks to a woman named Kimberly. And remembering that they made a promise to each other that they get married if they never settled down by the time they entered there late thirties, Julianne make the unhealthy decision to personally manipulate them into canceling the wedding and ruining their relationship behind the scenes.
What I really hate about this movie is that not only is the plot incredibly annoying, with Julianne being one of the most unlikable main characters I've ever seen. But it's also incredibly idiotic. I've never given a reason why she cares for Michael because the movie never shows how they cared for each other in the past. I don't even know what her career as a food critic is like, because it adds practically nothing to her character.
She makes one ten second long review and compares love to creme brûlée in one scene. Nothing less, nothing more. I usually love characters that describe their love of food, but Julianne was void of personality. But at least the writers got the product placements in. Joy to the world.
While the acting in this movie is passable, the writing is so loose it makes a runaway train look stable. Seeing her manipulate her childhood friend and his fiancee into lashing out at each other and burst into tears made me furious. I wanted to see Kimberly break her face at the end after she caused so much suffering, but I can't have nice things. Skip this movie and erase it from your mind if you have the time.
Amphibia (2019)
Anne: The Great Quest
Out of all the Adventure Time inspired Disney Channel shows I've watched, Amphibia was the first one that felt like a chore to get through. Now don't get me wrong, this is by know means a bad show. But if you compare the pacing of the first season to other adventure focused shows like Gravity Falls and the Owl House, the format can get a bit repetitive. Aside from some clips of Sasha befriending the toads and a few special episodes, the filler episodes become exhausting to get through if you've seen this type of storytelling before.
It's almost as if the characters are trapped within Wartwood. Forced to partake in numerous cliche plot lines like "roommate issues" and the "popular friend" until the creators can afford to animate some new areas to explore. Which I wouldn't mind if the comedy always kept me entertained. But without any unique reactions from Anne or the Plantar family regarding the traditions of humans and frogs. The early season jokes usually range from clever to predictable.
It's a show that starts out fine, but ends with a big bang. With the beloved Shadow Man, Keith David playing the complex King Andrias, some heartbreaking plot twists, and a healthy dose of Thai culture influence, the payoff made the homestretch far more enjoyable than expected.
Also the human characters in Season Three are really well designed. Having RuPaul play an extra classy government agent leads to a lot of entertaining interactions. He's easily one of the funniest characters in the show.
Overall, while I didn't fall in love with this show. I still found it to very entertaining in the long run. And on the plus side, I watched the finale in November, giving me the ability to watch an entertaining version of "The Marvels". Mom, can we watch "The Marvels"? No honey, we have "The Marvels" at home.
The Prom (2020)
Pandering and Exhausting
While I'm a big fan of gay love stories, this movie adaptation wasn't doing me any favors. On top of being really boring, the film is packed with a ton of forgettable songs and bland characters. On paper, this story about a teenage girl trying to convince her conservative school to take her girlfriend out to prom sounds really interesting. It can lead to a lot powerful, dramatic scenes with the characters coming to grips with their sexuality and fearing to tell the truth to their friends and parents.
Only problem is, the film doesn't do a good job of showing what this struggle feels like. Emma and Alyssa look cute together, but I have no idea how they met or why they are attracted to each other. Gay romances are still romances, they need to be built up organically. Rome wasn't built in a day. And you can't shove a message down the audience's throats. No matter how powerful it may be.
I also found the theater stars to be pretty annoying. I know they're meant to be egotistical glory hounds. Only aiding Emma's cause to gain popularity and make themselves look good. But seeing Meryl Streep and James Corden's names plastered in huge letters in the opening credits while acting like egotistical glory hounds, it's like they're playing themselves. I just don't care for the characters they're portraying, because they make me feel so detached from the world.
But the movie's most glaring issue comes within its pacing. With over two hours of hit and miss songs, you're likely to become lost within your mind and wonder if it's possible to regain lost time. I don't recommend this version, you're better off with the theater version. My favorite song "You Happened" has more of a bite there.
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)
The Failed Revival
I don't think there was anything I enjoyed about this film. From its boring story, to its uncreative visuals...this film was a chore to get through. And with an obnoxious runtime of two hours and thirty four minutes, it was less of a snooze fest and more like never ending nightmare. While I'm not against the idea of new Indiana Jones movies being made, this film felt more like a cash grab than a heartwarming homage to the Indiana Jones franchise.
