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Rob_Innes23
10: Flawless
9: Close to Perfect
8: Excellent
7: Great
6: Good
5: Average
4: Subpar
3: Bad
2: Terrible
1: Unwatchable
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Better Call Saul: Waterworks (2022)
Slippin' Gene
Slippin' Jimmy was a kid stuck in the shadow of his brother's success, bitterly committing petty cons to make ends meet. In an effort to win his brother's favour, he swore to straighten himself out. Jimmy McGill was a shady idealist that worked around the law to achieve his goals; however his goals at that stage were mostly honest ones - he simply wanted to become a real lawyer like his brother. When Jimmy discovered that his brother was never on his side, he surrendered his morality and legal conscience and became Saul Goodman - the antithesis of an honest lawyer; a greedy, opportunistic sleaze that existed to represent the most detestable of clients for profit and prestige. Utilising his wit, charm and incredible expertise to bend the law to his own will. As morally bankrupt as Saul was, the core of his occupation was still to provide a service to those even most undeserving.
Now we have Gene Takovic - a ghost of a man living a mockery of a life, completely alone and bereft of purpose. This isolation - coupled with the previous abandonment of morale and conscience - has reverted Gene back to his antics as Slippin' Jimmy, only much, much worse. It is no longer wickedly endearing to watch him swindle his unassuming victims, it is a terrifying and sickening display to watch this ageing man terrorise the most vulnerable for nothing more than a cheap thrill and some superficial profit. This is Jimmy at his lowest, the culmination of all of his sins leaving him as a completely irredeemable, monster.
Sound familiar?
Better Call Saul: Point and Shoot (2022)
...
Gut wrenching, nail biting and absolutely transcendent. Episodes like this in BB were expected but I'm astounded that a show centred around a sleazy wannabe lawyer could provide such mastery. Never have I pitied and grieved for a character more than Howard Hamlin.
If there were ever a less suited burial of two bodies...
Lalo Salamanca - you got what you deserved.
Howard - you deserved none of this.
I'm Thinking of Ending Things (2020)
Monotonously ostentatious.
Hi, my names Charlie Kaufman and welcome to my film that is comprised of two things: Jesse Plemons and Jessie Buckley sitting in a car, discussing pseudo intellectual, pretentious topics that ultimately mean nothing in relation to what's actually happening (which is also virtually nothing) and some scenes in a house that jump between time for no logical reason at all. Oh and also the last 40 minutes is an incomprehensible pile of nonsense.
On a purely technical level, this film displays levels certainly way above standard filmmaking competence, but that does not excuse how aimless this artsy guff really is. It's barely interesting enough to keep you going but, as I said before, the ending isn't remotely worth your patience.
It's also just such a miserable experience. Now, I'm not saying that every film needs to be easily digestible and inherently positive, of course not. What I am saying however is that this film is incredibly preachy, it just comes off like a sadist wrote this to make his audience have an existential crisis after every ten minutes of watching this morose, bleak film.
I have very mixed feelings on Kaufman's work overall. I liked some of it such as Anomalisa and films that he didn't direct, but wrote like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Being John Malkovich but some of his other stuff just did not stick with me. Take Synecdoche, New York for example, the performances and technical stuff is all great (like this film) but it's just so overly speculative and odd for my taste, although I definitely preferred it to this.
This is beyond an 'art film', it's just pretentious and I'm actually annoyed that I've p**sed away two hours of my time watching this.
4/10.
The Angry Birds Movie (2016)
What was the point?
The voice cast do their utter best to make this work and you can tell the screenwriters were trying to string some kind of interesting narrative together here, but alas there is virtually nothing about this film worth any amount of praise or note. After the inciting incident of the pigs invading the bird island, the plot falls to pieces because that is all that happens in the app it's based on. There's no conclusion to the app, just level after level of the same thing, which is what this film feels like, scene after scene of the same filler nonsense because there simply isn't anything else for the characters to do.
A pointless waste of time.
Crazy Rich Asians (2018)
Vapid and Pointless.
Two hours of cliched fluff and then credits. That's it. A waste of time, stay away.
Synecdoche, New York (2008)
A meticulous look at the human experience, for better or worse.
