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Karppi (2018)
This review is for season 3
A dark, mysterious, slow burn tension has left it's place to some stupid plot where half the detectives working for the Helsinki police force, their husbands and wives and girlfriends, their kids and even their one-night-stands are all involved in the proceedings one way or another in this mess of a plot about drugs and then poison and then something or other about some ruins somewhere in Salo and this bald guy etc. So childish, such a stupid, chaotic, baseless, unnecessarily complicated plot. Took all the dark, exotic, cute Finnish mystery out and just left the question behind: WTF?
And let's not talk about the plot holes. Especially in the last episode, where the kid is living in an ISLAND with his grandpa, the killer murders this ferry person and steals the ferry to get there to the kid, calls Karppi with instructions to find them and Karppi gets there WITHOUT taking any boats or ferries, just drives there. :) Then there is the scene where this bad guy unlocks an iphone 6 with doing a face ID of the owner. And many many more simplistic mistakes and plot holes not worth it to write here. Season 3 ruins Deadwind.
Nope (2022)
Nope, not at all yup.
So a bunch of laundry (mostly bedsheets) from another world come on over to California somewhere to suck up and eat whoever looks at them... Why do I say bedsheets? Well when one of the characters wraps himself around barbed wire before being sucked up and this heroic act tears the "creature" apart and we see to all our horror (nope) and amazement (nope) that the creature is actually bunch of bed sheets and linen become alive.
Even if it is true that the universe is infinite and that everything possible should exist in infinity there still would be no chance of such a silly creature ever existing. What is the matter with the people funding these things?
And is that Daniel kahuuna or whatever his name is, is he supposed to be charismatic or something when he just stairs blankly and bored? The lead lady, the bored guys cute sister, was yes, cute; The only iota of forgivability in the whole move.
Locke & Key (2020)
Why? Why?
So you find a magical music box that used with a key enables you to command anyone like a puppet at will, and you have a gunman in your house would you use that box to command the gunman to put the friggin gun down, or even better shoot himself in the head????????
Apparently, not according to netflix writers. According to them, you would use that powerful music box to puppeteer some random bully idiot girl in a student mess hall, you would THINK TO DO THAT... but disarming a gunguy about to kill your mom? .. naaa ... you would just look at him mean and angry while he is ziplocking you to a chair.
That's the ultimate stoopid nflix. Stoooooooopid.
Spontaneous (2020)
This was such a horrible thing to watch
First off it's spontaneous human COMBUSTION not explosion. So no one has ever exploded all-of-a-suddenly before. But over two thousand years, according to google, 150 or so have burned from the inside. So as is with the traditional 'merican movie exaggeration BS, let's have a bunch of kids explode all of a sudden, they thought. Well laadeedaa...
What was so horrible was you never knew when the stoopid scenarists will explode the next young'n. Very hard to watch.
Some things should be outlawed to even think about.
High Crimes (2002)
I was expecting you want the truth, you couldn't handle the truth...
..type of an outburst from that brig whatever general but the brilliant writers of this crappo movie had something ELSE up their sleeves. Some might'ol plot twist that I suspected at around the first 5 minutes of the movie. It turns out that it was the butler after all!
OK but that last plot twist, dear writers, doesn't it pull the rug under from the WHOLE OF THE MOVIE? The briggy general and his gang had no motive to do all those nasty things to our ashy girl in the first place! They had nothing to cover up!
Etc... A very unimportant movie that twists its plot so much that it ends up twisting itself. Waste of time.
The Tender Bar (2021)
OK movie but a question begs an answer
I just didn't want to watch any explosions or dark gritty scenes or forced comedic failures or any other of the usual stuff in movies so I decided to watch this kind of mellow usual stuff. Yea so mellow movie 5 6 stars etc. But the question is why? ..did the JR kid have deep dark eyes with dark hair when he was a child and open blue eyes with orange hair when he was an adult? Clooney couldn't find a child to match the adult? Or the adult to match the child? Silly.
The Internship (2013)
Just idiotic
It seems a couple of privileged, low IQ 10 year olds put their uninformed spoiled brat heads together and wrote this drivel of a script. And they had this bowl of worn out cliches to sprinkle all over the place when doing so. The cruel brit that finally gets punched in the end, the millionth time overdone "romance", the "surprise" ending with the victory and the parade and the charade of it, etc... Nauseating, dull, sugar coated mess. Not a feel good movie at all, but rather a feel stupid movie, just idiotic! Yukh!
Mother! (2017)
New genre has been established
So there are comedy movies, adventure, sci-fi, drama, horror, thriller, documentary, etc, etc, movies. This thing, whatever it was, fits none of them. Thus this movie creates a brand NEW genre, a brand new type of something. Can't really be called a movie though. More like a stupid dream. But let's, for the lack of a better word, call it a movie; non-sensical movie. Or stupid? Absurd? WTF? Idiotic? What-just-happened? Idiotic, seems to fit best though. Yes, thats the name of the new genre that this "movie" introduces: IDIOTIC!
The Lobster (2015)
Artsy fartsy at it worst
So we get a different perspective on relationships after having watched this film? No. Or perps we get a look into deep human to human alienation that governs the brutal world of partner selection out there? No. Do we get anything. Yes. Our money back, maybe.
The best part of this film was the ending, when it finally ended. And thats the spoiler right there for you all: this film does end.
This film was a waste of waste. It did not have a stupid ending, but rather, a stupid beginning. And a middle. Every second of this film was stupid. It asked the stupidly misplaced and stupid question of "what if the couple-binding norms of western society were to be completely strict and to the letter". And answered that stupid question in the most stupidest western society way as possible. All fancy and artsy and all.
So there, I refuse to gain some perspective, examine this work of mystery in terms of the symbols it so pretentiously shoves at my face, I refuse to think that this piece of stupid fish is trying to shed this or that light on this or that whatever something or another, I also refuse to get affected by the beauty and drama contained in this film. Too pretentious for any of those merits.
The sequel will be named "the lobster and the lobsterer" I suppose.