#Spooktober2021

No. 1 - Friday the 1st (Midnight Movie)

Mini-Review: A mid 2010's anthology horror from Epic Releasing here. As usual with my Spooktober lists, we'll start off with an anthology and I'll handle it like I normally do (only covering each segment briefly, and then the rest in my final thoughts block). The first segment ('Sweet Tooth') is a slasher about a local urban legend who apparently shows up at Halloween to kill people and steal their candy. This plays out exactly like you think it will (but I guess that's fine considering the length - they don't deviate from expectations too much here). The pacing and visual effects look nice, but the story itself is fairly boilerplate (last aside: Sweet Tooth himself looks like a goober - especially when he runs). The second segment ('The Night Billy Raised Hell') is a comedy horror about a strange man who takes a young boy out to wreak havoc during Halloween night. This starts off pretty tame but gets very dark (especially by the end of it). I didn't really care for this segment, and most of the comedy didn't really hit for me (shout out to Adrianne Curry's cameo, though). The third segment ('Trick') is a killer kids slasher about some children who ambush and massacre people on Halloween night. This segment is just Children of the Corn until the ending (which features a twist). I wasn't too impressed by this, but I did like the aerosol flamethrower (lol).

The fourth segment ('The Weak and the Wicked') is an action horror / revenge thriller about a guy who makes a dark deal in order to get rid of some local bullies. This was one of my least favorite segments (it was really underwhelming all around - it's basically just one long chase sequence, but the Demon has a pretty cool look). The fifth segment ('Grim Grinning Ghost') is a supernatural horror about a girl who gets stalked by a specter on her way home. This is mostly good up until the finale (which has a weak and abrupt ending - I didn't realize it was over until about a minute afterwards, lol). It's got some fine camerawork and makeup as well. The sixth segment ('Ding Dong') is a comedy horror about a woman who loves Halloween and desperately wants a child. This one is very campy and very bizarre with a pretty stupid ending (but the good kind of stupid, lol). It's like a spin on a certain fairytale (last notes: I liked Bobbie's 'entire' look here, and some of the kids from the earlier segments have cameos in this). The seventh segment ('This Means War') is a comedy horror about a pair of neighbors who get into a duel over who has the better Halloween decorations. I really didn't like this segment (it might even be the worst one, frankly - it felt pretty pointless by the ending, which was kind of awful and unsatisfying).

The eighth segment ('Friday the 31st') is a slasher parody about a serial killer who, after handling his final victim, gets an unexpected visitor. It actually plays out like a reverse-slasher and it's beyond campy here (like the really stupid kind of camp with some extremely over the top and cheesy special effects). I can handle camp, but this just got a little too absurd for me. The ninth segment ('The Ransom of Rusty Rex') is a comedy horror about a pair of burglars who kidnap a wealthy man's son in order to secure a large sum of money. Here's another fairly absurd segment, but I actually liked this one (the comedy hits for the most part and this also features the best acting in the movie - John Landis has a cameo, too). The tenth, and final, segment ('Bad Seed') is a monster movie about a man who accidentally unleashes a killer pumpkin on the town. It's more or less 'Attack of the Killer Pumpkins' (well, there's only one pumpkin, but you get the idea). It's a campy premise, but they sort of play it straight (the detective takes it seriously, and the pumpkin, even though it looks crazy and murders people in over the top ways, is treated as a serious threat). It's fine overall, but I didn't care for the ending. This segment also connects to some of the other segments (and seemingly confirms that they're all happening simultaneously).

Final thoughts, the 'wraparound' segment is really just the opening with the radio DJ (who chimes in from time to time to set up some of the segments). She doesn't really have much of a presence, and only really 'appears' in the opening credits (in some still images, no less). The opening credits also sets up the setting, and gives us a brief glimpse of 'what's to come' (it all happens in the same town on the same night, apparently - so, it's like Trick 'r Treat (2007) in that regard). There's almost no transitions between the segments, which was sort of confusing sometimes (I mentioned this earlier during the ending of fifth segment and the start of the sixth segment). They did do a good job of making all of these segments look and 'feel' similar (I've seen some other anthology horrors which sometimes include a segment or two that throws the entire movie off - most of these segments have a uniform feeling about them that 'connects' them all nicely). The production values seem pretty good across the board here (most of the gore (and there is plenty of it) looks great and the only thing that reveals its budget is the CGI, which looks rough in some shots - especially in the eighth segment, you'll know it when it happens). The pacing of this overall is also fairly good (even the lesser segments are still timely enough). I got one stray shout out going out to the Night of the Living Dead (1968) on the TV (which appears in multiple segments). This doesn't really try to be different or 'inventive', but it does still offer up a fairly good and competently assembled package here.

Rating: 7/10 (Good) Best Character: Hank (Sam Witwer)

No. 2 - Friday the 1st (Foreign Friday: Indonesia)

Mini-Review: An early 80's Indonesian supernatural horror from Mondo Macabro here. Well, this just passes Crazy Town and keeps on going into Freaky City here. An American occult novelist travels to Bali to learn the dark arts from a local witch queen. Now, that is basically what happens, but it eventually goes fully off the rails and becomes one of the most bizarre spectacles out there (you see the poster? that image isn't even the strangest thing that happens in the movie, lol). It's not terribly complicated but it's just really odd (I love weirdo stuff like this, but this is firmly one of those movies that you have to be into in order to fully enjoy it - stuff like The Beast Within (1982) or Street Trash (1987), not exactly body horror but close to it). The runtime feels adequate, but the pacing is sluggish in some sections.

The cast seems mostly good in here, but I watched this with an English dub enabled, and those voice actors are pretty rough (Catherine is probably my favorite, but shout out to the Witch Queen). The Witch Queen has a gruesome appearance and enjoys cackling (well, she is a witch after all - she's got a disfigured face, long fingernails, and an elongated snake-like tongue). Cathy wants to learn black magic from the Queen, and the Queen agrees to teach her (but of course the Queen has a more sinister ulterior motive - which is basically just to use her to restore her youth). They perform dark rituals together and transform into animals (including a pig and a snake - both of which look utterly grotesque). The climax is basically a Mortal Kombat styled final fight (seriously, the only thing missing is a health bar at the top of the screen, lol), and the ending finishes on a downer note.

Final thoughts, the makeup and visual effects are very strange looking, but I really liked them (they're obviously low budget, but they've got that 80's charm to them - the hand-drawn energy and lightning 'powers' and the crazy 'floating head with dangling organs' shots have to be seen to be believed). There's a couple of kills in this, and they are equally weird ('the womb raider', which is just as despicable as it sounds, is my highlight). As far as the other filmmaking aspects are concerned, they seem decent for the most part (or at the very least above 80's trash, lol - the camerawork and sound design isn't too noteworthy overall). I got three stray shout outs going out to Cathy's fangs during her flight (she's kind of like a vampire), the bizarre dancing mask opening credits (it makes more sense later, lol), and the Queen severing her own hand while giving Cathy a handshake (uh, what? lol). This is a pretty good effort here, but I had a pretty great time with it (its low budget and pacing issues are the main things that hold it back from being upper tier).

Rating: 8/10 (Great) Best Character: Catherine Kean (Ilona Agathe Bastian)

No. 3 - Saturday the 2nd (Shark Saturday)

Mini-Review: A late 2010's sharksploitation flick from MarVista, Sony and SYFY here. Yeah, this sure is a SYFY shark movie here all right. While on vacation in Puerto Rico, a group of young adults fall prey to a mutated shark, which spews out an infectious toxic waste. This is probably one of the most flimsy excuses of a plot that I've seen here (and there's pretty much no story at all - but then again, this is a 'SYFY Original Movie', so expecting anything too coherent is expecting too much, lol). I want to say the worst thing about this story is that it's played completely straight (you'd think something absurd like this would be campy or at least self-aware, but they take this absolutely seriously - which is unfortunate). The runtime is timely, but the pacing is slogged down by needless filler (lots of overhead scenery shots to pad out the runtime).

The performances are pretty much amateur hour across the board here (super wooden with poor and stiff delivery, which is strange because, according to the ending credits, these are SAG actors here - Reese is easily the best, but light shout outs to Eden and Zane). I guess I'll mention the shark (the titular 'Toxic Shark', which is what it's identified as on-screen) - sheesh, that thing looks really bad (it's appearance is entirely CGI, and it's somehow below TV quality - I've seen other CGI sharks, including other SYFY CGI sharks, and this one easily looks the worst). It's mostly just a killing machine, but, like I mentioned earlier, it can shoot out this green 'sludge' (I guess it's toxic waste), which 'infects' its victims and turns them into zombies (they're literally just zombies - they try to bite others to infect them, the whole nine yards). I actually kind of liked the climax (the final fight), but the ending is rather trashy (and finishes on a downer note).

Final thoughts, the makeup and visual effects are lower than I've come to expect from SYFY's offerings here (the injuries and gore actually look mostly fine, but the CGI (and there is a lot of it) is complete garbage and really takes you out of the moment - the blood and the fire are just terrible). Listen, I know this is a SYFY Original, but the screenwriting is also lazy trash, too (the dialogue in particular is really rotten). The direction is pretty pedestrian in here (maybe that's why the acting is bad - the director wasn't able, or just didn't care, to garner a worthwhile performance out of the cast). Apart from that, the rest of the technical aspects actually seem professional here (this looks and sounds the part with the camerawork and audio engineering being mostly competent). I got one stray shout out going out to the myriad of ass shots (if you're a fan of that, then there's plenty of them in here). This is a bad movie, but you probably knew that already (I wouldn't be surprised if this was a tax write-off, and it kind of baffles me that trash like this manages to get made). The only real positives I can think of are the somewhat professional production values and probably ridiculing it in real-time (they made a huge mistake by playing it straight, frankly).

Rating: 3/10 (Bad) Best Character: Reese (Eric Etebari)

No. 4 - Saturday the 2nd (Shark Saturday)

Mini-Review: An early 2020's sharksploitation flick from SRS Cinema and Mark Polonia here. I don't know what I expected: this is pure no budget trash from start to finish. In an underwater lab, researchers desperately try to find a cure for a deadly virus, originally transmitted from sharks, which is ravaging the surface world. If you're familiar with the 'Polonia Brothers' productions, then you already know what to expect from this (or you should because this is really no different from their usual efforts). Much like Corona Zombies (2020), this was made to cash in on the COVID pandemic (the virus in the movie is called 'SHVID'). Obviously this is crossed with sharksploitation, but there's hardly any actual shark action in here (there's plenty of shots of sharks, but they don't really do much). The plot and story are basically a live-action Sealab 2021 movie (except played straight, unfortunately). The runtime is short but the pacing is trash (and filled with weird subplot filler involving a wandering zombie - they even run these scenes back as a dream sequence, lol).

The cast is really awful with poor delivery overall here (they do almost completely fill out all of the Sealab roles, though; Gregory is Captain Murphy, Kristi is Quinn/Debbie, Rickter is Sparks, Duke is Marco, and Anne is Stormy - 'Garbage' really is the man, and is also my favorite here, but shout outs to his cohorts Mace and Jo Jo). There's multiple sharks in here, and none of them really take the 'main' lead at any point. Most of the sharks are portrayed with extremely trashy and laughably bad CGI (these sharks make the shark from Toxic Shark (2017) look like Marvel-level CGI - the models are absolutely disgusting, and remind me of previs). The captured shark is literally a hand puppet (you can't make this up, lol). There's also mutant marauders during the surface scenes (portrayed with weird and obvious masks, and that's it - at this point you're just nodding your head in agreement with this farce). The climax is very unsatisfying, and the ending is beyond stupid (it sucks - not much else to say).

