"Married... with Children" Valentine's Day Massacre (TV Episode 1994) Poster

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Love is... a rip-off.
BA_Harrison26 December 2022
It's Valentine's Day and Peggy and Kelly are looking through old cards when they find an unopened one for Bud from six years ago, which Kelly had forgotten to pass on to him. Bud opens the card and finds out that it was from Bernice Winchester, who now goes by her pop-star name, Crystal Brooks. Bud decides to find the girl to let her know that he never received her card, but getting past security isn't easy.

Al has, of course, forgotten what day it is and must go to the Valentine's store, where desperate men pay a fortune for last minute gifts; a fight eventually breaks out over the only card left in the shop.

This episode features a lot of cartoonish violence, Bud repeatedly sent reeling by the security guard and Al being beaten up in the shop; thankfully, as cartoonish as all of this is, at least there's no rocket launcher involved (see previous episode). The crass commercialism of Valentine's Day is mercilessly lampooned as the greedy owner of the gift shop auctions off single chocolates, and when Al goes to pay for flowers, he's asked "will that be cash, check or deeds to your house?".

At the end of the episode, Bud is given another chance to score with Crystal, the singer leaving a note with Kelly: unsurprisingly, he never gets the message.
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