Reviews

If you're looking for a mindless popcorn flick, this is for you. All it is is a Jason Statham movie. It's about a guy who hires professionals "mechanics" (hitmen) to kill criminal lords. Sound familiar? Anyway, as we progress through the movie, it's just shooting and swearing, like the Green Hornet, only much worse. DO NOT TAKE YOUR KID TO THIS MOVIE. JUST SAYING. And you're about to walk out of the theater, BUT WAIT! Oh never mind, it's just a dumb gunfight. Don't see this movie. See the Green Hornet, which is just like this movie, but just a little better. Jason Statham should stop making movies. Death Race, War, The Expendables, Crank? He's only made three good movies in his life (The Bank Job, Transporter 1 and the Italian Job) and this is not one of them. I do not recommend it.

I thought one of these episodes was good, and one was excellent.

Fools in April: Squidward is tired of SpongeBob overdoing it on April Fools day and decides to get revenge. This episode will seem pretty generic up until the halfway point, which is where it gets better. Some of Squidward's attempts to apologize are some of the best moments in Season 1, but it's not enough to make up for the lousy first half. 8/10 Neptune's Spatula: This is the one that really stood out to me. SpongeBob pulls King Neptune's spatula from the ancient grease and gets an opportunity to move to Atlantis and become Neptune's fry cook-that is, if SpongeBob can beat him in a Krabby Patty cook-off. This episode had me in the stitches all the way to the end, especially some of Patrick's lines, like when Neptune zaps him. "Is it hot in here, or what?" *Patrick collapses* Gosh, I love that. Also, Mr. Krabs reassuring SpongeBob he can win and then betting thousands upon thousands of dollars on Neptune is a great gag. I just love this episode. 10/10 Overall: 9/10

These two episodes both have their moments and are both very funny.

Hooky: It's fishing up here on what Sandy Cheeks calls "good old dry land". And Mr. Krabs has seen this before. He warns SpongeBob not to go anywhere near the dangerous "hooks", but as we all know, something being forbidden just makes you want to do it more in the first place. This episode is hilarious. Mr. Krabs' overreaction to SpongeBob taking a break and the gift shop gag are great, but I think I like Patrick's song "We're going to the carnival" best. 9/10

MM/BB II SpongeBob wins an official Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy sweepstakes, and wins a free Magic Conch Shell in the mail. However, in the Mermaid and Barnacle Boy TV series, whenever the shell is used, it means there is danger, and pretty soon SpongeBob is using the shell as a ploy to see his favorite superheroes in person. I like this episode, although there are some MMBB's that are better. The montage is great, and also when the gang meets the Atomic Flounder. 9/10

Overall: 9/10

Wow....it's been awhile. Haven't reviewed a movie since late September. But that doesn't mean I haven't stopped seeing them. In fact, last night i got off my lazy butt to go see a movie that was making a butt load of money, "The Green Hornet". After 2 weeks it's made 63 million dollars (great take-in for a January movie). But let's talk about what matters. Is this movie good? Answer, no. Is this movie fun? Answer, yes. This is nothing except an action movie in the winter. Explosions and clichés abound. Strictly a popcorn flick. But that doesn't mean you can't have a good time watching this movie. This movie will entertain you for.....well, about 2 hours, but if you need to get out of the house and are just looking for a good time, this is the movie for you.

Grade: C (B if we're talking about how entertaining it was)

This movie takes place in a coffin for 94 minutes and only a coffin. Sounds wicked boring, right? That's what I thought at first. But Buried is a thousand kinds of awesome. It's intense, it's scary at times, it's entertaining, a little bloody for the horror fans, and I am reminding you that this takes place in 94 minutes of almost nothing. Here's how the plot goes. Paul Conroy is a truck driver working in Iraq. He gets attacked by an Iraqi caravan of some sort and is held hostage 6 feet underground in a coffin for a million dollars. Now the best part of this movie is that you don't get to see what's happening above ground, so it keeps you guessing. There is a terrific performance by Ryan Reynolds, who finally tossed his love for crap projects and finally picked a good one. This is one of the most entertaining movies of the year and could pick up a few Saturn Awards, but I don't really see it winning anything else. Overall, it's a tense thriller with a great performance, an excellent screenplay and a shocking ending-Go see Buried. Grade: A- I'll see you guys soon when I review "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps."

