This was Michael Radford's first film since "Il Postino" and it's definitely a letdown because Radford is a terrific director. Story is about a woman named B. Monkey (Asia Argento) who moonlights as an armed robber and she works with a couple of drug addicts named Bruno (Jonathan Rhys-Myers) and their father figure Paul (Rupert Everett) and a local gangster named Frank (Tim Woodward) is the one who sets up the scores. One night Bea meets Alan (Jared Harris) who is a school teacher and he asks her out on a date. She accepts and soon she falls in love with him and wants to leave her sordid past behind. Alan gets another teaching job in the country and Bea goes with him and they start to live the quiet life but one day Bea calls Paul and he traces the call back and finds out where she lives. Paul is in serious trouble with Frank and they follow him to where Bea is. One of the main problems with the story is how much Alan puts up with to be with Bea. Her friends are criminals, she was responsible for him losing his job and she displays a pretty bad temper. Maybe it's time to move on, buddy! But the strong point for the film is Argento's performance. She's a very brave actress and it appears that she would do just about anything on camera. There are several scenes in this film that require total nudity and Argento seems very comfortable doing this. Argento is Italian and grew up in Europe and European actress's seem to have a different attitude towards nudity in films. I first noticed Radford's direction in the highly underrated "1984" and also "Dancing at the Blue Iguana". Both of these films along with "Il Postino" are superbly directed but his talent wasn't evident in this film. It's adequately made but besides Argento this was a pretty tepid viewing experience. I had heard rumors that it was heavily edited but I'm not sure thats the problem. The whole film feels flat and labored and really has nothing special to offer. Argento does make it watchable though.
50 Reviews
Half-Baked Romantic Crime Thriller With Sexy Asia Argento
zardoz-1310 July 2008
Warning: Spoilers
"Nineteen Eighty Four" director Michael Radford's minor romantic crime thriller "B. Monkey" chronicles the stormy relationship between an impulsive female cat burglar and a conventional male school teacher. Dario Argento's super sexy daughter Asia plays the eponymous character with relish in this beautifully photographed, well-acted, but ultimately forgettable epic. Indeed, you'll have trouble keeping your eyes off the lovely Asia who shows no qualms about showing off her delectable body in tastefully lensed full frontal nudity. An assortment of criminals floats into and out of her life as she struggles like an old western gunfighter to cease her life of crime. Beatrice explains in voice over narration how she came to acquire her name: "I can get into anything." One day in a pub, a lonely English teacher at a primary school, Alan (Jared Harris) approaches Beatrice. Initially, she rebuffs him because she neither knows nor trusts him. Finally, Alan convinces Beatrice that he poses no threat to her so she agrees to a date the following evening at eight and stands him up. Beatrice's low-life friends—they might be more accurately described as accomplices--include homosexual Paul (Rupert Everett of "Cemetery Man") cut from the same cloth as Noel Coward and a lunatic young hoodlum boyfriend, Bruno (Jonathan Rhys Meyers of "Ride With The Devil"), who is prepared to die for her. Meanwhile, ordinary Alan teaches by day and serves as a disc jockey by night at a local London hospital.
Eventually, Beatrice and Alan get together, but Beatrice discovers that the young school teacher cannot get it up. Whether Alan cannot gain an erection in the warm company of the comely Asia--who resembles a brunette Venus on a half-shell—or because he is too overwhelmed by her abrupt behavior is never established. Eventually, Asia gets him back into shape and the two fall in love. Anyway, Beatrice refuses to work for a local mobster, Frank (Tim Woodward), but complications arise that force her back into crime. Alan has trouble with a student who accuses him of slamming him against a wall after the student stabbed another student in the face with a pencil. The boy's surly mother prefers charges against Alan, but Beatrice and Bruno pay her a visit and change her mind. Naturally, Alan is outraged and manages to get another teaching job far out in the country. Beatrice leaves London and her friends, but she cannot truly leave them and the consequences of her criminal activities come back to haunt her in the wilderness.
The performances are tops and director Michael Radford keeps things moving along so the action never stalls out. The chief problem is that none of the characters are interesting. They are either goody-two shoes like Alan or obnoxious criminal types like Bruno. Radford stages a couple of credible jewelry heists, largely smash and grab affairs, and gives his average, unexceptional film more polish than it deserves. Those who must have happy endings will love "B. Monkey." This movie breaks the cliché about the ready-to-have sex mentality of men. When Beatrice knows that she is about to have sex with a guy, she jumps in bed and peels her clothes off quicker than the man can get his pants down. Typically, the man is the ready-to-have sex partner with the woman showing some reluctance. Again, aside from Asia's gorgeous body and some good acting, "B. Monkey" is like a banana peel. You watch this movie and you will feel like you've make a slip-up.
Eventually, Beatrice and Alan get together, but Beatrice discovers that the young school teacher cannot get it up. Whether Alan cannot gain an erection in the warm company of the comely Asia--who resembles a brunette Venus on a half-shell—or because he is too overwhelmed by her abrupt behavior is never established. Eventually, Asia gets him back into shape and the two fall in love. Anyway, Beatrice refuses to work for a local mobster, Frank (Tim Woodward), but complications arise that force her back into crime. Alan has trouble with a student who accuses him of slamming him against a wall after the student stabbed another student in the face with a pencil. The boy's surly mother prefers charges against Alan, but Beatrice and Bruno pay her a visit and change her mind. Naturally, Alan is outraged and manages to get another teaching job far out in the country. Beatrice leaves London and her friends, but she cannot truly leave them and the consequences of her criminal activities come back to haunt her in the wilderness.