I have seen this film three times from start to finish now and yet I still feel I have barely scratched the surface of the various themes and subtleties condensed into each frame. That is the only way I'd be able to explore everything in this film; by scrutinising over every frame to find each piece of foreshadowing or deeper meaning.
I don't consider myself an expert on introspective, post-modern cinema, very far from to be honest. I'm looking at this film with an amateur set of eyes as I'm still only the tender age of 19 and have only really taken an interest in the making and viewing of film for the past five or six years.
The first time I sat through this and the credits rolled, I was in disarray. I had no idea as to what I had just watched let alone what to make of it. I was able to grasp the films only somewhat obvious theme of death and the protagonist's (Caden) unhealthy paranoia of it. Scene after scene of him ignoring everyone around him to focus on his minor physical abnormality, constantly worrying about his death and talking about it to most everyone he meets. I suppose the irony here is that he outlives nearly everyone he's close to or works with throughout the course of his behemoth theatre project.
The passage of time is very abrupt, what appears to be the same identical scene is in fact jumping across the span of weeks, months and sometimes even years without any obvious changes. This was something I didn't notice at all the first time I watched. My interpretation of this is that the nonchalant and speedy shifts in time reflect both Caden's continuous absorption into his project and his indifference towards the passage of time because of his constant pre-occupation with his work, physical issues and failing love lives.
The entire concept of his theatrical magnum opus is so enormous and warped that it is possible to speculate that every scene throughout the film is actually just him playing himself in his play. The vastness of what his project grows into is where the film started to lose me. It becomes more of a convoluted, meta-commentary on all of Caden's life than it does a play, and when I say Caden's whole life, I mean it. Every unpleasant, claustrophobic, paranoid detail is fixated upon at the cost of just about everyone he supposedly cares about. In the midst of his construction of his own version of New York, within a warehouse in New York, the city outside is falling into a dystopian ruin for reasons unexplained in the film. This again, reinforces the idea of Caden's indifference to anything other than his work.
There are so many layers and motifs that this film has to offer and probably about 1000 more that I haven't even discovered, and perhaps never will. But for me as a person, this is not what I watch films to experience. I'm all for subtlety and unique, abstract storytelling methods but it got to a stage in this film where I just couldn't fathom what was going on anymore. It turned from an introspective look at a man's obsession with death into a cold, labyrinthian nightmare of meta-commentary in which even Caden lets loose of the reigns.
I am, in spite of that, still intrigued by this film and do see my opinion on it changing as my mind matures in the coming years, but for now this is where I'm at.
The Great Gatsby (2013)
What a bore.
Now I've not read the source material so I can't compare and contrast in that respect. I'll be looking at this on a purely cinematic level.
So I love Leo DiCaprio, I love Tobey Maguire, they are both wonderful actors and give pretty solid performances here... and that is honestly about as much praise as I can give.
This film is just flat out bad, certainly not in a funny way either. It's so unrelentingly boring that I found my self having to take breaks at 20 minute intervals because I simply couldn't sit through it all at once. The worst part is when it isn't just a boring, uninspired montage of expository dialogue, it becomes a loud, obnoxious mess of misplaced modern music and really really terrible editing. I'm aware that a lot of films based in older settings use modern music as a sort of juxtaposition but in this film it's abused to the point of annoyance. Also why does Gatsby have to say "old sport" at the end of every single sentence? I get what they were going for and I don't know if that's how it was in the book, but for god sakes why does he need to say it so abundantly? If you took a shot for every time Gatsby says that phrase, you'd be dead in 30 seconds, if you hadn't already died of boredom.
Honestly what a waste of time, I'm amazed I actually managed to force myself through to the end of this snooze fest. Absolutely do not recommend.
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
Squandered Potential.
Well. I'd like to make one thing clear before continuing. I really don't like this film. I don't dislike it as much as Attack of the Clones but I still really don't enjoy The Phantom Menace. But if you do, then more power to you. I'm not going to try and take away any merit found in this film that I cannot see. I'll simply be explaining why I think this film is deeply flawed and not as good as the originals. As I said before, I think Attack of the Clones is worse and I would likely be crueler whilst reviewing that film but that's besides the point. The Phantom Menace is flawed because of:
1. A very VERY poorly written script.
2. Sterile, fake looking, poorly aged CGI characters and environments.
3. Questionable acting (mainly as a result of the two above points)
4. A bizarrely dull, politically focused plot.
4.5. A scattershot conclusion split into four different - simultaneous - sequences (the Gungan war against the droids, the castle infiltration, Anakin flying in space and Obi-Wan and Quai-Gon Jin VS Darth Maul)
And lastly, as well as possibly the biggest crime this film commits...