In the hopefully final adventure, Indiana Jones wishes to go on one last adventure. And winds up on a wild adventure with his goddaughter, Helena, in order to recover the fabled Dial of Destiny. A powerful artifact that is connected with the magical power of time travel. On paper this doesn't sound too bad, but in execution it's incredibly sloppy. Helena is a really annoying character, constantly throwing out bad one liners while constantly putting Indiana Jones in harm's way for her own selfish desires.
Weber, almost seemed intimidating. His motivation was barely explored and we don't get to see him do anything particularly interesting with his army. I thought time travel was going to be the focus of this film, not a last minute punchline. And as for the other new characters, they're so bland and forgettable that I assumed they were extras.
The biggest slap in the face was the ending, where Indiana Jones was planning on staying in the past in order to watch history unfold. A dream come true for any archeologist. Which actually seemed like a touching idea for an ending. That would have been a really touching ending for this character. But because the movie is intentionally trying to make its viewers miserable, Helena punches him in the face and drags all the way home, in order to create a really forced reunion with Marion.
After rolling my eyes so hard that they almost left their sockets, I vowed to never watch this film again unless I was payed. Looking back at my favorite scene from the film. Where world famous archeologist Indiana Jones pushed down a shelf of priceless artifacts in order to evade some no name villains.
Super 8 (2011)
Science Fiction Snoozefest
One of the most underwhelming science fiction stories ever told. As alien encounter stories go, this one is really disappointing. While it has a fun set up, with a group of teen film makers trying to solve the mystery of a mysterious collision involving a train and a car, the payoff was incredibly cheesy.
The alien doesn't have a particularly creepy design. And its ability to link its mind with other individuals is only used on one minor character. Not that it matters, because he's killed off by the military really early in the movie. I assumed that all this build up would eventually lead to some terrifying invasion.
I was ready to see the alien devour residents, brainwash civilians, and devastate the entire town. But instead, I got a bunch of boring scenes with the alien killing and capturing people off in the darkness. And after seeing Joe Lamb, convince the alien to make peace with a cheesy speech about letting go of regret, I was more than ready to give up on the story. I recommend you skip this film and go watch J. J Abrams' Star Trek movies instead, if you are a fan of his work. Because this by the numbers film is not his brightest moment.
Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal (2011)
The Worst Yu-Gi-Oh Anime Ever Made?
Man, this show was a pain to get through. It's funny to think that such a creative and complex card game would have such generic fluff attached to its name. And I was already in a bad mood after learning that several episodes of Five Dragons were never dubbed. And that included the finale.
In the fourth installment of this franchise, set in a futuristic world with advanced hologram technology, a young boy known as Yuma Tsukumo awakens a mystical spirit known as Astral, within an ancient artifact, and has to help Astral reclaim his missing memories by collecting rare Xyz Monsters. And yeah, this set up is almost completely identical to the first series when you think about it. The only difference is, their's practically no charm.
Yuma is one of the annoying main protagonists I've ever seen. He's bratty, reckless, and incredibly idiotic. He doesn't possess any of the traits of a future King of Games. Who in their right mind is going to look up to this character? Yuma's friends are pretty obnoxious too. When they're not spouting generic dialogue, they're being used as hostages by the villains. At least all of Jaiden's friends were decent duelists. These chumps make Tristian look like a competent duelist.
The characters I can get behind though are the rivals and the villains. Shark's cruel demeanor combined with his no nonsense strategies, helps me keep invested in the action. He's like a gang leader who puts well balanced technique over brute force. He also has this really heartbreaking backstory that leads him and his sister into joining this group of powerful aliens known as the Barians who are at war with Astral.
Though when the twist is revealed, I really wish it was kept under wraps for a little longer. Like when Shark realizes he has to join the Barians he could first return to Earth and tell Yuma his terrifying secret. A scene like that could lead to a lot of heartbreaking reactions and make the final battle between the forces of Earth and the Barians a lot more interesting. Similar to the events of "The Fox and Hound's" climax.
Because I remember my friends telling me about this crazy plot twist a few years back and I really wish it would let the drama sink in. Instead of the Barian Emperors just appearing all together, Yuma getting knocked out temporarily by plot convenience lighting, and his friends being defeated in off screen duels, it makes the final battle feel more like a check list than a grand escapade.
I also wish the main rival, Kite Tenjo was utilized better. Christopher Kromer gives him this unique chilling and charismatic voice that pairs well with crazy powerful Photon Warrior Deck. I love seeing him terrify Yuma with his well honed tactics. There are moments where I wish he was the main protagonist of the show, because he has this deep connection with his robotic brother Hart.
He didn't even want to become a master duelist, but he was forced to in order to hunt for Number Xyz Monsters, by the command of his brainwashed father. Which makes me really frustrated, that he was just treated like a plot device in the final season.