Final thoughts, the makeup and visual effects are, uh, 'inconsistent' in here (it's mostly no budget trash, but sometimes it's passable (like Anne's facial injuries) - nearly all of the CGI (including all of the underwater shots) is complete garbage, but the submarine shot at the end actually looks somewhat decent). The script is, you guessed it, total trash (aggressively bad dialogue which devolves into full-on parody - except it makes a fatal error and doesn't treat it as such). This looks and feels like a no budget movie overall (and commits multiple filmmaking mistakes along the way - like the cameraman and film equipment being blatantly visible in reflections across multiple scenes). I got two stray shout outs going out to Mark Polonia's double cameo appearance (first as the lab technician and then again as the soldier) and the ending credits which are literally just the opening credits reused (that's just lazy editing). This is a shocker for all the wrong reasons, but I guess I should've known better (Mark Polonia is basically the American Godfrey Ho - just making complete garbage, which is somehow even worse than Troma and Full Moon's trashiest offerings). If this was an actual Sealab 2021 movie, then this would've been a ten out of ten, but it's not (so it's pretty much useless apart from ridiculing in real-time).

Rating: 1/10 (Useless) Best Character: Garbage (Uncredited)

No. 5 - Sunday the 3rd (Slasher Sunday)

Mini-Review: An early 90's indie holiday comedy slice of life slasher from Indiegogo (?) here. This reminds me a lot of Final Exam (1981) here (and not in a good way). Decades after a girl gets murdered at a haunted house, the killer tricks a group of teens to host another haunted house at the same house, so he can claim more victims. This story is pretty much straight up slice of life until the third act, and the plot is very dry until they get to the haunted house (this is where the Final Exam comparisons are - just like Final Exam, there's like fifty minutes, or more even, before the kills actually begin). I don't hate slice of life (or even slice of life slashers - 'slicers', I guess), but the ones like this, where the kill pacing is just trash, are tough to get through. Despite the plot and pacing being duds, the structure and runtime are fairly up to standard (the act breaks are clear and it runs a little under an hour and a half).

This cast is pretty much a 'who's who' of stiff, hammy, and campy actors here (Hanks is probably my favorite, but light shout out to Eddie Burber). 'Big Eddie' Burber is also the killer. Eddie wears a variety of masks (and doesn't really seem to favor one over the other), but is also shown in POV shots (an obvious allusion to Halloween (1978)). He uses a few different weapons, and seems to be a horror movie fan himself (as shown in his 'Kill Room' segment). They do conceal his face, but it's fairly obvious who he is (they show his mother dying early on, and it's apparent that the guy there is Eddie). His origin and motivation are somewhat similar to Jason Voorhees (his mother keeps him in check, and he finally just goes berserk after she dies). The kills are very bloody with some creative gore ('batter up!' and 'a machete under the throat' are my highlights). The climax is entertaining and does pull out all its stops, but the ending itself is pretty abrupt (and seems to be a setup for more, which is promised in the ending credits).

Final thoughts, the makeup and special effects do have a low budget vibe to them, but they are pretty cool looking (unlike Final Exam, they actually go all out with their visuals here - the gore in my two highlighted kills is some of their best showings, but the neck twist is pretty neat looking, too). Since this is a 'comedy' slasher, obviously that's going to play a (relatively) large role here (and it's fairly underwhelming - most of the comedy was a miss with me, but I did like some bits (like that drunk dude with the beer goggles or that one absurd line: 'I think I'll bone her!'). There's a decent amount of nudity in here (it's mostly topless shots - there's also the classic skinny dip scene). The score is also sort of decent, but derivative (including the obvious Halloween theme knockoff). There's a couple of shout outs to other horror movies in here (including the Leatherface cutout, the Nightmare on Elm Street 4 poster, and the Pumpkinhead stand-up). I got four stray shout outs to the classic 'fix-up' montage (some 80's cheese), Eddie's echoing scream (lol), the flashforward in the flashback (wtf?), and the RC Cola sponsorship (it has to happen, LOL). This isn't a full letdown, but it's still a letdown (it takes too long to get to the point, and squanders too much of its runtime). However, when it does go in, it goes in hard (and the entire final act is great entertainment) - I'll give it a six because it is above average.

Rating: 6/10 (Decent) Best Character: Hanks (Brad Hanks)

No. 6 - Sunday the 3rd (Slasher Sunday)

Mini-Review: A mid 90's indie supernatural slasher brought to us by our old friend Fred Olen Ray here. Well, this sure is some low budget 80's trash that somehow released in the 90's (which is of course right up Ray's alley). After his grave is disturbed, a warlock rises from the dead to exact vengeance on the descendants of the family that executed him. Yeah, that's not too complicated, and it never really goes beyond that premise either (real basic, and they don't tend to go into the details too much). Ray didn't actually 'make' this movie, but it does 'feel' like something he'd make (and even has a couple of his mainstay actors featured in it, too). This story doesn't really do much for me, but I didn't 'hate' it either (it's a sloppy job, but it does get that job done). The runtime is average, but the pacing gets sluggish at times.

If you've seen any other Ray movie, then you already know how the cast plays it (in a mostly mediocre manner (David and Sean get very wooden in some scenes), but some of them (mainly the women) do seem to be trying - Linda is my favorite, but shout outs to Vivian and Linnea Quigley as Carolyn). Walter Machen (played by John Carradine in a posthumous cameo), who later becomes the titular 'Jack-O' (played by some stuntman), is the killer. He was apparently a 'warlock' before he was killed. He comes back to life after his gravesite is disturbed by some teens (they never explain exactly how he was resurrected or why he comes back dressed as a Jack-O-Lantern). His main disguise is a Jack-O-Lantern costume (which looks cheap, but also kind of awesome), and his main weapon is a scythe (he kind of reminds me of Halloween Jack, actually). His origin and motivation is to get revenge on the Kelly family because their ancestor killed him. The kills are bloody and sometimes gory, but not very creative ('stabbed and delivered', which reminds me of the 'rifle stab' from Pumpkinhead (1988), is my highlight). The climax is pretty underwhelming (mostly in regards to the final confrontation), and the ending implies that there's more to come (but of course there isn't).

Final thoughts, the makeup and visual effects are mostly of the 'low budget trash' variety here (the gore has that look about it, but some of the props (like that guy's severed head) do look alright - the 'knife toaster' looks particularly horrible, though). I don't know if it was just the copy that I watched, but the sound mixing was rather awful (it just seems really inconsistent in general). Speaking of the audio, the score is almost nonexistent in here (a lot of scenes are basically just the actors speaking, and sometimes the actual sound effects are absent, too). This being some Ray-endorsed trash means that there's got to be a good amount of nudity (and there is, Linnea Quigley's first scene is literally a gratuitous shower scene - there's other topless scenes as well). I got three stray shout outs going out to Brinke's cameo in the fake movie ('The Coven'), Sean's multiple fake awakenings (including the weirdo sit up, lol), and Cameron Mitchell's posthumous cameo (as the horror movie host 'Dr. Cadaver'). If you're looking for quality here, you've come to the wrong place (lol). If you're looking for low budget mildly amusing 80's-influenced trash, then you're in luck! If this was released in the 80's, then it'd fall squarely within the '80's trash' category (but it wasn't, so we'll have to make do with this 90's imitation, lol).

Rating: 5/10 (Average) Best Character: Linda Kelly (Rebecca Wicks)

No. 7 - Monday the 4th (Monster Monday)

Mini-Review: A mid 70's natural horror and monster movie from FVI and Severin Films here (Scorpion Releasing also put this out on Blu-ray, but I watched Severin's 2021 release for this review). Yeah, this is basically just Jaws with a grizzly bear (maybe they should've called it 'Claws' instead). A park ranger races to stop the killing spree of a massive grizzly bear. It's pretty much a monster movie, but with a natural horror 'villain' (as you know, plenty of monster movies are really just slashers with a creature instead of a human killer - this is no different, and the grizzly is more or less Jason Voorhees in the beginning). The story intercuts between the main ranger and his crew, who are trying to locate the grizzly, and the grizzly's gory rampage against the locals (I had a pretty great time with it - it's almost identical to how a slasher is setup). This structure works out for me, and the plot is well timed overall (tight runtime and pacing).

The cast all give committed and convincing performances here (Christopher George is the featured player here, and earns my top spot - shout outs to Stober, Scott and Teddy the Bear as the grizzly). Speaking of the grizzly, it doesn't really have a name, and it's stated to be over eighteen feet tall (it's also carnivorous and apparently a 'prehistoric' species). The grizzly is portrayed by an actual bear (and does appear), but he's also portrayed by an actor in costume (or maybe it's a puppet? I'm not sure) as well (usually shown in POV shots, but sometimes he appears on screen). It looks fine for the brief moments that it does appear, but the actual bear obviously looks much better. As mentioned, the grizzly is almost like Jason as first (it's the woods and he targets women initially) - he's also very thorough (lol - he mostly uses his claws, but he also literally kills people with bear hugs). The climax is fun and explosive, but the ending finishes on a downer note (and without any sequel hook despite there being a sequel).

Final thoughts, there are kills in this, and they are very bloody with some decent gore ('deadly bear hug', which is a lot bloodier than I expected, is my highlight). The makeup and special effects are mostly pretty good in here (they aren't too over the top, but there are some severed limbs and plenty of eviscerated bodies - however, it is the 70's, so I think you can probably get an idea of what to expect here). The screenplay is pretty playful with some snappy and funny dialogue (George's character in particular gets some snarky lines). The score is fairly effective and sets the mood nicely (you'd better believe the grizzly has his own Jaws knock-off theme as well). The camerawork does a good job of establishing the environment and showcasing the landscape here (and doesn't go overboard with these shots either). I got two stray shout outs going out to the helicopter flyover opening credits and our bear cub friend (RIP). This is a cash grab movie, but it's fairly entertaining and well done (it's like Alligator (1980), which I reviewed in last year's Spooktober - a clear imitation, but one that manages to be pretty great on its own merit).

Rating: 8/10 (Great) Best Character: Michael Kelly (Christopher George)

No. 8 - Monday the 4th (Monster Monday)

Mini-Review: An early 2020's natural horror and monster movie from Gravitas here. This is billed as a 'sequel' to Grizzly (1976), but it's pretty much just an 'in-name-only' follow-up (and really if you've seen the ending of the last movie, then you know that a sequel is basically impossible). After some poachers kill her cub, a mother grizzly goes on a murderous rampage in a forest park, which is hosting a concert at the same time. That's the story, but that story only really covers about thirty percent of the entire movie - the rest of it is various forms of filler (after a certain point it's difficult to determine whether the grizzly hunt or the concert is the main plot - I'm almost positive the concert has more coverage in the movie). So, the grizzly hunt portion (which is entirely from the original footage shot in 1983) is actually kind of alright, but the concert stuff (most of which is also from the original 1983 footage) is largely filler that goes nowhere (and even includes seemingly unrelated band performance footage as additional filler). The runtime is short, but the pacing is kind of trash (the filler kills any momentum that the hunt conjures up).

The cast is mostly competent in here (the actors are largely from the original footage, and they (with a couple of exceptions, like the poachers) do a decent job in their roles - Samantha (whose actress I also liked in Nightmare in Badham County (1976) and Death Wish 3 (1985)) is my favorite, but shout outs to Nick, Bouchard, and George Clooney, Laura Dern, and Charlie Sheen's cameos as those campers). The grizzly is now only a puppet (no real bear here - well, I guess technically a real bear does 'play' the grizzly in the prologue via terribly inserted stock footage), and seems to be about on par with the first movie (the puppet appears more often on screen, and it does look good enough). Like the first movie, the grizzly is portrayed in POV shots for a decent duration of the movie (including newly shot footage). Since much of the movie is pointless filler, the grizzly doesn't have much of a presence and doesn't do anything noteworthy until the final act (where it goes on its rampage). Speaking of the finale, the climax is explosive (just like the first movie), but the ending is very abrupt (and the grizzly's 'defeat' is a hilarious final image).

