Movie 43 (2013)

Justin Long: Fake Robin (segment "Super Hero Speed Dating")

Photos 

Quotes 

• Fake Robin : [segment "Superhero Speed Dating"]  Wait, let me get this straight. So you knew all the way back then? You knew that she was a dude?

  Fake Batman : Whole time.

  Fake Robin : Why did you make me kiss her? Him. It. This.

  Fake Batman : I don't know. I guess I woke up this morning with a little case of the fuckarounds.

• Fake Supergirl : [segment "Superhero Speed Dating"]  Hi! Sorry, sorry I'm late. There was a line in the bathroom. Hi, I'm Supergirl.

  Fake Robin : My name...

  Fake Batman : [under the table speaking on an earpiece feeding to Robin's ear]  I'm Robin.

  Fake Robin : [to Supergirl]  ... Hi, I'm Robin.

  Fake Batman : [to Robin]  Um, so where are you from?

  Fake Robin : So where are you from?

  Fake Supergirl : I, um, Krypton.

  Fake Robin : Oh, Krypton. Where? That's, that's, uh...

  Fake Batman : Oh shit.

  Fake Robin : Oh shit.

  Fake Batman : Dude, I can see her snatch.

  Fake Robin : Dude I can s... uh...

  Fake Batman : Oh my god, I can't believe the size of this thing. It's like a giant fucking cornfield, it's enormous down here. It's crazy, look at that, I feel like at any moment Shoeless Joe Jackson can walk out of that and I can play catch with him.

  Fake Robin : Krypton, like the... I hear it's really nice. I have never been...

  Fake Supergirl : You didn't hear that the sun supernova'd and destroyed our entire race?

  Fake Batman : I'd wash dishes with it...

  Fake Robin : Did it? I did not...

  Fake Batman : It's a huge, bushy catastrophe down here. I feel like Sean Penn should do a benefit for this thing.

  [Supergirl's expression changes] 

  Fake Robin : What? Oh, no. You can hear him, can't you...

  Fake Supergirl : Yeah, I can hear him! I can also see Batman underneath the table.

  Fake Robin : 'Cause of the X-ray vision, of course.

  Fake Supergirl : No, I can just see him. It's a café table. I mean, it's really obvious.

  Fake Batman : [pops head from under the table, to Supergirl]  Hi.

  Fake Supergirl : Hi.

  [storms off] 

  Fake Robin : I'm so sorry about your family dying.

  Fake Batman : Oh, man, that took me back to the 70s, huh?

• Fake Robin : [segment "Superhero Speed Dating"]  What the hell are you doing here, Batman? You're gonna ruin this!

  Fake Batman : Calm down! Hey, look, I read on Twitter this super-villain's gonna bomb this loser meet-and-greet so I'm here to save the day - like I do - all the time. I mean, you know, it's my thing. I'm the Batman!

  Fake Robin : Yeah, bologna. You're here to ruin my chances with women. Like you do all the time.

  Fake Batman : No way, brother, no way. I'm in support of this. One more speed date, okay, then we got to find that bomb.

• Fake Batman : [segment "Superhero Speed Dating"]  You're not going to do it on your own. Pop that in your ear.

  Fake Robin : What's that?

  Fake Batman : What I'm gonna do is get underneath the table, hide down there, and feed you lines to help bag this next gal.

  Fake Robin : Like Cyrano d'Bergerac.

  Fake Batman : I don't know what that is. It's more like "Roxanne".

• Fake Robin : [segment "Superhero Speed Dating"]  I thought you were dating superman?

  Fake Lois Lane (segment "Super Hero Speed Dating") : No, no. We broke up about six months ago.

  Fake Robin : Oh, I didn't know that.

  Fake Lois Lane (segment "Super Hero Speed Dating") : He's been stalking me ever since.

  Fake Robin : Really?

  Fake Lois Lane (segment "Super Hero Speed Dating") : Last night, I look out my bedroom window and there he is just floating there, just stroking that nasty little curl. Masturbating! He leaves a wad all over my window. He broke the window! His jizz is like a shotgun blast. You know that shiny stuff in his hair? It's not hair gel.

• Fake Robin : [segment "Superhero Speed Dating"]  How'd you know that she was a fake?

  Fake Batman : A bush that size only good for one thing and that one thang is hidin' a wang. You know what I'm sayin'?