Yeah, he gets struck by more of that plot convenience lightning and gets killed off on the moon. Only to be brought back to life alongside the other characters by the Numeron Code. Creating one of the cheesiest endings I have ever seen.
The sad thing is this show has interesting set pieces, but thanks to poor writing, the annoying moments overshadow the enjoyable moments. To the point I was rooting for the villains to win. My favorite moment in the show is when Yuma discovers his good friend Ray Shadows was actually a Barian known as Vector the entire time.
I love how he completely takes advantage of Yuma's trustful nature and uses it against him. Billy Bob Thompson gives him this completely goofy, yet demonic voice that pairs really well with his over top and creepy expressions. Other than that though, I don't really recommend this show.
Most of the cards being advertised are either incorrectly explained or don't even exist. Their's a ton of annoying filler in the first season, that almost drove me insane. And the Yuma barely goes through any character development. Its really easy to despise this show, so if you're hoping to avoid any headaches, give it a skip.
The Giver (2014)
The Snoozer
One of the dullest science fiction films I have ever seen. For a movie based off of a book about a cult-like society devoid of color, emotions, and individuality, I didn't think it would lack interesting lore as well. Nothing is explained very well about how this world works.
The plot involves a boy known as Jonas, taking a role as the Receiver, and learning the secrets about the outside world. Discovery how his hardened world was formed to prevent any more war from happening. He dreams about escaping, sharing his discoveries with his friends. And the entire movie revolves around Jonas studying common Earth activities and escaping the prison of a society.
It's a very paint-by-numbers movie. Which I wouldn't mind, if the film focused more on Jonas' friends learning about the outside world. But aside from his love interest Fiona and his littler sister, we don't get see many people react to the discoveries Jonas has made. The most entertaining element about cult stories is seeing people break away from routine and discovering whether or not they will fight for freedom or continue side with the enemy.
But in this world, there are too many people under the control of the elders. Instead of getting a variety of reactions, we just get Jonas' and his girlfriend's. And they get old really fast. And because everybody in this society is drugged into having a lack of emotions besides happiness. There are barely any stand out characters.
Jonas doesn't even make any discoveries about why the society was formed in the first place. Besides some cliche narration about how war is terrible, their's not evidence about a place like this colorless paradise was created in the first place.
There are no unique characters besides the vaguely explained Giver who enter this society in order to cause reactions. No resistance groups, no intelligent androids, no one from outside the society...nothing is there to trigger a disturbance. I don't care how Jonas and the Giver feel about the outside world, because this poorly explained world isn't interesting.
At the end of the film, Jonas restores color to his world by going through an ex-machina portal. But we don't even get to see his friends react to the changes around them. I'm not sure if Jonas even saved everyone. By the way Taylor Swift is in this movie...and all her character does is play a forgettable piano tune.
Overall, I think you should stick to the books. Your imagination can tell the story a lot better than this movie. I just generally felt empty after watching this film. The acting and set design is pretty good, but there is no personality in the story. Aside from one creepy scene, where Jonas becomes triggered by war memories after linking up with the Giver. Everything else is a waste of time. I've seen this type of plot done a better in plenty of Star Trek episodes.
Yu-Gi-Oh! Sevens (2020)
Unexpectedly Enjoyable
When Yu-Gi-Oh Sevens was first announced, several fans were annoyed that the original Duel Monsters anime would not be receiving a reboot to celebrate the Twentieth Anniversary. Instead, another spin off series was born, only this time it was used to promote a new spin off game. Instead of new extra deck monsters. It looked like a complete train wreck of an idea.
I was fully prepared to tear this series apart and mock it all the way through after hearing about the backlash. But when I finally started watching the show, a strange feeling of joy came over me. The nostalgia of tribute summoning from classic Duel Monsters. Only now the satisfaction has been altered into adrenaline. The new Rush Duel anime is really entertaining to watch. I can safely say that after watching the entirety of the first season without getting bored, I think this may be one of the best monster tamer anime's I've ever watched.
By allowing players to draw multiple cards and normal summon every card in their hand. The monster variety remains fresh throughout the entire duel. Not only that, but it also allows adds spotlight an underrated dueling style I rarely see these days. It takes me back to the days when I was first learning how to duel.
The plot is also very enjoyable, Yuga Ohdo is tired of the old Duel Monsters formula, so he hacks into an ancient system to create Rush Duels. But because the company despises change, Goha Enterprises wishes to erase Rush Duels from existence. Targeting Yuga and his friends at every turn.