The performances are tops and director Michael Radford keeps things moving along so the action never stalls out. The chief problem is that none of the characters are interesting. They are either goody-two shoes like Alan or obnoxious criminal types like Bruno. Radford stages a couple of credible jewelry heists, largely smash and grab affairs, and gives his average, unexceptional film more polish than it deserves. Those who must have happy endings will love "B. Monkey." This movie breaks the cliché about the ready-to-have sex mentality of men. When Beatrice knows that she is about to have sex with a guy, she jumps in bed and peels her clothes off quicker than the man can get his pants down. Typically, the man is the ready-to-have sex partner with the woman showing some reluctance. Again, aside from Asia's gorgeous body and some good acting, "B. Monkey" is like a banana peel. You watch this movie and you will feel like you've make a slip-up.
Average film. terrific leading actress.
Coventry18 February 2004
Warning: Spoilers
(minor spoilers included)
What we have here is an acceptable attempt of mixing several good and widely divergent ideas into one big jar. B.Monkey rushes by at high speed and tries to combine an apparently impossible romance with gangster-movie elements and black comedy. A guy, who is quite possibly the most well-behaving citizen in all England (grade schoolteacher. serving as a volunteer in a hospital.classic radio DJ.) falls deeply in love with his female opposite (armed robber.tattooed and high-spirited.nymph) and they want to build a new life together. Unfortunately, the girl can't leave her infamous past behind her. Even when the couple flees to the middle of British nowhere, the girl's former partners and enemies follow them at all times. B. Monkey merely depends on a few powerful sequences and a couple of intriguing characters. The creativity and goodwill is there, but the whole finished product still looks like one big muddle. Also, the entire film isn't exactly plausible which makes it even harder to digest. Strictly seen as a black comedy and social satire, it does deserve a bit of praising. Multiple 'human interest'-topics are spoofed here which lifts up the film to a slightly higher dimension (to me, at least). And then there are the acting performances.Especially Rupert Everett impresses as the addicted homosexual friend. Everett is good in portraying `weirdos', like his previous `Dellamorte Dellamore' already stated. Asia Argento is just one adorable angel.Dario's daughter owes a lot to her looks but there's obviously quite some talent present as well in that ravishing body of hers. Thank goodness she's not one of those pretentious actresses who don't take risks in their careers. She's speaking with an incredibly sexy Italian accent and her nude scenes contribute in making this nice little film more memorable.
All together, B.Monkey isn't top priority to check out, but it guarantees fun and action from start to finish.
What we have here is an acceptable attempt of mixing several good and widely divergent ideas into one big jar. B.Monkey rushes by at high speed and tries to combine an apparently impossible romance with gangster-movie elements and black comedy. A guy, who is quite possibly the most well-behaving citizen in all England (grade schoolteacher. serving as a volunteer in a hospital.classic radio DJ.) falls deeply in love with his female opposite (armed robber.tattooed and high-spirited.nymph) and they want to build a new life together. Unfortunately, the girl can't leave her infamous past behind her. Even when the couple flees to the middle of British nowhere, the girl's former partners and enemies follow them at all times. B. Monkey merely depends on a few powerful sequences and a couple of intriguing characters. The creativity and goodwill is there, but the whole finished product still looks like one big muddle. Also, the entire film isn't exactly plausible which makes it even harder to digest. Strictly seen as a black comedy and social satire, it does deserve a bit of praising. Multiple 'human interest'-topics are spoofed here which lifts up the film to a slightly higher dimension (to me, at least). And then there are the acting performances.Especially Rupert Everett impresses as the addicted homosexual friend. Everett is good in portraying `weirdos', like his previous `Dellamorte Dellamore' already stated. Asia Argento is just one adorable angel.Dario's daughter owes a lot to her looks but there's obviously quite some talent present as well in that ravishing body of hers. Thank goodness she's not one of those pretentious actresses who don't take risks in their careers. She's speaking with an incredibly sexy Italian accent and her nude scenes contribute in making this nice little film more memorable.
All together, B.Monkey isn't top priority to check out, but it guarantees fun and action from start to finish.
All this useless beauty.
Delly15 September 1999
I love this movie like it's a woman. The reviewers have once again missed the ferry -- what we have here, folks, is an honest to God(ard) B-movie tone poem, an exercise in sensual, physical, SURFACE beauty that will send any self-respecting Keatsian aesthete straight to Hyperion ( the palace of visionaries, not the Miramax book division. ) Thanks to director Michael Radford -- who I wrongly assumed to be eighty or ninety years of age on the basis of his last movie, Il Postino -- B. Monkey is as seductive as the single bar of red neon that illuminates the opening shot. The movie will surely gain minor but devoted cult status in the years to come, while its lead actress, Asia Argento, will probably have to buy a house with very tall gates. ( Because I'm quite tall myself, and a good climber. )
How to describe B. Monkey without resorting to banal adjectives like you'd find on cartons of Haagen-Daz, "luscious" and "velvety"? Well, I see it as sort of a disreputable cousin to Bertolucci's ravishing Besieged; other people, no doubt less pretentious, will compare it to the kind of movie Steven Soderbergh has been making lately -- a cool, jazz-inflected, proudly inconsequential genre flick. But Radford has his own style -- impossibly trendy -- and he's a genius at evoking the loneliness and beauty of big cities everywhere.
This is a director's movie, to be sure, but make no mistake: Asia Argento is no slouch when it comes to decorating the frame. She's compact, tough, and fierce-eyed, her unconventional beauty only enhanced by a strong nose that would look terrific underneath a centurion's helmet. Like Louise Brooks or Anna Karina, she's a vamp for the ages, mesmerizing for no good reason ( much like the movie itself. ) It doesn't hurt that she's matched with the brilliant Jared Harris, whose interior performance perfectly complements her exterior one, or that the atavistically lordly Rupert Everett is on hand to do his Wilde thing. Even pretty boy Jonathan Rhys-Meyers is a bit more animated than usual; he throws open car doors briskly and with conviction.
