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lilstevey
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Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
Appalling waste of life
I regret going to see this. It is, in my opinion the worst film I have ever seen in my life. The only reason it has one out of ten is that IMDb wouldn't let me rate it as zero.
I have no idea how this managed to get 8.7 out of ten. I find this rating a disappointing indictment of mankind.
The film starts off quite well, but runs out of ideas fast - or rather it has lots of ideas, but each seems to be a cliché - and ones which are so overused as to be threadbare. It's almost like someone interviewed 8 to 12 year old boys leaving cinemas over the course of about 1000 films, wrote down a list of clichés that the audience found entertaining, and then spent all of ten minutes in an attempt to transform the research into a script.
I'm not sure how much I would have to drink to reach the point where I was able to sustain the level of suspension of disbelief to overlook the many holes and contradictions in the plot, but would fear that liver failure would hit me before I reached the required level of inebriation.
The phrase "scraping the bottom of the barrel" doesn't seem to apply here. Almost all of the characters seem shockingly two dimensional. The dialogue is appalling. The special effects are good, but the overall level of ridiculousness reduces the impact of the stunts to circus level.
Some films are so bad they are good. This film doesn't seem to make any effort to support the stunts and special effects - and it's that lack of effort that makes this film, in my humble opinion, so bad that it's not worth watching on television.
Trance (2013)
Basic Instinct in a different Hat
OK, this may have deserved a couple more points, but I subjected my rating to an extra couple of points penalty because of all the hype.
I think my summary says it all, but in an attempt to provide a little justification for my damning indictment, the film features Full Frontal Nudity, Violence, and whilst the ending isn't totally predictable, it doesn't deviate sufficiently from expectation to be brilliant.
It's well produced, well directed and well acted, but treads a well trodden path of arts theft and memory, both of which have been done better elsewhere - albeit separately.
When I went to the cinema, Spring breakers was on in screen two and I wish I had seen that instead. Twelve year old boys may look forward to a late night in front of BBC2 or Channel 4 when Trance has it's TV release, but in terms of longevity - that's it.
Full Frontal nudity was daring before the internet. Now it seems like a tame unnecessary cliché. A nice idea let down by poor plot development.
Loved Trainspotting, Sunshine and many other of Boyles works. Didn't rate this. Given reviews and feedback on reviews appears to be a marmite of a movie - and this viewer didn't love it.
Voodoo Lagoon (2006)
Utter Total Bilge
I cannot spoil this properly because I was unable to watch it all the way through - If I had I would be tempted to spoil it just to save anyone the trouble of watching it. This is unusual - I normally watch all of a film - for example, I managed to fight through every brain draining moment of Battlefield Earth - don't ask me why. I managed to watch about 35 minutes of voodoo lagoon before giving up.
It fails on just about every mark. Strangely - I didn't find the acting that bad. It just felt disjointed, badly written and confused. Don't watch it thinking that it'll be "so bad it's good" either, because it's not. It's just bad.
The spoiler: The only redeeming feature is a few minutes of actresses in bikinis and a fleeting skinny dip. Whilst that gives a possibility of a few moments of solitary pleasure, its all over too soon, and should that be your game I really think you would be best looking elsewhere - the internet for example.
I don't even care about this film sufficiently to find out how it ended on the internet. I've wasted enough of my life on it, please don't waste any of yours.
It should also be noted that the three positive reviews are from reviewers with only one review, and all were made within a week of each other in 2008.
* UPDATE MAY 2015 *
I've just watched Mad Max Fury Road and as a result had to upgrade the score of this to a two. It turns out that at least one film is less worthwhile than this.