What I really like about Yuga is that, he's like a reverse Maxamillion Pegasus. He's a game creator who doesn't wish to destroy the old system, but rather create a new path for people to take. His main goal isn't even to become a master duelist, but he knows that in order to defend the game he loves, he has to become strong to keep building that road.
His friends are also very likable. I thought they were all going to be generic clones of past protagonists, especially with the designs of Luke and Gavin. But they're all very likable. Luke is egotistical, but in a very goofy and quirky way. Gavin is a student council control freak who has to deal with friends who constantly break the rules. And Romin is an inspiring rockstar who's learning to discover her secret passion for dueling.
Even the side characters are likable. They feel naturally apart of the story and like to come back every now and then to aid the heroes, while also showing off a new boss monster or two. Best of all, the animation allows these simple design characters to be incredibly expressive and move in very hilarious ways. While I will agree the hair animation looks off, the animation itself has a lot of care behind it, despite the simple designs of the characters.
This show may have a simple plot, but it keeps me interest with its creative duels and its natural comedy, while moving at a constant pace. Without a trace of annoying filler to be found. This is actually what I wanted from Yu-Gi-Oh Gx. A show with a relatable setting, decent comedy, and clean dueling action. Where that show succeeded was with its "relatable school setting" theme. Where it failed was when it tried to be dark and intense like the original.
So I'm happy to say, this new direction was unexpectedly enjoyable. I am sick and tired of these new Yu-Gi-Oh shows that try to act all epic, with underwhelming climaxes, endless filler, and forced comedy. Unlike those past shows, Yu-Gi-Oh Sevens knows what it wants to be and knows how to keeps its entertaining elements fresh. Check it out and get ready for the rush.
Gekijouban Yuugiou: Chouyuugou! Jikuu o koeta kizuna (2010)
A Celebration's Missed Potential
Bonds Beyond Time on paper, sounds like an epic idea for a film. What better way to celebrate the tenth anniversary of Yu-Gi-Oh than with a time travel, crossover adventure featuring the main protagonists from the previous generations. All the pieces are in play, the old voice actors are back, this should be the highlight of the entire anime. But instead, what we received on the big screen, was a half-asked job.
In this adventure, Yusei runs into a mysterious masked man known as Paradox. Who steals his Stardust Dragon to wreck havoc across time. Hoping to change the future. So using the power of the Crimson Dragon, he travels back in time and teams up with Yugi and Jaiden to defeat Paradox, and stop Duel Monsters from being erased from history.
The biggest flaws in this movie stem from its lack of creativity. Rather than having a well thought out story bring our heroes together for this epic finale. Everything is instead brought together by convenient elements and poorly explained elements. Also, the film has a lot of missed potential.
Why not include more characters from the franchise to spice up the chaos? Kaiba could invent a time machine to collect new cards to take revenge against the Pharaoh. Jaiden could return to Duel Academy to get secret cards to take on this future threat. Yusei could gather the rest of the signers. There are hundreds of possibilities to take from these settings and yet only the bare minimum is fully realized.
Paradox is also a very boring villain. I really like how he gathers all the most powerful dragon monsters from the past and future and turns them into their evil counterparts. But his motivation for destroying Duel Monsters is very weak. Even when I learned about the true story of 5Ds in the Japanese subbed version with the grim origin stories of the time travelers. I found Z-one to be the only interesting villain in the bunch. I'd rather see a fight against evil Yusei rather than an angry man who wears a shadow mask for no reason.
Thankfully the monsters advertised in this special are much better than the ones from the Pyramid of Light. My personal favorites being Elemental Hero Neos Knight and Malefic Truth Dragon. The set pieces are still very entertaining during an action scene. But is that really enough?
I had a more entertaining time seeing these characters together in the Bonds Beyond Time event in the Duel Links mobile game than in the actual movie. At least in other Yu-Gi-Oh shows like Arc-V it felt like we were exploring previous generations and taking advantage of the chaotic setting. This is a movie about three guys meeting each other for the first time and then somehow forming instant bonds of friendship by the end of the adventure.
It may be minor improvement from Pyramid of Light, but upgrades aren't noticeable if they fail to leave an impact. And because of that, this ultimate Yu-Gi-Oh movie just feels like...another Yu-Gi-Oh movie. If another crossover film is done in the future, I hope it has more passion behind the story. You can't set the stage for a big battle without setting up the background. I hope fans at the time, had fun celebrating ten years of Duel Monsters. Because this film was clearly, the weakest way to celebrate it.