Hey it's TVGuy3, and sadly this is the only movie I'll be reviewing this week, since my cousin said the Virginity Hit is a big steaming pile of trash. Anyway, I was a big fan of the Resident Evil franchise ever since it came out on PlayStation. The first movie was a great shocker, the second almost rivaling the first, and the third was showing signs of decline. Now with Afterlife, the fourth installment, I was just looking for a popcorn movie. And it is. But the first three all also functioned as real horror movies. This one is just slashing and shooting. Don't get me wrong, it's a really capable slashing and shooting and Milla Jovovich gives a great performance, but this movie honestly needed more plot. Or a new director. Paul W.S. Anderson is not a good director. Let's just get that out of the way. The thing the first three movies were lacking was good direction. Luckily, the script and the acting were good enough to scare us. But like I said before, the script and acting is just slashing and shooting, which makes the bad direction even more visible. If you're not a fan of the franchise, this is a good horror flick. But if you're a fan of the first three, don't waste your money and be disappointed. If you want slashing and shooting with a real plot, go see Machete. Not this.

If I could give this movie a negative-infinity for a vote, believe me, I would. I only saw this because the projector for The American was broken (they fixed it later though, so I ended up seeing 2 movies last night). I chose this movie over Piranha because this movie is supposed to be bad (it is) and I don't think I've written a bad review of a movie yet.

Okay so here's how it goes. It's a parody of Twilight. Twilight Saga is bad, and this is worse. Wanna see something creepy? BOX OFFICE OPENING WEEKEND COMPARISONS Vampires Suck $12M Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World $10M Isn't that scary? I thought so. Anyway, back to the review. Don't see this movie unless you are on Death Row and don't want a lethal injection, because you will die watching this movie. 3 years ago, I made the mistake of paying $8 to see Epic Movie (which sucked). But, thanks to the stupid economy, I made the mistake of paying $11 to see Vampires Suck. Thanks a lot, Bush and Obama. Never see this movie. Oh and uh, yeah, I'm on team NOBODY.

Hey guys, this is TVGuy3, I'll be reviewing new movies that come out every week. I went to Machete with low expectations and I was pleasantly surprised. The acting and direction definitely could have been better, but that's not what matters in this movie. You watch Machete to see people get slaughtered in creative, gruesome ways. Like an earlier review said, this movie is corny violent cheap and AWESOME.

Great visuals save this movie from being an unneeded disaster by keeping you involved. Every 5 seconds there is a gory, yet very cool death. If you have a strong stomach, go see it. If not, you should just stay home, but you're definitely missing out on something great. It won't get any Oscar nods, but if there was a most entertaining category, it would give Piranha 3D a run for its money.

This episode focuses on Kate Austen's past and how she knew the man with the shrapnel in his chest, who turns out to be a U.S. Marshal who was taking Kate to L.A. to go to jail or something like that. Anyway, Kate basically just runs around in the episode, the flashbacks are capable but don't do anything for me. The on-island action is good. This turns out to be a good episode but pretty weak compared to other season 1 episodes.

Standout Performance: Matthew Fox

Best Lines: U.S. Marshal moans in pain Shannon: I WISH HE WOULD JUST DIE ALREADY! Boone: Real humane, Shannon.

8/10

The secret is that LOST is only getting better! An excellent episode with lots of drama, action and an amazing ending.

The summary of this episode is that Sayid, Charlie, Kate and Shannon (I think that's everyone) go on a hike to get the transceiver better reception so they can be rescued. The plot twist in the last 10 minutes is something that I don't think anyone saw coming. It's just so well-executed that you think you're actually lost with these people.

The standout performance is probably Naveen Andrews who plays Sayid, this is the first episode he's heavily involved in and sometimes you even forget it's a performance. This episode has no laggy parts, it's full of action and a seriously awesome score. It definitely keeps your attention the whole way through and the episode only gets better as you keep watching it.

10/10

I had seen the sixth season because I had nothing better to do. People complained it didn't come together and that the ending was awful. I, on one hand, loved it and decided to watch the whole thing and see what my opinion was after all five other seasons. So here goes.

"Pilot Part 1" I knew this show was promising from the first 3 minutes with the excellent plane wreckage effects and it all seemed so real. The rest of the episode was even better. The ending was fabulous and you could totally relate to the characters. The don't really tell you all their names, but so far, my favorite character is Sayid. It makes me sad about what he goes through in Season 6. Overall, great cast with great characters and a great plot for a mystery/sci-fi/fantasy/drama show that I hope will come together. 10/10

There is nothing about this episode that wasn't hilarious.

Summary: Mitchell answers the door one day to find his mom standing there. She mentions an "incident" which turns out to be her getting drunk at Jay & Gloria's wedding and ruining the whole thing. She uses Mitchell to help apologize.

