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Reba: Let's Get Physical (2006)
Season 6, Episode 1
1/10
Morally Bankrupt and Oblivious
13 June 2024
What absolute genius said, "You know what will be a funny episode to do for Scarlett's first episode back after treatment for an eating disorder? Let's make fun of fat people, you know, how they eat everything and how ugly they are and what a nightmare it is to be fat. Then we can also really focus on another character's weight loss and how great she looks and how she's 'new pretty' because she was fat and therefore ugly before but now that she's thinner she's suddenly pretty. And to address Scarlett's long absence, we'll make light of her treatment and have her crack a joke about getting something to eat! That will be really great for her recovery, I bet!"?

It's no wonder she quit acting after this show. Someone should make a documentary if they haven't/aren't already.
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The Stand (2020–2021)
2/10
I'm mad I watched it.
8 June 2024
Warning: Spoilers
When I first heard about this adaptation, I was excited. I'm a King fan; I'm always eager for more. But as the cast was announced, I became less excited. And the fact that it would only be on CBS All Access made it worse. However, with a recent trial of paramount plus, I decided to check it out.

They chose to case a hearing man to play Nick and said that they HAD to because Nick could hear and speak in his dreams in the book. What a joke that ultimately turned out to be. The dreams were barely featured and the scene with Nick's, he hardly had any lines. That he needed to be able to speak was a weak excuse. They also chose to change his background to make him and his mother immigrants. He is also incredibly important in the novel but his role is drastically cut back in this.

In the book, Larry is a white musician who has a soulful sound (his mother comments on how he... let's just say doesn't sound white). He goes on a bender after hitting big with that song, and he goes to NY to stay with his mom while he gets it together. In this version, Larry is a black drug addict who plagiarized his big hit. And his eventual paramour and mother of his unborn child in the book is mentioned one time by her first name and never seen onscreen in this. Similarly, Joe is dramatically reduced and never reveals his real identity.

And then there's Tom Cullen. Like Nick, he is not in this adaptation nearly as much as he should have been. You don't see any of their bonding to understand why they're so close. And his crucial role in saving Stu (and their entire harrowing return to Boulder) is reduced to a single line of dialogue "Tom saved my life". If they weren't going to actually show how they got home, I don't understand why they put Tom in the movie at all; I guess the script writer wasn't creative enough to come up with a way to sideline Stu and get him back without Tom?

Speaking of bad writing, the dialogue is pretty rough sometimes. That said, you hardly notice that because the acting is so bad. On the other hand, maybe the director kept telling them "Bite your lip more. Really exaggerate it! And shiftier eyes. Really strain them!"

My initial instinct was the right one. There was no reason to watch this.
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The Circle (I) (2017)
4/10
Vague but also not at all subtle
18 February 2024
When I was teaching a unit on creative writing to 8th graders, I wrote some short stories and then took out whole sections and had them read the stories in small groups and talk about what was happening in the story and why it was good or bad to illustrate the importance of developing every part of the story. Whoever wrote this could benefit from such a lesson. They talk about "TrueYou" in as little detail as possible; it's apparently one website for everything so you don't have to remember a lot of passwords, but what does that really mean? How is this private enterprise going to tie in your banking and credit card sites, email, utilities accounts, etc? Or is it just all social media combined? Who knows; they give you only enough info to make it seem vaguely ominous. It's not developed enough to make you understand what it is or why you should care. And what's the deal with Annie? All she does is slowly fall apart, but they don't spend any time with the character so that you understand what she is doing or why she's cracking up.

