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Reviews
Senior Moment (2021)
Funny and Realistic
Most Hollywood comedies fail because they TRY to be funny. This one succeeds because it eschews that, and has a solid script and crisp editing. If you ever read a movie script, you'll find that they're filled with dialogue that will make you groan -- it's that pathetic -- especially in comedies. This script is different -- it doesn't try hard. No cliches, no excess jibber-jabber, no stupid SNL "humor." Each scene ends quickly, not overstaying its welcome or venturing into cornball territory. Additionally, the performances are very good, esp. A chubby, lecherous old Shatner waddling his way around Palm Springs.
The Lobster (2015)
What Can You Expect...
... from an independent film, I guess. Ninety-eight percent are pretentious garbage, and this one resides at the bottom of the heap. Directed, co-written, and co-produced (naturally) by darling of the critics Yorgos Lanthimos, it illustrates quite nicely how out of touch said critics are.
I won't get into the storyline much, except to note that it's about as realistic as a married bachelor. Suffice to say that the characters are all emotionless 2x4's, brain-dead robots in a supposed dystopian view of the future, where married couples are good and singles are bad. Laughably, any of the latter who get caught by the authorities are turned into animals, although we never see it happen and it's probably just a scary threat [wink, wink].
The movie gets dumber as it progresses, and feels like a bad dream Yorgos must have had, with some artsy-fartsy morons funding his vision of turning it into "art." Oh, I suppose it could be viewed as a statement about current Western society, but it utterly fails. This so-called dark comedy is neither dark nor comedic; it is simply junk.
The Last Days on Mars (2013)
Should Have a Different Title
It should have been titled "Indestructible Zombies on Mars," "Alien Ripoff" or "Martian Snoozefest." Because that's what it is -- all three. While the characters and acting are pretty good, the script falls into a big, steaming hole of germs. Literally.... Seems a microbiologist on the team has found evidence of life on the red planet mere hours before being picked up for a return to Earth, rushes out to obtain a sample, and falls though a thin sheet of rock to his death many meters below. The cave-like structure is hissing hot steam, yet despite the crew member's obvious death they go down into the depths. Soon there are two really ugly zombies menacing/killing the rest of them (because that's what zombies do), and these zombies are super fast, super clever and super strong. The bacteria that works this magic transformation works it really fast, too -- mere minutes. Pretty soon everyone but Liev Schreiber is a zombie. In the end he's alone on a rescue ship, wondering if he's infected or if he should just commit suicide.
The Big Town (1987)
Started off Okay
They noted correctly that in a private game of craps some bettors don't pay true odds. For example, if 6 or 8 is the "point" you can get away with laying even money (instead of laying $6 to every $5) if you bet against the shooter. This will pay off in the long run. Craps is a pretty simple game, and only simpletons would bet huge amounts of money in a private game without knowing the odds. This isn't inconceivable in Dillon's home town, but is dubious in Chicago.
Worse, the idea that Dillon (or anyone) can consistently roll the dice and "pass" (win) six times in a row -- because he's "lucky" -- over and over is ridiculous. Unless you're cheating, in the long run you'll lose app. 1.4 cents of every dollar bet.
The rest of the movie is pretty standard Hollywood stuff -- even the asinine freeze-frame at the end. The only thing good about it is the era and setting.
Fury (2014)
Disappointing
I was hopeful this would be a realistic WW2 movie but, unfortunately, it wasn't. A few examples:
1. Pitt's tanks didn't use any tactics; they always just moved forward slowly while spaced close together.
2. The German Tiger tank would never have moved forward while being charged by Pitt's Sherman. It would have just kept firing without moving -- and Pitt would have been toast. Tanks firing at each other from 10 yards away is laughable.
3. Shooting and killing a prisoner -- in front of witnesses, no less -- is a war crime.
4. The ending where Pitt kills wave after wave of enemy soldiers with his turret-mounted machine gun was ridiculous.
5. The scene with the two women and our creepy hero's "If you don't (screw her) I will" statement.
6. The usual Hollywood phoniness throughout the film.
At least they tried; hence, 2 mercy stars....
Ojing-eo geim: Mugunghwa kkoch-i pideon nal (2021)
Better Than Expected
It took a while, but this first episode grew on me, despite the horrendous English dubbing and goofy acting.
Ojing-eo geim: Ji-ok (2021)
Episode 2 Is a Dud
An hour of "getting to know the characters." Completely unnecessary. Could have been done in brief flashbacks during the other episodes.
La Brea (2021)
Journey to the Center of Doo-Doo
I have a few issues with this show. In the first twenty minutes, we get....
1. Obligatory, cornball exposition from the first moment.
2. Focus is estranged mom (and absent dad who will doubtless get back together, as always) plus two very wise kids.
3. Vehicles and buildings fall into a giant sinkhole with little damage-- and none to all the people who dropped a hundred or so feet.
4. Green grass and blue sky at the bottom of the sinkhole. Could it all be -- gasp! -- an experiment?
5. Dumbasses keep asking "Do you know anything?"
6. Mom loses her wedding ring. Awwwww....
7. One guy actually says, "Maybe we're just in an episode of 'Lost.'" (Yes, it was obviously pitched as: "Lost" with a Jules Verne twist.)