About My Father (2023)
About my Flop
Man, twenty-twenty three movies can't catch a break, huh? Even generic comedy films can't survive in theaters these days. Sebastian Maniscalco stars in a romantic comedy plot you've definitely never heard of before. The protagonist wants to propose to his girlfriend after getting to know her crazy rich parents. But his father and her parents might not get along. Wackiness ensues. Yep, it's one of those stories.
Even when it's not the main focus of a romance film, I can't stand this trope. The arguing families can't stand each other, the young couple is divided in the third act, the production's budget flexes its muscles with a ton of pointless, expensive vehicle scenes...seen it in a hundred other rom coms.
I really wanted to enjoy this film because I'm a big fan of Sebastian and De Niro's work. Sebastian's narration is really entertaining and I also believe in the father-and-son relationship with him and De Niro. Apparently, he spent a year living with Sebastian's father just to get the role down. Their acting is definitely the best part of the film.
Everything else though, is a train wreck. Pointless characters, the conflict between Ellie and her parents is never resolved, and the argument scenes are just agony. They also named the mother in law "Tigger", with no Winnie the Pooh jokes to go with it. Most of these characters just exist for the sake of setting up jokes. It makes me disbelieve that this was based on a true story when so many elements feel artificial.
The films keeps going back and forth with the interesting scenes with Sebastian and the relationship with his father and the boring, comedic scenes with the bland family. The story itself feels too safe. Whenever consequences for poor actions appear, they are then immediately resolved. It's an utter mess.
The only real laugh I got out of this movie is when the family unknowingly eats their beloved neighborhood peacock. And as the wide angle lens zooms in on their mouths, menacing panic music plays. But that's only because I like dark humor. Other than that though, give this film a skip. You're better off watching clips of the movie than sitting through the whole thing.
Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie (2004)
Yu-Gi-Oh the First Misstep
Pyramid of Light is a movie I want to enjoy. But calling this film wasted potential would be an understatement. In this adventure, Yugi Muto faces off against his bitter rival, Seto Kaiba. Who uses the powerful Pyramid of Light Card to seal away the Gods, without realizing that he is being manipulated by the ancient evil of Anubis.
On paper this film sounds pretty fun, but in execution, it's riddled with holes. This ship of dreams hits the ocean floor the moment you realize, it's all one big advertisement. That's not to say advertisement movies can't me enjoyable. But when a film puts more effort into making the new cards look good, rather than tell a decent story to add substance to the lore, you leave your viewers bored and impatient. Like they're waiting for the commercial to end and for the real show to begin.
The main villain Anubis, just feels like a carbon copy of Bakura. All he wants to do is take revenge on the Pharaoh and destroy the world. Their's no detailed backstory or flashback to give us a reason to understand his revenge. His character design looks intimidating, he just lacks personality.
The animation is colorful, but not visually impressive for a cinematic setting. I like the extra level of detail with the cards having visible text. But because the main setting is the Kaiba Dome, it feels more like a double length episode rather than a cinematic movie. Their's no new virtual world to explore or a brand new ancient temple with secret Duel Monsters. It's just another villain to stop.
And worst of all, the majority of monsters they're advertising in this film are really lame. They have cool designs, but no one in their right mind would use cards like Blue Eyes Shining Dragon in their deck. Unless you have the luckiest hand in the world, it was impossible to summon in the game. So even if you did enjoy this film, you would need Duel Links skill support just to give these cards a hint of spotlight.
I hate the obvious comparison, but their's a reason why the first Pokemon movie is so fondly remembered. It has its own issues, but I still enjoy watching years later thanks to its fun action scenes, the interesting the background of Mewtwo, and the stunning visuals like the creepy laboratory palace. It was more than just a commercial, it expanded upon the world of Pokemon and it turned Mewtwo into an iconic character.
This movie on the other hand, it's like a check list of things the anime already accomplished. The messages about friendship, the heart of the cards, defeating an ancient evil. Nothing feels new. Most of time while watching this film, I wished they gave more spotlight to characters like Joey Wheeler or Pegasus.
I really like this scene where Anubis has Yugi and Kaiba cornered without monsters to defend themselves and then Joey summons his monsters to attack Anubis from the back. And before the big battle Pegasus has this sweet revenge match with Kaiba using brand new Toon Monsters.
If this movie had more creativity I would find it more memorable. I only recommend checking it out if you like listening to the great voice acting of Dan Green, Eric Stuart, and Darren Dunstan. Its the only consistently entertaining aspect of the classic Yu-Gi-Oh anime.