Instead, they spend too much time on over the top scenes criticizing people who aren't social enough. Did you get the message that you're supposed to live for the experience and not for the social media posts? If not, they'll grab you by the hair and slam your face into it over and over. Someone saw that episode of Black Mirror and decided to turn it into a full length film but didn't know how to fill out the runtime. And lastly, while the whole SoulSearch thing came entirely out of nowhere, you knew immediately how that was going to shake out, so it was not emotionally impactful at all. I regret the time I wasted watching this.
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8/10
Delightful
29 April 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I really enjoyed this film. I recognized many familiar elements from the source material and appreciated the deviations. I was delighted by the young cast. I was particularly moved that one of the Lost Boys was played by an actor who has Down syndrome. It was striking to me because the movie doesn't call attention to it. The character exists alongside the other Lost Boys in a perfectly natural and equal way, not treated like a mascot or singled out as "special". I was surprised, too, that I hadn't seen anything beforehand about the actor having been cast. It made it so the more meaningful to know that the actor was simply cast, and not used to promote the film based on its diverse and inclusive cast. One bit of casting that bothered me was that two separate actors played Mr. Darling and Captain Hook. I suppose given the film's alterations to the Hook character, it makes sense. However, that is a tradition that is difficult to see this movie break from. I think one of the elements I appreciated the most regards Wendy and her happy thoughts walking the plank. How lovely that she is saved by her own excitement for her future and the adventures that await her as she pursues what appears to be a writing dream. It would have been nice to see all of the characters developed just a bit more deeply, and similarly I would have liked to see more of Neverland. Those mermaids looked pretty interesting but they're not part of the story at all. So, not a perfect film, but a very good adaptation and worth watching.
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Abbott Elementary: Franklin Institute (2023)
Season 2, Episode 22
10/10
Better than I hoped
27 April 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I've loved almost everything about this show, and my only criticism was (and it's really a criticism of media in general) we can't ever seem to have a female centered show or movie without a love interest for the female at the center. I was disappointed that a potential love story between Janine and Gregory was apparent from the beginning. But I'm kind of a softy and they're both liable characters so I was willing to accept that this was not going to be the show to give me what I wanted; no show is perfect. Then this episode turned around and delivered up even better than I could have imagined, in a way that makes Janine and Gregory both more interesting, developed characters. This show continues to impress consistently. Now the only thing left is to give Mr. Johnson an identity beyond kooky janitor.
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A Million Little Things: Slipping (2022)
Season 4, Episode 18
9/10
Continues to impress
14 May 2022
I guess since the show got renewed for another season, people who don't like that that the show is realistic are a merely a vocal minority among viewers.
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Cinderella (I) (2021)
10/10
Way better than the animated version
6 September 2021
This is the kind of movie that I wish was around when I was a kid. The "classic" fairy tale movies told little girls that finding a man was the most important thing in the world (and usually that you should find that man as a teenager and make a lifetime commitment after spending five minutes together). This movie offers a far better perspective, that you can have real aspirations, that women are not property or decorations, and that you dictate the course of your own life. It's far more affirming than the other takes on the story. Plus, the music and dancing were so fun, and the wardrobe was stunning. Overall, it was incredibly refreshing and enjoyable.
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8/10
This is a genius idea
4 July 2021
Warning: Spoilers
First, I don't get all the whining about it not being 90s enough. If what you wanted was a 90s horror movie, dry your tears and go watch Scream. I was a teen in the 90s too; we weren't that special. When we weren't resurrecting 70s style,we wore jeans and t-shirts. Unless you're reminiscing for the late 90s fashion craze of putting everything in display, I think the wardrobe choices were appropriate.

Regarding the content, it was a pretty decent film; I enjoyed the more modern take on the genre. I think I know where the story is heading (I haven't read the books), but I hope to be surprised. After all, I was not expecting the bread slicer, so they may have more unexpected twists up their sleeves.

What the movie did well was play to the audience. The Easter eggs (some obvious, some more subtle), the references to other horror movies (again, some obvious and some more subtle), and the set-up for the next film are all perfect for streaming audiences. Releasing the movies in short intervals and in reverse order is a fantastic strategy sure to keep viewers engaged well after July 16. It's certainly not the scariest or best executed horror movie I've seen but it got me excited to watch the next two films, so kudos.
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4/10
Booooooring
16 May 2021
If the folks at Cinema Sins were here, the first thing they'd say is "narration". The narration kills this movie. I had high hopes for this. A courtroom thriller staring Keanu Reeves?! Yes please! But from the opening narration, I had an immediate arrange of doom. This movie made me reconsider how much talent Keanu actually has as an actor, and for that I hate it. It just felt very, very wooden. I'd prefer to place most of the blame on bad writing. The characters were not very well developed, and the dialogue was poor. And what really was the point behind the kid not talking thing?