8. The female cop who fell in is mean and tries to hide all the Kind bars.
9. Cheapo CGI wolves attack! Of course, estranged mama's son gets bitten.
10. Everyone immediately ransacks the cars that fell in. Two kids find -- gasp! -- illegal drugs!
How can anyone sit through a full hour of this derivative trash?
100 Girls (2000)
Could've Been Good in Stronger Hands
Whenever the credits reveal that the writer and director are one and the same person, I cringe. Why? Because the W-D is almost always an unknown or a grade B, and his ego is always as big as Kim K.'s butt. Such is the case with "100 Girls." The script needed to be less vulgar and the direction a few steps up in class. This W-D knows how to craft a film, but he sorely needs a producer to tell him "no."
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962)
Incredibly Overrated.
This movie has so a dozen things wrong with it, not the least of which is the fact that "scary villain" Lee Marvin is himself obviously very afraid of John Wayne. Stupid.
Clickbait (2021)
A Pretty Solid Series
... that will keep you guessing. The best thing about it is that it shows how the internet can be dangerous and smart phones make a lot of people jerks.
La casa de papel: El fenómeno (2020)
Not Even Remotely Plausible
Let's think about a few issues in just the first episode:
1. The dubbing and dialog are awful.
2. There are too many people (crooks) involved in the heist. Someone in the team is bound to do something dumb or gripe about something.
3. Female lead does do something dumb -- walks too far away from the mint's door and the police start shooting before she can get back inside. Worse, she shoots back, as do her pals, wounding two policemen and losing their "Robin Hood status."
4. Forty or so episodes is far too long for the premise.
5. The safecracker guy somehow knows exactly where to blowtorch a small square in a million-dollar(?) bank safe -- and simply turn a gear to make it open!
6. The safe was practically empty, except for one pallet of paper Euros.
7. As usual in caper films these days, it's super-easy to break into any company's computer system, and have access to every camera, etc.
8. Equally common, there's always one member of the thieves who oversees all his cronies from afar.
9. Some of the crooks took their masks off before all the people in the mint were blindfolded. Oddly, the blindfolds have white crosses sewn onto them.
10. There was at least one bed in the mint.
11. Female lead can't resist and actually sleeps with twerpy kid 12 years younger, who proposes marriage to her.
12. At least one of the mint employees/patrons would panic immediately and have to be subdued. Didn't happen.
13. The mint apparently doesn't have any cameras in the place, since the team takes their masks off once the employees/patrons were blindfolded.
Hang 'Em High (1968)
Nice Try, But...
...the movie has some problems. Eastwood is okay, sharpening his onscreen persona, but the film has some weak spots in terms of its writing, direction and especially its sloppy editing. It's far too long and could have dropped at least twenty minutes. The supporting cast (esp. Inger Stevens) is good, with the exception of the overacting Pat Hingle. The 9-man hanging scene is *much* too long; I get what they were going for, but it was so boring I almost quit the film. The extreme closeups of Ed Begley were laughable, as was his demise. Overall, it's too disjointed and seems amateurish in 2021.
On Becoming a God in Central Florida (2019)
Boring and Phony
It's about a pyramid scheme -- sorry, not a lot of potential there. I really can't imagine how anyone could read the pilot script and greenlight this series. Insipid head-scratching dialogue, unfunny "comedic" elements, an overall heavy dreariness and muddled direction. Nothing about it seems realistic or entertaining, IMHO.
The Artist (2011)
Utterly Charming and Ingenious
... and a well-deserved Oscar for Best Picture. If you didn't like this movie there's something wrong with you.
Sweet Tooth (2021)
Lifetime Network Science Fiction
I could barely get through episode #1 of this puerile nonsense. Where to begin?... How about with the series' premise? Let's do: The notion that a virus could result in a generation of chimeras is patently absurd, and they are *different* hybrids, no less -- human+eagle, human+rat, etc! Now let's look at the father of the show's main "special boy." Somehow no one in USA thinks to run away with his kid to Yellowstone National Park (although since his son's half deer he'd at least have a lot of space to roam around). He cuts through a fence to hide out in a log cabin just waiting for him in the park. Is it his cabin? We aren't told, but I'd think such second homes would be pretty expensive; not many people have one; how fortunate that daddy does. In any case, papa lets antlered Bambi Boy (who looks like a girl -- I suppose this was intentional to get girls to identify with the kid) drink maple syrup before bedtime, so how good a father can he really be? Add to this a periodic annoying, avuncular Disney-type voice-over, an obvious white man bad / black man good "woke" message and a cheesy "road trip" plotline to Mutant Haven and... well, you get the idea.
A Quiet Place (2018)
Cobbled-Together Monsters and Dumb People
Cobbled-together monsters (Producers' meeting: "What works?... Super-hearing alone is worthless." "Uh... how about super-speed - they hear you drop a coin, then from miles away grab you in two seconds?" "Yeah, perfect! Make 'em ugly, too, and gun-resistant.") plus dumb actions ("Put down that toy, son. Quietly!" Then dad turns away from the kid, not thinking he might just pick it up again.)
