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Skinamarink (2022)
5/10
I really tried
23 January 2023
I went into this movie completely blind (as I try to do with most movies) and can say without question this is NOT a movie you want to go in blind. This movie is extremely experimental and abstract and will not be to most people's taste. The entire film is shot with a grainy vhs type look and is comprised of deliberately off center shots of the interior of a house. There is virtually no plot to speak of and most of the 1 hour 40 minute runtime is composed of random shots.

I love films that challenge and are demanding to the viewer. I love independent cinema and slow burn films. But this film expects WAY too much from the viewer and becomes very irritating as a result. Even to the hardened art house viewer this movie expects too much. This would have made a brilliant 40 minute short as there are moments of true horror but they are surrounded by random repetitive imagery. At no point does this movie pick up pace or have any sort of narrative.

This movie feels like a nightmare ASMR or a full length creepy pasta. If you suffered from night terrors or sleep paralysis or experienced childhood trauma I think you could become extremely invested in this film and that is the only way this works. I didn't feel connected or engaged in the story (I've never been through any of the above) and the only film I can compare with regards to the pacing and somnolent effect this movie had is "Beyond the Black Rainbow".

Five points for originality.
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Blonde (2022)
2/10
Excruciating (not in a good way)
2 October 2022
I had been looking forward to this film for a long time now after hearing so much about it and Ana de Armas's portrayal.

To be honest here I hated the film. Parts of this film are really well shot and look beautiful and hypnotic. Ana also gives her all in this performance and it is commendable. But the good ends there.

This film moves along at the pace of a snail without any direction or aim. Making it to the end of the film feels like an endurance test and it feels like it goes on for an eternity. This film is incredibly unsatisfying and unfulfilling. The portrayal of Marilyn's life is absolute misery. I mean for at least 90% of the clips she is crying or having a meltdown (seriously). The relentless negativity and despair is rammed down the viewers throat again and again. Marilyn is an icon who was beloved by the public and renowned in her greatness but you would never know that by watching this movie. Yes Marilyn had her well documented struggles but unlike this film would lead you to believe there was much more to her and her life. It is offensive in that regard that it portrays her as someone defined by the negative aspects of their life. This film also reenforces the "dumb blonde" presentation of Marilyn as, by all accounts, she didn't speak or behave that way when not on camera or in front of the press. Imagine a 3 hour "biopic" made about Kurt Cobain solely revolving around his substance use, depression, and death without even mentioning that he was a musician. That is how this film feels.

This movie is quite possibly one of the most disappointing and frustrating that I've ever seen.
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5/10
The ending
21 September 2022
This movie was excruciatingly slow and seemingly meaningless up until the last fifteen minutes or so. This movie looks like a student film made on a micro budget with very little substance for the majority of the film. Shots go on for way too long just to fill the movies runtime. There is very little to engage the viewer and it makes for a very frustrating film experience, up until the end.

I will do this without spoilers but the film really comments on the loneliness and isolation of adolescence and subsequent lengths individuals will go to find comfort on the internet. There is a lot to be said about the emotional struggles of adolescence as well. It's a rather dark and unsettling commentary. I personally don't relate to the age of the internet in terms of my adolescent years but I know there are many individuals out there who will relate to this film.

So up until the end I had this movie as a 1/10 but it wraps up as a 5/10.
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Barbarian (2022)
7/10
A cult film if there ever was one
12 September 2022
This movie is textbook, to a T, the very definition of a cult film. This is the most "culty" film I've seen since rocky horror.

I don't really want to say much (or compare this to other films) because anything written will give expectations and this film is absolutely best if you go in blind and with zero expectations. I would really, really recommend avoiding all reviews and any discussion of this film prior to seeing it. If you're a horror fan this movie should be at the top of your list.

I will say that the person who made the trailer deserves a major award because the trailer gives away *nothing* at all, which is exactly how a trailer should be and trailers like this are so rare.

7/10.
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5/10
Wanted to like it more than I did
12 August 2022
This film is billed as a Gen Z/woke satire horror comedy which, we can all agree, was much needed. I've been a life long A24 fan and the premise was very promising so I was excited.

This film follows its trailer exactly (which is way different than most A24 films) and it attempts, generally unsuccessfully, to be this generations "Scream". The first half of the movie was a solid satire and played on many of the irritating behaviors associated with Gen Z. Where this movie failed for me was in the second half the film lost most of its satire and self-awareness and becomes a full on murder mystery. Given that the characters are intentionally irritating without the full on satire component they just become unbearable.

The thing that I found most strange was that this movie doesn't feel like an A24 film at all. There isn't anything going on underneath, it's not very stylish or artistic, it just doesn't have that A24 vibe you can feel in their films.