Also, despite seeing Renée Zellweger's name in the credits, it took me 20 minutes to realize she was the mom.
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The Masked Dancer (2020–2021)
7/10
Pretty fun
15 March 2021
I enjoy watching dancing and the hidden identity aspect is fun. The Masked Singer is a good concept, but the judges are so obnoxious, I spent most is the time fast forwarding through their stupid banter and bad jokes and eventually it wasn't worth the effort. The Masked Dancer doesn't have that problem, and it's much more of a challenge to try to identify someone by the way they dance than by the way they sing. Looking forward to a second season.
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Good Girls (2018–2021)
6/10
Weeds 2.0
8 March 2021
It's an alright show. Mae Whitman is fantastic as always. I like the diverse cast, and I really like that the actors are shaped like real people and not toy dolls. However, the actual story feels like someone took leftover Weeds out of the freezer and tossed it in a microwave for not long enough. There came a point in Weeds when we realized that Nancy had actually evolved into a terrible, selfish person. For that reason, I think Beth really never came across as likable the way that Nancy did at first.
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The Turning (2020)
1/10
Save yourself the trouble and watch The Haunting of Bly Manor instead
4 January 2021
I watched The Haunting of Bly Manor as soon as it came out and I LOVED it. This movie was suggested to me on Hulu and I thought based on the actors that I'd give it a shot. My first feeling was that it was familiar and then I saw that it was based on The Turn of the Screw, just like The Haunting of Bly Manor. The familiarity ended there. Since I had some idea of what to expect, I was still interested in watching the movie, as I had so enjoyed the other adaptation. At one point I got up to get a drink and paused the movie and saw that there was only 33 minutes left, at which point I said to myself "My god, when is this going to get interesting???". The answer, it turns out, was never. It was only mildly spooky and hardly a psychological thriller, despite its obvious, desperate desire to be one. The ending is one of the worst I've seen. I literally said "That's it?! THAT'S the end?!!". The Haunting of Bly Manor is a far superior adaptation, although the actors portraying the three main characters in this film are very good. Too bad they didn't have a better script to work with.
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The Hustle (I) (2019)
1/10
I turned it off
28 May 2020
For starters, there's Anne Hathaway's fake accent is awful and once the movie stepped foot on the path of complete predictably, that was enough for be to say "No, thank you". The characters were not charming enough for me to want to continue watching when it was obvious what was going to happen.
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8/10
Pretty Great
12 April 2020
I enjoyed the music very much and the animation is really fantastic. I'm glad it doesn't suck since I'm probably going to be listening to it almost exclusively for the next 44 hours until the rental expires. Will definitely purchase.
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Yesterday (III) (2019)
5/10
Pretty Pointless
30 March 2020
The supernatural element is never explained or resolved, and there's no real conflict. Watch it if you want to see someone else singing Beatles songs, or if you really like Ed Sheeran. Highlight of the movie was Kate McKinnon asking "Is this the best you can look?".
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Noelle (2019)
2/10
Predictable
24 December 2019
I have no problems whatsoever with challenging mainstream gender roles--in fact, to that notion I say the more the merrier; you can't very well tell children they can be anything they want while constantly complaining if they don't conform to societal "gender norms"! Besides, the character of Santa Claus is pure fiction, so if your panties are up your back about what Santa is or isn't, you may need to look up the definition of fiction.

