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DrMonster
Reviews
Millennium: Somehow, Satan Got Behind Me (1998)
Horrible
I have been watching the series again on Chiller and this is clearly the worst episode of the 1st two seasons. I almost erased it without even finishing it after the little dancing demon came out. The story line with the TV censor was terrible. And how many times do we need to be reminded that these are the same guys that make the X-Files? I seem to remember Duchovny being upset when Scully got an Ouroborus tattoo because he didn't like the cross references. The alien autopsy scene here is also to jokey. If there has to be a funny Millennium show I will take the Jose Chung episode over this one any day. I like this show because of the character of Frank Black and this episode was too Frank-lite.
Nachts, wenn Dracula erwacht (1970)
Easy Money for Kinski
This was a disappointing movie. As with many "legendary" horror films it just doesn't quite live up it's reputation. I liked Lee's performance but there just wasn't enough of it. Yes they get some points for staying true to the novel - the baby in the bag was the most disturbing scene - but they also strayed a bit to condense the action. This had the odd effect of a slow plot but lots of things that didn't quite make sense as if scenes were cut to speed things up. Van Helsing's stroke comes out of nowhere. The scene at the opera was all wrong as Dracula is neither charming or menacing but just a brute. Kinski brings new meaning to minimalism - he does nothing in this film but flip his hair and eat bugs. He had to be laughing when he cashed his check. Lastly the effects are very bad - especially the bat. You would think that 40 years after Lugosi's version they could have come up with a better bat. Add that to the "boulder" that bounces off a horse's head and the menacing German Shepherds (as wolf stand-ins)and you end up with a pretty weak movie albeit one with a few nice ideas.
Don't Look Now (1973)
Art = Crap
This is one of those "art" movies that makes people want to run screaming. Not because it is scary but because it is maddeningly boring. Plus it has far too much naked Donald Sutherland. And how tall is he? He could take a dwarf! Roeg is a great picture taker - nice set-ups, interesting shots, angles, etc. The problem is his story telling ability. I felt no sympathy for the Sutheralnd character. He seemed crushed by his daughter's death - for about 20 seconds - and then its forward in time, we are not even told how long, and he seems perfectly fine. And the end? Sorry I just had to laugh. Lousy movie. Do not fall for the classic bit.
Haute tension (2003)
Horrible mess
This movie was unbelievably vile and nonsensical. The violence was particularly graphic and often unnecessary for the plot. Why did Alex have to have the huge piece of glass in her foot? Why did the mother have her hand sawed off? The twist ending made the whole film make no sense, unless we take the "it was all in her mind" approach. Watch "Fight Club" to see how this sort of twist can work. How do you chase yourself in a car? But even before that the "heroine" had no redeeming qualities. She did nothing while the whole family was slaughtered, pranced around like an idiot at the gas station, and then took the completely ridiculous "stick it to the man" approach with the police, who just wanted to know where she was! Still I wish the director had shown the car chase in flashback. Marie drives twenty feet down the road, stops, runs back to the van, slams into the back of the car, gets out, runs to the car, drives off the road!
The Saint (1997)
Avoid at all costs.
This movie was an unbelievable mess. It made little sense until the end and by then I didn't care. I like Val Kilmer but in this movie it seemed he was definitely just picking up a check. Elisabeth Shue was equally bad. The plot was ridiculous and the characters were very flat. And the police? They hadn't figured out the guy they are chasing always uses saints' names? Worst of all I did not like the way the Saint was portrayed - he is supposed to be a problem solver, a sort of Robin Hood looking for people to help. In this movie he was a thief who did the "right" thing only after he fell in love with the girl. And what was the nonsense at the beginning? Was this supposed to help us understand his character? It didn't. Avoid at all costs, especially if you like the Roger Moore series.