House M.D. (TV Series)
Guardian Angels (2007)
Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House
Quotes
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Dr. Allison Cameron : [House is about to pay a $100 bet to Cameron] Cash will be fine.
Dr. Gregory House : I bet you say that to all the guys.
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Dr. Lisa Cuddy : The Doctors' lounge is covered in mud.
Dr. Gregory House : Thirteen and Cut-throat Bitch had a disagreement, and the cafeteria was out of Jello.
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Dr. Gregory House : [referring to Cole] Dark religious nut.
Cole : What did you call me?
Dr. Gregory House : I'm sorry. What do you people want to be called this week?
Cole : Cole.
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[Dobson and Taub are fighting]
Dr. Gregory House : That is just great.
Henry Dobson : What is?
Dr. Chris Taub : Which one of us is?
Dr. Gregory House : Both of you. Together. Fighting. Passionate to prove the other one wrong. Couldn't care less about the patient, but it all works out the same.
Dr. Amber Volakis : I hate Thirteen!
Dr. Gregory House : Not as productively.
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Dr. Gregory House : What did the angio say?
Cole : We couldn't finish it. She started groping me.
Dr. Gregory House : You couldn't let her get to second base just to get the test done?
Dr. Lawrence Kutner : I think that's third base.
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Dr. Amber Volakis : It could be a tumor to the temporal lobe.
Dr. Chris Taub : Not with a normal CT scan.
Dr. Amber Volakis : You mean it appeared normal to the doc in the ER.
Dr. Gregory House : Way to get right back on that horse, Thirteen.
Thirteen : No, that was Amber.
Dr. Gregory House : Nice try, Cutthroat Bitch. That was the worst Thirteen imitation I've ever heard.
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[Cole just punched House]
Dr. Amber Volakis : I know what she has!
Dr. Gregory House : You couldn't have spoken up 10 seconds ago? You could have saved me a hundred bucks.
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Dr. Gregory House : Big Love, have I humiliated you in the last half hour?
Cole : No.
Dr. Gregory House : Check your e-mail.
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Dr. Allison Cameron : [to House about Cole] Just because he's religious doesn't mean he won't kick your ass.
Dr. Gregory House : You wanna bet?
Dr. Allison Cameron : No, I want you to stop being such a jerk to him.
Dr. Gregory House : [pulls a dollar bill out of his desk] One hundred dollars.
[Cameron smiles at him]
Dr. Gregory House : Smart call.
[puts the money in his pocket]
Dr. Gregory House : Guy's a wuss. He's gonna be the next one on the train.
Dr. Allison Cameron : Define "kick your ass."
Dr. Gregory House : Any physical confrontation...
Dr. Allison Cameron : Or verbal?
Dr. Gregory House : Define verbal.
Dr. Allison Cameron : Anything over... 70 decibels. And you can't start suddenly being nice to him.
Dr. Gregory House : You realize what you're encouraging here.
Dr. Allison Cameron : Yeah. Someone kicking your ass.
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Dr. Gregory House : [to Taub] Doctor's lounge. Let's go.
Dr. Chris Taub : Why me?
Dr. Gregory House : Well, I can't ask the black guy or one of the chicks to do it. That would be insensitive.
Dr. Chris Taub : And you can't ask Bosley because that'd look like you only hired the non-doctor to do non-doctor stuff.
Dr. Gregory House : You keep stalling, you're still gonna clean up, but I won't let you have the mop.
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Dr. Gregory House : [to Cuddy, about what he had the candidates dig up a body for] Little tiny piece of his brain. Seemed a waste. He wasn't using it anymore.
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Dr. Gregory House : [to Cole] You have oatmeal on your pants.
[Cole looks at his pants and looks around; Kutner looks up]
Dr. Lawrence Kutner : Do you have a camera in here?
Dr. Gregory House : No. I was guessing. He had oatmeal on his pants yesterday and the day before. Have one of your wives look after the spawn.
Cole : I'm a single dad.
Dr. Chris Taub : Where's the single mom?
Cole : I have no idea.
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Dr. Gregory House : [to Cole] You okay with an answer based on evolution?
Cole : Yeah.
Dr. Gregory House : Hypocrite.
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Dr. Gregory House : Does my breath smell bated to you?
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Dr. Gregory House : [to Cole] I have a theory. Maybe you can help me out. Black Mormon means masochist. Means kinky. I'm thinking that someone got hurt making the bastard. Am I right?
Cole : You leave my son out of this.
Dr. Gregory House : I wasn't referring to your kid's hypocrisy. I was referring to yours.
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Cole : [to House] Just shut up already! We got a patient dying!
Dr. Gregory House : Either got to prescribe an exorcism or admit to me that Smith was a horny fraud.
[Cole punches him in the mouth]