My problem with this movie is with the fact that you know instantly from the very first scene how this movie will end, so there's really no point in watching it. The cast is full of talented actors, and I tried to watch it for Bill Hader, but I'm bored with the premise.
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Blue Jay (I) (2016)
8/10
Interesting, but not exciting
13 May 2018
Warning: Spoilers
I used ReelGood's Netflix roulette to find a movie to watch, and my only disappointment with this movie is from the fact that the genre I selected was "Thriller" which this most definitely was not. I kept expecting some sort of mystery or twist that would make this drama into a thriller, and it never came, but I'm still glad I watched it because this film was one of the rare movies that doesn't enlist tons of predictable cliches. The story follows former high school sweethearts as they reconnect after twenty years. The residual feelings between the two characters are evident right away and throughout the film you watch those feelings spark and rekindle. A typical hollywood romance would find an easy out of the predicament that Amanda is married, like her husband is negligent or abusive, but this movie doesn't do that. Instead, even though because of their chemistry and palpable desire you want to see them reconnect physically, you also don't because of the moral issues regarding her marriage. Though the final revelation that the couple was driven apart following an abortion is predictable in the moments leading up to it, the scene is still incredibly relatable. Everything about this story feels authentic and engaging. Though it is not terribly exciting, it is realistic. Even Jim's foolish notion that had Amanda not gone through with the abortion the couple could have been so happy together is genuine and understandable, given that people who are disappointed with their lives often think if one thing could have gone differently in their lives, they may have had the perfect life they fantasize about--even though if what they wanted to happen had, they would ultimately have found the fantasy still unattainable. The story, characters, and emotions were so real, so even though the movie wasn't thrilling, it was still beautiful and interestingly complex.
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1/10
I wish I'd read the reviews before I watched it
12 May 2018
Warning: Spoilers
You don't even really need to read this review. Everyone else got it pretty much right. The movie is interesting enough to keep you engaged and there's not really any reason for you to be. Who is harassing this family? Why are they harassing this family? Who was that woman who came to the door and asked what they were doing in her house? What's up with Martha? If you want answers to all these questions and more, this movie says "Go f*&k yourself." There is literally no point to this movie at all. Is that supposed to be groundbreaking? Because it comes off as senseless. I kept expecting it the same old twist--it was the kid all along, he had a psychotic break after his dad died--but they couldn't even be bothered with at least a predictable explanation for what was going on. It's just nothing. No resolution. Thanks for wasting my time, Netflix!
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Lavender (I) (2016)
3/10
Predictable, boring, poorly written and poorly acted
12 May 2018
My first thought was, "If she's going to deliver her lines like this the whole movie, I'm not sure I can watch the whole thing. Maybe if they'd had the budget to hire a better actress, this might be a decent movie. Oh good, the kid actor sucks too." The dialogue was terrible. The "twists" were entirely predictable, and the score was obnoxious--way too much use of discordant violins. All in all, a waste of an hour and a half. I had considered turning it off at the 8 minute mark and taking a nap instead; that would have been a better use of my time. The best thing about this movie was the reminder that Justin Long exists.
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2/10
Yes, it's really that bad
13 February 2018
Warning: Spoilers
I saw the preview on Showtime and said to myself, "ooh, self, that looks creepy, let's watch it!". My self agreed and it first was excitedly creeped out and confused. My self even chastised me for putting on a "scary" movie knowing my propensity to freak myself out at night. But then I started wondering what happened to scenes--it cuts from the middle of a fight to people in bed like they left the rest of the fight on the editing room floor. I became gradually more aware of the bad acting, and not long after that, it sunk in that the writing was pretty awful too. From there, it became laughable: lingering shots on unimportant things, undetectable character motivation, truly terrible dialogue, and a villian that just wasn't frightening. And let's not forget, one tiny section of wallpaper comes alive and growls even though there's no character there to observe it, as if the audience will feel menaced be a wallpaper dog. Seriously. That really happens, apparently for no reason. All in all, I don't anticipate any problems sleeping tonight, unless I have more It related nightmares.
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Once Upon a Time: Ruby Slippers (2016)
Season 5, Episode 18
9/10
Interesting episode
27 August 2017
Warning: Spoilers
This show was never advertised as as show for children or families, and containing characters from iconic fairy tales doesn't make it a kid's show or a family show. From the beginning of the series, the show has put its own unique twist on fairy tales; this episode is no different. While Dorothy and Little Red Riding Hood have previously not been portrayed as homosexuals, neither has Robin Hood been portrayed as being a father or in love with an evil queen, nor has Belle traditionally been in love with Rumplestiltskin, nor have Hades or the Wicked Witch traditionally been in love. In the second episode of the series, Regina murders her own father, and it was only one of many, many violent encounters on the show. I'm not sure why people would be perfectly happy letting their children watch all that violence, but get angry about depictions of love. We've also seen plenty of passionate kisses and implications that characters have had sex (see Regina and Graham in season one). If people saw all that and still said this was a great show for kids, they must have been deluding themselves. The only thing that was different in this episode was that the kiss was between two people of the same gender. It may be truly bothersome to homophobic people, but lesbians exist in the world, so there's no reason why they shouldn't be seen on television. That's reality. The only real problem with this episode was the decision not to send Robin and his daughter back to Storybrooke with Snow White, and the statement that without the phonebooths to call their loved ones, they have no way to know what's going on in Storybrooke; they had no way of knowing that even with the phones because the phones only deliver messages. I'm not entirely sure why they needed Snow out of the underworld but that was a poor way to achieve it.
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Orange Is the New Black: Riot FOMO (2017)
Season 5, Episode 1
9/10
Great start to a great season
1 July 2017
Like the inmates of Litchfield, Americans are angry and ready to see an end to the social injustices that continue to go unchecked in our nation. This episode, and the season in general capture the spirit of unrest that many feel and rebellion that many desire. Additionally, like the last half of the fourth season, it highlights the atrocious conditions created by the prison industrial complex and especially for-profit prisons that many people are apparently unaware of. The actions of the inmates and their subsequent reactions are thought provoking and compelling. The story is inspiring and reminds us that unity is essential to any movement. Much can be accomplished when we work together, so long as we stick together.
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