Reviews

The MCU has been giving us solid gold great films for years now, I suppose a slump was inevitable. They've crafted some of the best cinematic origin and world building stories for the smallest and the biggest characters in their franchise and basically left DC in the dust, struggling and scrabbling to make anything that sells as well as The Dark Knight did.

For what it's worth, a couple of missteps aside (Guardians Of The Galaxy 2 springs to mind, for all the hype around that I found it to be a horrible disjointed movie that was more shocking than fun like the first one was) I think they've done well, for the most part. It's just that this was a crucial one that brought all those characters together - finally - for an epic showdown against the villain of all villains, Thanos. And for me it just didn't deliver. It was bombastic, wall-to-wall action contrasted with quick and unsatisfying exposition and all the heroes we know so well suddenly reduced to a couple of quips, acting out of character. That is to say, acting like idiots for the most part.

***SPOILERS AHEAD***

What worked :- Thanos has the most coherent story arc. I imagine that's because other than some screen time given to his minions who were looking for the Infinity Stones, he got a lot of the focus. Although his motivation and goal is barbaric, at least you can see WHY he's doing it. Most of the action scenes have the usual excellent CGI, although it does drop a bit in some scenes where maybe the animations etc look a bit jerky and unfinished. Despite lacking an emotional core for much of the movie, a few of the scenes do have resonance. I keep thinking of poor Peter Parker, who was just a hardworking kid out of his depth. When he faded out of existence it was pretty sad. Drax was back to having many of the best comedic lines, just as it was in the first Guardians movie. Dave Bautista has wickedly good timing for his lines and got a laugh out of the whole theatre several times.

What failed :- As other less than positive reviews have said, there's just way too much thrown into the pot here. All the heroes are fighting not just to save the universe, but fighting even more desperately for screen time. Many get reduced to just a few lines, which seems like a waste. We're zipping from location to location, fight to fight, and it's all so jarring. I'm reminded of The Hobbit and Star Wars I-III trilogies where eventually your mind switches off and gets exhausted from the excessive amount of detail on screen, to the point where the fight in Wakanda long shots just look like ants fighting bigger ants, there's no real sense of stake so there's no emotional connection or interest either. Heroes regularly act stupidly or otherwise out of character. Tony Stark, the usually brilliant strategist, was outdone by Peter Quill who let's be honest is more of a "fly by the seat of your pants" kinda guy. Captain America looked like he was having some sort of grunge period, all dark clothes and long beard, none of his usual optimism and passion for fighting the good fight. Bruce Banner now treats The Hulk like some sort of split personality disorder, arguing with himself and having performance anxiety about going green, I assume because whoever wrote the script didn't know how to make the story work if he could just Hulk out when he needed to. The Vision, such a crucial and unexpectedly brilliant addition to the Age Of Ultron story, is rendered a semi-crippled, powerless and emotionally compromised lovesick idiot here. Black Widow is a blonde now, too? It's a small point but worth mentioning. Despite all the work that went into that script, there are some real moments where it just comes across as unbelievably dumb. In Wakanda there's such emphasis on making a perimeter at the front just before the shield, then later in the fight they decide to open it anyway to stop being flanked at the back? Come on guys, you have CAPTAIN AMERICA a former soldier who would never have rolled with such a stupid plan. With so much out-and-out action at times the movie just seems to turn into a non-interactive video game. For example, when fighting Thanos on Titan, Dr. Strange creates a series of platforms for Quill to jump across in midair. I'm sorry, I thought his alter-ego was Star-Lord, not Mario. It completely ruins the immersion and sense of disbelief because it's just like when Indy survived a nuclear blast by hiding in a fridge during Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull. The dialogue tries and often fails to match the pop culture quipping that the Joss Whedon written and directed first Avengers movie balanced so perfectly. What seems moderately amusing now will just be dated in ten years. If you're trying to make a timeless movie, these are things to avoid. Not only do the heroes often act out of character as they're struggling for screen time, but their power levels don't match with what we've seen in previous MCU movies. To go back to the fight with Thanos on Titan for a moment, it takes a well choreographed effort from Iron Man, Spiderman, Dr. Strange, Star-Lord and Mantis to subdue Thanos for a minute. Not only does Quill then ruin this by being a selfish dick - a problem that several of the heroes have when they keep picking one life over the fate of the universe, let's not forget - but later in the movie, towards the endgame when Thanos has even more Infinity Stones in his gauntlet Scarlet Witch is able to subdue him with one hand while destroying The Vision's Mind Stone with the other. This surely makes her the most powerful hero in the entire cinematic MCU, doesn't it? This was not the case in Age Of Ultron. Worse than this, Thor has also been given some kind of massive strength upgrade as he can now survive the blast of a dying star at close range and only suffer third degree burns, when getting giant Peter Dinklage (what a great idea by the way, one of the few) to make him a shiny new war axe. Surely if Thor is this powerful he should just be able to walk up behind Thanos while he's distracted and rip his arms clean off? Actually maybe if they'd sent Thor and Scarlet Witch at Thanos first of all they could have got the job done and been back in time for dinner. Alan Silvestri's amazing Avengers theme, which underpinned some mind-blowing moments in the first two Avengers films, turns up here. But even the magnificence of this doesn't bolster the scenes it is used in, more of a "oh, there's the theme" than "wow, this is such an epic moment made better by how powerful the score is". It's as good a sign as any that this movie is a bit limp, despite all the gratuitous fight scenes that the younger crowd have trouble seeing through. When heroes fall it feels inconsequential and disconnected. Whether it be Gamora and Loki or any of the many who wisp away into fertiliser after Thanos completes the gauntlet and commits intergalactic genocide, apart from Peter Parker it feels meaningless. Even the latter is ruined when you see that there will be a Spiderman sequel next year, which rips any semblance of drama right out of the scene.