Karigurashi no Arietti (2010)
The Bland World of Arrietty
The Secret World of Arrietty is some of Studio Ghibli's weakest work. As much as I enjoy his films and anime in general. I have to remind myself that even if something looks nice it's not guaranteed to leave an impact on you. Like a glass of lemonade that contains more water than juice.
Arrietty comes from a race of people known as the Borrowers. Tiny humans that survive on dispensable items and live in the cracks of houses. She is told not to interact with the humans, but is accidentally caught on a trip by a sick boy known as Shawn. Who is staying with his relatives in preparation for his heart surgery.
The main issue I have with this movie is that a story about a secret society of tiny people isn't anything new. I've seen this plot plenty of times before with mice and fairies as the focus. And the film doesn't do a good job of separating itself from stories like The Mouse and the Motorcycle or Epic. In fact, this might be the first Ghibli movie I've seen that doesn't feel like a world.
All we get to explore is the house from the perspective of the little and the big people. And the house setting is surprisingly subpar. It looks pretty, even more so on the big screen. But there aren't any interesting rooms to explore. One room is just filled to brim with old antiques. And it's never fully explored. And if you think that's disappointing, we only get to see a total of four Borrowers in this movie.
The others are no where to be seen. Their's no secret village to be found. I wouldn't mind if the movie wanted to be subtle and make its viewers wonder if there was any hope for the protagonists. But with such a small cast of one note characters it's hard to stay interested. With the only threat in the film being a crazy housekeeper who views the little people as pests, it makes the film all the more predictable.
Shawn the good boy, will help everyone escape, and tell everyone that nothing happened. Arrietty will solve her problems by climbing...a lot. Their's way too many climbing scenes in this movie. And everything is left in secret. Their's no government agents chasing them, no magic, we don't even get to see the surgery operation. Their's no suspense in this film. And as a bonus, the pop songs don't match the tone of the film. Just to make sure you suffer just in case you were enjoying yourself.
Arrietty and Shawn don't even have good chemistry with each other. Even as friends. They're anything dramatic happening in this story. If the film had more interesting characters or maybe more time with the house exploration, I think we would've had something more memorable. If you like tiny world stories, I only recommend this one for the visuals. The animation and the perspective shots are visually pleasing. Otherwise, I'd skip this film. The Secret World of Arrietty isn't worth revealing.
Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)
Action First, Questions Later
Having watched the first film and Fallout, I was intrigued to learn more about this series and decided to check out the latest film. And I got to say, it is good time, but it was difficult to take seriously. Don't get me wrong, their are plenty of fun action scenes and I am interested in watching the next film in the future, but man...if you're looking for an interesting, well thought out plot, this is the wrong place to look.
The moment I learned that the main threat of this story was an alive artificial intelligent program, I almost left the theater. I was hoping for some master hacker or military spy to be the focus, after seeing the seemingly invincible Russian sub being taken out by its own missiles. But then I was greeted by a bunch government officials playing musical chairs with some boring exposition.
It goes on for way too long and nothing interesting happens during the discussion. It gets so boring that Ethan Hunt has to barge in and remind everyone what really matters. And then a miracle occurs. A fun action scene in the airport takes place with Die Hard Three riddle elements. Some fun car chases in Italy. And the films ends with a handful of tense fight scenes on a train to pay homage to the first film.
Again, the artificial intelligence threat is distracting, Its like putting a Digimon villain in a Die Hard film, with the past films focusing on realism, a terrorists as the main villains, this addition really doesn't work. But with how visually pleasing the action scenes are, I'm not complaining too much. It's an odd plot attached to a nice looking film.
The Money Pit (1986)
Stale Chaos
"The Money Pit" is a film that feels unfinished. For a film about a desperate couple trying to survive in a destructive house, I wasn't expecting to be so generic. You have Tom Hanks and Shelley Long as your leads attached to the most basic and uninteresting plot to pair with a set up like this. That plot being, the house is slowly breaking apart, and they have to constantly recruit people to help them repair it. And it doesn't help that everyone they call is a jerk, taking their money and advantage of them.
Once you get past the half way point, the comedy gets really stale and mean spirited. All the side characters introduced are very forgettable and do nothing to the plot. The only one given enough screen time being Max and even then, he's just another fiend that tries to take advantage of the protagonists. I was surprised to see that Anna didn't take his head off after he told her the truth about how he didn't sleep with her and potentially ending her relationship with Walter during there most stressful living situation.