Yes, the plot is inane. No, it doesn't really matter. B. Monkey, in the end, amounts to no more nor less than the sum of its impressionistic moments. The world is a glittering tomb where we all languish in oh-so-gorgeous isolation, or something. As Jared Harris says early in the movie, deejaying at a local hospital: "This next one is for all you romantics out there. Get well soon."
How to describe B. Monkey without resorting to banal adjectives like you'd find on cartons of Haagen-Daz, "luscious" and "velvety"? Well, I see it as sort of a disreputable cousin to Bertolucci's ravishing Besieged; other people, no doubt less pretentious, will compare it to the kind of movie Steven Soderbergh has been making lately -- a cool, jazz-inflected, proudly inconsequential genre flick. But Radford has his own style -- impossibly trendy -- and he's a genius at evoking the loneliness and beauty of big cities everywhere.
This is a director's movie, to be sure, but make no mistake: Asia Argento is no slouch when it comes to decorating the frame. She's compact, tough, and fierce-eyed, her unconventional beauty only enhanced by a strong nose that would look terrific underneath a centurion's helmet. Like Louise Brooks or Anna Karina, she's a vamp for the ages, mesmerizing for no good reason ( much like the movie itself. ) It doesn't hurt that she's matched with the brilliant Jared Harris, whose interior performance perfectly complements her exterior one, or that the atavistically lordly Rupert Everett is on hand to do his Wilde thing. Even pretty boy Jonathan Rhys-Meyers is a bit more animated than usual; he throws open car doors briskly and with conviction.
Yes, the plot is inane. No, it doesn't really matter. B. Monkey, in the end, amounts to no more nor less than the sum of its impressionistic moments. The world is a glittering tomb where we all languish in oh-so-gorgeous isolation, or something. As Jared Harris says early in the movie, deejaying at a local hospital: "This next one is for all you romantics out there. Get well soon."
Django Reinhardt music playing late at night
jotix10010 June 2005
Saw this film the other night on cable. Michael Radford's "Il Postino" had played the night before, and never are there two more different films than "B Monkey" and the other one! The novel by Andrew Davies was a joy and it's translation to the screen suffers because of the adaptation we see in front of our eyes. It appears this movie has been badly chopped up as indicated by comments by Mr. Radford.
This is a film about opposite characters that attract one another in ways that in other circumstances, they wouldn't have met. We meet the nerdish Alan Furnace, a teacher who also volunteers at a hospital where he loves to play jazz at night. He is fond of the great Django Reinhardt, a legend guitarist, whose records one hears on the background.
Beatrice is a young woman with a past. She is trying to get out of that life and the unsavory characters around her. When she meets Alan, she has no clue of what is going to happen to her, but she falls for him. Alan wants to get out of London to a quieter and more subdued atmosphere in which he feels Beatrice will feel happy too.
Beatrice's past gets in the way as Paul and Bruno come to interrupt the idyllic home life Alan and Beatrice have made for themselves, but in spite of the dangers, in an ironic twist, the couple finally manage to find peace in their newly found paradise.
Jared Harris is perfect as Alana. Asia Argento gives a complex reading on Beatrice a role that offers her a lot of opportunities. Rupert Everett and Jonathan Rhys Meyers make good contributions to the film.
The original film score by Luis Bacalov, a contributor to Mr. Radford in "Il Postino", is easy on the ears. The other non original songs are well selected and give the film another texture.
Although Mr. Radford did his best with the film, one can only recommend the viewer to check out Andrew Davies novel that is the basis of the movie.
This is a film about opposite characters that attract one another in ways that in other circumstances, they wouldn't have met. We meet the nerdish Alan Furnace, a teacher who also volunteers at a hospital where he loves to play jazz at night. He is fond of the great Django Reinhardt, a legend guitarist, whose records one hears on the background.
Beatrice is a young woman with a past. She is trying to get out of that life and the unsavory characters around her. When she meets Alan, she has no clue of what is going to happen to her, but she falls for him. Alan wants to get out of London to a quieter and more subdued atmosphere in which he feels Beatrice will feel happy too.
Beatrice's past gets in the way as Paul and Bruno come to interrupt the idyllic home life Alan and Beatrice have made for themselves, but in spite of the dangers, in an ironic twist, the couple finally manage to find peace in their newly found paradise.
Jared Harris is perfect as Alana. Asia Argento gives a complex reading on Beatrice a role that offers her a lot of opportunities. Rupert Everett and Jonathan Rhys Meyers make good contributions to the film.
The original film score by Luis Bacalov, a contributor to Mr. Radford in "Il Postino", is easy on the ears. The other non original songs are well selected and give the film another texture.
Although Mr. Radford did his best with the film, one can only recommend the viewer to check out Andrew Davies novel that is the basis of the movie.
Top of the second tier Europic worth the time.
=G=21 January 2002
"B. Monkey", with Italian diva Argento in the title role, tells of a young female thief who tries to go straight but is haunted by her past from both inside and out. What could have been a better romantic psychodrama stills plays out well as B-flick with good pitted against evil in the usual ways though it stumbles a bit in the end. The film has visceral verve, solid performances, and develops and builds until the climax in the last minutes. Good stuff for mature audiences into Europics with plenty Argento skin.
