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XII.
Black Sails: XII. (2015)
Season 2, Episode 4
I didn't choose the pirate life, the pirate life chose me
18 February 2015
The greatest thing about pirates is that they are the politicians, the judges, juries and executioners of their own lives.

If the Powers That Be corner them into unfavorable positions, that's nothing a pair of pistols or a nice twenty canon broadside can't get them out of.

Imagine captain Flint or Vane during the economic crisis of 2008 or 2009, whenever it was. They wouldn't have "protested to their governments". They wouldn't have "occupied Wall Street".

No. They would have camped New York bay with a Spanish galleon (or two (or three!)) and bombed the hell out of Wall Street and every bank in NYC - then plundered them, of course.

That's what you have to remind yourself whilst watching this show. For people like Flint and Rackham and Vane, freedom is more than a word, it is a perspective. It's sometimes "I'm sick of talking, I have a broadside at my command, time to start shooting." Or something like that.

If I were to be rational, I would say: "Why is Elleanor so hung up over Vane when she sacrificed Max for Nassau's welfare?", or "Why is Flint so damn stubborn when he could come to a deal with Vane instead of attempting to blow him up in his fort?", or "Why why why?"

Except we are not rational beings here. We're pirates. Arrrrrrrr!

Ahoy!
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XI.
Black Sails: XI. (2015)
Season 2, Episode 3
Randall approves
10 February 2015
On account of goings on, on this 7th day of February, two thousand fifteen, in the year of Our Lord: Cable signal is strong and Black Sails, Season 2 Episode 3 begins.

*Stomps foot twice on planks*

First item: a certain male resident of the island of Nassau, who shall remain nameless, retains strong amorous feelings for a female resident of the island, and decides to intervene on her behalf to aid her against a certain Ned Low.

Second item: *Stomps foot twice on planks* A certain disgraced captain for killing his own crew mates, who shall remain nameless, has a meeting with the afore-mentioned benefactor which may well improve his chances at hiring a crew for him to become captain of.

Third item: *Stomps foot twice on planks* Flint comes back and finds Vane in charge of the fort. He's mad.

Really mad.

Fourth item: The dairy goat is faring better.

Ahoy!
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X.
Black Sails: X. (2015)
Season 2, Episode 2
Another glorious day for a broadside
3 February 2015
Ahoy landlubbers, grog blossoms and scalawags. There is much merriment to be had from this week's episode. We open up with an unusual scene which may leave you gloriously happy or happily perplexed.

All is not well in the kingdom - uh, I mean, in the free and democratic land of Flint - uh, I mean, of the Caribbean.

Eleanor learns that swords and dirks may kill a man but words cannot kill jack (as in the expression, not Jack Rackham). Flint and Silver play Game of Thrones Light on a boat and Jack (Rackham this time) and Anne Bonny discover that brothel business can be much more than just rum and women.

Thank god there's no commercials on this show, because each episode finishes faster than a young man's first time with a woman of leisure.

Ahoy!
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IX.
Black Sails: IX. (2015)
Season 2, Episode 1
S2 starts off strong
24 January 2015
Episode 7 and 8 of season 1 were exponentially more exciting than 1-6, which helped provide a great build up.

Episode 9 continues in the same spirit as 7 and 8, while also managing to deliver a new subplot, characters and back story.

Vane and Eleanor tension grows but also hints at new possibilities of alliances, Flint's and Ms. Barlowe's back story begins to unravel, however, the shaky cam is unfortunately still there, but a lot less shaky, which is nice.

It finishes way too fast and leaves you wanting more! Looking to be a fun season.
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Death of a Monarchy
The Tudors: Death of a Monarchy (2010)
Season 4, Episode 10
A masterpiece ending
10 September 2011
Were you to go to the movie theatre and walk out an hour later after watching this final episode, you would not feel cheated out of your money. In the final hours of King Henry's life, Myers' culmination of his role rivals any actor out there who has ever played a character going from youth to old age. There are scenes where you won't even believe it's him. Cameos, lines and scenes have a perfect flow, and you can only feel sadness for the ending of a great TV show, as well as for every character on screen, whether from past seasons or current. A truly perfect ending for a captivating series, spectacular in its simplicity.
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Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
You will want your money back
30 June 2011
If you've had the misfortune of watching Battlefield L.A, you will know what I mean when I say that this movie doesn't know what it wants to be. The ancient Greeks said that for a story to satisfy the spectator, it needs to have a start, a middle and an ending.

This one starts with endless scenes of Shia LaBeouf's new love life, ends with a cheap message from Optimus which makes us wonder what was there any different from TF1 and TF2, and the middle is a clusterfck of useless characters, pointless drama/jokes scenes and slow motions which show us nothing we haven't seen before. TEN MINUTES, you will watch one of the Decepticons take down a building. TEN MINUTES.

I'm sorry, is this the WTC September 11 reenactment of American valour and heroism, or a TRANSFORMERS MOVIE. A lot of the battle scenes are once again poorly shot like in TF2 in very close up shots so you can't really feel the awesomeness of huge robots fighting and the story has more plot holes than the Iraki navy.

I started to even miss Megan Fox, at least she was eye candy.
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Battle Los Angeles
Battle Los Angeles (2011)
Poor writing, directing, a to b plot
11 March 2011
Warning: Spoilers
I won't comment on the CGI of this movie. Having good CGI these days is like being a kid with a Gameboy at the playground - everyone has one.

As for the plot, it probably got lost in translation, while the writer was trying to decide whether to make this movie about an alien invasion, a story of bonding between marines, a story of human suffering at the hands of adversity or all of the above, but each of the subjects done half-ass'ed.

Every single piece of character dialogue in this movie is painful to listen to, it's like taking every dramatic line ever written in a movie and taping it together in this one. Actors try to make us feel sympathy for characters which have no character, i.e: "You're the army guy who got my brother killed, so I'm gonna comment all movie long about how you gonna get us killed too, until the end when you do a dramatic speech to me and I decide to be friends." Awww...

Aliens are ridiculous, they can space travel but they use projectile ammunition weapons, almost no sort of explosives, and they have thousands of air support units but it takes one like 5 minutes between shots to fire again.

In the end, 7 marines overcome thousands of aliens by destroying the mothership with a laser painted target missile barrage, almost Independence Day style.

I wanted to scream out "Oh FOR THE LOVE OF GOD" every 5 minutes or so of the movie, but didn't in respect for the other viewers and endured 2 hours of this cinematic tragedy.
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