9/10
The Laser Crystal Affair
3 August 2023
Warning: Spoilers
A middle-eastern megalomaniac has developed a "thermal prism" weapon, which, if launched into space, could hold the entire world for ransom. UNCLE recruits a career criminal wanted in 22 countries to break into the villain's safe and steal the weapon. Complications arise when a woman whose brother is in prison, framed by the safe-cracker, wants to get her hands on him to free her brother. As Solo-- with the help of the main villain's unfaithful wife-- infiltrates posing as a shady businessman, Ilya & the safe-cracker sneak their way through various death-traps and security systems to get into the safe. As things moved into the 4th act, I wondered, where will this go in the 2nd half? I must confess, the PLOT TWIST at the end was surprisingly unexpected, and left my jaw dropping. DAMN, what an intense episode!

Anthony Spinner's taking over as producer turned this show around like nothing I've ever seen before. And the return of writer Dean Hargrove (one of the most successful writers & directors in TV history) saw one of the most INTENSE, gripping stories in its entire run. I LOVE seeing both Napolean & Ilya being DEAD-SERIOUS as they are here. Not only are they ruthless when it comes to dealing with anyone who gets in their way, they're also getting along with each other, which was a huge change in attitude from the previous 3 whole seasons. And while the tone of seasons 2-3 were no doubt influenced by the Adam West BATMAN (something that never should have been allowed to happen), this episode in particular seems aiming more for MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE, even borrowing a gimmick featured in both that show's pilot and the earlier feature film TOPKAPI.

As usual, the guest cast is stellar, some in rather-surprising ways.

Arthur Mallet (who's been in just about everything from MARY POPPINS to HALLOWEEN) has a cameo as an African hunter who's one of the victims of the death ray.

John Dehner (who's also been in just about everything, on both radio and TV) is "Dr. Parvis Kharmusi", a man obsessed with power, whose estate is a well-guarded fotress, and whose security force takes loyalty to insane lengths, even committing suicide on command (as one character in the film WRONG IS RIGHT once said). Absurdly, Dehner's accent seems all over the place, and it's the one "off" note in the entire episode!

Bradford Dillman (ESCAPE FROM THE PLANET OF THE APES, THE ENFORCER, SUDDEN IMPACT) is "Luther Sebastian", a career criminal with a whole list of college degrees, who's got his own attitude problems. He agrees to help in exchange for amnesty, but refuses to get involved in "violence" (letting Ilya take the full brunt of any fights), until, out of nowhere, he picks up a gun and kills someone. And therein lies the twist...

John Carridine (JESSE JAMES, HOUSE OF DRACULA, TARZAN THE MAGNIFICENT) is the "Old Man" head of "The Third Way" cult, who hasn't got a single line in the episode. I was stunned when I saw his name in the end credits! Carridine has always been one of the most recognizable faces in Hollywood history, and yet, staring right at him, I didn't realize who he was! As an actor, I bet he'd have been flattered to hear that.

Carol Lynley (SHOCK TREATMENT, THE NIGHT STALKER) is "Annie Justin", who just plain gets in Solo's way in her quest to find Sebastian so she can get her brother out of prison. I've always found her attractive-- but NOT in this story! She played one of the most thick-headed, stupid, annoying women I've ever seen on this show, and I wound up agreeing with the character who said, "Something tells me she deserves whatever happens to her."

H. M. Wynant (one of Eli Wallach's henchmen on BATMAN, and countless other roles) is "Hassan Aksoy", a friend of Annie's, whose own brother is also in prison thanks to Sebastian. He knocks Solo out, then intimidates him with knife-throwing, before being SHOT dead by Kharmusi's wife. Again, I'm so familiar with his name and face, yet I DID NOT recognize him at all, and was unaware he was in this until I saw his name in the credits.

Lola Albright (84 episodes of PETER GUNN!) is Kharmusi's wife, "Azalea", who apparently is helping Solo because she's not getting on with her husband. But there's more to her than meets the eye, which Solo might have suspected by her driving habits (I was reminded of Lucianna Paluzzi taking Sean Connery for a ride in THUNDERBALL).

Sid Haig (BATMAN, GET SMART, BUCK ROGERS, GALAXY OF TERROR) is "Alex", head of Kharmusi's security squad. Him I recognized instantly, despite my never having seen him play any role so low-key and DEAD-serious! Especially "dead", as when his boss is displeased and offers him a suicide pill, he takes it without hesitation. I suspect there's too many company CEOs these days who think their employees should act like that.

The "McGuffin" here was later reused-- BADLY-- in the 7th "007" film DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER-- but I think I can say with some authority, this TV 2-parter must be TEN TIMES better than that terribly-disappointing movie. And to think, this in only Part 1! My late best friend once noted that in the 60s, many TV 2-parters felt like 2 stand-alone stories just barely linked together with a cliffhanger in the middle. This is definitely one of those! I'm seriously thinking, when I re-watch UNCLE, of just doing Season 1, and then jumping straight to Season 4 afterwards. With such a recovery as seen here (4 AMAZING episodes in a row, so far), this show deserved to go on a lot longer than it did. I suppose it was matter of "too little too late". Ah well. Thank God for "complete series" DVD box sets!
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