A Mess Of A Movie
Theo Robertson22 January 2005
On paper this looks like a good movie with Michael Radford directing an adaptation of an Andrew Davies novel but before the opening titles have even finished you find out what the fault of the movie is: Supply teacher Alan works at a hospital as the inhouse DJ and before you've even had time to digest this the action jump cuts to Beatrice and co carrying out a robbery , this is so much a shock in terms of juxtaposition it's like the channel has suddenly jumped to another station and you're watching another movie . Not only that but Beatrice's expositional voice over seems stilted and faintly ridiculous not helped by the fact that Asia Argento seems to have a problem saying the " F " word convincingly . Indeed none of the actors in this production seems to be able to swear with any conviction . Considering nearly every sentence contains expletives this is a serious problem with the movie
But the dialogue is not the only serious problem ,there's serious signs of under development with the script . Check the scene where Beatrice and Alan meet for the first time . I guess it might have worked okay on paper but watching the scene on celluloid makes the whole scenario unlikely . And there's other scenes like this , for example Beatrice and her colleague turn up at the house of a parent who has made a complaint about Alan . No doubt Alan knows where the parent lives but there's no hint that Alan has passed this information to Beatrice so how would she know where to find the parent ? In a film where the audience are asking themselves where this bizarre and muddled plot is heading plot holes like this jump out of the screen and strangle the critical viewer
Radford directs well but he's the wrong choice since B MONKEY seems to be attempting to be a chic British thriller with some black comedy thrown in , but the actors play their roles in a loud European way which contrasts with the British locations and language . One can't help feeling this movie would have worked far better if Davies novel had been transported to Paris or Rome with Radford employing a native cast speaking their own language . As it is B MONKEY is yet another messy Brit flick with a totally ill thought out script
But the dialogue is not the only serious problem ,there's serious signs of under development with the script . Check the scene where Beatrice and Alan meet for the first time . I guess it might have worked okay on paper but watching the scene on celluloid makes the whole scenario unlikely . And there's other scenes like this , for example Beatrice and her colleague turn up at the house of a parent who has made a complaint about Alan . No doubt Alan knows where the parent lives but there's no hint that Alan has passed this information to Beatrice so how would she know where to find the parent ? In a film where the audience are asking themselves where this bizarre and muddled plot is heading plot holes like this jump out of the screen and strangle the critical viewer
Radford directs well but he's the wrong choice since B MONKEY seems to be attempting to be a chic British thriller with some black comedy thrown in , but the actors play their roles in a loud European way which contrasts with the British locations and language . One can't help feeling this movie would have worked far better if Davies novel had been transported to Paris or Rome with Radford employing a native cast speaking their own language . As it is B MONKEY is yet another messy Brit flick with a totally ill thought out script
B plus
ODDBear19 September 2005
Asia plays a thief who attempts to leave her old life behind when she meets a (frankly, very nerdish but goodhearted) teacher, but leaving her old life behind is no picnic.
I like this film. I'm a huge Asia fan but I think some of her films stink (XXX and Red Siren leap to mind). I've heard rumors that this version of the film is heavily chopped and that director Radford isn't all that pleased with the finished product. But I don't think it shows that easily, it's damn fine as is.
Asia is simply radiant in the lead role and pulls it off well. All others do a splendid job as well, particularly Rupert Everett. I think the story is quite nice, could have used some more complications but overall good. You really get to know Asia and Harris's characters and they grow quite nicely on you. It's mostly Everett's and Myers's characters that are somewhat left unexplained but the film doesn't suffer for it. I'd say this is a nice, effortless film to watch. You don't gain any greater knowledge from it, it's just entertaining, particularly if you like Asia.
Overall I'm very satisfied with the film. Radford made Il Postino shortly before this so in my books he's a director to look for.
7 out of 10, or roughly a B+.
I like this film. I'm a huge Asia fan but I think some of her films stink (XXX and Red Siren leap to mind). I've heard rumors that this version of the film is heavily chopped and that director Radford isn't all that pleased with the finished product. But I don't think it shows that easily, it's damn fine as is.
Asia is simply radiant in the lead role and pulls it off well. All others do a splendid job as well, particularly Rupert Everett. I think the story is quite nice, could have used some more complications but overall good. You really get to know Asia and Harris's characters and they grow quite nicely on you. It's mostly Everett's and Myers's characters that are somewhat left unexplained but the film doesn't suffer for it. I'd say this is a nice, effortless film to watch. You don't gain any greater knowledge from it, it's just entertaining, particularly if you like Asia.
Overall I'm very satisfied with the film. Radford made Il Postino shortly before this so in my books he's a director to look for.
7 out of 10, or roughly a B+.
Worthy of late-night cable
elgatony11 May 2006
Flipping channels one night, I came across a movie that promised Asia Argento, Rupert Everett and Johnathan Rhys-Meyers (big fan of his) and directed by the guy who did "Il Postino" so I decided to stick around and give it a chance. I should've watched trout fishing instead as that would've been more unpredictable than this. Argento is a revelation in this as she dominates each scene she's in and left me wanting more. Rhys-Meyers does well here as does Everett. The problem is that the movie is too predictable and the leading man is totally dull. When characters go on the run, of course the villains are going to catch up. When two totally different characters fall in love, of course they'll spend 1/3 of the movie arguing. When a thief says "this is my last job", of course you know it won't be. This screenplay seems to come out of a Cinema 101 course. Absolutely NOTHING original. There are tons of plot holes too. The most glaring is when Argento shows up at the house of a woman who threatens her boyfriend's job. How did she get the address? Did anyone re-read the script? Another note to filmmakers: Boring jazz makes boring movies. Jared Harris's choice of music almost put me to sleep. Is that really what you want your audience to do? John Carpenter used jazz in "The Fog" but it was nicely kept to the background but here it's annoying. If you're a fan of Argento, Everett or Rhys-Meyers then check out this movie. If you're not...well, there's always trout fishing. This is strictly a B-Movie that tries for atmosphere and action but just leaves you feeling bored.
Asia Argento's movie
The_Void8 July 2004
B.Monkey has one main attraction, and it's sporting it's bare back on the front cover of the case; Asia Argento. Italian women are very attractive, but Dario Argento's daughter is more attractive than most. Luckily for her fans, she isn't too bothered about public image either, which is always a bonus. Asia is well known for pushing the boundaries by doing things such as admitting to taking drugs and having no problems with posing nude for photo shoots and doing nude scenes in her movies. And this movie features plenty of Asia!