On a positive note the lighting was very creative and it had some nice shots.

All and all I wanted to like this film much more than I did.
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Watcher (I) (2022)
9/10
Excellent old school thriller
5 June 2022
My mind is kind of boggled at the people calling this film slow or saying that it's not scary. Sure this film isn't supernatural horror but as far as real life situations go this one is pretty terrifying. I also did not find this film slow at all. It expertly builds the tension (and your anxiety) and successfully puts you in the mindset of the main character. She spends her days completely alone in a new country and doesn't speak the language. Watching this you can feel her loneliness, isolation, and downward spiral that leaves us questioning what's real and what isn't. This film is also stylish and has a very traditional Hitchcock feel to it that makes it all the better. This is all complemented by incredible performances all around leading to an extremely effective psychological thriller.
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Men (2022)
6/10
Two things to know before seeing Men (2022)
23 May 2022
1. If you are a fan of Mother! (2017) you might enjoy this film. If you thought Mother! Was outrageous, over the top, and excessively metaphorical I would definitely pass on this one. This film is not like Garland's previous films. For reference when I bought my ticket the theater employee said that they had been told to warn people that this film was over the top making me think many people were walking out asking for refunds.

2. If you decided to see this film do not go see it during prime time in a packed theater. See it during a weekday matinee. This film is bound to elicit obnoxious comments, laughs, and various verbal reactions from the audience that will make for a miserable theater experience.

So this "review" is more of a warning. Best of luck.
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7/10
Non-traditional horror
8 April 2022
Amazingly enough I saw this film at a local AMC during its limited run. This film is very much a cross between The Witch (2015) and Under the Skin (2013). It is very slow moving and methodical but follows a coherent plot. A very visual film and though it has a narrator there isn't as much as emphasis on dialogue. If you enjoy folklore, A24 type horror films then this is worth your time. This film has a very narrow audience and will not appeal to many people. You have been warned.
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9/10
Outstanding, Del Toro is a vision
23 December 2021
If you are a fan of Del Toro's previous films then seeing this one is a no-brainer. Many people have discussed the visuals which, like all of his films, are amazing. However I would argue that the visuals are not his films greatest virtue. Where this film and all of his films really shine is in his storytelling. He is a master of mixing different genres into a story that absolutely sucks you in from beginning til end. His gift when it comes to storytelling really is matched by very few others. Many people have discussed the long runtime but at no point did I find the film to be slow or uninteresting. It is a tale that is told from beginning til end. Nothing is missed. The acting is also really fantastic from everyone involved but Bradley Cooper really steals the show. I sense an Oscar nomination in his future.

Another outstanding film from one of the greatest living directors. A must see.
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Silent Night (I) (2021)
7/10
A Christmas downer, NOT for everyone
22 December 2021
This film is very similar both in plot and tone to Melancholia (2011). If you liked that film you might like this one. This is not a horror film and though it has some comedic elements it is far from a comedy. It is more of a very dark drama. You are spending the evening with average and sometimes unlikeable characters who are attempting to cope with an impending tragedy. The movie packs a bit of a punch (though maybe not as much as it should) and it does stay on your mind for awhile after. It keeps you thinking if you were in that situation, if you had kids, how would you react, what would you do.

This is not a family Christmas movie and certainly not one filled with holiday cheer. This will appeal to a limited audience. A true holiday downer.
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Don't Breathe (2016)
9/10
Unbelievable thriller
25 August 2016
I just got back from a premiere screening and here are my thoughts.

DON'T READ REVIEWS FOR THIS FILM!!!

Avoid trailers and movie clips too. Avoid anything that could be a spoiler.

The less you know the better the film will be.

If you're a horror/thriller fan GO SEE THIS RIGHT NOW. You will be very glad you did.

The film was exhilarating, tense, eerie, and exhausting, with an amazing score.

Thank you Alvarez.

Now to try to sleep...
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Aftermath (1994)
9/10
Horror for the art-house crowd
16 April 2016
I'd give this film a 10 but I'd be worried the FBI would be out looking for me or something. This is a short, simple and not very sweet film. While Aftermath has been booked as horror/disturbing film it really isn't for the gorehound crowd. Aftermath is a silent film with an ominous score and beautiful cinematography. The film is rich in detail and shows off Cerda's talent as a filmmaker. Most impressively the film seems to find beauty in the grotesque and make a taboo topic feel *almost* common place. Some people have discredited this film for not having a plot or meaning however Aftermath is an it is what it is kind of experience. There's no shying away from the content or pretending it's something it's not. It's a simple, straightforward graphic film that works. Highly recommend for the extreme art-house crowd along with the other short in this trilogy Genesis. Cerda you have a fan!
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