Reviews

This film (well, movie) is an implausible mess. Another example of a bad sequel. The whole movie is unbelievable and doesn't make any sense. Why won't the killer just freaking die? And why is he so mad. The kids made a simple mistake. Forget and forgive. Move on. This guy certainly has way to much time on his hands.

The plot is stupid. Julie and her friend win a prize trip to Jamaca over a radio station. They take two of their friends. Carla takes her boyfriend and Julie wants to take Ray (you'll remember him from the first), but Will comes along instead. Anyway, when the get there, bodies pile up without logic and as luck would have it, they're stuck on that darned island because there's a tropical storm. The killer is back and he's crazier and madder.

I watched this movie with my friend on TV. It was a laugh riot straight from the beginning. I mean, Julie has a big axe and the killer has a dinky hook. Why doesn't she just kill him. Or all four of them gang up on him. We couldn't stop laughing at the ridiculous situations these people go into, all the clichés, the flat acting, the numerous plot holes, and the absurdity of it all.

But give the movie some credit. It does manage to give you some cheap thrills (few). And there are two humouress characters. So, I won't give this a very low rating because it's so hilarious. Watch it to laugh and just have a little fun. But the movie, when analyzed, it one of the worst movies in a long time. C-

"Show Me the Funny" is a stupid, boring retread of "America's Funniest Home Videos." The clips are all the same. But this time, they aren't funny. I don't understand what's funny about a man getting his arm licked by a cow. There is only usually one laugh in this show. Whatever happened to hilarious bits like "Man Gets Hit in Crotch"? In "Home Videos" Bob Saget would do voice-overs. In this, the host attempts the same thing, but it just isn't as funny. I wish this show was funny, because if it was give the right videos, it could be. It's not the show's fault it sucks, it just people don't send anything good in anymore. The show needs a decent host and some bits that are actually funny.

Hamlet: **1/2

Remakes of classic Literature is rare nowadays. It seems people would rather remake a bad TV show that remake a classic. "Hamlet" was remade into a teen soap opera. It has good acting from all the supporting actors, but Ethan Hawke (who plays Hamlet) can't carry the movie all by himself. He tried to carry it but dropped it somewhere along the way.

The film is about Hamlet, over played (or under, I'm not sure yet) by Ethan Hawke. In this version he's a twenty something son of the Queen (Diane Venora). He has fallen in love with Ophelia (Played nicely by Julia Stiles), but her father (Bill Murray, finally a change of character) has different plans for her. All the classic characters are there. I find it weird, though, that in the year 2000 these people haven't learned slang yet. Are they living in a cave?

The Olde English I kind of had a problem with. After I while, I got into it. The main I had was Ethan Hawke. His context never changed. He said every sentence exactly the same as the last. He might as well repeated himself over and over. Only when the occasion REALLY called for it, he came out of his pathetic shell and acted. Julia Stile is wonderful in this. She really stretched her acting (with dumb teen stuff like "Save the Last Dance" to this). This seems a strange pick for Bill Murray. He's neither funny OR annoying. He's normal for once. I was disappointed with Steve Zahn's character, Rosencrantz. Zahn is always great, but his character just showed up and started inter acting with the plot with very little explaination of his character.

I must comment of the great cinematography. And most of the acting was really good. The story didn't change so I can't complain there. But, the movies isn't good on the level that it feels like retread more than a remake.

Snatch.: *1/2

"Snatch." runs too long, it's confused, muddled, and I didn't care. This movie is about as entertaining as a documentary about cheese.

"Snatch." is about God knows what, but here's what I think it's about. A diamond is stolen and a bunch of people want it and there's some money involved and a fight. The fight involves "One Punch" Mickey (Brad Pitt) who is a Pikey (?) and you can't understand a single thing he says. I had to watch the movie in closed captioning.

The main problem is that the movie has too many characters. I'd give you a better plot description but that's all I can remember without looking up all the character's names. They all have some nickname (the only one I remember is Boris "The Blade"). Anyway, there's too many characters and that muddles to plot. Too many things are going on and the plot is never explained very well.

Plus, I found most of the characters annoying. And what happened to Franky "Four Fingers" (Benicio Del Toro)? I guess I wasn't paying attention but he just disappeared. The movie was too vulgar and dark. It's heavy on the "f" word and it's heavy on violence. Shoot outs a'plenty.

The movie was really bad. But then again, I didn't expect much from a director named "Guy."

Problem Child: no stars

I'm watching "Problem Child" because 1.) summer TV sucks and 2.) there's nothing else on. It's on USA for the 1,000,000th time. While watching this movie the thought occured to me: Who in the hell thought this was a good idea? I don't understand why someone would want to watch a movie about parents who can't control their child. If they want to see that, go to the park.

I found it incredible that the movie teaches kids it's ok to almost kill every baseball player on the team. For some reason, I don't like John Ritter. It's something about him. And the little kid is worse. He's ugly, annoying, and I hate his voice! This movie sets a horrible example for kids. It's ok to throw some poor girl's birthday presents in the pool (actually, I've grown kind of fond to that scene BUT IT'S THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING!)

