Red Dwarf (TV Series)

Back to Earth (Part Three) (2009)

Craig Charles: Lister, Craig Charles

Photos 

Quotes 

• Cat : What about a show about cats?

  Dave Lister : That'd never work.

• Kristine Kochanski : Where are you going?

  Dave Lister : I have to leave, and get you back.

  Kristine Kochanski : The real me? You'll never get me, I'm way out of your league.

  Dave Lister : I thought that too but, I was wrong.

  Kristine Kochanski : You were right.

  Dave Lister : No. I'm pretty cool, I don't take any smeg, and even though I'm disgusting, sometimes I can be quite brave.

  Kristine Kochanski : You'll never get me.

  Dave Lister : Yeah, I will.

• [the gang climb out out Carbug and look around] 

  Rimmer : What sort of godforseken place it this?

  Cat : This is worse than Rimmerworld!

  Dave Lister : Get out of town - this is brilliant! It's just like where I grew up, except there's less burning cars!

• [Simon spots the Red Dwarf gang by the post box, and dials a number on his mobile] 

  Simon Gregson : Hi, it's me - where are you?

  Craig Charles : [Muffled]  In the Rovers, kid. Why?

  Simon Gregson : I'll see you in a minute.

  [Walks towards the Rovers] 

• Simon Gregson : [Entering the Rovers and spotting Craig sitting at a table]  Oi! You'll never guess who I've just seen! All your mates from Red Dwarf! They'e outside

  Craig Charles : Serious?

  Simon Gregson : Yeah! They've just landed in a little spaceship! it's green, um

  [Clicks his fingers while trying to remember the name] 

  Simon Gregson : What's it called?

  Craig Charles : Listen, mate, don't mess about! I've got loads of lines to learn! I've got a massive scene this afternoon!

  Simon Gregson : I'm serious, and I know what I saw!

  [pause] 

  Simon Gregson : Even you were there!

  Craig Charles : I was there? How many have you had?

  Simon Gregson : [pause]  Well, I've had a couple, but listen, I've just seen you!

  [Holds out hand just above the top of the table] 

  Simon Gregson : So high, ugly, definitely you

  Craig Charles : [Kryten, Cat and Rimmer walk in]  Hi guys! What are you doing here?

  Kryten : Ah, Mr Charles, sir! My name is Kryten. I'm a fictitious character from the television series Red Dwarf, and we really need your help.

  Simon Gregson : Told ya!

• Dave Lister : [Lister walks in]  You're the only one who can help us, man!

  Craig Charles : [Stands up and moves away]  I've heard about these! They're called flashbacks! I know you don't exist!

  Cat : Okay, no need to rub it in!

  Rimmer : Just give us the address of whoever created us, and we'll jump into Starbug and be out of here!

  Craig Charles : Starbug?

  Simon Gregson : Yeah, I just told ya, they landed outside the Kabin!

  Rimmer : [Turning to Simon]  That is okay, isn't it? We're not going to get a ticket, are we?

  Craig Charles : You're not all here! I know you're not all here!

  Rimmer : [Pointing to Kryten]  Eh, He's not all here, but the rest of us are!

  Cat : Yeah!

• Rimmer : We've got to speak to our creator!

  Craig Charles : And I've got to get back to the Priory!

• [Lister leads the others out of the Rovers] 

  Dave Lister : I'm so glad I'm not him! The guy's a wreck! And pretending to be someone else all day - that's no way to make a living! Smeghead!