Unfortunately though, Asia is about this film's only asset. It's true that it is well directed, but that is somewhat lost under the unlikely and predictable storyline. The film tries to blend too many different elements; thriller, romance, feel good and crime most notably and it doesn't blend too well and ends up rather messy. It also doesn't feature too many stand out moments and overall it feels very much a B-movie. The movie tries to lend itself a heart with the way that the two main characters are the complete opposite of each other and yet they still find romance. However, even this aspect of the movie doesn't feel quite right, as in real life a hardened criminal would be very unlikely to fall for a dorky schoolteacher. Another major flaw with this movie is the dialogue, which at times is a little suspect, especially some of things Asia says, they just aren't right for her character.
Still, any movie with an often naked Italian babe, sporting an angel tattoo across her stomach has got to be worth a watch, even if it poorly plotted, badly scripted and on the whole, extremely unlikely.
Unfortunately though, Asia is about this film's only asset. It's true that it is well directed, but that is somewhat lost under the unlikely and predictable storyline. The film tries to blend too many different elements; thriller, romance, feel good and crime most notably and it doesn't blend too well and ends up rather messy. It also doesn't feature too many stand out moments and overall it feels very much a B-movie. The movie tries to lend itself a heart with the way that the two main characters are the complete opposite of each other and yet they still find romance. However, even this aspect of the movie doesn't feel quite right, as in real life a hardened criminal would be very unlikely to fall for a dorky schoolteacher. Another major flaw with this movie is the dialogue, which at times is a little suspect, especially some of things Asia says, they just aren't right for her character.
Still, any movie with an often naked Italian babe, sporting an angel tattoo across her stomach has got to be worth a watch, even if it poorly plotted, badly scripted and on the whole, extremely unlikely.
Rupert Everett (almost) saved this movie.
anjelika18 February 1999
I saw this movie back in the fall 1996 - yes 96. I was part of the Test audience suckered in to the Sony Theater on 19th Street & Broadway here in NYC. After the movie was over we were given a survey so that we convey our thoughts about the movie.
It's been a while since I've seen it, but I remember the romance between the professor and B. Monkey to be totally unbelievable. Beatrice (Asia Argento) plays the enigmatic no-good juvenile delinquent punk who falls in love with a straight-laced school teacher.
In an attempt to wean Beatrice from her wicked ways, the couple moves out to the countryside. Beatrice plays the role of the good girlfriend but as expected, her no-good London pals (thugs) find her hiding out.
I usually like sappy love stories, but this one dragged... and dragged... and dragged on. This movie begs for action. The only exciting scene was the robbery she commits at the Jewerly store. After committing the felony she screams, "Wot's my name? B. Monkey!" It was all too corny.
Paul (Rupert Everett) was the funniest character. As usual, he plays a charming & witty gay character. If it wasn't for him I would have demanded my money back (yes, I know I got in for free - but I'll never get those 2 hours of my life back so why not some cash instead?)
It's been a while since I've seen it, but I remember the romance between the professor and B. Monkey to be totally unbelievable. Beatrice (Asia Argento) plays the enigmatic no-good juvenile delinquent punk who falls in love with a straight-laced school teacher.
In an attempt to wean Beatrice from her wicked ways, the couple moves out to the countryside. Beatrice plays the role of the good girlfriend but as expected, her no-good London pals (thugs) find her hiding out.
I usually like sappy love stories, but this one dragged... and dragged... and dragged on. This movie begs for action. The only exciting scene was the robbery she commits at the Jewerly store. After committing the felony she screams, "Wot's my name? B. Monkey!" It was all too corny.
Paul (Rupert Everett) was the funniest character. As usual, he plays a charming & witty gay character. If it wasn't for him I would have demanded my money back (yes, I know I got in for free - but I'll never get those 2 hours of my life back so why not some cash instead?)
Very good movie highlighted by the acting performances
llltdesq7 November 2001
This movie is basically carried by the two leads (particularly Asia Argent, daughter of Dario Argento) and by Rupert Everett in a supporting role. The script is average and the plot a tad too obvious at times, but Argento catches fire on camera and does a very good job. If you like action-thrillers, by all means watch thi one. Recommended.
I LOVE YOUR FACE, BUT THAT JACKET HAS TO GO
nogodnomasters11 April 2019
Warning: Spoilers
The movie takes a while to start. Asia Argento stars in the title role as a criminal who wants to go straight in spite of the pressures placed upon her. Jared Harris is a primary school teacher by day, and plays jazz for the hospital radio by night. He is smitten by Asia, who turns around and throws herself at him. As the romantic movie drags on, I keep waiting for the real plot to begin. Rupert Everett is her partner in crime, a somewhat wealthy man who is bi and caters to celebrities. Jonathan Rhys Meyers plays his brutish on-again off-again lover, also part of the crime trio.
Argento is overly passionate and provides Jared the excitement his proper boring life does not crave. It is slower developing than say "Into the Night" or "Something Wild" and is not nearly as good as either film. When you think the film is going to pick up and go someplace, it spins its wheels and somehow turns itself into some kind of chick flick Cinderella story. They started out using a jazz background for a normal life and everything else for aspects of criminal life, but later they deviated from that formula. The movie needed a few more good crime scenes to carry it.
F-bomb, sex, full frontal nudity (Asia Argento)
Argento is overly passionate and provides Jared the excitement his proper boring life does not crave. It is slower developing than say "Into the Night" or "Something Wild" and is not nearly as good as either film. When you think the film is going to pick up and go someplace, it spins its wheels and somehow turns itself into some kind of chick flick Cinderella story. They started out using a jazz background for a normal life and everything else for aspects of criminal life, but later they deviated from that formula. The movie needed a few more good crime scenes to carry it.
F-bomb, sex, full frontal nudity (Asia Argento)
Spreads itself too thin
heywood10020 March 2003
Warning: Spoilers
*****SOME SPOILERS (as if you care)*****
B. Monkey is half serious drama about how the past can catch up with you, half violent, all-out action flick, and the combination of the two just doesn't come off. Mainly due to the film being really quite ridiculous.