This is the first episode of Modern Family I ever saw. And I still think it's the funniest ever. It's a great introduction to Dylan, and this is one episode where I actually could put up with Haley. The way this episode plays out is the best, especially the song at the end (if you've seen this, you know what I'm talking about). If you like this show but haven't seen "The Incident", then go onto ABC.com, and GO SEE THIS EPISODE RIGHT NOW! You will love it. That's a guarantee. 10/10

These episodes are good. A majority of the gags made me laugh.

"Texas" Sandy gets homesick and decides to move back to Texas, but SpongeBob won't let her leave without a fight. The way this episodes unfolds is pretty funny. I like the very last lines and I think they're my favorite part of the episode. 9/10

"Walking Small" This episode didn't completely deliver. Plankton is building a Chum Bucket Mega Bucket on Goo Lagoon, so he enlists SpongeBob to get rid of the people at the beach. This episode didn't have very many great moments and wasn't consistent. I do like the part where SpongeBob does all the bad stuff, though. 8/10

Whole Episode: 8.5/10

VALENTINE'S DAY IS NOT THAT GREAT! The Paper saved this episode!

"Valentine's Day" It's Valentine's Day, and Patrick didn't get any presents. He goes nuts. I personally think this episode is just weird. I don't like it when people go crazy because it makes me go crazy too. 6.5/10

"The Paper" Squidward gives SpongeBob his gum wrapper thinking it is useless, but SpongeBob finds tons of really fun uses for it. This is one of the best episodes of season 1. Especially "oralgami". Hilarious. 9.5/10

Whole Episode: 8/10

These two episodes are very good and are some of the best of season 1.

"SB-129" Squidward tries to get away from SpongeBob and Patrick, and he accidentally freezes himself and you kind of have to watch the rest to get it. It's a really funny episode overall especially the can opener gag. 9.5/10

"Karate Choppers" SpongeBob and Sandy are dueling each other in karate 24/7, and it starts affecting SpongeBob's work and Mr. Krabs threatens to fire him. This episode was very funny. It had great gags like the talking hot sauce and the ending is pretty good too. 9.5/10 Whole Episode: 9.5/10

These episodes didn't live up to their potential, but had some great moments.

"The Chaperone" Pearl's boyfriend breaks up with her, so SpongeBob has to take her to prom. This episode had a great premise, but didn't deliver. It had some funny moments, like the montage toward the beginning and the dance trophy gag. Good. 8/10

"Employee of the Month" Squidward and SpongeBob compete for the employee of the month award. This episode definitely had most of its funny moments toward the end, my favorite being when Squidward is cleaning the tables and he rubs the rag into the table so hard it snaps in two. That's hilarious. And also it leaves you with a good ending when you don't know who actually won the award. However, could have been much, much better. 8.5/10

Whole Episode: 8.25/10

These were two good episodes.

"MuscleBob BuffPants" This episode has a great premise. SpongeBob is a total weakling and Sandy's work-out regimen isn't working for him, so he buys inflatable muscles. Unfortunately, it didn't deliver the way I hoped it would. The ending is great, but it's slow in parts. 8/10

"Squidward the Unfriendly Ghost" Another hilarious premise. Squidward makes a wax sculpture of himself. SpongeBob and Patrick destroy it and think that they killed Squidward. The way this episode unfolds is hilarious. Mr. Krabs has the best line, but it would be a spoiler. A great episode. 9/10

Whole Episode: 8.5/10

Two brilliant episodes.

"Culture Shock" Squidward hosts a talent show at the Krusty Krab where most of the acts bomb. Several hilarious moments in this episode, like when Plankton uses the show to try to steal a Krabby Patty, and when Patrick laughs uncontrollably for no reason at all. 10/10

"F.U.N." Easily better than most episodes, this episode not only has "THE FUN SONG" which it is known for, but it's actually a really funny episode. The humor in this episode in nonstop, but yes, people will argue with me if I don't say that the funniest line was Plankton's line in the fun song. 10/10

Whole Episode: 10/10

One of these episodes was amazing, and the other was just good.

"Hall Monitor" SpongeBob is chosen to be hall monitor at boating school and sets out to catch the "maniac" running wild in Bikini Bottom. This episode is hilarious and very creative. The gag about Patrick's ice cream is the best. I also like during SpongeBob's speech when he repeatedly says "IN THE HALL!" 10/10

"Jellyfish Jam" This episode was kind of lame in parts, like when the jellyfish squirt jelly on Gary. But the rest of the episode is great, especially when Squidward is on. 8/10

Whole Episode: 9/10