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Reviews
Lucy (2014)
Plate of guff please
"Has everyone written down a word? Good, right, I hope this works. We need a plot. John, what you got?"
"Er Science."
"Barbara?" "Scarlett johanson"
"Steve?" "I put superpowers"
"Bob?" "Drugs bust"
"Mary?" "Car chase the wrong way"
"That's a lot of words Mary, but okay. Who's next? Helen?"
"Morgan Freeman"
"Jai?" "Evolution"
"Oh for pity's sake Jai. Okay last is Johanne. Wow me Johanne!"
"Japanese gangsters"
"Right. So we've got, a sciencey film with drugs and jacuzza, car chases, scarlet and Morgan having superpowers, and er, evolution. Let's put them all together and we've got our film."
"How correct do we want to be about the science boss? Should I ring Dr Brian Cox?"
"Well we start filming in 15 minutes so I'd say no, let's just make stuff up".
Triple Frontier (2019)
Very good buddy movie
I hadn't heard anything about this movie before watching it. I'm surprised by the negativity. I thought this was brilliant. It's rare these days to get a soldier/heist movie where the relationships between people are equal to the action. It reminds me of Where Eagles dare.
The acting is terrific, the film allows time for dialogue and runs on the camaraderie between characters. All five main characters do it justice.
The action isn't flashy. It's controlled and paced, tense in places but never gratuitous or silly.
A criticism seems to be they act stupid and greedy. But this is surely the interesting slant of the story. It's not unrealistic, they don't act suddenly contrary to their characters. They just make some bad decisions, do some bad actions. And this makes them question their morals. As a viewer it's actually frustrating to watch them ruin things.
I've seen it 3 times now. Just as good every time.
Alien: Covenant (2017)
How did this get through test audiences?
"Okay guys, so what was the best bit about Prometheus?"
"Was it some genuinely good ideas about hopefully going to explore man's origins and ending up in an alien nightmare, Boss?"
"Nope"
"Was it good acting by at least the leading lady?"
"Nope"
"Was it the bit with the dumb scientist inexplicably trying to cuddle the scary Alien snake, Boss?
"Yes! Exactly! So this movie is going to be a two hour extension of people doing inexplicably dumb things around a pointless plot that doesn't deliver any of the potential carried over from Prometheus"
"Can we have have a scene where a character just stares into an opening facehugger egg like stoner looking into a Pringles tube?"
"Yes"
"Can we have people taking no sensible precautions and splitting up for no reason?"
"Yes"
"Hang on Boss. Wouldn't it be better to have a good story development, instead of some pointless jump scare nonsense only made possible by stupid characters making stupid decisions."
"No"
"You've done it again Scotty! I mean Boss"
Prometheus (2012)
One thing would have made this 10/10
It gets a five. Some great ideas in the movie. Strange choice of scenes recorded with the engineer talking, but left out of the Final Cut.
But one thing would have made this a classic. If they could only have had a scene where a previously frightened scientist, stuck in a truly frightening alien room in a truly frightening alien base, in darkness, had inexplicably and ridiculously tried to cosy up to a horrifically frightening alien snake creature that was waving menacingly at him. And then obviously got attacked.
That would have saved this film.
Sorry what? That is in the film?
WTF Ridley. Just how.
Treason (2022)
Awful
Awful stuff. Stupid storyline assisted by terrible dialogue and acting.
Charlie Cox reminded me of Daniel Radcliffe in Harry Potter - he's only got one expression. All the actors were lumbered with guff conversations that had no life to them. But Cox especially looked hopelessly miscast - he had no air of being 'deputy of M16', he had no gravitas at all.
Why are there only 6 people in M16? The set-up reminded me of The Proffessionals, but whilst that was a bawdy character driven tour de force of a show, this was just lame.
Oh and the fight scenes were terrible.
And the plot was just terrible.
It was all terrible.
Archive (2020)
Excellent for 3/4, didn't quite make it
A really good try and a very gripping film. The slow build up was excellent. The tension growing around J1 J2 and J3 was excellent. Up till 3/4 of the film I was hooked. But....
