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Hype House (2022)
How is this even a thing?
If there was ever a group of people who deserved to be in a Slasher movie this is then! My god, what a terrible group of people, who don't deserve to be famous whatsoever. This is a none program, with no plot or stakes!
The Goop Lab (2020)
Delusional, corupt and evil!
The Complete and absolute bs, that Goop peddles is shocking. Almost everything presented in this show has long been debunked and its amazing that they get away with this. It's right out criminal in some cases. I am. Shocked that Netflix has green lit something this Evil and. Harmful.
Swiped (2018)
Delete the App...
This may just be one of the most incompetent movies I've seen on Netflix. Badly written characters and terrible acting aside, the camera work is dreadful, the sound often echoes and there are so many scenes that are so badly blocked that you're not sure who to focus on. What a sad experience this was.
Trollhunters: Rise of the Titans (2021)
This is how the World ends... With a whimper not a bang!
Five years and three Shows later, we have the epic final to wrap it all up...
And, it retrospectively ruins the entire show. How? By making everything that happened, all the wins and losses, completely meaningless. This is an epic F you, to everyone who loves this franchise! The worst part is, that up until the Avengers ending, it was actually quite Fun. Anyway, thanks to this movie, the entire franchise is no longer Canon.
The Starling (2021)
Grief Counciling from a CG Bird.
I wouldn't call this movie terrible. The cast is too good for that. But, it's not good either.
The story of a grieving couple trying to make sence of a world without sence is a touching and relatable one. Finding something to help you get past the pain, in this case a territorial bird, is also relatable. Wacky slapstick humour, clashing with dark sad themes, well... isn't.
It also becomes hard for me to connect to a CGI bird and a dead child we never got too meet. The biggest problem though, is that no one is particularly likable, nor do they really act like real people would. I do believe that the movies heart is in the right place, but the writing isn't great and it's very hard to connect to anyone.
Midnight Mass (2021)
Am I the only one, who finds Midnight Mass really predictable?
I just finished episode four and everything I assumed would happen, whilst watching the first episode came true. It didn't take me long to put the pieces together, but I'm a horror Writer, I often see stuff coming. It's becomes, I think take everything apart and look at the individual pieces. They then tell me, what is going to happen. If I'm right, awesome! If I'm wrong even better! That doesn't make the show bad. Not at all! In fact Midnight Mass, is quite simply amazing!
I think, you everyone should go watch it!
Masters of the Universe: Revelation (2021)
MOTU returns to the small screen in style!
What an amazing show! It continues the original storyline of the show whilst referencing so much from the entire MOTU lore. There are even some fun references to She-Ra, the Movie, and the 2001 series. I can't gush about this show enough and don't understand why fans are being so negative. As we've seen with Star Trek and Star Wars fans are never happy, but they still demand more. I myself don't like Star Trek Lower Decks, you just can't please everyone.
Loon Lake (2019)
Little Movie, with a big heart!
Loon Lake is an amazing indie horror film, from Ansel Faraj, staring Nathan Wilson, David Selby and Kathryn Leigh Scott. It tells the tale of Louis Olsen, a broken young man trying to escape the city and his past. Louis is then confronted with legend of Mary Jane Terwilliger, the Witch of Loon Lake...
I'm not gonna spoil any of it here, you'll just have to go watch it yourself, trust me it's worth it.
The Movie is a beautiful mix of folk Horror, ghost story and mystery, with a deeply melancholy atmosphere throughout. The cinematography is reminiscent of people like Dean Cundey and John Coquillon and the whole thing come across as a throw back to 70s cinema.
I can't gush enough, about this Movies! It's rare these days, that I'm actually surprised by a movie, especially in this genre. It just proves that you should never judge a movie by its budget!
Fear Street: 1994 (2021)
My First Slasher Movie, by Fisher-Price...
I don't like RL Stein, he's a bad writer whos best ideas, are well known to have been ghost written. That said, this has little to do with his books. It's clearly made with teens in mind. That said all the 90s references and horror movie tropes, are going to be lost on the teens, who watch this as their first slasher.
