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Fishman1966
Reviews
Alone in the Dark (2005)
Such potential, such disappointment
I didn't realize that this was based on an Atari game, but was definitely intrigued by the opening crawl. The first fight scene was pretty awesome, I liked the voiceovers. Then it just became muddled with pretty bad SFX and endless LOUD gun battles. Of course, then again, that's what most video games are. It just could have been so much more.
The She Beast (1966)
Interesting movie- horror comedy?
I like Barbara Steele, she has played everything from a stuck-up upper crust to actually in the same movie to a sexy vampire or everything in between. This movie has her and new hubby on her honeymoon in Transylvania. Vacation, maybe, but honeymoon? which is now a Communist country. It starts fairly "scary" but they put a bunch "keystone cop" Commies including a way-too-long car chase(?) As soon as I got over the fact that I had changed tone, it was enjoyable. Not high art, but who wants high art if you're watching a Barbara Steele movie.
Robert (2015)
Someone, please give me the last 94 minutes of my life back
Haunted dolls are freaky to me. They're one of the few things that give me the creeps. This movie, um, not so much, in fact, not at all. There was one fairly good jump scare, but that was about it. As many of the other reviews say, wooden acting, stereotypical characters and just not scary. If this was based on true events, as the tagline claims, they were some pretty boring events. Can't really say much more, there's nothing more to say. Long and short, don't bother.
Nightmare (1964)
A genuinely creepy movie
This is a Hammer film- a studio which is most popular for the re-imagined Frankenstein, Dracula and Mummy movies. But, as far as I know, this is a completely original plot line. The first half is truly creepy, the second half isn't quite as good, but it's still worth a watch.
Misterio en la isla de los monstruos (1981)
Wow, this was extraordinarily bad, but fun
I, like many of the other reviews, picked this up because of Peter Cushing and Terrance Stamp "in it." Although they were both in it for about 15 minutes combined. Extraordinarily bad special effects, but there's a twist which is just as silly as the rest of the movie. If you've ever seen any old Saturday morning live-action "cartoons" by Sid and Marty Croft, you'll "enjoy" this just as much, as in painfully so.
Tentacoli (1977)
WOW, what a stinker
I'm used to Samuel Z. Arkhoff production being bad, low-budget, but usually bad and low budget in a good way. This, however, was not. It was just bad, as another review said, 3 big stars, all in supporting roles, and not a character to care about among the entire cast. I'm used to, and revel in, bad special effects, but this barely had effects, special or otherwise. The plot was virtually non-existent, but I think my favorite part was when they were discussing what to do, with the marine biologist, they switch back and forth between calling the thing and octopus and a squid. With the stars that were in it, it did have potential, not exactly sure what went wrong, but if you have an hour and a half to waste, listen to Yanni, it'll be most entertaining. By the way, I hate Yanni.
Don't Look Up (2009)
What was that?
I'm somewhat used to indie-films zipping around from past to present to dream sequences and back to any combination of the above. But this movie was just plain dumb. A legend says gypsy girl is killed due to a pact with the devil. A silent film maker tries to make a film about the legend, he disappears. A modern day film maker decides to try again, turmoil ensues. The plot is so contrived in the first 15 minutes that I lost interest. Then, people started beating each other up for no apparent reason, then people started dying. People that I really didn't care about, people who were so uninteresting that I started wondering who they were. Oh yeah, they were the people working on the movie, but no one had a back-story, besides the director, who, all you figured out was that he was a whack-doodle. Don't think I'm giving away any major plot points, but I always put a spoiler alert just to be on the safe side. Rent it or watch it "on demand," but don't waste your money buy it.