5. Wasted Potential
I'll elaborate on that last one later.
1.
The script is just a disaster. It's difficult to blame some of the actors at times just because of how inept Lucas' tired dialogue is. It is strangely focused on some sort of protection deal between a band of aliens on Sidious' payroll and Queen Amidala, for the first 20 minutes or so. The dialogue doesn't serve to advance the plot or develop the characters, it just enables Lucas to insert as many lame gags as he can as well as ret-con the universe from the originals. The introduction of "Midichlorians" was the straw that broke the camels back for me with this film. To take a concept so vast and mysterious as The Force and liquidise it into something so boringly tangible was crushing to listen to. It essentially voided Yoda's entire teachings to Luke in The Empire Strikes Back as Yoda explains that The Force isn't about the physical and yet Lucas literally makes it about how many "Midichlorians" are in your blood cells. Ridiculous and an insult to the original idea.
2. The CGI is astonishingly bad and has aged as well as I would imagine milk from the time of the films release has. It just looks ridiculous, particularly when considering how much time is spent with JarJar next to the main cast in which we are supposed to believe he is real. The environments look pretty hideous, especially during the Gungan war segment, which looks like the old Windows XP desktop background. There is just too much of it as well, far too much time is spent panning across fake looking environments or CGI characters interacting with one another. Not only is that just uninspired, it's not remotely pleasant or impressive to look at, quite the opposite. Some of the designs are plain ugly and honestly can be quite disturbing, particularly the Gungan higher ups. Fortunately they aren't given much screen time. The biggest problem this brought was the lack of authenticity to the acting. The actors spent the majority of the shooting inside a blue room with nothing to look at or interact with, which would make it incredibly hard for them to emote or be invested in what's supposed to be happening in the context of the film. Overall, the CGI that Lucas revelled in only serves to make the film magnificently worse. It is treated as a crutch rather than a tool to be used sparingly for the betterment of the film's visual style which fundamentally breaks it at its core.
3. The performances across the board aren't offensive, but they leave a lot to be desired and, in all honesty, some of them really are bad. Ewan McGregor and Liam Neeson (the two leads I suppose seeing as there isn't really a main character) are both talented actors, but the script + the sterile blue screen environments they spent most of the film shooting in front of, caused them to falter. They aren't bad, just stiff and lifeless with little emotion or passion which is fitting given the conditions that they were performing in. But again, the film suffers from Lucas' poor decision making. Natalie Portman is ok I suppose, she doesn't really do very much other than speak to Anakin. Speaking of which... Jake Lloyd is terrible. Yes he's a child, but that's hardly an excuse because they're were a plethora of capable child actors out there that Lucas could've cast. The decision baffles me because time and time again throughout this film he proves he has no aptitude for acting whatsoever. "I'll try spinning, that's a good trick" a perfect example of Lucas' bad script accented by crummy line delivery.
4. The plot is a total mess. It starts with lame political debates to interactions with poorly rendered, horrific looking fish people to princess saving to pod racing and finally fighting a satanic looking man with horns to the death. The first 40 minutes or so are a total bore filled with mindless action and lame, unfunny jokes. The Pod race is somewhat entertaining but the visual effects are far from impressive. The final confrontation with Darth Maul incorporates highly impressive choreography and a wonderful score to accompany it. But for me personally, it's too clean cut and perfect looking. It lacks the raw emotion of the final confrontation in The Empire Strikes Back and especially Return of the Jedi. It's an epic spectacle but I couldn't care less about any of the characters because the film hasn't developed them enough, especially Darth Maul who mutters about three lines throughout the whole film. It's all flash no substance, the scale of an ocean with the depth of a puddle.