If you want to watch a mild slasher movie, it's perfectly fine, but be warned it's about as scary as a glow in the dark Skelton.
FYI: I can't remember the last time, I was this bored watching a horror movie!
Mainstream (2020)
When a Pretentious Instagram post became a movie...
This is not a good movie. But, it is so bad, that it's almost good again. That said, Andrew Garfield is acting his heart out and he deserves all the praise he gets. Sadly on the other hand, Miss Hawke is a bit of a plank of wood who often disappears behind the otherwise stellar cast. It does seem at times that Andrew is in a better movie, a movie I'd rather be watching. It has enough crazy energy and manic scenes to make it a future Cult Classic. But alas, for now it's just an unfocused, pretentious mess of morality tale, that is way too in love with itself.
Dreamcatcher (2021)
Sexy people do stupid stuff, then die...
This is an odd movie. The cast is clearly trying their best, some are better than others. The cast is over all a mixed bag talent wise but nobody is awful. That said, nobody acts like real people or talks like humans. Overall it seems like the makes of this movie don't understand how anything functions or how things work in general. It's like the movie was made by aliens with only a basic understanding of the world. The movies a bit slow and not in a good way, I'd give this one a miss it I were you. There are better slasher movies out there and they have dumb hot people in them too.
Secret Obsession (2019)
Sad that she lost her personality in the crash...
Mild spoilers ahead...
When I saw this advertised on Netflix, I instantly knew the twist. The sad thing is I didn't think it was supposed to be a twist. I just assumed that we were supposed to know who Russell was and that it was going to be a tence claustrophobic thriller. Sadly it was to say the least not. It's not great, when the killer is the most engaging character in your stalker thriller and your lead has the personality of a cardboard box. I'd skip this bland boring slog and watch paint dry instead. Trust me it will be a million times more thrilling.
Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)
Cruising...
Let's be honest, people only hate this movie because it's a sequel. No it's not a master piece, but it is exactly what it says on tin, an action thriller set on a cruise ship. I think its a lot of over the top fun. It is not as good as speed but it's nowhere near as bad as people say. You can't tell me the harbour scene isn't awesome!
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
Guess I'm not artsy enough for this movie.
After Bill Murray asked adam driver why the song on the radio sounds familiar and he replies: "because it's the theme song." I gave up! I wish I could have left the movie with Tilda....
Wrong Turn (2021)
Right Turn
I've never made a secret about the fact that I hate, the Wrong Turn franchise. It is, an unoriginal mean spirited and cheep series of Hicksploitation trash. They are nothing more, than cheep cash grabs, with no soul. This is hardly the only undead horror franchise, that just churns out sequel after sequel, direct to the bargain bin. But, unlike Amityville or Hellraiser, which started out with great movies, considered classics, the first Wrong Turn was a bland forgettable, Texas Chainsaw ripoff with no heart. So, you can imagine my surprise, when this latest instalment turned out to be genuinely good. It takes the tired premise of the original and flips it on its head. Instead of another, group of brain dead party people, we get a diverse group of characters with personalities and goals. You feel much more for people like this, than the bland cardboard cutouts, we normally get in horror nowadays. It also means, you suffer with them, instead of just wanting them dead. This movie isn't a masterpiece by any means, but it's an entertaining fun ride, with its roots planted deeply in folk horror. I'm not going to spoil any of the plot, because I think you should go into this movie blind and let it happen to you. If you like folk horror with a message, then you'll be in for a treat. But, if you're looking for senseless violence and cartoonish gore you're looking in the wrong place. There are no mutant, inbreads just humans at their worst. And what's a scarier than that?
Charmed (2018)
Maybe it's time to let this one go...