When the house is finally fixed and Walter and Anna finally get married, it was unsatisfying. I didn't feel any enjoyment after seeing everything work out in the end. Any novice audience could predict how the movie would end after the first hour. I don't recommend this film, the slapstick isn't that creative, the jokes get old fast, and overall...I've seen this type of chaotic household comedy done much better in other films.
Romy and Michele's High School Reunion (1997)
Unfocused Comedy
Romy and Michele try to fool everyone at their high school reunion in believing they are successful business women...that's the plot. Were you expecting more? As nineties comedies go, I wouldn't even call this a nostalgic classic. Not because it was an annoying film per se, but rather because it was an adult film mostly filled with childish jokes.
When you watch an R-Rated film, you expect to see more freedom within the writing. More relatable characters, intelligent writing, the works. But most of these jokes feel like they belong in a Disney Channel sitcom. The imagery in Michele's dream sequence is weird, but uninteresting. Romy is supposed to be the intelligent protagonist but barely plans out any of the future steps of her scheme. And next to nothing goofy happens at the reunion.
What's worse is that the music is incredibly distracting. Most of the songs don't match the scenes they are paired with, like "Ancient Temple Entrance" music to go with the entrance of the high school, just...why? I never feel attached to the world of this film as a result.
The only scene that got a laugh out of me is when the girls are about to leave on their big trip, the music starts, the car breaks down after seconds of running , and the music stops. I wish I could see more moments like this in the film, less predictable jokes, and better pacing. I don't recommend this film unless your looking to waste time.
Elemental (2023)
Trapped within a Legacy
Elemental is a clear sign that the magicians that run the Disney empire need to brush up their skills and learn some new tricks. By no means a poorly made film, but rather a film that feels lacking in substance. Even with its excellent animation, relatable characters, decent jokes, and its creative visuals...I can't say I really gained anything after watching this film.
Elemental is about a society of elemental people. A fire girl named Ember, teams up with a water boy named Wade, who go on an adventure through the city to stop Ember's father's store from being shut down and stop the potential flooding from damaging fire town. Friendships are made, romance ensues, and everyone comes together as one happy community.
And...it's not a bad idea for a story, but the actual film lacks in the creativity department half of the time. There are plenty of jokes tying in with all the elemental themes. Like water children getting stuck in sponges and wood people showing off their flowers like muscles. But they just come off as predictable because that's all that the trailers promised.
I was completely unaware of what type of story this was going to be, because the trailers showed me nothing but jokes. And when I finally sat down and saw this film, I discovered a hint of substance with the sad fire family's backstory. This movie was meant to be a retelling of an immigration story based off of Peter Sohn's past. Unfortunately for him, the final product didn't fully flesh out the weight of that living style.
It's revealed later that the fire family was driven away by a storm in the past and Ember's parents moved away to find a better life...and that's it. Something feels missing from that backstory. Perhaps the wind people were at war with the fire people and caused that storm to inflict fear on to the island. Or perhaps the construction of the restaurant was blamed on someone close to the family which triggered the grandfather's disappointment in Bernie.
I continued to give the film the benefit of the doubt, hoping for something strong to lean on, and what eventually killed my patience was the climax. It's revealed that water managed to break through a hole in the dam, which is still making me wonder how it got broken in the first place. The fire town is hit with powerful flood and Wade appears to have died to save Ember.
And during this moment, the audience around me started laughing. I thought to myself, "How rude, this is an emotional scene". But then I wondered why I wasn't even considering crying. And that was because I wasn't planning on the movie ending at this point. Wade lives and Ember and him follow their dreams in the big city. The movie felt unfinished. No major damage came to the city or the people, no stakes were involved. I had just finished a film with missed potential.
So overall, I found this to be a lacking film. It felt too small for the big screen with the lack of booming dramatic and action scenes. A film like this is going to be a lot more enjoyable on streaming services in the future.
Yu-Gi-Oh! GX (2004)
The Unfocused Generation
Yu-Gi-Oh GX is one of those mixed bag sequels. While not an abysmal anime by any means, I don't have much reason to re-watch the show excluding the episodes featuring Legendary Duelists. Whenever I play Duel Links on my phone, I rewatch episodes right before unlocking a new character to add to the enjoyment. And whenever I look back at GX's cast, I begin to recall how mediocre the journey was in the long run.
The show starts out simple enough, a bright minded kid named Jaden Yuki joins a school that trains kids to become the next generation of ultimate duelists. There he battles upperclassmen, friends, bullies, and even teachers with his elemental heroes. It's a refreshing story theme. The first Duel Monsters anime had a lot of dark and mysterious elements. And following that at up with a slice of life school anime is a nice change of pace.