Final thoughts, the makeup and special effects are limited, but they're pretty much no budget trash (well, most of the 1983 footage has almost no special effects, and the newly added 2019 footage has some extremely crappy CGI visuals - the gunshot and blood from the prologue looks abhorrently bad). The editing is rather sloppy at times in here (lots of poorly assembled cuts, but that might be passable because of the quality of the original footage). The sound mixing and editing is also fairly poor (mostly the lip syncing, which is off in certain scenes - the actual sound effects are also literally taken from YouTube). The 2019 footage features a huge amount of filler scenes (including the cheesy extended wildlife filler montage, which is comprised mostly of Adobe and Shutterstock footage), which are just there to pad out the runtime (nearly all of these scenes are badly spliced in, and are very obvious - the 1983 footage is clearly shot on film, and the 2019 footage is digital). I got one stray shout out going out to the egregious concert stock footage (which is obviously from 'modern times' - especially with those haircuts, lol). At the end of the day, this is just Filler: The Movie (with a subplot featuring a grizzly bear). The 1983 footage is watchable, but everything else is terrible and repetitive trash (I'll give this a three because it's actually kind of incredible that this was even 'completed' and released at all).

Rating: 3/10 (Bad) Best Character: Samantha Owens (Deborah Raffin)

No. 9 - Tuesday the 5th (Twisted Tuesday)

Mini-Review: An early 2020's action horror from Blumhouse and Universal, which is the fifth installment of the Purge series. Yeah, this sure is another Purge movie, isn't it (and kind of reminds me of The Purge: Anarchy (2014))? When the Purge is reinstated and taken beyond its limit, a group of people must battle their way through Texas in order to escape across the Mexican border to safety. It's almost the same story as The Purge: Anarchy, but with the added element of the Purge now being 'eternal' (as claimed by one of the characters). I'll be frank here, if you've seen the other Purge movies, then you've pretty much seen this (the added layer doesn't actually 'change' anything - other than give them an excuse to make more sequels (I guess this was supposed to be the last one, too)). There is some shades towards the 'current climate' (or rather, what would have been the current climate since this was supposed to come out in 2020), and seeing these scenes now just looks cheesy and outdated (which is doubly hilarious because this takes place like twenty years in the future - I didn't 'hate' the story, though, and it pretty much served its purpose). The runtime and pacing are both fine, and feel about right for this series.

The performances are also mostly fine and seem pretty committed in here (Juan is probably my favorite, but shout outs to Adela, Harper, Darius (who literally just leaves the movie and never comes back, lol), and Chiago). Like most of the other Purge movies, the main threat here is usually just the other purgers (and this is really no different with one group of purgers turning up near the end of the movie to become the makeshift main antagonists - their leader is the de facto 'final boss'). The purgers themselves still have some unique and neat looking gear and attire (they mostly have a 'Western' vibe about them - lots of cowboy hats, dusters, and skull masks). The carnage seems downgraded from the previous entries here (it's not really played up too much like the other movies, not a lot of violent or bloody kills - there are some, but not as many as usual). The climax plays out in a similar fashion to The Purge: Anarchy (I'm sensing a pattern here), and the ending itself (which finishes on an upbeat note) seems to imply that there's more to come (and apparently there is).

Final thoughts, the makeup and visual effects are competent looking for the most part (and I would hope so: the rest of this series had some decent visuals, and this is a Hollywood production after all - the CGI blood still looks too obvious, though). The horror in this is rather downplayed to be honest (there's far more action, and most of the 'horror' aspects are cheesy jump scares and murdered corpses strung about). Just like the previous entry (The First Purge (2018), which I reviewed in Spooktober 2018), the script in this has some dumb moments (like Harper warding off those bikers with the flag) and cringy dialogue ('bad hombres', huh? super subtle). The editing overall seems fine, but there are a couple of continuity issues in here (the main one is easily Dylan's mouth gag, which switches between clean and bloody like seven times during that one scene). I got five stray shout outs going out to the straight up terrorist styled execution (well, that was some proper carnage), the reporter who gets domed on live TV (BOOM! HEADSHOT!), the Nazi guy calling out the various gun calibers (not gratuitous, not gratuitous at all), the tank blast that knocks over the cameraman (lol), and the Dracula cameo at the movie theater (chef's kiss). This is essentially more of the same, but there is still some decent entertainment to be had with it (if you like this series, then you'll probably be pleased with this entry).

Rating: 6/10 (Decent) Best Character: Juan (Tenoch Huerta)

No. 10 - Tuesday the 5th (Twisted Tuesday)

Mini-Review: An early 2020's action horror from Sony, which is a sequel to Escape Room (2019). So, I watched the 'Extended Cut' of this movie, and, apparently, it's basically a totally separate movie from the 'Theatrical Cut' (I didn't watch the Theatrical Cut, and accidentally spoiled it for myself when I read up on this, but the setup is different for both and the endings pretty much change the dynamics of them completely). The two survivors from the previous escape room get tricked and forced to face another series of traps along with more former survivors. Even though I watched one cut I'll comment on both cuts here just to mention the differences (since the setup changes how each cut plays out). In the Extended, the story shows the trap maker and his family from the start, but apparently this is all absent from the Theatrical (instead someone else is calling the shots - that 'someone' is a surprise reveal). I'll be honest here, after reading up on the other cut, the Extended seems like the 'canon' version (and here's why: the Theatrical feels like they changed it with reshoots in case the movie flopped because of the pandemic - the Extended feels more like it was planned to actually continue the franchise, and sets up more sequels to come). Either way, each story isn't too impressive and feels like 'Saw'-lite (the runtime and pacing seem adequate, though).

The performances seem mostly decent and convincing in here (about on par with the previous movie from what I remember - I guess the main girl, Zoey, is probably the best here, shout outs to Ben (who I now remember as Frank Reynolds' friend), Rachel, and Isabelle Fuhrman and James Frain (who only appear in the Extended Cut) as Claire and Henry). In the Extended, Henry is the trap maker and he's shown being rather obsessive about his work (they show him designing traps in the prologue, which also has his wife and daughter in it). There's also intercuts with Henry throughout this cut of the movie (they show his reactions to Zoey and the gang making it through the various rooms - so he does have a 'presence' in the movie and isn't just shoehorned in). From what I've read, the other 'villain' in the Theatrical isn't shown straight off the bat (their identity is revealed in the finale). Speaking of the traps, they seem a bit better in this than the first movie (they're more elaborate and 'thrilling' in here, and each cut has an 'exclusive' trap: the 'water cage' in the Theatrical and the 'super sauna' in the Extended - my favorite trap was the 'laser bank', which has a straight up Resident Evil (2002) styled laser grid in it). The climax and ending are both somewhat dark, but different in each cut with the Extended seemingly implying that there's more to come (the Theatrical sounds like a more 'definitive' ending).

Final thoughts, the CGI and visual effects mostly holds up in here (it does get pretty rough and dicey in some spots, like the sand in the 'quicksand beach' trap and the lock and chain in the 'acid rain' trap - the electricity in the 'lightning train' trap looks fine, though). The writing does still feel a bit sloppy in some scenes (there's just too many shortcuts and leaps in logic taken, like Nathan getting 'abandoned' - Rachel gives an egregious title drop, which reminded me of Deadshot's title drop in Suicide Squad (2016)). As with the previous film, the camerawork (cinematography and lighting) looks professional and feels high quality in here (each of the rooms has a different look and feel about them, but they do all eventually get a 'darker' setting - which they do a good job of shifting between). The rest of the filmmaking aspects work out for the most part in here (and add to the 'watchability' of the movie). I got one stray shout out going out to Rachel opening the crab box (it has to happen!). We've got another helping of PG-13 Saw for the most part here, but I actually enjoyed this a bit more than the previous movie (it's very fast with almost nonstop action - there's only a couple of moments to breathe in here). I don't know if I'll ever watch the Theatrical Cut, but this Extended Cut will earn a seven from me.

Rating: 7/10 (Good) Best Character: Zoey (Taylor Russell)

No. 11 - Wednesday the 6th (Weird Wednesday)

Mini-Review: An early 2000's Sci-Fi comedy horror from Fantastic Factory and Vestron, which is the third and final installment of the Re-Animator series. The director of the previous entry, Bride of Re-Animator (1990), returns as director of this one, and they did do another great job of making this feel like it belongs in this series. While in prison for his previous crimes, Dr. Herbert West once again receives the opportunity to continue his serum's research with the aid of a recently hired young doctor. The setup is similar to the first Re-Animator, but how it plays out has more in common with Bride of Re-Animator (with the deceased loved one angle being revived with the serum). I really liked this story because it feels like a celebration of the entire series here (which is fitting since this is the final entry). The runtime feels fine and the pacing is still pretty fast (just like the other movies).

The cast does it again - even in the 2000's, they know what's up and how to accurately portray these personalities (it's kind of amazing - Jeffrey Combs pretty much picks up right where he left off at (Dr. West's characterization is surprisingly true to his previous portrayals as well), and earns my top spot, but shout outs to Howard, Laura, Brando, Speedball, and a r a r e shout out to Ratty). Warden Brando serves a similar role to Dr. Hill from the first movie (the closest character to a main antagonist). Like Dr. Hill, he's also fairly slimy and becomes a zombie eventually (he never looks as grotesque as Dr. Hill, though). Meanwhile, Howard (who is named after H.P. Lovecraft himself) fills the same role as Dan (West's enthusiastic young assistant and one who eventually wants to use the serum to revive his murdered loved one). These allusions are fine by me (and obviously bringing back the originals was probably not going to happen). The climax is satisfying (and sort of an amalgamation of the other movies), but the ending feels like it's implying that there's more to come (but there isn't).

Final thoughts, the makeup and special effects, delivered by Screaming Mad George, are definitely up to par for this series, and look pretty fantastic (most of them are practical with the gore, injuries, and various props fitting the bill for Yuzna's previous work - there's also some CGI and green screen which isn't always the finest, but it does get the job done). There's kills in this (just like the rest of the series), and they are extremely gory and rather creative ('one killer high', which features a juicy body explosion, is my highlight). There's also some more nudity in here (the others have nudity as well, but this doesn't have as much as them - a couple of topless shots and one full-frontal). I got five stray shout outs going out to the anatomy text book opening credits (you just got learned), Brando making Laura bark (wtf?), Howard hiding under Emily (sure), Speedball munching on pills and shooting up the serum (he ain't called Speedball for nothing!), and the mid-credits scene with Ratty fighting the Zombie Dick ('mahvelous, darling!'). Listen, this kicks ass, alright? If you liked the previous movies, then you're probably going to like this (it was made with love, and it shows - an incredible finale to an incredible series).

Rating: 9/10 (Incredible) Best Character: Dr. Herbert West (Jeffrey Combs)

No. 12 - Thursday the 7th (Throwback Thursday)

Mini-Review: A mid 80's monster movie from New World and Arrow Video here. I watched the 'Integral Cut' for this review. This is just some good old fashioned 80's horror fun here. When people start to mysteriously disappear, the citizens of New York investigate and discover that the culprits are a group of bloodthirsty sewer mutants. It's a fairly straightforward deal here, and doesn't really stray too far from that setup (I don't have much to comment on for this story - I enjoyed it a lot, and, while it is pretty simple, it gets the job done). The runtime and pacing both seem fine for this cut here (it also seems fairly streamlined, too - sprinkled with a couple of 'joined in progress' scenes, and some where the details aren't really dwelled on too closely).

The cast is mostly good and serves their roles nicely here (Lauren seemed to be a bit early with some of her line delivery, but that's the only thing that stood out - George (played by John Heard) is my favorite, but shout outs to Wilson, Bosch, and Daniel Stern as AJ). You know, you'd think that the CHUDs would be the main threat, but you'd be wrong (well, mostly - Wilson is the main antagonist here). Even though a human is the primary villain, the CHUDs do get their time in (like most monster movies, they don't appear fully on screen until near the end). Their appearance is pretty neat (a nice grotesque treat of practical effects), and they do live up to their acronym ('first they meet you, then they eat you!'). The climax and ending deliver the goods, and are quite satisfying (it finishes on a pretty definitive note, too - despite there being a sequel).