Beatrice (aka B. Monkey) is a jewel thief. She inexplicably falls head over heels for an extremely boring school teacher called Alan. She quits the crime game and tries to be nice and normal, but her past comes back to haunt her and she's forced to go on one last job. This doesn't please Alan, who whines for a bit. They make up and go and live in the countryside, before that troublesome past resurfaces once again in a climax that is neither thrilling nor touching.
None of this is helped by Jared Harris' awful acting as Alan, or a script that bores incessantly and is full of huge, gaping holes. The only thing that saves the film from being a total disaster is Beatrice herself, or to be more precise, Asia Argento. She has more screen presence than everyone else in the film put together, and steals pretty much every scene she's in. When she leaves the screen (such as in the horrible, tacked-on subplot about a young boy who's being abused by his mother), you're left begging for her return. Overall, definitely not worth the effort.
B. Monkey is half serious drama about how the past can catch up with you, half violent, all-out action flick, and the combination of the two just doesn't come off. Mainly due to the film being really quite ridiculous.
Beatrice (aka B. Monkey) is a jewel thief. She inexplicably falls head over heels for an extremely boring school teacher called Alan. She quits the crime game and tries to be nice and normal, but her past comes back to haunt her and she's forced to go on one last job. This doesn't please Alan, who whines for a bit. They make up and go and live in the countryside, before that troublesome past resurfaces once again in a climax that is neither thrilling nor touching.
None of this is helped by Jared Harris' awful acting as Alan, or a script that bores incessantly and is full of huge, gaping holes. The only thing that saves the film from being a total disaster is Beatrice herself, or to be more precise, Asia Argento. She has more screen presence than everyone else in the film put together, and steals pretty much every scene she's in. When she leaves the screen (such as in the horrible, tacked-on subplot about a young boy who's being abused by his mother), you're left begging for her return. Overall, definitely not worth the effort.
Watch it for Argento and some good touches but this is mainly bland and uninteresting
bob the moo31 January 2005
Alan Furnace is a school teacher who's only joy in life is his late-night slot on hospital radio where he can play the light jazz he loves so much. Seeking more excitement in his life, he takes an interest in a collection of people in a local pub who the barman describes as "criminals". Despite this Alan approaches the woman of the group the sexy and charming Beatrice, but is surprised when she responds to his advances. As he gets to know her, he uncovers a damaged soul with a murky past and dark present that perhaps he would be keep out of; however, as much as he is put off he is drawn in and soon finds himself involved deeper than he had ever planned.
I'll be honest and say that I was only drawn to this film by the strange title; other than that I had no idea what it was about but decided to give it a stab anyway. However the film seems to be aiming for a mood rather than a narrative and, as a result, this film is more about the tone and feel and thus it fails to really engage because the story isn't there. Well, there is a story but it comes second to the mood and it isn't well developed, is full of illogical holes that just don't convince and feels like a mishmash of other films' ideas. It is interesting at points but ultimately it doesn't work. The film tries to be seedy and introspective, using smoky rooms, jazz and crime as motivators and the "normal guy" as our way in, but even this doesn't totally work and elements of it failing make it feel like it has all been forced from the start certainly the choice of the jazz music is way off.
However, as the title suggests, the film is more about Beatrice than the other characters and, as such, it is interesting enough even if she isn't as well developed a character as a "character driven film" would usually require. The performance from Argento is good and she has a real sexy presence that is more than just her taking her clothes off for the cameras it is an aspect of her character that the film uses well. Harris is every bit as bland as the music he plays and he is the reason why I never bought the main relationship once OK, she's after a "nice guy" but would she go for someone so very bland? The rest of the cast are colourful enough and do OK work with very basic material; Rhys-Meyers is good, Everett does his usual lazy, bi-sexual performance, Hart has a small role and the rest are just basic "East End thug" sorts.
Overall this is a film to watch for the sexy, dark presence of Argento and that alone. Outside of her, the narrative is pretty weak and never really convinced me or involved me; the dramatic fireworks come and go without really doing much and by the end I was pretty bored by the whole affair. Argento and some of the support cast make it worth a go but, like Harris and his type of jazz music, this film is consistently bland and uninteresting.
I'll be honest and say that I was only drawn to this film by the strange title; other than that I had no idea what it was about but decided to give it a stab anyway. However the film seems to be aiming for a mood rather than a narrative and, as a result, this film is more about the tone and feel and thus it fails to really engage because the story isn't there. Well, there is a story but it comes second to the mood and it isn't well developed, is full of illogical holes that just don't convince and feels like a mishmash of other films' ideas. It is interesting at points but ultimately it doesn't work. The film tries to be seedy and introspective, using smoky rooms, jazz and crime as motivators and the "normal guy" as our way in, but even this doesn't totally work and elements of it failing make it feel like it has all been forced from the start certainly the choice of the jazz music is way off.
However, as the title suggests, the film is more about Beatrice than the other characters and, as such, it is interesting enough even if she isn't as well developed a character as a "character driven film" would usually require. The performance from Argento is good and she has a real sexy presence that is more than just her taking her clothes off for the cameras it is an aspect of her character that the film uses well. Harris is every bit as bland as the music he plays and he is the reason why I never bought the main relationship once OK, she's after a "nice guy" but would she go for someone so very bland? The rest of the cast are colourful enough and do OK work with very basic material; Rhys-Meyers is good, Everett does his usual lazy, bi-sexual performance, Hart has a small role and the rest are just basic "East End thug" sorts.
Overall this is a film to watch for the sexy, dark presence of Argento and that alone. Outside of her, the narrative is pretty weak and never really convinced me or involved me; the dramatic fireworks come and go without really doing much and by the end I was pretty bored by the whole affair. Argento and some of the support cast make it worth a go but, like Harris and his type of jazz music, this film is consistently bland and uninteresting.