4.5
The conclusion is also a massive mess. In spite of what I said about the Darth Maul fight, it is by far the best thing about this film and if the conclusion had focused solely on it then it perhaps would've resonated more with me. However, it is only one quarter of a four part ending with the additional three sequences moving alongside at the same time. They're all not nearly as interesting or half as cool looking as the lightsaber duel. The least terrible of the remaining three is probably Anakin flying around in space, even though the acting is still very poor from Lloyd. The castle infiltration and the Gungan war against the droids are both absolutely needless and awful. The castle sequence is just such a bore and the war is an ugly, unfunny, chaotic disaster depicted entirely through CGI.
(Also as a final side note I'd like to mention how utterly rubbish the Droids are. Stormtroopers were very inept at fighting but they at the very least represented a physical presence of the Empire. The Droids get cut down by lightsabers like butter with a hot knife. They present absolutely no threat to anyone and exude no presence whatsoever. Not to mention they look terrible as well as they are entirely CGI. Godawful looking, easily defeated, pathetic toothpick robots that serve as nothing more than cannon fodder for the Jedi).
5. And finally, The Phantom Menace's biggest failure:
Wasted Potential. What do I mean? I mean that the film had everything it needed conceptually to be great.
It had a lineup of perfectly capable actors: (save for Jake Lloyd) Ewan McGregor, Liam Neeson, Natalie Portman, Iain McDiarmid etc.
It had John Williams, the genius who composed the iconic score of the originals.
It had all new CGI potential that could've been utilised effectively if used only when needed.
It had a very interesting premise - the rise and fall of Anakin Skywalker to Darth Vader, and this would be the first chapter to explore it.
But alas, it managed to squander every ounce of potential and delivered to us one of the biggest disappointments in cinematic history.
I'm honestly glad if you can enjoy this film and the rest of the prequels for that matter.
But to me, these films are nothing but a painful insight into Lucas' ineptitude and ego when it comes to his own property when left entirely in charge.
Absolutely Anything (2015)
How did this steaming turd slip through the cracks?
I gave this one a miss while it was in the cinema because it looked juvenile but I dismissed it as a silly, pre-teen summer comedy and thought nothing of it since.
Only now have I actually sat down and watched it and...
What the hell have I just watched? This has got to be one of the worst films ever made. Who on earth green-lit this project? Was it just because of the original Monty Python writer and cast's inclusion? I can think of one redeeming factor (which I will mention later) but other than literally that one thing, there is nothing even close to what could be considered a joke - let alone a narrative - in this "comedy".
I only really gave this film a chance because of Simon Pegg who gave a pretty weak performance here, although he is lightyears away from being the worst thing about this disgrace to film.
I don't even know where to start talking about this.
The CGI I suppose. It is MAGNIFICENTLY bad. The aliens (played by John Cleese and company) look like something out of a failed Star Wars rip off from the early 80s. I don't have much to say about it other than that, no words can even come close to describing how putrid they look.
The acting overall is very pantomime-ish, overdone and comical (in a bad way). Kate Beckinsale does nothing other than be conventionally attractive. Rob Riggle as usual is an overacted buffoon that could never be taken seriously in any professional capacity and Simon Pegg, much like the character he attempts to portray, is utterly tragic. The late Robin Williams also voices a dog, which is probably the worst role he had ever taken up thanks to the terrible writing.
Speaking of writing...
The script is a tone deaf, inconsistent, unintelligible disaster. It has no idea what demographic to aim for with insults written as "frick" or "feck off" only for Simon Pegg to tell his dog a few scenes later to "Shut the f@%k up" Which begs the question who on earth was this film made for? Fans of Monty Python? No, their awful alien counterparts are barely given screen time. Maybe for kids? No, there are several instances of profanity and inappropriate sexual innuendos. For teenagers? No, they will likely be bored by the aimless plot and uninspired writing. For adults? No, it is far too childish (in spite of the weird sexual references and inconsistent profanity) to hold their interest for more than five minutes.
The film is made for no one, I can't imagine anyone enjoying this.
What even happens? The main character is a down on his luck loser that is hopelessly in love with the incredibly attractive girl next door (very original). He works as a teacher and is unsurprisingly respected by no one, including his students and peers, other than his fat friend. He is then by chance given unlimited powers in which he can literally do anything at the snap of his fingers.