Final thoughts, the makeup and special effects serve up some delicious 80's m a g i c here (as mentioned, the creature effects on the CHUDs look great, and so do the injuries, gore, and the 'transformed' victims - you get the best showings from these mid 80's movies from what I've noticed). The score, supplied by Martin Cooper, is pretty much fantastic (some awesome synth work here - I especially loved the ending theme). The camerawork does an excellent job of showcasing and enhancing the atmosphere in this (most notably the cramped and darkened underground areas). I got three stray shout outs going out to George's 'conversation' with Derek (via the answering machine, lol), that guy who eats AJ's coin (bewildering, lol), and John Goodman's cameo (as the scumbag cop). I wish I had more to say about this, but I don't (it's just a highly enjoyable 80's offering, which hits the spot for me - it's gonna earn the top grade because I can't think of any major flaws that'll prevent it from doing so: hell of a movie here).

Rating: 10/10 (Masterwork) Best Character: George Cooper (John Heard)

No. 13 - Thursday the 7th (Throwback Thursday)

Mini-Review: A late 80's comedy horror zombie flick from Vestron, which is a sequel to C.H.U.D. (1984). This doesn't really feel like the other movie, and is mostly just a zombie comedy here (it actually seems like it'd fit in with the Re-Animator series). After some teens accidentally unleash a zombie, referred to as a CHUD, the government must track it down and destroy it. Yeah, it's basically a wacky 80's zombie romp from there on out (the story is nothing like the original, and this goes its own way with it). This story didn't really do much for me here (it feels a little too derivative, and not particularly inspired - it feels like a Re-Animator spinoff more than anything, but like an inferior version of that). Despite the weak story, the runtime and pacing are both adequate enough in here (the second act is the only time when it slows down a bit).

The cast is mostly decent and seem to know what the deal with this is (they don't really take it too seriously, and know it's absurd - Bud the Chud, the titular character (played by Gerrit Graham, who I remember from TerrorVision (1986)), is my favorite, but shout outs to Steve, Katie and Colonel Masters). Bud the Chud is the only CHUD at first, but this is a zombie movie, so of course he's gonna make more of them (through the usual methods of biting and such - all of the CHUDs are literally just zombies). Their appearance is a severe downgrade from the original (there's zombie-like CHUDs in the original, too, but the makeup job is really weak in this entry), but they are a bit more 'hardy' than normal zombies (they take a lot of punishment here). I prefer the other CHUDs, but these CHUDs remind me of Re-Animator zombies (and Bud himself is literally brought back with a green serum). The climax is creative and somewhat satisfying, and the ending seems dark but they play it for laughs.

Final thoughts, the makeup and special effects are decent for the most part (the CHUDs are underwhelming (they look too cheap and basic), as mentioned, but the visuals on the 'cryo-tech' look alright). The comedy in here is mostly absurd situation-based (like the CHUD chasing after its own severed head or Bud and the other CHUDs synchronized dancing - it doesn't always hit, but it's never flat out terrible). The soundtrack in this isn't as memorable as the first movie, but it is fairly serviceable (the highlight probably being the main theme song). As for the remaining filmmaking aspects, they don't leave much of an impression one way or the other (the camerawork, sound design, writing, and editing never sticks out or stands out - it's mostly just an average outcome here). I got four stray shout outs going out to the classic cat jump scare (love those guys), Steve jettisoning Jasper down the stairs (very dumb image, lol), that lady's outlandish aerobics getup (it is the 80's after all), and the runaway cadaver (there's your callback, bay bay!). I get what they were going for with this, but it didn't impress me very much (it's not bad, but it's not good either - it's sort of just there in the middle). It's an alright offering on its own, but kind of a letdown as a CHUD sequel.

Rating: 5/10 (Average) Best Character: Bud the Chud (Gerrit Graham)

No. 14 - Friday the 8th (Foreign Friday: Italy)

Mini-Review: A late 80's Italian zombie flick from Severin Films and Italian schlock king Claudio Fragasso (who you may know as the director of the legendary Troll 2 (1990) - here he's posing as somebody called 'Clyde Anderson'), which is the fourth installment of the Zombie series. Well, just like the previous movie (and really this entire 'series'), this doesn't have anything to do with any of the movies that came before it (but it does return to the island setting that Zombie (1979) had). While on a mysterious tropical island, a group of people fall victim to flesh-eating zombies, which were unleashed there decades earlier. Despite this not being an actual sequel to Zombie (1979), it does share some commonality with it (the setting, obviously, but also the zombies being supernatural again instead of scientific). This story is very barebones, and doesn't dwell on specifics (well, none of them really do). The prologue is easily the best portion of it (which has some straight up bangers in it). The runtime and pacing are fairly standard for the genre, but the pacing does slow down a bit in the second act.

The performances seem fine, but everyone is dubbed over with English voice actors, so it's kind of difficult to properly evaluate this cast (the voice actors vary in quality, but most of them seemed competent at the very least - Jenny is my favorite, but shout outs to Dan and Chuck). The zombies look better in here than in Zombie 3 (1988) (from what I remember anyway), but not as good as Zombie (1979) (then again those would've been almost impossible to top - these guys still look pretty gross at times). Some of them, like the recently transformed zombies, retain human characteristics (like being able to talk and use weapons). Most of the zombies can run and also fight with hand to hand combat (lol - the image of the survivors literally having a fist fight with these zombies is pretty funny). They do still behave like typical zombies, though (savagely ripping people apart and eating them - the works, basically). There isn't any one main zombie, but they all have the same goal (which is to capture Jenny - it's apart of the voodoo priest's revenge plot as shown in the prologue). The climax is kind of bewildering, and the finale features the obligatory downer ending here (nearly all of these Italian zombie movies finish with a grim and dark ending, and this one is no different).

Final thoughts, the makeup and special effects are pretty good and gruesome looking in here (a step up from Zombie 3, but they never reach the heights of Zombie - the plentiful blood and gore, the grotesque injuries, and the gnarly transformation scene are a nice return to form). There's kills in this, and they're gory and creative enough that Fulci would probably be proud ('face rip with a side of go to hell!', which is just as awesome as it sounds, is my highlight). About the dubbing, its actual quality is pretty rough with some poor syncing at times (the mix just seems weirdly 'off' in some instances). The soundtrack, supplied by Al Festa, features a good deal of synth and soft rock (including the weirdo opening theme song, which repeats a couple of times in the movie and plays over the ending credits as well) - it's kind of cheesy, but also kind of cool (lol). The screenplay, supplied by the same writer of Zombie 3, features plenty of endearing cheese and the like (I like it a bit more than this writer's previous effort). I got one stray shout out going out to Tommy chasing down and fighting that one zombie (it's perfectly absurd, lol). This is a pretty entertaining offering here, which doesn't seem to take itself too seriously (if you liked Zombie (1979), then you might like this one as well - it's pretty similar and actually feels like it could be a sequel to that movie).

Rating: 7/10 (Good) Best Character: Jenny (Candice Daly)

No. 15 - Friday the 8th (Foreign Friday: Italy)

Mini-Review: A late 80's Italian supernatural slasher from Vinegar Syndrome, which is the fifth installment of the Zombie series (this one has a pair of directors who are jointly posing as somebody named 'Claude Milliken'). This is billed as the 'fifth' entry of this series (despite coming out before both of the entries that came before it, lol), but, like the rest, it has nothing to do with the other movies (this also pretty much has nothing to do with its title either: there's no zombies (they're more like ghouls), and there are birds, but they don't kill anybody). As they venture into the Louisiana wilderness to research a rare bird, a group of students encounter an abandoned house, which holds some grim and grisly secrets. That's the best description that I got for the, uh, 'events' that unfold in this movie. This story is extremely dry and not much happens until about fifty minutes into the runtime (the opening is exciting with some nice bloody kills and the only bird action in the movie, but the momentum falls off a cliff after that). So, yeah, the runtime itself is average, but the pacing is absolutely rotten.

The cast feels like amateur hour, but they do get somewhat lively near the end (and they also have their real voices instead of being overdubbed - Anne is probably my favorite, but shout outs to Steve, Paul and Dr. Brown). There's a couple of killers in this, but I guess the ghouls are the main ones (Dr. Fredrick Brown is the murderer in the prologue). These ghouls do resemble zombies, but they don't behave like zombies (they make no attempt to eat their victims and have an actual goal that isn't just 'infect everyone'). Their origin is shown in the prologue, and their motivation is revenge-based (Brown massacred them in the prologue, and they're 'haunting' the house while waiting for Brown's return). Brown wears sunglasses after the time skip because that falcon pecked his eyeball out (this is the only time when a bird actually attacks a person, and they don't even kill him). The kills are extremely gory and kind of creative ('right between the eyes' is my highlight). The climax features a very dumb and unsatisfying explanation for the ghouls and their actions, and the ending itself is fairly dark (but does align with the downer endings of the other movies).

Final thoughts, the makeup and special effects are rather limited, but they do look pretty great when they do appear (the gore (like the throat tear) and the injuries (like the severed fingers or the eye pecking) look adequate enough to hang with this series - obviously they aren't as good as Zombie (1979), or probably even After Death (1989), but they are about on par with Zombie 3 (1988)). Here's another banger of a score (this time supplied by Carlo Maria Cordio), which is pretty cheesy and almost porno-like in quality (but sports some tasty 80's synth work as well). The camerawork just kind of feels like a 'whatever' in here (the composition looks bland, but the sets, especially in the house, seem decently lit - my favorite shot is probably the ghoul breaking through the wall to grab Anne, which has some really cool lighting). There's a couple of filmmaking mistakes in here, but the most obvious (and careless) one is the whole crew and equipment being visible in Brown's sunglasses across multiple scenes. I got two stray shout outs going out to the actors' accents being all over the place (this is supposed to be Louisiana, by the way) and Rob's terrible stick figure porno animation (so stupid, lol). This whole movie feels like a fever dream, and not a particularly good one either (it's easily the worst of the series so far - mostly because it's just a super dry and bland showing). This is pretty bad, but it's also pretty boring (which is even worse for me - it's got about a four here on IMDb, and that actually seems about right for this).

Rating: 4/10 (Mediocre) Best Character: Anne (Lara Wendel)

No. 16 - Saturday the 9th (Shark Saturday)

Mini-Review: A mid 70's natural horror and sharksploitation flick from the Cannon Group and Arrow Video here. This is sort of an inversion of this genre's expectations here. A man, who has a psychic link and a personal bond to sharks, decides to use his abilities to take revenge on the locals' cruelty towards sharks. It's not a complicated story, but it's not a very compelling one either (it pretty much serves its purpose, one way or the other). I guess I don't have much to say about this story - it's fairly dark and none of the characters are particularly 'good' (even the protagonist, who is basically a slasher killer). You've got yourself an average runtime here, but the pacing suffers a bit in the second act.

The cast does a serviceable job across the board in here (Stein (played by Richard Jaeckel, who I also liked in Grizzly (1976) and Mr. No Legs (1978)) is my favorite, but shout outs to Karen, Barney, and Goldfinger's 'Oddjob' cameo). You'd think that the sharks would be the main threat, but you'd be wrong (they do commit a good deal of the murders, but Stein is actually the main murderer here). Stein has a mystical medallion, which he can use to control the sharks (and he does so to commit violent murders on various scumbag individuals). Stein murders a couple of people on his own as well (but, like The Oily Maniac (1976), these people are duplicitous bastards). The climax and ending both played out the exact way that I thought they would (and are very dark and grim, too).