Predictable, but OK
GSeditor4 September 2001
Warning: Spoilers
Pretty much predictable developments make up the familiar story perhaps except for the finale (SPOILER BEGINS: it is a happy ending! SPOILER ENDS), but it is OK for the tolerant viewers, and yes, a must for Asia A. fans..
B. a little bad.
Son_of_Mansfield7 April 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Beatrice(Asia Argento) is a thief who comes into the life of teacher/DJ Alan(Jared Harris), bringing a little excitement and a little trouble. It's a plot that has been done better before and B. Monkey doesn't bring anything new to the genre. The cast, which also includes John Rhys Meyers ans Rupert Everett as B. partners in crime, make it worth watching. Jared Harris looks like that teacher with the hot wife that nobody quite knows why she is with him, John Rhys Meyers is perhaps Asia's male partner in pretty, and Rupert Everett is Rupert Everett as always. Most of the attention goes to Asia Argento as she plays another tortured character. The best thing on display in this movie is her body, in the tub, on the bed, and with a gun thrust in front of her bare breasts. That is a good reason to love you.
MONKEY BIZ
mmthos21 September 2021
Catch if you can
Rogue-3227 June 2003
Saw this on cable the other night - a very stylish and energetic little film, with fine central performances from Asia Argente, the always-great Jared Harris and Rupert Everett (who broods like no other). Catch this Monkey if you can.
Some films can look good, but are actually VERY BAD!
pjoe-215 February 1999
Some films can seem good, but are actually very bad and this can all be a matter of detail and how the whole project is executed and treated. B.Monkey is such a film and is bad because of several reasons: Why does Beatrice look like a perfectly made up doll with all lip-gloss and eyeliner after being asleep for TWO DAYS and being sick? Why do they have to have their foto taken right the moment she wakes up? Why does he hold an icecream when looking at the cliffs of dover, while there's not an icecreamkart in sight? I could go on and on. This bugs me so much that I can't take the film seriously anymore, not that there's any reason, because the dialog is completely demented, the sex scenes are pathetic, aaaaaaaargh please I won't go on.
Oh, no, I do want to add this: I hope Jonathan Rhys Meyers cheekbones will grow so big that they crack his skull.
Oh, no, I do want to add this: I hope Jonathan Rhys Meyers cheekbones will grow so big that they crack his skull.
Not perfect but worth the watch
trueblue1926 February 2009
As some others have said, this film is carried in large measure by its central players.
While some plot dynamics are typical of the genre, I disagree with the claims some have made that the plot itself is weak. There are, in fact, some plot elements that constitute unique dramatic formulations, at least relative to English-language films.
There are numerous social and cultural themes that are woven into the storyline. Substance abuse and other modes of addiction are incorporated. Domestic violence, too, comes into play. The film itself does not offer much in the way of commentary on these sociocultural facets, and the portrayal of broader social themes appears primarily to serve as a vehicle for character development.
The soundtrack is excellent and incorporates quality jazz instrumental tracks as well as contributions from the critically acclaimed band Portishead. The presence of jazz on the soundtrack is paralleled by its presence in the story, so much so in fact that jazz itself takes on thematic and symbolic values.
The cinematography is of a high quality, and is characterized by rich, vibrant images. The selection of images and their composition serve several purposes, one of which is to orient the viewer to shifts within the direction of the story. Such mechanisms enjoy considerable subtlety and their use strikes me as neither pretentious nor overly ambitious.
Asia Argento deserves special mention, and not just because she is easily one of today's most attractive actresses. Although she is not the only exceptional actor in this cast, it is Argento that really makes the film.
While some plot dynamics are typical of the genre, I disagree with the claims some have made that the plot itself is weak. There are, in fact, some plot elements that constitute unique dramatic formulations, at least relative to English-language films.
There are numerous social and cultural themes that are woven into the storyline. Substance abuse and other modes of addiction are incorporated. Domestic violence, too, comes into play. The film itself does not offer much in the way of commentary on these sociocultural facets, and the portrayal of broader social themes appears primarily to serve as a vehicle for character development.
The soundtrack is excellent and incorporates quality jazz instrumental tracks as well as contributions from the critically acclaimed band Portishead. The presence of jazz on the soundtrack is paralleled by its presence in the story, so much so in fact that jazz itself takes on thematic and symbolic values.
The cinematography is of a high quality, and is characterized by rich, vibrant images. The selection of images and their composition serve several purposes, one of which is to orient the viewer to shifts within the direction of the story. Such mechanisms enjoy considerable subtlety and their use strikes me as neither pretentious nor overly ambitious.
Asia Argento deserves special mention, and not just because she is easily one of today's most attractive actresses. Although she is not the only exceptional actor in this cast, it is Argento that really makes the film.
what a waste of my time
kundalini37 February 2003
I was amazed at how bad this film really was with all the decent actors attached to it. The fault lies mostly in the screenplay which is a plodding episodic melange of boring bits and no dramatic arc what-so-ever. Avoid this movie like the plague. Unless you seek multiple nudes scenes involving Asia Argento. She is one of the most appealing females on cellulite, but this movie is a waste of time otherwise.
A vision of escapism
KuRt-3329 May 2003
The first time I saw "B. Monkey" (at the Ghent Film Festival in 1998), I was amazed at how many people had come to see this action movie starring Asia Argento. Of course it wasn't because of Asia's charismatic performances this movie was so popular, but because it was the latest film by Michael Radford, director of "Il Postino" (together with "Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulin" the longest running movie in the last ten years - well, in Antwerp anyway). From "Il Postino" to "B. Monkey" was a weird step and perhaps one of the reasons why "B. Monkey" gets so many negative reviews.
I'm well aware that this movie is a male-oriented vision of escapism, but when the result is a movie like this, one wants to take a lot for granted.