And yet... in spite of the film's limitless premise, nothing funny, endearing or even somewhat interesting happens because the script hinders what should be an unstoppable power with endless potential. Instead it becomes nothing more than an enabler for lame gags and superficial stakes throughout the redundant plot.
The only funny line in this wet fart of a film is when Rob Riggle calls Simon Pegg "an apology of a man" The only time the film made me exhale through my nose slightly more forcefully than normal.
This film is Absolutely Garbage. How in God's name did this piece of faeces get away with an aggregated 6/10 on this website? I'll never understand. I wouldn't recommend this to my worst enemy and it should only ever be used as a form of vile torture.
Stay the hell away at ABSOLUTELY ANY-COST.
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)
I'm at a loss with the praise this film is garnering...
I can't understand why people seem to be defending this film so much. I'm all for expressing your own opinions and I totally respect that, but all of the positive reviews I am reading seem to only concern themselves with refuting the points against "Attack of the Clones" rather than presenting legitimate reasons to justify the 9 star ratings.
I do believe it to be a little ignorant to throw the entire prequel saga under the bus because this film's successor is indeed somewhat of an improvement upon the two that preceded it. However, Revenge of the Sith was far too little far too late because The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones both, for lack of a better phrase.
The thing that perplexes me the most is the defence and even praise of the special effects, when the fact is they look terribly dated and far too clean cut to come across as convincing. Not to mention that they are overused to the point that the film basically becomes a live action cartoon.
Remember when the light sabre was a mystical device that was only shown in times of crisis or importance, to convey the significance and power of this honourable weapon? Yeah just forget all that and watch 500 Jedi jump into an arena in broad day light and slice a bunch of poorly rendered, CGI toothpick robots like butter with a hot knife.
The point being that the light sabre has gone from being a mysterious and wondrous commodity. to nothing more than a nostalgia prop that hardcore fans / children can drool over while Lucas renders as many as he possibly can into each frame.
Do you remember when Yoda was an actual character that betrayed the stigma of the hero being a mighty and strong warrior to convey the message that the force is not about the physical? Forget all that nonsense and watch in awe as he pulls out a mini light sabre and starts barrel rolling more than an attack jet.
The issue with poor continuity and overuse of CGI could be overlooked if the story and characters were compelling, which they certainly aren't. I am fully aware that Lucas' script is far from stellar but that can't be used as justification for Hayden Christensen. I'm sorry but the kid cannot act, nothing about his portrayal is convincing and when people say "he is good at making himself look angry" I'm afraid that is not even nearly ample enough to forgive the rest of his quite frankly appalling performance. Ewan McGregor is there, and he does things, that relate to the plot I guess. Natalie Portman is there to be eye candy and to "fall in love" with Anakin in a less convincing manner than a Primary school adaptation of Romeo and Juliet.
The entire final action sequence just blows, it's all flash no substance which quite honestly seems to be what Lucas was going for considering the script.
I am not calling this film bad as a hater of all things new. I am not calling this film bad as a nostalgia blinded, fan of the originals. I am calling this film bad as a lover of film, please understand that.
The Wylds (2010)
Difficult to review because I don't even think this can be categorised as a film.
I like to give films a fair chance without being swayed by reviews or ratings preemptively, before my viewing of the film.
I would sooner brush my teeth with petrol than even consider putting this manure back into my DVD player. Awful, on the nose Christian propaganda disguised as a low budget adventure for children, although saying that, showing this bile to your kids should be considered a serious federal crime and should be treated as such.
If the writing, acting and "plot" doesn't make you want to tie a link of sausages around your chest and jump into a lion enclosure, then the special effects certainly will, my personal highlight being when the main characters enter "Electra-city" something that looks like it was designed on Microsoft Paint by a learning impaired infant. Although that may be giving more credit than it deserves.
With a titular character named Christian and two female supporting characters named Hope and Faith, you can immediately tell that the director is a fan of subtlety.
I paid £2.50 for this film in Tesco and I honestly think if they'd offered me money to take it from them, I still would've felt cheated. Not a single aspect of this film is even remotely note worthy and as such is completely impossible to recommend on any level whatsoever. Not even an ironic viewing is justifiable for this stinking belch of a production.
If you are considering giving this a watch, try bathing in nails instead, because that would be an overall less masochistic act.