I hate it. And I hate it all the more because its meant to be light and inconsequential, and it is, but yet still provokes in me such nauseating and violent ire. Its a waste of my bile. But, it is so catastrophically stupid and badly written I just have to collect my thoughts.
1. Why didn't the stupid male teen lummox admit fault as soon as Tingle took the stolen test out of stupid Holmes' bag?
2. After agreeing to just tell the truth why did they send female teen actress B go to Tingle's door and proceed to just lie? Second obvious chance for male teen lummox to admit all wrongdoing goes abegging.
3. Why do any of said lummoxes fail to listen to their own ideas?. Tingle is manipulative, don't listen to her, she's trying to promote disharmony within our group. Stop listening to her. Its a ruse. Don't let her get to you... Whats that Mrs Tingle?.... Really?
4. Why does being upset by Tingle (see 3) drive Holmes to have presumably unprotected sex with irredeemably guilty male teen lummox?
5. Why does she even want to fornicate with said male teen lummox? To paraphrase... Holmes (to Lummox) - "There's an unguarded innocent woman tied upstairs, we're probably all going to prison for a long time and its all your fault, you have no scruples or charisma, my accomplice and best friend who has (somehow) always been in love with you has now fled the crime scene in a jealous rage because she's been tricked (see 3) into thinking we've slept together. Lets sleep together, that's made me horny".
6. And why doesn't this firmly establish Holmes as a colossally stupid, horribly callous b**ch?
7. Why does illegally changing not only HER grade, but unjustifiably sabotaging someone else's grade not only further reinforce Holmes as being a horrible callous b**ch?
8. Since Holmes is explicitly established as a horrible person, does that not make Tingle the protagonist by default? Where is the tension in the prospect of Holmes getting caught?
9. Mrs Tingle has escaped and is on the phone in the living room. Holmes sneaks into the MIDDLE of the SAME room and stands there. Has Tingle seen her? I think she's gotten away with it.... no, wait.
10. One lummox screams "RUN!" when crossbow aimed at Mrs Tingle is found to be minus the arrow. Run? From a 60 year old woman? Run where? Run WHY? What does running solve? "She's got my ankle! We're all going to die!" scream the three healthy teens. (Clue - Tingle is a superhuman cannibal).
11. Tingle has been assaulted, threatened, kidnapped, blackmailed and tormented in her own home for numerous days. Don't call the police, this is a matter for the principal.
12. Tingle's legally justified retaliation results in nobody getting hurt. The simple question of "whats been going on here?" is fortunately not raised by anyone ever again and thus all captors are absolved of all crimes. Holmes gets her fraudulent award, all betrayal between friends is never spoken of again and they all live happily ever after.
These are only the larger and more thematic ones. Everything, every minute detail of this film is deeply and profoundly stupid, unjustified. illogical and unlikable.
I thought this would be cathartic but i just feel empty inside.
1. Why didn't the stupid male teen lummox admit fault as soon as Tingle took the stolen test out of stupid Holmes' bag?
2. After agreeing to just tell the truth why did they send female teen actress B go to Tingle's door and proceed to just lie? Second obvious chance for male teen lummox to admit all wrongdoing goes abegging.
3. Why do any of said lummoxes fail to listen to their own ideas?. Tingle is manipulative, don't listen to her, she's trying to promote disharmony within our group. Stop listening to her. Its a ruse. Don't let her get to you... Whats that Mrs Tingle?.... Really?
4. Why does being upset by Tingle (see 3) drive Holmes to have presumably unprotected sex with irredeemably guilty male teen lummox?
5. Why does she even want to fornicate with said male teen lummox? To paraphrase... Holmes (to Lummox) - "There's an unguarded innocent woman tied upstairs, we're probably all going to prison for a long time and its all your fault, you have no scruples or charisma, my accomplice and best friend who has (somehow) always been in love with you has now fled the crime scene in a jealous rage because she's been tricked (see 3) into thinking we've slept together. Lets sleep together, that's made me horny".
6. And why doesn't this firmly establish Holmes as a colossally stupid, horribly callous b**ch?
7. Why does illegally changing not only HER grade, but unjustifiably sabotaging someone else's grade not only further reinforce Holmes as being a horrible callous b**ch?
8. Since Holmes is explicitly established as a horrible person, does that not make Tingle the protagonist by default? Where is the tension in the prospect of Holmes getting caught?
9. Mrs Tingle has escaped and is on the phone in the living room. Holmes sneaks into the MIDDLE of the SAME room and stands there. Has Tingle seen her? I think she's gotten away with it.... no, wait.
10. One lummox screams "RUN!" when crossbow aimed at Mrs Tingle is found to be minus the arrow. Run? From a 60 year old woman? Run where? Run WHY? What does running solve? "She's got my ankle! We're all going to die!" scream the three healthy teens. (Clue - Tingle is a superhuman cannibal).
11. Tingle has been assaulted, threatened, kidnapped, blackmailed and tormented in her own home for numerous days. Don't call the police, this is a matter for the principal.
12. Tingle's legally justified retaliation results in nobody getting hurt. The simple question of "whats been going on here?" is fortunately not raised by anyone ever again and thus all captors are absolved of all crimes. Holmes gets her fraudulent award, all betrayal between friends is never spoken of again and they all live happily ever after.
These are only the larger and more thematic ones. Everything, every minute detail of this film is deeply and profoundly stupid, unjustified. illogical and unlikable.
I thought this would be cathartic but i just feel empty inside.