"B. Monkey" was based on a novel by Andrew Davies who has been writing since the late 60s and has penned many scripts for well-known productions such as the script for the "Bridget Jones Diary" and the lesbian BBC drama "Tipping The Velvet". He knows how to tell a story and perhaps this is why, in my opinion, "B. Monkey" is so much better than the usual drama where a delinquent girl meets an honest man and decides to better her life (genders may be changed here). Even though you can predict the big lines of the story, you're still surprised at certain plot changes.
Alan (Wayne Wang favourite Jarid Harris) and Beatrice (Asia 'daughter of Argento) couldn't be further apart: she's a bank-robbing criminal, he teaches poor kids and has a jazz show on hospital radio. Once again something that makes you realize that this movie walks a thin line between good cinema and a third-rate tv's movie of the week. Believable acting by Harris, Argento and, not to forget, Rupert Everett helps the movie to stay on the right part of that thin line.
I'm well aware that this movie is a male-oriented vision of escapism, but when the result is a movie like this, one wants to take a lot for granted.
"B. Monkey" was based on a novel by Andrew Davies who has been writing since the late 60s and has penned many scripts for well-known productions such as the script for the "Bridget Jones Diary" and the lesbian BBC drama "Tipping The Velvet". He knows how to tell a story and perhaps this is why, in my opinion, "B. Monkey" is so much better than the usual drama where a delinquent girl meets an honest man and decides to better her life (genders may be changed here). Even though you can predict the big lines of the story, you're still surprised at certain plot changes.
Alan (Wayne Wang favourite Jarid Harris) and Beatrice (Asia 'daughter of Argento) couldn't be further apart: she's a bank-robbing criminal, he teaches poor kids and has a jazz show on hospital radio. Once again something that makes you realize that this movie walks a thin line between good cinema and a third-rate tv's movie of the week. Believable acting by Harris, Argento and, not to forget, Rupert Everett helps the movie to stay on the right part of that thin line.
The glamour chick who lives down our street.
clevelander14 January 2003
The central character, glamourous thief B Monkey, is rather badly camouflaged against the very believable sleaze and no-hope of the city. She has not been given the easiest of parts to carry out in a realistic fashion, so what the hell, she sets her own terms on the character. And I loved it, and swallowed the lot. More than that I came to see the characters and situations as very well drawn,and well observed sketch on the human condition, and started to recognise and identify. The twist at the end had a classical feel to it - she finally becomes camouflaged in the most unlikely setting. (Hope that's sufficiently cryptic.)
I loved the sense of place, both of the City and the Yorkshire countryside, the rather made-for-TV style with occasional echoes of documentary. And the very competent cast. And despite the lead spending quite a bit of time with her clothes off, she does this in a good cause, never gratuitiously, always advancing the plot. I was seduced. A good seven.
I loved the sense of place, both of the City and the Yorkshire countryside, the rather made-for-TV style with occasional echoes of documentary. And the very competent cast. And despite the lead spending quite a bit of time with her clothes off, she does this in a good cause, never gratuitiously, always advancing the plot. I was seduced. A good seven.
Not sure what to make of it...
PeachHamBeach25 March 2009
Warning: Spoilers
The posters and DVD arts project this to be a sexy crime thriller about a female bank or jewel robber or something. Instead, it's a romantic drama with a touch of crime thriller here and there but nothing like what you'd have expected.
I don't mind the film for what it is. Beatrice (Bee-Ah-Trich-E) is a lovely Italian woman who has gone the straight after a career as an armed robber. She still keeps in touch with a few of her old friends from that life, but mainly, she has gone straight. I wasn't sure if this film was going anywhere interesting, then it turned into a romantic drama when Beatrice meets a guy named Alan (Jared Harris) who works at a classical radio station by night and teaches young kids in school by day. If you want to appreciate the European art/sex film elements of this film, such as full frontal nudity and wild sex scenes, then it will entertain you in that way for a while, as Beatrice and her new lover struggle with his impotence, bad oysters and getting to know each other.
When a friend of B's, played by the luscious Jonathan Rhys-Meyers comes into the scene, suddenly there's an actual 2 way plot going somewhere, but this is not until at least 1/3 or 2/3 into the movie. A very troubled (downright psychotic) kid at Alan's school stabs another child with a pencil, the whole thing turns ugly and suddenly Alan is faced with losing his teaching job. At the same time, B's friend needs her to come out of retirement to help him get some debts cleared up.
Asia Argento is a fun actress to watch, even if she's not the greatest actress ever. Still, this film seems to not be able to make up its mind what it wanted to be. It's entertaining in some ways, but not exciting enough for me to recommend.
I don't mind the film for what it is. Beatrice (Bee-Ah-Trich-E) is a lovely Italian woman who has gone the straight after a career as an armed robber. She still keeps in touch with a few of her old friends from that life, but mainly, she has gone straight. I wasn't sure if this film was going anywhere interesting, then it turned into a romantic drama when Beatrice meets a guy named Alan (Jared Harris) who works at a classical radio station by night and teaches young kids in school by day. If you want to appreciate the European art/sex film elements of this film, such as full frontal nudity and wild sex scenes, then it will entertain you in that way for a while, as Beatrice and her new lover struggle with his impotence, bad oysters and getting to know each other.
When a friend of B's, played by the luscious Jonathan Rhys-Meyers comes into the scene, suddenly there's an actual 2 way plot going somewhere, but this is not until at least 1/3 or 2/3 into the movie. A very troubled (downright psychotic) kid at Alan's school stabs another child with a pencil, the whole thing turns ugly and suddenly Alan is faced with losing his teaching job. At the same time, B's friend needs her to come out of retirement to help him get some debts cleared up.
Asia Argento is a fun actress to watch, even if she's not the greatest actress ever. Still, this film seems to not be able to make up its mind what it wanted to be. It's entertaining in some ways, but not exciting enough for me to recommend.
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