Anyway, the list could go on and on. I feel like I'm taking on the written role of Harry Plinkett from Red Letter Media, by picking this many holes in Infinity War. Granted, some of what I've written could be described as fan boy griping but others are basic failings in the pacing, editing, scripting and cinematography. After an hour the film, for me, was already dragging it's heels. There are some amazing moments in there, but maybe we've been spoiled by the quality of the better previous movies because it can't sustain the momentum and sense of gravitas throughout. It's not a terrible movie, but considering the star power on board etc it could and should have been so much more. As it is, it all comes across as a bit flat, soulless and uninspired. Joss Whedon's incredible efforts with the first Avengers movie have yet to be topped, and from what I've seen from Marvel in the past few years this may never change.

5/10

I'm starting to suspect there's some mass cultural delusion effect at work here, and in a few decades time people will come to realise that it is, in fact, just about as bad as a film can be and is easily the weakest of Nolan's Batman trilogy. Let's explore why.

1. Why is Marion Cotillard in this film? This is the wrong role for her. Her death sequence was a masterclass in bad acting. And if you didn't see the obvious twist that she was Talia after a whole movie of hanging around conspicuously it's time for a sight test.

2. That blonde Selina was hanging around with really heavily implied Catwoman was a lesbian, or bisexual if you count her shoehorned-in fleeting kisses with Bruce. Why?

3. The movie is filled with pointless characters. "Here's a new major or minor character, we'll stop the plot dead in it's tracks while they give dull exposition about their past and their motivations". This happened at least half a dozen times. In the case of Bane it would have been justified... if they had told his backstory all at once, not tediously dragged it out.

4. Why did a nuclear reactor core contain a red countdown clock? Did Lucius Fox know that it would be hijacked, and made life easier for the hijackers by letting them know when it would explode? More irritating is how characters in the film keep mentioning there's a bomb and saying how many days/hours remain, like they have forgotten.

5. There is no tangible sense of time, of scale, or of anything at stake. I was waiting for the movie to establish a sense of what really mattered. Would it create a real feeling of being in Gotham? It never did: it became more convoluted and confusing instead. I never got the feeling there were millions of lives at stake or that there was anything worth caring about.

6. The movie takes itself too seriously. It was a gloomy dirge of self-pity and heavy-handed, lazy commentary about current affairs, with that stupid pounding music score pulsing along underneath ratcheting up the tension because the writing couldn't.

7. Robin was written in so he could take on the mantle of Gotham's leading superhero at the end. The other things he did were things Jim Gordon could have done if the movie hadn't put him in a hospital bed. Getting rid of Robin would have also dispensed with the pointless subplot where he is trying to save a busload of orphans. I rolled my eyes at that one.

8. In other versions of Batman, Bane is huge because he's on a supersteroid called Venom. In Rises it is never really explained, despite the fact he was a tiny child when he escaped the well prison. His death sequence was also terrible; the film spends so much time building him up as some kind of badass Batman can't beat, then he dies with relative ease.

9. The sound mixing was terrible. Even characters that didn't have a stupid mask with batteries taped on the front (Bane) were, at times, very hard to hear. Considering how many millions were spent it really should have had reference quality surround sound audio.

10. Chris Nolan is not good at directing this type of picture. In all of the Nolan Batman films (including Batman Begins, which I like despite this problem) he doesn't seem to know how to direct scenes, whether they are action, quiet drama or a mix of both. Camera placement is all wrong. The "Bane and Batman slug it out on a rusty walkway" scene feels claustrophobic despite the fact it's supposed to be some kind of huge fighting pit. It might as well be taking place inside a vacuum.

11. Jim Gordon in his infinite wisdom stops what he thinks is the bomb truck with... a regular passenger coach, which would have broken apart under the weight.

12. Gary Oldman cannot hold his American accent for even one scene.

13. Batman is a plot device, not a character. It used to be something special when the cape and cowl were on. But the way Nolan has shot Batman here never made me feel he was the last bastion of justice in a corrupt city, powerful enough to keep criminals at bay with both his mind and his fists. He's one-dimensional and boring.

14. Despite the fact Alfred mentions how underprepared Bruce his, despite the fact Bruce's doctor tells him he has no knees, all he does is strap a bionic movement device to one of his legs and is suddenly sprightly enough to be Batman again.

15. Plenty of other problems the internet already covered.

CONCLUSION

There's no weight or levity to The Dark Knight Rises because characters and objects jump to where the poorly-constructed plot requires them to be, as if they were beamed there by a Star Trek transporter. The balance of the real and the exaggerated was just right in Batman Begins but in this one it bounces from set piece to boring drama scene and back again with no sense of cohesion, logic or grace. It's a complete mess.

On the other hand, maybe it is a great movie and I just can't see it. Or maybe when the cultural zeitgeist changes direction everyone not so close to it and not hyped up to breaking point will see it's not all that. Time will tell.

SUMMARY

1. It's everything that was bad about The Dark Knight ramped right up.

2. It's everything that was good about Batman Begins removed or neutered.

3. It wastes good actors and a pretty large budget.

4. It is joyless and illogical.

5. It is one of the worst films I have ever seen.

But it's not all bad: at least it wasn't available in 3D!