Final thoughts, there isn't much in the way of makeup and special effects in here, but the little that there is wasn't very impressive (the blood in the water looks fine, but the injuries and gore aren't anything to write home about). There's kills in this, and they're pretty basic and unadorned ('Anton Chigurh tribute special', which is exactly what you think it is, is my highlight). The camerawork looks about average in here (although the picture quality isn't too great, so it's difficult to determine the actual quality of any of this - some shots look kind of rough). The score is mostly foreboding, but also kind of funky sometimes (I dug it, tbh). I got two stray shout outs going out to the underwater go-go dance routine (both versions, lol) and the stunt work with the sharks (those guys sure can move). This just feels like a slasher with some sharks added into it (and normally I'd probably like that, but this doesn't really take anything as far as I'd have liked it to). It did play out like I thought it would, but it didn't go where I hoped it would (it's not that bad or even poorly made, though, so I'll probably give it a five for keeping me mildly entertained throughout).

Rating: 5/10 (Average) Best Character: Sonny Stein (Richard Jaeckel)

No. 17 - Saturday the 9th (Shark Saturday)

Mini-Review: A late 70's romance and sharksploitation flick from MGM and Scorpion Releasing here. I'll say this right at the top: if you're expecting any 'real' shark action in here, then you're going to be disappointed (this is basically just a romance movie). I watched Scorpion Releasing's 2021 release for this (which only includes the 'Swedish Cut' of the movie - the original 'Mexican Cut' (or 'Uncut Version') apparently runs over two hours). While on vacation, a man joins up with some swingers, learns to hunt sharks, and is eventually forced to face off with an enormous tiger shark. This story is heavy on the 'slice of life' aspects, and feels quite directionless for much of the runtime (it only really gets into gear for the final twenty minutes of the movie). The story is dull, but the pacing is extra rotten (and makes it even more of a chore to get through - a very frustrating picture that takes nearly an hour of screen time before something remotely interesting starts to happen).

The cast (from what I could tell anyway) seems adequate, but there's some overdubbing happening in here, too (Steven (played by Hugo Stiglitz, who I also liked in Nightmare City (1980)) is my favorite, but shout outs to Patricia, Miguel and Susan George as Gabriella). There's plenty of sharks in the movie, but there is a 'main' shark, too (it's the tiger shark, or the titular 'Tintorera'). This shark appears and kills a couple of people over the course of the movie, but Steven waits until the very end of the movie before he decides to confront it (one event in particular sets him off onto his journey). So, yeah, Steven and Miguel are shark hunters, and that plays a major role in the movie (with them apparently killing real sharks). There's lots of shark killing, but not a lot of sharks killing (they kill like ten of those sharks). The climax and ending seem rushed and both just sort of 'happen' (and then full-on iris out - 'that's all folks!').

Final thoughts, there are some makeup and special effects shots, but not many (the human deaths are extremely bloody with some nice and hyperrealistic looking gore - the shark deaths are also bloody (real blood, of course), but not really gory at all). There's plenty of gratuitous nudity and cheesy sex scenes (oftentimes it's full nudity from pretty much every character - that boat party scene is a myriad of ass shots). The score for this one just adds to the cheesiness here (it stands out the most in these 'lovetages'). The dubbing is pretty obvious, and not particularly well done (there's only a couple of characters who have decent syncing). I got three stray shout outs going out to Patricia's NFL beach towel (can you tell she's American?), Steven and Patricia kissing underwater (proper cheese), and the tiger shark coming back for seconds on that one girl (pure brutality). I would say that this was a letdown, but I'm not even sure what I expected going into this (I guess my expectations were probably some solid shark action). Either way, any expectations I would've had were definitely not met (this movie committed the worst sin in my opinion: it was dull as dishwater - I do have a morbid curiosity about the 'Uncut Version', and how painful to get through that cut is). The gore (excluding the real stuff) looks pretty good, but everything else is really rotten (I can only really recommend this if you're a Stiglitz completionist, lol).

Rating: 3/10 (Bad) Best Character: Steven (Hugo Stiglitz)

No. 18 - Sunday the 10th (Slasher Sunday)

Mini-Review: A mid 2000's slice of life slasher from Maverick here. Here's yet another slicer that takes its time to setup. After being raped and humiliated, a girl decides to take revenge on her tormentors by hunting them down one by one. That's the gist of the story, but that actually takes a good while to fully set up (and the kills don't begin until nearly an hour into the runtime - that's right, it's another over fifty minute setup here, folks). However, I will say that the lead-up to the murders is mostly good (and gives the main girl a vicious reason to carry out her massacre). It is still largely 'slice of life', though, so if you don't care for slower paced plots, then this probably isn't up your alley (the pacing, not the kill pacing, is fine enough and the structure is sound - the runtime fairly reasonable, too). Here I'm not too disappointed with the kill pacing since the story itself works out for the most part (it's also super dark and very downbeat).

The performances are mostly amateur hour, but they do eventually 'get into the groove' after a certain point (you'll know it when it happens - Michelle's Mother, whose performance feels the most genuine, is probably the best, but shout outs to Michelle, Debbie, and Stephanie). Michelle Rosen is also the killer. Her origin and motivation are covered in the lengthy lead-up to the final act (she basically wants revenge on the popular kids for what they did to her). Her main weapon is a dagger, and she doesn't have a 'main' disguise (she wears a couple of 'slutty' outfits after her 'change' (including the one on the poster), and she also wears multiple costumes during the Halloween party - one of which is a generic 'slasher villain' costume, complete with machete). The kills are violent and bloody, but pretty basic ('heads up!' is my highlight). The climax and ending are about what you'd probably expect, and tie up on a downer note.

Final thoughts, the makeup and special effects aren't really anything to write home about (they're not bad, but they aren't really 'good' either - I suppose they get the job done). The audio features some rather over the top sound effects in here (like the 'squishing' or the 'crunching' sounds, which are too cartoonish - especially given the dark nature of the story). The camerawork looks adequate for the most part, but the shots don't stand out too much (there's some Giallo-like closeups during the final rampage, but those are the only ones that really caught my eye). The movie as a whole has a very 'shot-on-video' quality to it (even though I did watch a high definition copy, the video quality was rough and looked like an upscale - as opposed to proper HD video). I got four stray shout outs going out to Aaron's 'sex jams' CD (not creepy, not creepy at all), that guy calling Michelle's place for a handjob (outlandish, lol), Jake's 'Whatever' t-shirt (don't ask), and Wendy's illegal eye gouge (it has to happen!). This has a cheap and amateur look and feel to it, but that doesn't hold it back too much. It'll make for a decent enough offering, which could've been better if the kills were paced out more evenly.

Rating: 6/10 (Decent) Best Character: Mrs. Rosen (Mimi Marie)

No. 19 - Sunday the 10th (Slasher Sunday)

Mini-Review: A late 2010's indie holiday slasher from Uncork'd here. Here's one that tries to blend in home invasion with slasher, and has some, uh, 'familiar' results. A pair of psychotic girls go on a killing spree targeting those who choose not to celebrate Halloween. This story is basically a mashup of Halloween (1978) and The Strangers (2008) (you've got your fairly mundane setup a la Halloween that eventually turns into 'home sweet home invasion' a la The Strangers). It doesn't completely copy either of those movies, though, and does go it's own way (but its way also doesn't stray too far from what you might expect). It's a fine story for what it is, and its runtime and pacing make sure it doesn't overstay or wear out its welcome (the 'Coda' addendum at the end of the movie is really rotten, though, and this would've been so much better without it - I get why they added it (because they needed more to extend the runtime), but it's so bad (like bad acting, bad writing, bad everything really), doesn't add anything (well, except a weird aspect ratio change for some reason), and ties up in a very unsatisfying manner.

The performances are above average for something like this, and actually seem pretty committed from most of the cast (there's a couple of familiar faces in here, too - Ella (played by Brea Grant, who I remember as Ryan from Showtime's DEXTER) is my favorite, but shout outs to Samuel, the Twins, and Richard Riehle (aka Charlie from Casino (1995)) as Principal Dale). The Twins (a pair of unnamed sisters) are also the killers. They wear a couple of stylized and eye catching masks (they look quite nice and actually do resemble the poster) as their main disguises, and don't really have a 'main' weapon. Their origin is sort of shown in the prologue (where they are literally born in), and their motivation is to 'punish' individuals who refuse to partake in Halloween. They don't get much in the way of development and their personalities are pretty flat (they might as well be Dollface and Pin-Up Girl from The Strangers). The kills get pretty bloody, but they're mostly basic ('not a cat person', which is rather absurd, is my highlight). The climax and ending are both kind of mild (but not necessarily unsatisfying), and seem to imply that there's more to come (by the way, just stop watching the movie after Ella collapses on the lawn - trust me, lol).

Final thoughts, the makeup and special effects only get a few chances to really shine, but they do pull out all their stops for their showings (nearly all of the gore is in aftermath shots (probably because it's easier to setup with these low budget pictures) - the Jack-O-Lantern is the main highlight here). Although the acting is relatively decent, the writing itself is pretty mediocre (the actors do their best to get the most out this dialogue, though). The sound gets kind of crappy in certain scenes (there's a few problems with the mixing - you'll know it when it happens). The camerawork looks the part, but does get a little weird sometimes (like when it randomly zooms in and out during some scenes). The coloring (in my copy at least - I watched this on Prime Video) seems to get strange in a couple of scenes (two instances in particular when the palette changes to purple in one shot and then to yellow in another - I thought this was intentional at first, but now I'm not sure, lol). I got three stray shout outs going out to the U.S. flag draped around Principal Dale's desk (sure, lol), the knockoff Elvira nosy neighbor (with super 'authentic' costume), and the Halloween POV shot (a shout out in its own right). This is derivative in some ways, but not entirely. It does have flaws, but it kept me entertained throughout its runtime. It's not exactly a 'good' movie, but I had a good time watching it (so that's a 'good' enough reason for me to award it that score).

Rating: 7/10 (Good) Best Character: Ella Block (Brea Grant)

No. 20 - Monday the 11th (Monster Monday)

Mini-Review: A late 80's supernatural monster movie from Vinegar Syndrome here. This is the 'creature feature' type of monster movie, and it doesn't really go too far outside of its genre's conventions. A family moves into an old house in the desert, which is also home to a hideous abomination originally placed there by Native Americans. I will give this story some credit for not using the usual tropes associated with Native Americans in here (there's no burial ground, there's no Wendigo, there's no possession - not much of anything that you'd probably expect). It mostly just plays out like a typical monster movie, though (it is still a relatively enjoyable story, however). The structure and runtime are both solid, and the pacing is rather quick (that said, the opening prologue does feel somewhat drawn out).

The cast is pretty good with convincing performances in here (Mance is probably my favorite, but shout outs to Willy, Emily, Sam John, and Ford Rainey as T.C.). The creature, which is called the 'Caguay' (that's what the subtitles say, at least), is, according to Sam John, a manifestation of the 'evil' of his people (it's pretty much a shadow beast or something like that). This creature has a really cool and gnarly looking design (but, like most monster movies, you only get a couple of good glimpses at it) and is apparently 'animatronic' of some sort (the credits list 'creature controllers'). It just wants to kill everything, and it lives in the cellar and the nearby sink hole (the opening narration does set the stage for the creature, though). The climax is explosive, and the ending, while being kind of abrupt, is fairly satisfying.

Final thoughts, the visual effects have that tasty 80's vibe to them, but they're pretty great for something like this (the gore, which is mostly in aftermath shots, and the injuries (like Sam John's severed fingers) both got a nice pop about them - the classic 80's hand-drawn lightning effects make an appearance as well). The editing is a little rough in here at times (the cuts are just slightly too sharp and abrupt for me - a couple of scenes are so fast that they almost cut mid-sentence). Most of the rest of the production values and filmmaking aspects feel above average for a lower budget creature feature like this (there are still some mistakes here and there, like the crew appearing in reflections). I got two stray shout outs going out to our lizard friend Wart (r a r e) and the scorpion that grabs the dog's nose (lol). While this isn't 'spectacular', it does provide a pretty great bang for its buck (and does a decent job of establishing a unique backstory for its creature).