The ending was unexpected and whilst a clever ending seemed to jar with the first 3/4. The tension previously built up went somewhere else as the J1 and J2 arc ended. This could have worked with the focus switched to J3 and the archive, but it somehow didn't. I think most the plot was there for an amazing movie.
Theo James was good but lacked the emotional range of Sam Rockwell in Moon. I had no problem with his acting as far as a determined robot engineer, but not as a robot engineer who is trying to cope with the loss of and resuscitation of his own wife.
His overall highly romantic purpose seems at odds with his bland character earlier in the film regarding his situation. He seemed to be always in control, which might ultimately tie in with the ending but gave less depth to his character. If he started becoming unravelled after losing J2 that would have made sense, as he realised he'd failed her but couldn't stop his plan. A Frankenstein moment.
Instead Theo went more into action hero mode, though this could have been what the director/script requested, as it ramped up the action with almost unnecessary external
pressures.
Maybe a few more scenes towards the end with J3 seeing him ranting manically? Or J3 also committing suicide and forcing him to try to download Jules into J1. Then the last call could have been Jules speaking to him but his dying voice being practically insane? It all ended a bit nicely.
Good Time (2017)
Unravelling brilliance
The film started unexpectedly, went one way, jerked, spasmed, went another. Less a coherent story than a series of misadventures, but all driven by a manic cool Pattison.
And it's fantastic. There's no big lessons, no clever twists, no big Hollywood climax. But the ending fit into the film beautifully.
Highly Recommended.
Coherence (2013)
Excellent
Really enjoyed, mind-bending, clever, well acted and carries it through to fine ending. Bravo.
Kate (2021)
Doesn't know what it wants to be...
...and gets it all wrong. Potential for bladerunner meets Nikita film here but it ends up as garbage. Shame. Actors tried hard but plot and dialogue was trite.
Primer (2004)
Elegant, thoughtful, just incredibly hard to follow at end
A wonderful concept, this is a film driven not only by the science, but by dialogue and the characters. They have the rare gift in film of doing entirely believable actions.
It's clever, gripping, and doesn't give into sensationalism.
It is only let down by the feeling at the end that an explanation of events is possible but not without sitting down with a set of coloured pens and watching the film back incredibly carefully to map it all (good guess explanations do exist online).
Praiseworthy.
Grimsby (2016)
Hilarious, utterly hilarious
Its hard to recommend this film enough.
Its non stop laughs. The plot is unimportant but is simple and effective.
The jokes are phenomenal.
It finds original comedy scenes based around the ridiculousness of the characters.
Wonderful,.
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
hahahahahahah
Hahahahaha
Was this worse than last Jedi?
Yes, I'd say yes.
The ending is the stupidest thing I've ever seen
Its appalling
Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)
Can you say stupid?
Worse than that. Terribokulous.
Super bad.
Unbelievably awful
And stupid.
So stupid.
A Quiet Place (2018)
Don't Ruin it.......
Great start, don't ruin it.... Great premise don't ruin it..... Great tension don't ruin it..... nearly at end don't ruin it.....Nearly there, nearly there.... Oh goddamn you ruined it. Stupid stupid scriptwriters you've ruined it.
It's I am Legend all over again. Ruined. Don't make another.
Total Recall (2012)
Excruciatingly awful
Crikey.
This is a bad movie. A bad bad movie. It's worse than that. It's appalling.
It's got all the elements of a good sy-fy flick, in fact it's copied all the elements of good sy-fy flicks from other sy-fy flicks, but then forgets to add that sprinkle of fairy dust. Or script. Or acting.
Great films seem to give you time to have dialogue that brings characters to life. Arnie's total recall was full of it.
Bad films have the same time period but somehow avoid all the character development.
Take the three breasted lady in this film - iconic moment? No. Just another 10 seconds killed. If this film had just been the three breasted lady,
fully clothed, sitting silently smoking cigarettes for 2 hours, with no Farrell or Beale, it would a better film.