The original Charmed was by no means perfect. It often suffered from a low budget and monster of the week plots. That said it was consistent throughout. You knew who the charmed ones were, you understand the rules of the world and how everything worked. We are now two episodes into season three and they have retooled the show more times than I can remember. I honestly can't tell you much about our three leads aside from they are "strong" women of colour. If the show had found it's own identity and ran with it we might have gotten an amazing show. Instead we have a cheap name cash in with no soul and three leads with no personalities. They exchange the secondary cast so often that I can never remember who they are, or what their importance is supposed to be. Let's just move on, there are better shows out there and I for one am done, waisting my time on something so uninspired. These Charmed onse do not have the magic to keep me interested anymore.
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Wondrous!
I'm blown away! What an amazing movie and wonderful follow up to Wonder Woman. I live how much it feels and looks like an 80s movie, down to the comedic moments in the mall and so much more. It is up there with Aquaman and Shazam as one of the best DCEU movies so far.
Hubie Halloween (2020)
Just stop!
Can someone, just tell Adam Sandler to retire already?
Rebecca (2020)
At least it looks nice...
How can something, so beautiful, so twisted and so disturbing, be so boring?
The Witches (2020)
Toothless adaptation of The Witches.
I just finished watching The Witches, from Robert Zemeckis. It stays close to the book, with only a few minor changes here and there. The changes don't bother me, all that much and the cast is excellent. Especially Anne Hathaway, who is clearly having a blast as the Grand High Witch. That said I found the whole experience a bit bland and toothless. It isn't bad by any means, just a little safe, in comparison to the source material or the even the 1990 movie.
Widow's Walk (2019)
Beautiful... But, not much else.
This movie is atmospheric and beautifully shot but not much else. The mystery, if you can call it that is very predictable. The scares are not very scary and there is not much to the spookyness that is abroad. But, all that said, the cast is good and believable and the story is touching. It is also a feast fo the eyes, and ears. The score is beautiful and compliments the breathtaking vistas and epicness of the coastline. There are worse ways to spend an evening.
Enola Holmes (2020)
Not for Sherlock Holmes fans, but not bad either.
Enola Holmes is absolutely wonderful, quirky and charming. You'll absolutely love it, unless you're a Sherlock Holmes fan, then it quickly looses its charms. They basically change every character completely to fit the story, rendering them unrecognisable. But, it's made for young teen girls and they will love it. I should also add, that Henry Cavill is one of the worst Sherlock Holmes, I've ever seen. I genuinely like him as an actor, but in this case I think he was terribly miscast.
If you love Sherlock Holmes, you won't love this... but if you don't care about Holmes you'll have a great time.
Omen IV: The Awakening (1991)
Where's the rapture when you need it?
Let's forget for a moment that Jesus returned at the end of the The Final Conflict... This movie still doesn't work within rules given to us in the other movies. But even as a stand alone movie this is frustratingly tedious watch. Its as subtle as writing the word satanic on the brats forhead and as scary as an episode of Diagnosis Murder. It is one of the worst horror sequels I've ever seen, revealing the likes of Poltergeist III, Jaws: The Revenge and The Final Destination. If you want to watch a good satanic child movie watch the original or Rosemary's Baby. As for this, let's just pretend it never existed.
Jaws 3-D (1983)
Jaws: The Disaster Movie
Jaw 3-D, deserves to be crowned worst Jaws movie, for many reasons. The 'even for the time', cheap looking and ugly effects, the miscast Brody brothers, the hideous 3D and the shameless Sea World Promotion, just to name a few. And even though, Jaws the Revenge, trys so hard to look and feel like the first two movies, by getting original cast members back and using old locations, as well as casting people, who resemble the characters, they play the older versions of. It all feels a bit disappointing and flat. In the end, Jaws 3-D is just a lot more fun to watch.
The Pale Door (2020)
Brigadoon: Witch edition!
There is nothing very original here. A gang high jack a train and find something unexpected. The cast is a joy and there are some neat ideas here and there. But sadly, it is a slow and slightly boring movie, that never lives up to the premise of cowboys vs witches. You could do worse, but if you want good Wild West horror, watch Bone Tomahawk instead.