Rating: 8/10 (Great) Best Character: Mance Cashen (Patrick Kilpatrick)

No. 21 - Monday the 11th (Monster Monday)

Mini-Review: An early 90's supernatural monster movie from Vinegar Syndrome here. Well, this certainly was an odd one, wasn't it? Park rangers and other locals band together to investigate the mysterious murders happening near a mountain lodge. That's about as good a 'rundown' that I can think of for the story here (I'm gonna be honest, this story is really incoherent and extremely bizarre). Something like this, a monster movie, seems like it should be a fairly straightforward deal, but it really isn't (I've really never seen anything quite like this, frankly). It is on the shorter side, and the pacing does seem to benefit from the alternating plot threads (the way it's set up, there always seems to be 'something' happening - whether or not that 'something' is particularly coherent is another matter, though, lol). It's a very confusing and almost dreamlike presentation (it literally begins with Bill having a nightmare involving lots of gore for no real reason - this dream sequence gets brought back up later on, but there's still no explanation for what it means).

The cast is pretty much all over the place here, and can't seem to decide what type of movie they're in either (Bill's performance is the most shocking because he switches gears so many times over the course of the movie - Stillman is my favorite, but shout outs to Charlie and Sheldon). Dave Sheldon isn't the main villain, but he seemingly has his own subplot which he's a threat in (he owns the lodge, but isn't really connected, at least directly, to the monster or its plot). The monster, called the 'Chocura' (that's what the subtitles said), is a creature from Native American lore (or made-up lore for the movie anyway). It's apparently a shapeshifter, but its main form looks like a demon (it's like some kind of devil; very tall, red skin, horns, etc.). The Chocura shapeshifts into a variety of other monsters (including the multi-armed creature which was my favorite). Its plan and origin is never truly revealed, but there are some hints sprinkled in (like that totem or even the lodge itself). The climax and ending are absolutely baffling, and I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to feel about them (Bill has a really strange out of character moment, which made me laugh hard - you'll know it when it happens, lol).

Final thoughts, this kicks in the front door and comes straight at you with its killer makeup and special effects (all practical, all deliciously low budget - the injuries and gore look wonderfully grotesque, and the claymation creature effects are some fantastic cheese (and reminded me of Night Train to Terror (1985)). The soundtrack is great (period, lol - especially that sweet theme song in the opening credits). The camerawork does a good job of maintaining this weird dreamlike vibe and presentation here (these shots somehow enhance the strangeness even more - it approaches fever dream status). I got six stray shout outs going out to Stillman's Deliverance (1972) obsession (timely), the random zombie that appears near that tombstone (wtf?), Charlie's, uh, 'device' in that lockbox (just ignore it, LOL), Sheldon playing with that girl's 'neck slit' (so gross, lol), Sheldon lip syncing that record, wearing that mask, and dancing with corpses (no words, man - no words), and that guy blowing up his own head ('why'd he do that?' 'why wouldn't he?'). This is mindblowing, bewildering, and really just beyond description (I'm struggling to find the right words for this because it's just so bizarre - you're either going to love it or hate it, and I think I'm on the 'love' side here). This isn't an 'incredible' movie, but it did an incredible job with what it was trying to do (but whatever 'that' was, I don't think anybody will truly ever understand, lol).

Rating: 9/10 (Incredible) Best Character: Stillman (Mike Magri)

No. 22 - Tuesday the 12th (Twisted Tuesday)

Mini-Review: An early 2020's psychological supernatural horror from Warner Bros., which is the eighth installment of The Conjuring Universe, and serves as a sequel to The Conjuring 2 (2016). I mentioned psychological first because, even though it does have the expected supernatural stuff, this is more of a psychological horror here. After they perform an exorcism, the Warrens are called upon to follow-up on the case when one of the people who was present there commits a murder, which they believe he did under possession. There's a couple of other things that happen in the background as well, but that's about the gist of the story here. It's kind of a longwinded one here (with the Warrens literally solving a separate case in-between their time working on the main case - this other case does end up being connected to the main case, but it feels like it could've been condensed for time). The main story itself is mostly fine, though (but does feel inferior to the other Conjuring movies). The runtime isn't the longest in the series (the previous entry is), but the pacing makes this feel longer than it is (it gets pretty sluggish at times).

The performances are, as usual, pretty great, nicely committed, and rather convincing in here (Vera Farmiga is my favorite once again, but shout outs to Ed, Arne, and John Noble as Father Kastner). There is a demon here (who isn't named, but is apparently a brand new one), but the main villain is a human character: an occultist named Isla. Isla and the demon are both played by the same actress (with the demon taking on Isla's form several times). The demon is never really a 'direct' threat, and prefers to screw with its victims' minds instead (this is where the 'psychological' horror aspect comes into play). The demon torments its victims with nightmarish visions, but these visions are nearly always revealed to be just illusions (there's only a couple of times when the demon actually uses its powers to cause an immediate threat, like when it summons that 'zombie'). Isla herself seems determined to reach her goal (which is to complete her ritual to the demon), but she doesn't really seem too concerned when she suffers setbacks. There's not much to her, and she's rather bland overall. The climax sort of uses the cheesy 'power of life' trope (in regards to the demon's defeat), and the ending feels pretty definitive (no sequel hooks here).

Final thoughts, the visuals and production values are top notch across the board in here (consistent with the rest of the series, particularly the other Conjuring movies - the makeup and special effects do a good job of showcasing the possessions, and the CGI and green screen are also both pretty decent with them enhancing the environment and the gross body contortions). The cinematography also seems consistent with the other Conjuring movies, but the lighting looks a bit more 'stylish' (it's decent camerawork overall with some really nice looking shots - especially in the climactic scenes). The horror elements are there, but they do seem toned down (there's plenty of mundane stuff in here, and, this being apart of The Conjuring Universe, means that there's gonna be a fair amount of its trademark jump scares - and there are, in fact I'd say that's where the majority of the scares come from, which is unfortunate). The rest of the filmmaking aspects (sound, score, set design, costume design, etc. - they're all fairly high quality and do a good job of creating the atmosphere and recreating the time period). I got two stray shout outs going out to The Exorcist homage shot (a shout out within a shout out) and Isla attacking Ed with pocket sand ('enchanted' pocket sand at that, lol). This looks and sounds the part, but it doesn't really come across as particularly effective or as entertaining as its predecessors (they seem to try their best, but the writing and direction aren't up to par here - that said, this is still a decent enough effort for what it is).

Rating: 6/10 (Decent) Best Character: Lorraine Warren (Vera Farmiga)

No. 23 - Tuesday the 12th (Twisted Tuesday)

Mini-Review: An early 2020's supernatural horror from Sony here. Here's the third year in a row where Sony had a chance to impress me with these supernatural offerings, but, uh, they did not (lol). A journalist arrives in a small town for a scoop, and ends up uncovering a far darker mystery. This story is apparently adapted from a novel, but it's still not very original here (this doesn't try to be different from other entries of this genre, and pretty much plays out exactly like you think it will - now, that's not necessarily a bad thing, but this content isn't too exceptional in its execution either). It's not the worst thing I've ever seen (it's not even the worst I've seen from Sony - that honor still goes to fellow PG-13 supernatural horror The Possession of Hannah Grace (2018)), and it did hold my attention for the most part (the runtime is of a moderate length, the structure is sound, and the pacing is rather decent).

The cast is actually quite good and greatly elevate the picture here (they do their best to get the most out of this script - Gerry is my favorite, but shout outs to Alice, Father Hagen, Natalie, and Cary Elwes as Gyles). This being a supernatural horror means that there's got to be demons, right? (wrong - it's actually more of a witch). You'd think there would be, but Mary Elnor is never stated to be possession or anything (I guess she made a 'deal with the devil' for her powers). She's got something of a unique look to her (it's meant to look like the Virgin Mary, which is who she impersonates, but she does appear with that 'mask' that they nail to her face in prologue). Speaking of the prologue, that's where you see her 'origin' (including her overkill death where they hang her and burn her at the stake simultaneously). She's a fairly standard villain type for this genre, though (her main angle is being able to perform 'miracles'). The climax and ending are both pretty typical and predictable (and finish up with a slight sequel hook).

Final thoughts, I guess this is a mid budget feature, but these visuals and CGI looks pretty rough in some shots (actually it never really looks 'good', and the CGI in particular looks rotten and unconvincing at times - the worst ones are probably the scene with Mary emerging from the river and the fiery cross (most of the fire CGI is really bad)). The cinematography and color grading do a nice job of establishing the appropriate vibe in here (it's got a gloomy and dreary look with the grayish filter - this works well with the type of horror this is going for). Speaking of the horror, this is a PG-13 horror, which means that the gore and graphic images are running on empty, and the jump scares are through the roof (holy hell, this is loaded with them, including a couple of back to back ones - the characters in the movie itself even get jump scared at one point, lol). I don't like jump scares because I think they're really cheesy and cheap, but I did get got a couple of times here (most of them are pretty cheesy, though). I got one stray shout out going out to the statues' eyes bleeding (you know what it is: it has to happen!). If you're like me, then this isn't anything to write home about. However, this is made for teenagers, and, with that in mind, I suppose it's a serviceable enough offering (so, it's gonna get a five from me for its efforts).

Rating: 5/10 (Average) Best Character: Gerry Fenn (Jeffrey Dean Morgan)

No. 24 - Wednesday the 13th (Weird Wednesday)

Mini-Review: A late 80's Sci-Fi body horror from Trans World and Shout! Factory, which is the first installment of the Curse series, and an adaptation of "The Colour Out of Space" by H.P. Lovecraft (I watched another adaptation of this story, Color Out of Space (2019), in Spooktober 2020). I have to say that this is probably one of the grossest movies that I've ever seen. After a strange meteorite lands near their farm, a family slowly deteriorates following exposure to the meteorite's contaminated resources. Yeah, this turns into Gross-Out City hard after a certain point (but not the 'fun' type of gross - the type of grossness that makes you feel bad and sends shivers down your spine, lol). There's not much emphasis on the actual meteorite here, and the story prefers to focus on the after effects of the family (there's no real mention of the 'Colour' that I can remember - the meteorite does have a 'color', but the actual 'Colour' never appears). The story here is good, though, and plays out in a very 80's fashion (if you know, you know). The runtime and pacing are about adequate in here (there are a couple of strange dips, but it stays the course for the most part).

The performances are very good and do an even better job of selling the story here (something like this could've easily devolved into absurdity, but they keep it together and keep the strictly horror vibe - Nathan, who is a perfect hate sink, is my favorite (this character was also my favorite in Color Out of Space (2019)), but shout outs to Forbes, Alice, Cyrus, and Wil Wheaton as Zack). Since there's no Colour in this version, Nathan Crane takes the lead as the main threat (he's a total ass and basically shepherds the family into oblivion - he also offers up the final obstacle for Zack to overcome). Most of the family suffers from grotesque lesions and other malformations throughout the movie (there's no 'abominations', though). The contamination turns them insane and murderous (although Nathan and Cyrus were already jerks before that - they just get even more nasty and repugnant). They do actually show the Colour meteorite crashing here (and it looks kind of funny - almost in a surreal manner). The climax and ending have some similarities to the original story, and do honor Lovecraft's tradition of having a rather dark and foreboding finish ('nobody wins!').

Final thoughts, the visual effects do have that 80's look and feel to them (with some shots looking sort of iffy), but when they get into the deep of it it does a pretty fantastic job of making the gore, injuries, and other disgusting aspects look the part (there is plenty of gross, abhorrent stuff in here - some of my highlights are: the cut open cabbage, the 'rotten' apples, and the insect-filled wounds on those cows (I'm not gonna lie, that last one hurt my feelings, lol)). I guess this has some Italian horror film crew working on it (Fulci's got a producer's credit), and the filmmaking in here does feel like it could be an Italian horror (particularly the camerawork and the score). I got three stray shout outs going out to Charlie's smoke ring (perfectly sleazy), the exploding bloody tomato (say it with me now: it. has. to. happen.), and the gratuitous fanservice oil down scene (that didn't need to happen, but it sure was pretty funny). I usually don't have any problems handling these types of gruesome, grotesque movies, but that's because they're mostly played for laughs. This one isn't, and is actually an awesome straight up body horror movie here (that doesn't have to resort to comedy to get its point across). I was eating popcorn while watching this, and I'll just say that that was a, uh, poor decision (LOL).