September 11: The New Pearl Harbor (2013)
More research required
Hmmmmmm...... As other reviewers note this is a very powerful documentary, and very engaging. You cannot come out of it with a zillion questions and quite emotional. However, you have to be very very careful with this stuff. Its 5 hours long, but this is not long enough to enable the makers to cover many of the claims made in proper scientific detail. Its very easy to claim something without having to explain it properly.
Some of the questions raised here do need answering. But whilst there are problems with the official investigation, and with the NIST collapse models, some of the ideas floated here are misguided at best, plain lies at worst. There's a lot of questions over 9/11, and if you're curious then this is a good place to get an overview of the '9/11 Truth' arguments. But do not take this as gospel. Use it as a starting point to do some research.
The Dyatlov Pass Incident (2013)
Very well done
Ah found-footage films. The argument goes that just because there's a few of them out there, anymore cant be original or good. When there's a zillion non-found-footage horrors out there. I saw the original Trollhunter a year ago, and that was both original and exceptional. And I loved Blair Witch Project. And I've made several people watch cannibal holocaust (to mainly disgust). This is similar, and works for me. I think it does tie in well with the true story (up to a point). The acting is very good, it looks realistic, and builds up to be genuinely creepy. The ending may not be for everyone, but again it was original and I didn't expect it. Would give it a 7, but such an unexpected great night-shift film upgrading to an 8.
Jason Bourne (2016)
Pleas for help
Jason: I cant do it any more. its no good.
Psychologist: What Jason. Whats wrong? Jason: I'm too old and slow, and I seem to lost all my abilities.
Shrink: No no, you were excellent, you kicked those bad guys asses!
Jason: No, its no good. At one point my computer went off suddenly, but I didn't twig that the baddies were on route. I was trying to turn it back on to get the archers on the iplayer. I had to be told by a girl.
Shrink: Arrr come on J, you're still the best.
Jason: Julie Stiles found me easy peasy. When I was off the grid. And when I met her, instead of moving quickly away, I just stared at her. I wanted to ask her if she liked blankets.
Shrink: You're being to hard on yourself. And we'll make the enemies even more obvious next time.
Jason: Next time? (sounds of sobbing....)
Predator (1987)
its soooooooo goooood
Its a cold rainy February day, you have a cold, the kids are in nursery and the missus at work. A bowl of soup made, you turn to your DVD collection for comfort. When you look out across the spectrum of films available for your viewing pleasure, your eye runs through titles you somehow own but will never watch again, great films that bore you to tears, unfunny comedy films, films ruined by Kevin Spacey... then you happily happen on the Predator spine....
Yes. Oh yes. I can watch that. I've seen it umpteen times, but it never gets old. It never fails to excite. The plot is simple and believable, the men are the men you want to fight with, the one-liners that you know by heart resonate with humour then tension and desperate struggle. And like Terminator, the baddie will not show any mercy. Yes. It delivers right through to the finale. Perfect.
Anytime.
Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)
um, er, how about the power comes from the sun!
Script Meeting:
"Hang on, so Finn and the pilot escape in the Tie fighter, then get shot down by the baddies' cannon?" "YEP" "And they crash on Jakku?" "Yep" "And that all happens pretty fast right, within a few minutes?" "ER... YEP" "So how come Finn is allowed to wander slowly back to the nearest town (handily close to where he crashed, but we'll gloss over that)? Surely the baddies scrambled Tie fighters to follow them?" "ER..YES. I MEAN NO. WELL.... THEY'RE NOT REALLY THE MAIN PRIORITY ANYMORE. THE FIRST ORDER ARE AFTER THE DROID" "Really? they don't want to recapture a traitor and a top rebel who have just shot up the hanger and killed a load of stormtroopers?" "ER... WELL... THEY MAY NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO FOLLOW THEM" "Huh? They can build a huge machine in less than 30 years that sucks a sun to death. A machine that sucks a sun to death! A machine that's totally overpowered given the previous deathstar could already destroy a planet. But it can suck a sun to death! And the baddies can't follow one ship that's a few minutes away down to a planet?" "WELL...UM...NO... ANYWAY THEY ARE