Ben Affleck: Holden McNeil, Ben Affleck
Holden : If the buzz is any indicator, that movie's gonna make some huge bank.
Jay : What buzz?
Holden : The Internet buzz.
Jay : What the fuck is the Internet?
Holden : The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another.
Miramax Security Guard Gordon : Echo Base, I've got a 10-07: two unauthorized on the lot, requesting backup.
Echo Base : [over Gordon's walkie talkie] I thought that was a 10-82.
Miramax Security Guard Gordon : No sir, a 10-82 is disappearing a dead hooker from Ben Affleck's trailer.
Echo Base : [slightly amused] Oh, that Affleck! Backup on the way...
Jay : Do they say who's fuckin' playing us in the movie?
Holden : No, but it's Miramax. So I'm sure it'll be Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. They put those guys in a bunch of movies.
Jay : Who?
Holden : You know, those kids from Good Will Hunting?
Jay : You mean that fuckin' movie with Mork from Ork in it?
Holden : Yeah, I wasn't a big fan either... but Affleck was the bomb in "Phantoms".
Jay : Word, bitch, Phantoms like a motherfucker.
[high fives Holden]
Holden : What's up now.
Matt Damon : Just take it from "It's a good course."
Ben Affleck : Oh, now you're the director.
Matt Damon : Hey shove it, Bounce-boy. Let's remember who talked who into doing this shit in the first place. Talking me into Dogma was one thing, but this...
Ben Affleck : Hey look, I'm sorry I dragged you away from whatever-gay-serial-killers-who-ride-horses-and-like-to-play-golf-touchy-feely-picture you're supposed to be doing this week.
Matt Damon : I take it you haven't seen Forces of Nature?
Ben Affleck : You're like a child. What've I been telling you? You gotta do the safe picture. Then you can do the art picture. But then sometimes you gotta do the payback picture because your friend says you owe him.
[They both take a beat and look at the camera]
Ben Affleck : And sometimes, you go back to the well.
Matt Damon : And sometimes, you play Reindeer Games.
Ben Affleck : See, that's just mean.
[several security guards, led by Gordon, have suddenly rushed onto the set of Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season]
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon : Sorry to interrupt sirs, but we've got a 10-07 on our hands.
Matt Damon : [exasperated] Oh Jesus, again Ben?
Ben Affleck : [cocky] No, bullshit, because I wasn't WITH a hooker today, ha-HA!
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon : There they are!
Jay : Affleck, you the bomb in "Phantoms", yo!
[the C.L.I.T. is being discussed on TV]
Holden : Nights like this... I miss dating a lesbian.
Holden : Well, look at these morose motherfuckers right here. Looks like somebody shit in their cereal... Bong.
Jay : So all we's gotta do is stop this fuckin' movie from getting made!
Holden : Yeah, and forego the hundreds of thousands of dollars you would be entitled to in the process. What are you, fucking retarded? I mean, I don't think I'm alone in the world in imagining this flick may be the worst idea since Greedo shooting first. You know it, but... a Jay and Silent Bob movie? Feature length? Who'd pay to see that?
[Holden, Jay, and Bob look into the camera]
Clark : [during filming for Good Will Hunting 2] You're just no longer any good, Will Hunting. Now how do *you* like *them apples*?
Ben Affleck : [in huddle with Damon] I don't like the sound of them apples, Will. What are we gonna do?
Matt Damon : Chucky, it's hunting season.
[Will pulls out his shotgun and blows the guy away]
Ben Affleck : Applesauce. Bitch.
[Reading a message off the Internet]
Holden : Fuck Jay and Silent Bob. Fuck them up their stupid asses.
Ben Affleck : Are we gonna have a problem... again?
Holden : Nothing. The Internet has given everybody in America a voice. For some reason, everybody decides to use that voice to bitch about movies.
Holden : This is a site populated by militant movie buffs: sad, pathetic little bastards living in their parents' basement downloading scripts and what they think is inside information about movies and actors they claim to despise yet can't stop discussing.
Holden : Why in God's name would I wanna keep writing about characters whose central preoccupation are weed and dick and fart jokes? I mean, ya gotta grow man. Don't you ever want anything more for yourself? I know this poor hapless son of a bitch does. I look into his sorry doe eyes and I just, I see a man crying out. He's crying out, "When Lord? When the fuck can your servant ditch this foul-mouthed little chucklehead to whom I am a constant victim of his folly, so much so that it prevents him from ever getting to kiss a girl! Fuck! When, Lord when? WHEN'S GONNA BE MY TIME?"
Jay : If today is Tuesday and the movie starts filming on Friday, we have...
[counting his fingers, holds up ten]
Jay : ...eight days.
Holden : Uh, three by my count, but close.
Jay : Right. My bad. Three days to stop that fucking movie from getting made. Come on, Silent Bob. We're going to Hollywood!