Married... with Children (TV Series)

Business Still Sucks (1994)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• [after hearing that Gary is going to come to the store, Al glued high heels and ribbons to all the men's shoes, to make them look like women's shoes. He tells Kelly to pretend that she is customer, to mislead Gary] 

  Al : You know, I really think we can pull this off. I mean, even if women can tell that these aren't women's shoes, Gary won't know the difference - he's a man!

  [Gary enters - and turns to be a woman] 

  Gary : Hi! I'm Gary. I own this store.

  Al : [to himself]  Of course.

• Al : My country would never rule against me.

  Bud : Dad, they ruled against you.

  Al : Damn George Washington. I wish he was dead.

• Peggy : Hi, Al. I brought you lunch.

  Al : Thanks, Peg. Peg, this is just three pieces of bread. Where's the meat?

  Peggy : Think of it as a club sandwich; hold the club.

  Al : I wish I was holding a club. Oh well, it's gotta be better than yesterday's hot dog bun on rye.

• Jefferson D'Arcy : Al, aren't you afraid that Gary will find out that you turned this into a men's shoe store?

  Al : Who's Gary?

  Jefferson D'Arcy : [chuckles]  You know, Gary of "Gary's Shoes".

  Al : Jefferson, I've worked here twenty years...

  [Al stops in the mid-sentence, frowning] 

  Al : Twenty years? Where the hell has my life gone? But anyway, I've never even seen Gary. I don't even know if Gary exists. But you know, I've never been this happy for years. Let me sit back and revel in it.

  [Al leans back in the armchair, calm and relaxed. Bud just finished talking on the phone] 

  Bud : Dad? It was Gary's office on the phone. Gary's flying in the day after tomorrow to take a personal look at the store.

  [Al nods, suddenly doesn't look so relaxed] 

• Gary : Mr. Bundy, I have holdings all over the world. I own airlines; I own oil wells; I own men...

  Al : I'm... I'm... I'm for sale.

  Gary : I said MEN. Anyhow, I ALMOST made the Forbes 400 last year. I was no. 401. You know why?

  Al : Because you're too beautiful to be perceived as a successful businesswoman?

  Gary : That's what I thought. But no, because of this shoe store.

  Al : That was my second guess.

  Gary : This is my only holding I have that is never ever made me any money.

• Rebecca : Excuse me, sir, do you have a place I can put this dirty diaper?

  Al Bundy : No, I do not.

  [stands up] 

  Al Bundy : And THIS is where I draw the line. There will be NO dirty diapers in my shoe store!

  Marcy D'Arcy : Oh no?

  [blows her whistle] 

  Al Bundy : Oh no.

  [a group of mothers crowd around Al] 

  Marcy D'Arcy : Ladies... present LOADS!

  [the mothers all hold their babies' soiled diapers in Al's face] 

• Marcy D'Arcy : You know what I like about America in the Nineties?

  Al : Jockey For Her?

• Al : [Peg wore a paper bag over her head to deliver sandwiches to beleaguered Al]  Oh, yeah, here you wear the bag, but in bed?

• Al : [after Kelly paid with imaginary money]  What are you doing?

  Kelly Bundy : Waiting for my change.

  [smiles] 

  Al : Get out!

  Kelly Bundy : I guess I'll see you at home then.