Rating: 9/10 (Incredible) Best Character: Nathan Crane (Claude Akins)

No. 25 - Thursday the 14th (Throwback Thursday)

Mini-Review: A mid 60's Sci-Fi monster movie from CIP and Synapse Films here. Well, this pretty much lived up to its name here: a goofy, trashy flick tailor-made for the local drive-in. When a UFO crashes in California, a group of locals and government officials task themselves with discovering its origins, while a grotesque alien creature wreaks havoc. It's a simple and barebones story, and plays out in a manner that you might expect (there aren't any real surprises here). As if this story wasn't simple enough, nearly the entire movie has a 'news host'-like narration that basically explains the movie to you (every scene with the principal cast is narrated). It's a rather short runtime, but the pacing isn't anything special (but what does that mean? - it's got to do with the way the movie unfolds, the structure is strange, so it was never really going to be capable of taking advantage of its shorter runtime).

It's difficult to appropriately assess the cast and their performances (because of the heavy narration), but, when they do get to actually speak some lines, they seem okay, albeit sort of stiff in their delivery (they're not gonna win any awards for these showings, but they aren't outrageously bad - I don't really have a 'favorite' of the main cast, so I'll say that the 'Blonde in Gold Pants' is my favorite (for reasons that should be pretty evident)). So, about the monster, it's got a design that does at least look 'alien' (it's like a giant blob creature). It actually does receive an origin and explanation behind its actions (which is not something I expected, to be honest). I want to say it looks pretty terrible, but this is the 60's here (they didn't really have the best visuals back then - I'd say it looks about what you'd expect for the 60's). It makes a really bizarre and kind of uncanny sound when it 'feeds' (when it feeds looks strange enough, but when coupled with this sound just becomes kind of freaky). The climax and ending are fairly expected and not particularly satisfying (it sort of ties up on an ambiguous note).

Final thoughts, I mentioned the creature effects earlier, which are underwhelming, but there is some gore in here, too (and it actually looks sort of alright - those car crash victims and Bradford's injuries both look adequate). Also mentioned, the narrator is presented as sort of a radio news host or something like that (he gives a deadpan performance and takes this thing seriously - some of his lines are funny with his delivery, like '[Martin] told Bradford to go to hell'). The characters and their actions are straight up braindead in here (they're so stupid that it borders on parody, and I'm pretty sure that this isn't - one of them gets smart and tries to fight back against the monster, but literally nobody runs at all). This is a low budget picture, and the filmmaking aspects reflect this (the camerawork looks boring, the soundtrack is almost on 'royalty-free' level, the direction is sloppy, and the editing gives off a 'cobbled together' feeling). I got one stray shout out going out to the 'gold pants' on the blonde (it's a black and white picture, but I guess they're gold - either way, it's always strange to see 'modern' looking clothes in older movies, it feels like an anachronism). Is this movie garbage? I'd say yes (poorly made and poorly executed), but there is some fun to be found here (whether you're watching it straight up or the MST3K version - for that reason, I'll give it a four).

Rating: 4/10 (Mediocre) Best Character: Blonde in Gold Pants (Louise Lawson)

No. 26 - Thursday the 14th (Throwback Thursday)

Mini-Review: A mid 60's Sci-Fi monster movie from Arrow Video here. This was my first time watching this, and it was nowhere near as bad as I'd been led to believe (of course that still doesn't mean that it was any good). Scientists and government officials are called upon to investigate the disappearance of an astronaut, and discover the presence of an irradiated creature. Yeah, that's basically what happens, and they do stick to this narrative throughout the entire movie (the officials investigating with intercuts of the creature murdering the locals). It's not indifferent to many other monster movies that you may have seen (actually, apart from the ending, this is all fairly par for the course here). The way this all unfolds is pretty confusing at times, and plenty of details (including an apparent time skip) are just sort of glossed over in passing (still, it isn't too difficult to piece together what's happening from what is being presented). That said, I was having a relatively good time with this story up until the ending (which I'll cover in a bit). The runtime is rather short (clocking in at just over an hour), and the pacing is mostly decent until the final act (when it slows to a crawl during the 'preparation' scenes).

The performances aren't anything special here, and they're certainly not the worst that I've seen (I'd even say that they're above most of these other similar movies - Ruth was probably my favorite, but shout outs to the Logan Brothers (who are apparently portrayed by the same actor)). Okay, so, there is a monster (contrary to, uh, 'popular' belief), and this, uh, 'monster' is handled in a very conventional manner (and what I mean by that is that you really only get to see the monster when it's wreaking havoc and committing murders). This monster evidently bears a resemblance to the missing astronaut (named Frank Douglas). At one point the monster is captured by a rogue scientist, and is straight up identified as Douglas (who has apparently been 'altered' by cosmic radiation or something like that). Either way, that scientist tries to 'cure' Douglas (or the monster, lol) with an antidote of his own making (he captures 'Douglas' during the time skip and hides him away in his laboratory). You never actually see Douglas at any point, so the monster's appearance is the only indication of Douglas' appearance (well, according to the scientist, 'Douglas' has grown larger in size). The climax and ending are both utterly bewildering and actually kind of astonishing (LOL - you know, after thinking about it, I do think that I understand what happened, but I can still see where people are coming from when they consider this ending to be an enormous cop out).

Final thoughts, the makeup and special effects are admittedly pretty crappy (the Douglas monster's altered appearance, which is really just his face, looks rather cheap (and he even seems to just lose these lesions and such near the end for no reason), and his victims have pretty much no change in appearance whatsoever (despite being described as being fried from the neck down, lol)). There's a newscaster like narration which chimes in from time to time to offer more insight on the happenings (it's not as intrusive as some, uh, 'other' movies, but these details that are given are rarely helpful, lol - and sometimes make things even more confusing). The narrator tries to make sense of the finale with some kind of metaphor, but whatever that was just blows up in his face (in other words, he didn't have to go through all of that to explain what was a blatantly obvious, unsatisfying, but still obvious finish). The editing feels pretty shoddy and cobbled together in here (some scenes have really bad cuts within the same scene itself - you'll know it when it happens). There is some filler in here, and not everything that happens in the movie feels essential (one instance in particular is the scene with the woman who has car troubles - this scene is just there, has no purpose, and is never mentioned again). I could comment on the other filmmaking aspects, but I won't because the transfer here doesn't provide the best quality to judge them on. I got three stray shout outs going out to the totally groovy opening credits ('Monster a-Go Go', indeed), Logan's final expression (he didn't like what he saw, lol), and Ruth eating that olive (yes). I'd say this lived up to its title, to be honest (there is a monster, and there is some dancing). Most people will probably have seen the MST3K version of this, and that's a fine option, too. I can't say that this really disappointed me, but the ending is definitely a letdown (mostly because there is no ending - it's like a warped version of a Twilight Zone episode: the one that ends with us dancing all night long in the cosmos, goodness).

Rating: 6/10 (Decent) Best Character: Ruth (June Travis)

No. 27 - Thursday the 14th (Throwback Thursday)

Mini-Review: An early 70's Sci-Fi monster slasher hybrid from Barton Films and Film Chest here. I watched this once before like fifteen years ago or something, so I don't really remember too much about it (this might as well be another first viewing at this point). This is a monster movie, but it's also got some slasher tendencies in here (elaboration comes later, obviously). A misanthropic scientist transforms himself into a catfish monster, and seeks to enhance the marine life in order to use them to take over the world. So, yeah, not exactly what you'd expect from a typical monster movie here (the main thing you want to note here is the fact that Dr. Leopold still has his human intelligence while in monster form - most monsters are just mindless murder machines). It does unfold like most monster movies, though, but the victims that Leopold targets are often people who he feels 'wronged' by (this story does get the job done despite being fairly standard). This runs a little long for a monster movie (clocking in at nearly an hour and forty minutes), but the pacing seems fine here (there are some weird diversions, which bring the pacing to a screeching halt, though).

The cast serves their roles, but none of them are particularly impressive (some consider them flat out terrible, lol - Rex was probably my favorite, but shout outs to Martha and Krantz). Dr. Kurt Leopold is the monster-killer. He's pretty much your classic 'mad scientist' trope here (he hates people and wants to use fish to conquer the world - his reasons for this, and wanting to become a catfish, are never really explained). He becomes the catfish monster early on, and never reverts back to being human (he also never really speaks at all in the movie - all of his dialogue is delivered via voice over narration). He basically uses a Re-Animator styled green glowing serum to transform into a knockoff Gill-Man. His appearance as the creature looks pretty bad (the costume is cheap and unconvincing in most shots - it looks best in underwater and far away shots). The costume would've looked a lot better without the terrible-looking mouth (it'd still look rather ridiculous, but less ridiculous with just a snout there, lol). The kills are bloody, but pretty poor overall (they're also intercut with footage of fish for some reason - 'bashed and slashed' is my highlight). The climax and ending are semi-satisfying and sort of remind me of the finale to The Creature Walks Among Us (1956) (but a bleaker version).

Final thoughts, the makeup and special effects are low budget and equally unconvincing (lots of cheapo, barely there applications - the injuries are very weak looking and the gore has that cheesy low budget look to it (which some people might enjoy)). The writing is fairly basic and doesn't really go out of its way to be clever here (I will say that most of Leopold's dialogue is pretty rotten). The camerawork is just bland and uninspired overall in here (they make ample use of wide angled shots, and the night scenes are poorly lit and sometimes hard to make out - the underwater shots look kind of neat, though, and make the costume pop). I can't comment too much more on the technical aspects (like the sound and other picture qualities) because of the transfer that I watched (a Blu-ray supplied by Film Chest, which has some alterations applied by them). I got one stray shout out going out to Krantz attending the random live performance (and them still singing while leaving, lol). If you've ever wanted to see 'Florida Man: The Movie', then this is probably going to be your best bet here (yes, this takes place in Florida, and it's probably not too far from a story that you'd probably hear coming out of there). It's another movie that's probably better as the MST3K version, but there's still some mild entertainment value here on its own (for reasons that should be pretty obvious - also, I may add this to Slasher Sunday next year).

Rating: 5/10 (Average) Best Character: Rex Baker (Gerald Cruse)

No. 28 - Friday the 15th (Foreign Friday: Japan)

Mini-Review: A late 40's Japanese Sci-Fi crime thriller from Daiei and Arrow Video, which is inspired by "The Invisible Man" by H. G. Wells. Yeah, this isn't much of a horror movie here, and is more of a crime film (with some thriller elements sprinkled in there). A corrupt scientist uses a formula to turn himself invisible in order to steal a priceless jewel necklace. The scientist isn't exactly 'corrupt' straight off the bat, but some gang members basically force him to do their bidding (well, more or less - there's some twists and turns in here). There isn't much in the way of 'horror' here, and the story mostly just plays out in a typical crime film manner (the theft aspect isn't even really played up like a heist either - it just sort of 'happens', and isn't particularly exciting). It's fine for what it is, though, but it wasn't really what I was expecting (and gets by with a tight runtime and pacing).

The performances are fairly committed and sell the story nicely here (Segi and Ryuko are my favorites (I like Ryuko the most, but Segi is just too good), but shout outs to Kurokawa, Machiko, and Professor Nakazato). The Invisible Man, which is what the newspapers refer to him as, looks exactly like you think he does (basically Jack Griffin; bandages, sunglasses, trench coat, fedora - the whole shebang), and uses a formula that he designed to become invisible (he shows off this formula on a guinea pig at one point). He doesn't really go 'insane' from the formula (well, not really - he does become a criminal), and isn't even really the 'main' villain here (the gang and their leader that want the necklace is more villainous - again, there something of a twist regarding the Invisible Man's identity). The climax does have a reveal in it, but it mostly plays out like you think it will after that. The ending itself fully lives up to the film's title (the Invisible Man does in fact 'appear').