10,000 BC (2008)
Come on, it wasn't that bad
I will not say that this movie was an Oscar winner but I don't think it was as bad as you are saying. As someone pointed out, it wasn't meant as a documentary. Overall, I enjoyed the movie, because I went in expecting much worse. The following is written with tongue-firmly-in- cheek. 10,000 BC has traditionally been thought of as the time when "all the cool stuff happened": Conan's Hyborian Age, the Great Flood, the sinking of Atlantis, etc. I think, maybe I should write hope, that this may be the reason for the incredible historical inaccuracies, the writers were just having fun. All in all,it was very silly, but fairly entertaining. I do agree with several of the other reviewers, recommendations follow some of the comments. Yes, the characters should have spoken in something other than Hollywood English. Drop the articles, pronouns, something, but please, no subtitles, let's keep that for actual foreign movies. Yes, I agree that the "love" between D'Leh and the Blue-Eyed chick was incredibly bland and the fact that she "stayed pure" for her man was highly unlikely, you want realism circa 10,000 BC, rent "Clan of the Cave Bear" FYI- be prepared for a rape scene about every 6 minutes. I'm not sure why this was rated PG-13, the story-line was more PG. It certainly could have been better, but I've definitely wasted 2 hours on less entertaining tripe.
30 Days of Night: Dark Days (2010)
Good movie, but not a sequel
I have trouble with this sequel, as I do with most sequels, because the inconsistencies (in plot) are just too great. It took about a third of the first movie for me to get used to the vampires basically ripping their victims apart, more zombie-like than vampire. Then, in the sequel, Lilith (obvious reference to the Queen Mother of all demons from Hebrew folklore) is in charge and bathes in blood, making it even less likely that the other vampires would waste that much blood. I know, I'm just too picky. And while Stella was doing voice-overs, she could have explained how the other survivors dealt with the aftermath, thereby filling in the gap,especially with her stepson. It would have taken two or three sentences, there were only like 3 or 4. One last thing, the ending was WAY TOO PREDICTABLE and silly.
Monstrosity (1963)
Bad- of course- in so many ways
I watch bad movies with my nephew every few months. When I was growing up, you could watch these hideously awful movies on Saturday afternoons or late night. Now you have to buy them, but I digress.
This was a wonderfully awful movie. The character, Bea's, accent is worth the admission price alone. At one point, her co-prisoner says, "Oh you shouldn't talk like that." I said, "Yes, because your accent is awful." But the movie itself has a interesting twist at the end, which actually was creative, albeit unbelievable. As someone else said, it's good in a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 way, but if you have someone to watch it with, watch the un-dubbed version. It's soo easy to make fun of yourself. Enjoy!!!
Paranormal Activity (2007)
Oh, to have my 86 minutes back
I should probably say at the outset that I rented PA1 and PA2 last night and watched them back to back, in the dark, alone, no lights on in the entire house, curtain drawn (it didn't help). The 3 or was it 4 "scary" scenes were overshadowed by the total idiocy of the characters in the rest of the movie. All I can say is, why WHY WHY do I keep expecting something out of these hand-held camera fiascoes? I was incredibly disappointed with Blair Witch and should have expected the same from this. Micah was a total "jackwagon" who thought he knew everything about everything and could "fix this," but at the same time wasn't willing to admit that anything was actually going on (great attitude to have when trying to fight an unseen entity (be it a demon or a tsetse fly) and to top it off Katie just sat there and took it. I loved the psychic who came and said, "I don't think leaving will help" so they just accepted that. Even after the demon started leaving footprints they didn't even consider it? Who are these people? And then, SPOILER AHEAD, after she's bitten, Micah says, OK, I'll get a hotel, Katie changes her mind and he goes along? I'm sorry she just was bitten by an unseen something, I would have been carrying her out (kicking and screaming if necessary). Someone wrote that "it was original" THIS IS TRUE, but the downtime scenes were as bad as Blair Witch (although there was less screaming the F-word at the top of their lungs). Jaws taught us not to swim in the ocean, PA taught me that if you're in a TOTALLY dysfunctional relationship and paranormal stuff starts happening, get out real quick because your significant other is going to just belittle you at every turn and be of absolutely no actual help.