Not to mention that no one on Earth imagined that creatures with super-hearing might, just might, be damaged by overloading them with noise? Overloading is such a standard ploy in comic books that it's a cliché. I predicted everything in less than a minute.
Early Edition (1996)
A Good Idea, Poorly Executed
Instead of trying to change the world, the protag was busy with individuals, trivialities and a "mysterious" pussycat.
Snowpiercer (2020)
Even Worse Than The Movie
The movie had an interesting premise and I searched my library system high and low for the DVD. But the film was pretty dumb and unrealistic. This series is "Hollywoodized" and even worse!
One example from the first episode: we are told that a young kid in the lowest-class, cramped, squalor-ridden car is learning trigonometry! Ha ha ha! Even if that were possible (and the kid was a math genius), of what use would it be under those conditions? Answer: none!
Have Gun - Will Travel: The Man Who Wouldn't Talk (1958)
Possibly the Very Worst Episode...
... and I love the series overall. What could be more insipid than watching an adult male moon over the woman of his dreams, who needs to hire Paladin to coach him? Answer: when that male is horribly miscast Charles Bronson.
Have Gun - Will Travel: The Puppeteer (1960)
One of the Worst
If you want to be bored to death watching a mentally ill puppeteer put on a Punch & Judy show for 15 minutes, this one's for you.
Whiskey Cavalier: The Czech List (2019)
Not So Bad, Then...
I don't watch anything on the major networks these days. Let's face it -- there isn't much for an intelligent adult to watch anywhere. One reason for this is that producers and critics don't seem to care if their stories have insanely unrealistic and flat out stupid elements.
I thought I'd watch part of this over-hyped series when this episode of the idiotically named series crossed my path. I came in around the halfway mark. Not as bad as most, I thought, despite the cornball Mission Impossible style "crew" (working for the government, of course). The dialog was breezy and the characters weren't taking themselves so darn seriously, and not as absurdly earnest and noble as usual.
Then it happened. The "vault" scene. First, the vault was opened electronically with a contact-lens retinal scan. Okay, not so bad. Then the pretty love interest for our top male hero turned out to be a "baddie" and a lesbian. Hmm. Then instead of just shooting our two main heroes the "bad crew" (proven killers) just locked them in the vault. Uh oh. Then our "techie" crew members informed the pair that they only have twenty minutes of air. Ay carumba!
Instead of just finding a bank employee to open the vault, a crew member informs our male hero that -- surprise! -- the watch he gifted him with recently has explosives in it. Huh? Also, there's a water main running right up against the vault's wall. (Apparently he has instant access to all the blueprints in the world.) So our hero is instructed to stick the watch against the wall and pull the pin. (Good thing he hadn't tried to do this on his own, or he'd have been blown to bits.) Fortunately there's a heavy table in the vault to duck behind, so our hero and heroine survive the blast, and water starts pouring into the vault at a rate which rivals Niagara Falls. (Must've been some pretty powerful explosives in that watch.) NOW the trapped duo asks what the plan is, and of course, it's to flood the vault's electronics which will open its door (instead of shorting out the system and make it impossible to open it). "Either the door will open or we'll drown," states our top female hero emotionlessly. I checked out at that point.
To consider the above sequence anything but the absolute zenith of idiocy would be giving far more credit to the people responsible for it than they deserve. It is completely and utterly ridiculous. STUPID BEYOND BELIEF!
The Outer Limits: A Stitch in Time (1996)
The Best Episode of the Series
Compelling story with great acting. Not a single flaw in the script. At the very end I actually applauded -- it was that perfect. This is science fiction at its best!
Justice League Action (2016)
Pretty Good
JL Unlimited and the series before that were highly entertaining to this 60-year-old coot, and JL Action is pretty good. The animation is simpler, but Kevin Conroy is back as the best Batman by far. Superman isn't Tim Daly here but his replacement sounds fairly close. Other voice actors are solid. The stories are simplistic but the writing is generally intelligent and logical, with lots of homage to old TV shows and movies, and clever, fun dialogue that I've always wanted to hear. (Example: a young JL'er says a giant monkey is roaming the streets and Batman promptly corrects her: "Titano's a chimp, not a monkey.") An entertaining and amusing 22 minutes for anyone who's ever enjoyed DC comics.
The Handmaid's Tale: The Word (2018)
Just End It
This overrated series has gone slowly but steadily downhill after season one and should have ended here. Every episode's flow has been ponderous as I waited for something, anything to happen. Overall, there are far too many extreme closeups of June (E. Moss) and other actors making faces (i.e., over-acting), too much ominous and pop music, too much politically-correct posturing and "women's issues" (e.g., an entire episode about breast-feeding). Additionally, it doesn't make sense that the creepy commanders would have been able to take over after the coup; the military would have simply stepped in to fill the power void.
In this season finale, a sudden escape opening for June occurs when a neighbor's house is apparently firebombed, and a hard-to-believe "underground railroad of Marthas" helps her along. Even harder to believe is that she forsakes the escape at the last second -- and her baby! -- to regale us with a really-mean-stare, implying that she will remain free and have her revenge against the regime. Yeah, right.