Final thoughts, this is apparently what is called a 'tokusatsu' film (which I guess means heavy on the special effects), so you'd probably expect the makeup and visual effects to be at the forefront here (and they are pretty prominent, but, like much of the movie here, not played up too much - the visuals on the Invisible Man are mostly screen manipulation and wire work (lots of 'floating' objects), which look good enough for the 40's (the shots when he takes the bandages off look pretty cool)). Here's another one where it's sort of difficult to properly assess the technical aspects because of the print and transfer quality (right at the top Arrow Video puts a disclaimer about the print quality and the elements used). It looks mostly alright from what I could tell (the score in particular is pretty nice and effective - the camerawork, sans the print damage, looks fine and decently lit). I got one stray shout out going out to our black cat friend (who supplies us with a classic jump scare, lol). Even though this isn't quite what I expected, this is still a solid and fairly good crime thriller offering here (which could've been great if it went a little farther with the visuals).

Rating: 7/10 (Good) Best Character(s): Kyosuke Segi (Daijirō Natsukawa) & Ryuko Mizuki (Takiko Mizunoe)

No. 29 - Friday the 15th (Foreign Friday: Japan)

Mini-Review: A late 50's Japanese Sci-Fi crime slasher from Daiei and Arrow Video, which is a standalone sequel to The Invisible Man Appears (1949). Much like its predecessor, this is light on the horror aspects and heavier on the crime traits (it is more of a horror than the previous film, and has some slasher qualities to it). The police enlist the assistance of some scientists, who are working on an invisibility ray, to help catch a serial killer who can apparently turn himself invisible. This story does feel more in the spirit of the Invisible Man novel (and even The Invisible Man (1933)). The horror in this feels like a slasher (with much of the horror being the Human Fly (who, mind you, is not a monster) committing bloody murders). The crime part of the story (which plays a large role just like in the first movie) plays out like a police procedural (or maybe a light version of that). There's also some light comedy in here (which feels out of place - Sugimoto in particular is a rather zany character). It's not a bad story, and the slasher stuff was a nice surprise (it's also pretty timely and decently paced which helps).

The cast feels about on par with the previous entry with some more committed (and slightly offbeat) performances here (Mr. Kusunoki is my favorite, but shout outs to Hayama, Yamada, and Sugimoto). Alright, so, there is an 'Invisible Man' and a 'Human Fly', but they are definitely not what you're thinking they are (the Invisible Man is nothing like the former version: he's almost always fully invisible, and he's actually the hero here - the Human Fly, as mentioned, isn't a creature, and is basically a slasher killer). The Invisible Man is Dr. Tsukioka, who uses the invisible ray on himself out of desperation (before that, Sugimoto used it on himself to, uh, 'comedic' results). The Human Fly is Toshio Yamada, who uses a formula to basically 'shrink' his body and somehow acquires the ability to fly (so, he's literally a 'human fly', lol). Yamada uses a kitchen knife to commit his murders, and doesn't wear any disguise (he stabs his victims to death, then uses the formula to shrink and fly away). His origin and motivation is 'revenge-based' (you get more information on this during his final confrontation with Kusunoki). The kills are somewhat bloody, but fairly simple and without any gore ('in broad daylight' is my highlight). The climax is where the Invisible Man and the Human Fly finally confront each other, and it's sort of disappointing (the Human Fly has a pretty gnarly defeat, though). The ending is weirdly comedic and largely upbeat.

Final thoughts, this being another 'tokusatsu' film means that the makeup and special effects play a prominent role, and they're fairly underwhelming, unfortunately: the visuals on the Invisible Man and the Human Fly both use more screen manipulation (chroma key, I guess?), and these effects vary between the two (the invisibility shots with Sugimoto's floating head and hands look pretty funny, but also pretty neat - the 'shrinking', 'growing' and 'flying' effects on the Human Fly look really rough and unconvincing). There's more wire work in here as well, in addition to some puppetry and miniatures (plenty of floating objects (with some visible strings) along with some dolls and sets also being utilized - the train explosion looks pretty nice, but the Human Fly flying through that vent looks ridiculous). The camerawork feels like a step up from the previous film, and does enhance some of the visuals and the horror vibe here (the Human Fly inside of the vent looks good, and the cinematography on the stalking shots in the tunnel look great). I got two stray shout outs going out to the spicy nightclub dance show (absolutely) and Sugimoto eating the banana (which is an absurd shot that I love). In some ways I do feel that this is inferior to its predecessor, but, for this, I'd say that the good mostly outweighs the bad here (and I did have a pretty good time watching it).

Rating: 7/10 (Good) Best Character: Kōkichi Kusunoki (Ichirō Izawa)

No. 30 - Saturday the 16th (Shark Saturday)

Mini-Review: A mid 2010's supernatural horror and sharksploitation flick from Wild Eye Releasing here. That's how it is: whatever you've heard about this movie is pretty much true. A Satanic nun summons a demonic shark to wreak havoc on a seaside city. Well, I guess that's the basic setup, and it pretty much goes off the rails almost immediately (and absolutely refuses to make any kind of sense whatsoever). I suppose the 'main' story concerns those girls and their encounter with the shark, which does seem like a decent jump off point, but it disintegrates and just becomes ultra incoherent (trying to make sense of anything that follows those opening scenes will just leave your head swimming). There's a lot of other plot threads that get setups, but none have any kind of payoff at all (and pretty much get completely dropped by the end - they're just filler to pad out the already scarce runtime). That runtime is very short, and just barely qualifies as feature-length (clocking in at just over an hour) with some utterly rotten pacing (almost none of the scenes build off of each other, and everything just sort of 'happens' one random event after another - you start to wonder what ridiculous non sequitur will occur next).

The performances are below amateur hour and pretty much wholesale garbage across the board here (these people are clearly not even actors, and this is very likely their first time in front of a camera (some of them are literally just reading their lines from the script without any emotion whatsoever) - Nancy isn't the best, but she's the most attractive, so she's my favorite (no shout outs here because the rest are beyond terrible)). The shark is apparently 'demonic' and is, as mentioned, summoned there through a sacrifice by a Satanic nun (this is shown in the opening scene). There's no explanation or motivation given for the nun's actions or even why it was a shark that she summoned (this is actually one of the main problems with the movie - it just never bothers to elaborate on anything that's happening, and seems to just 'expect' you to know what the deal is without ever providing the appropriate details). The shark is entirely CGI and is rather terrible, but I've seen worse (I don't think anything's gonna top Virus Shark (2021) in this regard). It can apparently 'possess' its victims and seems to endow them with healing powers (or something like that). Nearly everything involved with the shark, the nun, or anything related to the supernatural stuff is only ever vaguely touched on, so it's difficult to really care whenever something happens there. The climax and ending both suck, offer no real resolution, and feature a pair of bizarre mid and after credits scenes, which don't add anything and just make things more bewildering.

Final thoughts, there's not much in the way of makeup and special effects, but what there is is mostly trash (it ain't 'low budget', this crosses over into the 'no budget' realm - the projectile vomit is laughably bad). The screenwriting here is extremely rotten with some meme-y and redundant dialogue ('[she] healed miraculously! It was a miracle!' takes the cake, but shout out to 'we're gonna need a bigger cross!'). The camerawork sometimes has the illusion of being professionally made, but does still have some mistakes and poor decisions (I hated that disgusting zoom-in to the possessed girl's face - the whole film crew and equipment appears in multiple reflections). The sound editing and mixing is pretty terrible and inconsistent in here (a bunch of muffled mics and wind distortion). Despite being a relatively short movie, this still has a good amount of filler scenes in it, which is really unfortunate (doubly so because that time would have been better spent on proper story development - here's the worst offenders; the random jogger who gets nearly a full jog in for some reason (he's got some awful dialogue as well), the flashback to the opening scene (for literally no reason), the girl sunbathing with the creepy guy taking photos of her (what even happened at the end of this scene anyway?), and the bizarre dream sequence (literally wtf?). I got two stray shout outs going out to the gratuitous ass shots (pretty much the only positive) and Father Michael's acting books in full view (LOL). This is pure trash and just a complete waste of time (don't watch it, it's not 'so bad, it's good' - you're just going to make your head swim). It's got some decent eye candy, but that's not enough to save it from being useless, useless, USELESS! (garbage effort - it's like a movie made by someone who had no idea how to make a movie, and really wanted to make one, but without attempting to learn a single thing about how to do it).

Rating: 1/10 (Useless) Best Character: Nancy (Roni Jonah)

No. 31 - Saturday the 16th (Shark Saturday)

Mini-Review: An early 2020's supernatural horror and sharksploitation flick from Wild Eye Releasing here. It's another one of these from Wild Eye, and I think you can probably take a good guess about what you're gonna get from this by taking a look at the poster (you're not wrong either, lol). When she finds a Ouija board at the beach, a woman and her friends use it to inadvertently summon a ghost shark, which has an appetite for human blood. There's not much to say about this story, frankly (it benefits greatly from the fact that it actually does have a clear story, and sticks with that story throughout the duration - that story however is a very by-the-numbers offering). It actually plays this story fairly straight until the final act when it starts to get rather silly (well, the concept is absurd already, but part of the final fight is one character fighting the ghost shark in the 'afterlife' with straight up 'magic spells'). Short runtime, fast pacing - you'll get in and out of this pretty quickly (which is always a plus).

The cast is of the expected amateur hour variety here, but the material they're given isn't too demanding (Jill's Father (who is also evidently the screenwriter of this) is really the only one who stands out as pretty stiff and unconvincing - Jill is easily the best, but shout outs to the Officer and the Gypsy). The shark is a ghost in here, and doesn't appear until about twenty minutes into the runtime (and, true to the title, it does get summoned via a Ouija board). It's literally portrayed by a puppet (I think it might even be a hand puppet, lol). It appears in 'ghostly' form using some really shoddy and cheap looking visuals (everything about it just looks so cheesy and unconvincing - 'low budget' doesn't really do it justice, it really falls into the 'no budget' category). It's entire motivation is just to feed on people (for no actual given reason - when it first communicates with the girls, it tells them that it's hungry). Of course it's the main attraction, and it's largely a letdown. The climax and ending are both pretty ridiculous, pretty stupid, and pretty unsatisfying (mostly the final confrontation, but also the 'hooded figure' and the whole final scene).

Final thoughts, I already mentioned the crappy visuals on the titular shark, but the other effects for the blood and gore actually seem a cut above most these indie trash movies (there's some severed limbs that, while only briefly on screen, look fine enough). The camerawork looks and feels right at home with other VOD trash titles (it doesn't try to 'appear' to be something better or something particularly cinematic - and this makes the same mistake that all these amateur films make, and has at least one shot where the crew and equipment appear in a reflection). The score is largely royalty-free with some original songs made for the movie (including the theme song over the ending credits, which isn't too bad, lol). There isn't a lot of filler or fanservice in here, but they do find a way to 'combine' both of these aspects (it's the car wash scene with Tiffany, which is entirely pointless and just there for 'slo-mo' shots of her in certain 'positions'). I got two stray shout outs going out to Jill's Father's 'occult training' (better than Doctor Strange, LOL) and former 'Prez-O-Dent' Trump's 'sinister' cameo appearance (it's a really dumb scene (especially since this apparently takes place in Canada), and they literally use Cheeto dust for his tan). It's some more VOD trash here, but it's not completely useless (it's fairly coherent and it's also a fast watch, but it's still just a mostly terrible time sink).

Rating: 2/10 (Terrible) Best Character: Jill (Steph Goodwin)