Where the show falls flat is when it tries to be like the original. Starting with the Shadow Duelist two part episode, where supernatural elements are introduced. At the end of the duel the kidnapper that was pretending to be powerful villain becomes one at the very end with the assist of the demon spirits.
A plot point like this would work if it was Duel Monsters, but GX has an "easy going school theme" with lots of comedy. The plot point doesn't match the setting and therefore...makes the story confusing. I know people like making fun of the cheesy writing and the goofy scenarios, but because this show constantly shifts its tone in an inorganic fashion, the show ultimately leaves more viewers confused than satisfied.
I want to see Jaden enter more tournaments, challenge more duelists from rival schools, actually learn what it means to be a master duelist rather than just being gifted with magical cards to win the day. As the main protagonist, he's very likable. No matter how tough the duel gets, he always responds with a smile. And I enjoy seeing serious, elite duelists react to his positive attitude.
But instead he's forced to save the world from evil villains and random shady characters. While all his duelist friends support him as cheer leaders, that eventually devolve into hostages. Did you enjoy Chazz Princeton's character development? Well too bad, he's joining a cult. Now he's a zombie! And now he's a hostage! The plot is incredibly unfocused. If you told me that Chazz became a pig next in season four, I would believe you.
In the end, I can only bring myself to enjoy a fourth of this show. All the episodes that don't involve plots to take over the world are good in my book. If you plan to watch this show from start to finish, focus less on the characters and more on the monsters and set pieces. The animation is very vibrant and colorful. And the fusion and level ten monsters are a delight to see in action.
If you were looking for a dumb show to make fun of, I suggest you pick something with cheaper animation. It has its enjoyable moments, but for a Yu-Gi-Oh anime that centers around school, it needed a much more competent story to tie in with its relatable theme.
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)
How to Hate a Movie in 10 Minutes
This is one of those situations where a movie has a really interesting concept for a film with a really painful execution. I thought this was going to be a rom com with hilarious hi jinx and unique scenarios. But instead I got stale jokes with a side of predictable plot points. And it's almost two hours long...just wonderful.
Andie, though she is merely pretending to be dense, is way too cruel to Benjamin. She's passed the point where Benjamin would want to move to another country just to be away from her. Seeing them get together at the end, feels unearned. Their chemistry is just too weak.
On top that, this movie comes with dog pissing jokes, farting grand parents, side characters that add nothing to the story, I wish I could take it all back. This movie needed a much better script and a hint of personality. If this "pretending to be in love" plot is ever used in another story someday, its needs proper comedic support to feel genuine. I didn't enjoy the journey and I somehow hated the destination even more.
Son in Law (1993)
Stop Talking Crawl
An incredibly bland comedy supported by Pauley Shore's annoying acting. I like the set up of this film, a party animal having a romance with the new student, but not only is Crawl the living embodiment of irritation, but the writing is so generic that you'd swear he was produced in a factory.
Plot points are introduced and are immediately dropped. Carla's lesbian roommate, Crawl's hacking skills, Crawl's nerd life past...cut from the film. Sometimes, I had hope for this rom com. Whenever Crawl wasn't on screen, I saw a competent story, about a young woman dealing with the insecurities of leaving home. But then Crawl comes over and is like, "You have problems, your family has problems, and I'm the only genius that can magically fix them".
I almost laughed at some the jokes in this movie, but Pauley always shows up to kill the comedy with his dying mule voice. Skip this film.
Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Heart of the Cards (2001)
Yu-Gi-Oh Preschool
The first episode of Yu-Gi-Oh is a pretty good time, despite failing to accurately represent the official rules of the card game. While newcomer players are being fed false information about how the card game actually works, monster fight anime fans will enjoy how interesting the duels are thematically.
Having watched several Pokemon recreation anime adaptations in the past, I find it very interesting to have the main protagonist clash with the regional champion in the very first episode. Hoping to get revenge for his heartbroken grandfather, Yugi Muto challenges the billionaire boy genius Seto Kaiba to a game of Duel Monsters! Now with holograms.
I really enjoy the design of this colosseum. The multiple angles surrounding the ceiling give the illusion of a spider web surrounding the area. And with the added touch of stone pillars. It pairs well with the greed consumed champion and his ultimate monsters.
While this episode has its cheesy moments, like the mark of friendship on everyone's hands, I really like the "heart of the cards" concept. It represents the faith a duelist has with there draw, hoping to obtain the correct card to reclaim the advantage. While good deck building is arguably more important, every duelist has at least once in their life, experience the immeasurable joy of drawing the winning card of the duel.