AFTER THE DROID." "Hmmm. Okay. Right. Okay. So Finn gets to the town on Jakku, meets the lassie and the droid" "YEP" "Then they get spotted by 2 stormtroopers that turn up?" "YEP" "But surely the baddies would send more stormtroopers to find the droid? Surely they would send everyone since they know roughly on Jakku where it is? Surely they'd be turning the place upside down long before Fin gets back?" "WELL. LOOK. ITS. LOOK. WE'RE STARTING TO FEEL YOU'RE NOT ON BOARD WITH THIS" "I'm just concerned the plot doesn't make a lick of sense" "WE WANT TEAM PLAYERS HERE" "I'm trying, but I think we are making some basic errors" "WE FEEL YOU'RE BRINGING NEGATIVITY. THE DIRECTOR ONLY WANTS POSITIVE PEOPLE WITH POSITIVE IDEAS." "Alright, Sorry. How about this then. We alter the script so the new Death Planet has better defences than at present. And better security so Han and friends can't just wander round it willy-nilly. And so he cant turn the main shields off really easily." "YOU'RE FIRED" "What?" "YOU'RE FIRED" "But these are serious plot problems!" "YOUR FIRED. SECURITY" "But..." "SECURITY! "Ray's accent is really irritating" "SECURITY!!!" Sound of a scuffle... "Get off me...This film is gonna suck" (voice fading away)
The Terminator (1984)
My favourite film
I don't know how it gets any better. I have watched this film many times and still love it, still feel the tension in the situation, the terror.
Its just about perfect. the acting is great, michael biehn especially. The bad guy is bad, there's no mercy in there. Like many Cameron films, the dialogue brings out real characters, and the relationship between the Sarah and kyle feels genuine. The way the film unfolds is constantly gripping. The soundtrack really emphasises the desperate struggle.
And most of all the whole movie does justice to the plot, and the plot is absolutely watertight. Like the best science fiction films, it leaves you thinking about it, it leaves you agog at the possibility of it, and it doesn't have any holes - the downfall of Terminator 2 in my opinion, which doesn't make any sense from a plot point of view given Terminator.
10 out of 10 - the effects may date but they don't make a movie. Brilliant.
Antichrist (2009)
Tremendous film
I've read a few if the reviews for this movie and there seem to be a real split in reviewers, some loved it and some thought it was ridiculous tosh. I can see where the dislikers are coming from about it being meaningless psychodrivel. It's bonkers. One minute the two are recovering from their kid's death, next they are talking like adolescent goths and battering birds. Having said that, the performances of the two leads are tremendous, the initial scenes are brilliant and drew me in to the couples horror, and the film escalates wonderfully. A lot is said of the violence, but it is unusual and so cruel it works, and the thing with the shoes is much more disturbing than the physical acts. I loved it. Visually it is incredible and a genuine piece of art - it puts rubbish like 'tree of life' into the shade by its sheer madness. If you like it then watch dogville by LVT which is also excellent.
The American (2010)
Seriously flawed 'character study'
I laughed when someone described this as a character study. Laughed through the pain. Character study of an assassin? With no personality? Normally I am, as a heterosexual male, smitten with Clonneys films. He has natural classic modesty that is a huge unintentional lie. One Fine Day remains one of my favourite romantic films despite its corny plot, in part thanks to Clooneys charm. However in this he has no charm. He is an unhappy assassin, and plays this by not smiling or having any emotions. There's no manic laughter, no tears, just one word answers and staring into space. But it gets worse, as the whole film rests upon his acting. The plot has taken a bypass straight past any control check points. If he had been a painter, or a widow, or a deaf man, who moves to the village, this film may have worked. The landscapes are lovely. But an assassin? An international assassin? Who doesn't move after someone who wants to kill him knows where he lives? Who lives like an assassin is the last thing he wants to be. It doesn't make any sense. Nor does his mission in the film, nor does his contact, or his 'boss'. The ending makes even less sense. Why does he suddenly fall for the prostitute? Bah! If you've seen The Day of the Jackal, you'll see an assassin move with real character, despite the lack of emotion from the lead character. Because the plot works. This is just painful under-acting on a threadbare plot. It gets 3 stars only because the opening scene is tremendous.