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
Holy snotrags
Wow, this is THE WORST MOVIE EVER, and I've seen some stinkers. Plan 9, Bride of the Monster, Troll 2 Oscar-winners all in comparison. The only reason Plan 9 won years ago is because even TV late late shows wouldn't show this stinker.
I have never seen such atrocious acting. I think the best(?) are the interminable "dramatic" pauses and the glares between characters. I'm fairly certain that the script writers (if there actually were any) wrote about 11 minutes of dialog for an hour+ movie, hence the dramatic pauses as the actors probably didn't know what the phrase ad-lib meant. Definitely see the MST3K version, I've seen both and nearly had to gouge my eyes out after watching it without any comic relief.
The end with the little girl becoming one of the Master's wives is highly disturbing, but I suppose the director thought that he should do something considering nothing else happened in the movie. Still, that was just wrong.
Ape (1976)
Although the whole movie is spoiled!!
My nephew and I get together every few months for a bad movie night. Boy, this is one. It is nearly too bad to be good. The plot(?) is simple, a 36 foot tall ape escapes from a freighter that was bound for Disneyland. At several points in the movie, by several people, it is pointed out that the ape is 36 feet tall. Not "around 35" or "about 40" but "36". There is no explanation as to where this large ape came from. The "fight scenes" are horrendous (the snake scene involves the ape taking the snake off of a tree and throwing it away, the snake then slitheres away). All of the scenes with the Asians running are virtually silent (without even the usual screaming), and the American scenes are obviously inserted. Truly awful, if you're going to abuse yourself by watching it make sure to do it with a friend who appreciates bad movies.
Drag Me to Hell (2009)
Well, after all, it WAS Sam Raimi
I remember a few thousand years ago when I first saw Evil Dead, I was a teenager at the time and didn't quite understand the whole horror-as-comedy concept. The beginning of Evil Dead WAS scary, but then it just got silly. "dead by dawn, dead by dawn" was ingrained in my brain for months afterward. This movie is very much the same, it starts out good, it starts out scary, the lamia/shadow effects are good. Creepy. Then the girl drops an anvil on Sylvia (Baba?) Ganush's head (ala roadrunner/coyote) and her eyeballs pop out (ala Evil Dead or was it 2?), it went downhill from there. I shouldn't say downhill, just not scary anymore and it got sillier and sillier. Heck, it's Sam Raimi for gosh sakes! I did like the ending, but what kind of bird-brain boyfriend leaves a rare coin on the floor of his car? But as another reviewer said, I didn't really care that she got dragged to hell. Just goes to show, always be nice, especially to old foreign women. ;-)
Pet Sematary II (1992)
More of the same
The amazing thing to me is that even though this is not a Stephen King movie, they have ALL of his characters. The fat kid, the fat kid's mom with the abusive husband, the abusive step-father (a cop, of course, so he can't get in trouble). Really? he's gonna beats his kid with a wooden cross? The wimpy kid (if someone teased me about my dead mom, I think I'd try a heck of a lot harder to kick his butt). Twin girls (a tip of the hat to The Shining?) And I guess it's getting more difficult for me to suspend my disbelief. Example: Zowie's blood is not coagulating even though his heart isn't beating. If he was dead internally, he'd be getting crispier, not more gooey. Zowie comes back all screwed up, but HEY, LET'S BURY A GUY WHO IS ALREADY A BIG JERK thinking that he's going to come back okay? Yeah, that'll work. Far more silly than scary. The original was far better.
The Man Next Door (1997)
Totally amazingly bad
Beyond words, it is just astounding how awful this thing is, I won't even call it a movie. The truly amazing thing is that the premise is OK, the acting is so-so, but I truly couldn't care less about these people.
It's the longest,most boring horror movie ever made and I pride myself on seeing stinkers.
Ed Wood's were amusing, but this thing just plain stunk. The ending, nice wrap-up I suppose, but just as boring the rest of it.
And here's the BIG question, her parents were gone for ten years, how long was Grandpa married to the wicked step-grandmother? He FINALLY realizes that she's been treating his granddaughter like dirt. Yeah, that's believable.