Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

Invasion of the Neptune Men (1997)

Michael J. Nelson: Mike Nelson

Quotes 

• [At seeing a building with an image of Hitler on it blown up] 

  Crow : What? What!

  Tom Servo : They blew up the Hitler building! Where's everybody gonna go to see Hitler memorabilia?

  Crow : All the Hitler rides and games! The Hitler salt and pepper shakers!

  Mike Nelson : That great restaurant, "The Bunker"! It's gone, you son of a...

  Crow : You blew it up!

• Mike Nelson : You know, I wish the running would never stop. I mean it. I simply can't get enough shots of these kids running! Really! Literally, there is no limit to how much I wanna see of this!

  Crow T. Robot : Just a little sarcastic, maybe, Mike?

  Mike Nelson : Eh, just a touch, I guess.

• Tom Servo : Do any of these kids have names?

  Mike Nelson : Well, they're so distinct... I don't think there's any reason to give them names.

• Crow : [discussing stock footage of a building with Hitler's likeness being blown up]  Say Mike, was there a Hitler building where you grew up?

  Mike Nelson : Not, um... No. No, no.

  Crow : Sure?

  Mike Nelson : No.

• [after "Invasion of the Neptune Men" finally ends] 

  Mike Nelson : Brought to you by "The League of Psychotic Children: Surround yourself with annoying, shrill voiced children".

• Mike Nelson : Conclusive evidence that the Japanese DO exist.

• Tom Servo : Hey, you know, Space Chief should really try going up into SPACE sometime.

  Crow T. Robot : Yeah, he's more like "Lower Atmosphere Chief."

  Mike Nelson : "Barely-Off-The-Stupid-Ground Chief."

• Tom Servo : Oragami!

  Mike Nelson : What?

  Tom Servo : Oragami's Japanese, right? I like Oragami. Well, maybe "like" is too strong a word. I mean, I don't mind it... Ah, Hell, I hate it. Folding paper is STUPID! STUPID!

  Crow T. Robot : You sure turned on that pretty quickly.

• Mike Nelson : [the aliens begin demolishing buildings]  Man, they really got hosed on that whole barrier deal. I hope they bought the service contract.

• Mike Nelson : Never thought I'd say it, but suddenly Independence Day seems a richly nuanced movie.

• Mike Nelson : [At the first appearance of a bullet-head shaped Neptune man]  Suppository man!

• Mike Nelson : [as doctors Tanigawa and Tachibana exchange glaces with each other when the kids barge into the press conference]  Get the cane

• Mike Nelson : [Listening to the opening theme]  Sounds like the Little Rascals are going to be in this

• Crow : So, d - do either of you guys know any songs about stock footage that could get us through this?

  Tom Servo : Oh! I know a song about stock footage; goes like this: Bada-bada-da-da... EAT IT, MOVIE!

  Crow : Woah! Woah! Woah!

  Tom Servo : TAKE THIS STUPID LITTLE COCKROACH OF A FILM...

  Crow : Mike, Mike, Mike...? Get...

  Tom Servo : ROLL IT UP SOOOO TIGHT...

  Mike Nelson : All right...

  Tom Servo : AND RAM IT RIGHT UP...

  [starts sobbing] 

  Mike Nelson : [consoling Tom]  All right! All right, all right, it's okay, you're okay, it's all right.

• Mike Nelson : You know Krankor, I want you to leave.

  Krankor : Oh, do you? Well, you may be interested to know that I have already conquered your puny satellite and that you have no defense against me.

  Mike Nelson : Ahh.

  Krankor : [terrified]  : Oh, please don't hurt me. Don't hit, don't hit.

• [characters pile into a car] 

  Mike Nelson : We've gotta get out of this movie, step on it!