I guess Michael Richards thought this was the best he could do. Or something like that because if he was where he is now, he would have never accepted. The main problem with the movie is nobody seems to care about this kid. He almost killed 12 people. BIG DEAL! He ruined part of a department store. OH, WELL! The only thing people do about it is complain. People complain about kids everyday. Why make a movie about it? That I'll never know. John Ritter says in the movie "I've adopted Satan." No... But this movie was definately made by Satan.

I'm Gonna Git You Sucka: 1/2*

"I'm Gonna Git You Sucka" is a spoof. Spoofing can be either easy or very hard. The writer Keenan Ivory Wayans took on a hard genre to spoof: blaxplotation movies. Movies like "Shaft". I think the movie would have worked better as a satire than a spoof.

When Jack Spade (Wayans) comes home to discover that his brother has OG'ed, Over Golded on Jewelry, ([insert expected laugh]) he vows revenge on Mr. Big, who is played by a gray, heavy, old man ([insert another expected laugh]). That's pretty much for the plot. There is no real reason for this movie to exist. Also in the movie is Isaac Hayes and Bernie Casey spoofing themselves. Packed with puns and guns, this movie fails on just about every level. Here are some calculations I made during the movie.

Times I Laughed: 0

Times I Sighed in Annoyance: Estimated 17 times.

Times I felt bored: 1 hour and 28 minutes (see running time)

So, as you can see, I thought this sad excuse for a movie was horribly unfunny, stupefying, boring, and just plain bad. There's a few long running jokes in the movie that weren't funny to begin with that are stupid. The theme song for the movie is horrible. I've seen better acting on "Barney and Friends." This plot is an thin as paper. Keenan Ivory Wayans isn't funny. The use of the "f" word gets annoying. It fails every chance it gets. In short: I hated "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka."

Alien: **

"Alien" is said to be a classic. I mean, it's on the Top 250 list, so I thought it would be good. So I rented it. And I had a lot of problems with it.

"Alien" is about a crew in a space ship who find an extra-terristrial. Unlucky for them, it's not "E.T." it's a vicious killer. One by one it kills off the crew of Nostromo. Amongst the crew is Ripley (Sigourny Weaver) and Lt. Dallas (Tom Skirret).

My main problem with "Alien" is that there is too much build up and not enough payoff. The movie builds up and builds up for a final sequence which turns out disappointing. And, it's kind of predictable. I mean, who woulda thought that if someone goes looking for a cat by themself is gonna end up dead? The movie uses that formula a few times. The Alien itself is not impressive. You can barely see it, and when you do it doesn't look any better than the old "Godzilla".

Just because I didn't think it was a good movie, doesn't mean I don't like it. It's cheesy in a fun way, but I can't overlook my other problems. I respect the film. I also understand that they didn't have great computer effects back in '79, but they could have made the Alien look better. So, as for number 72 on the Top 250, I don't agree. But hey, that's just my opinion.

Josie and the Pussycats: ***1/2

"La la la, la la la la, la la la, la la la la, la la la, la la la, yeah" is the chorus to one of the songs. Ok, so some of the songs aren't original, but you can't help but liking them. The movie is brilliant in a teen-pop kind of way. The plot is as original as they come:

"J&thePCs" is about an evil manager of MegaRecods, Fiona, (the always fabulous Parker Posey), who is putting subliminal messages (e.g. "Buy Pumas. Pumas are the new Adidas") in pop music. Then, when the group finds out, she has her coniving assistant Wyatt (the always fabulous Alan Cumming) kill them. The movie starts out with DuJour, a tear-up of boybands, they find out and Wyatt gives his secret code (I love this: "Put the Chevy in the Levy") to the pilot who crashes the plane. On the look-out for a new band, Wyatt runs into The Pussycats (Rachel Leigh Cook as Josie, Tara Reid as Melody, and Rosario Dawson as Valerie). Without even hearing them sing, he gives them a record contract.

I went to see this movie with a couple of friends, within the first five minutes, we were laughing so hard. There are many pointless jokes that are hilarious. The product placements of Coke, Target, Colgate, and the movie itself had us in stitches.

The cast is purfect. Rachel Leigh Cook lip-syncs her way through the movie, Tara Reid is as blonde as they get, and Rosario Dawson is the only one in the group with half a brain. Parker Posey and Alan Cumming are the best pairing since Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. They should make more movies together. Posey's performance is great and never over the top. As for the songs, they'll be stuck in your head for a while (which is a good thing).

"Josie and the Pussycats" is the most enjoyable comedy of the year.

The Mummy: ****

"The Mummy" is breathtaking and captive. This is an action movie with a lot of brains and skill. Wonderful special effects and acting.

"The Mummy" tells the story of Im-Ho-Tep (Arnold Vosloo) who was mummified back in the good old Egyptian days. Roughly 3,000 years later, Rick O'Connell (Brendan Fraser) takes Evelyn (Rachel Weisz) and her money-grubbing brother Jonathan (John Hannah) to Hamunaptra, the City of the Dead. While reading the Book of the Dead, Evelyn accidentally unleashes Im-Ho-Tep out of his tomb. He is there to resurrect his dead girlfriend (Patricia Velazquez). Ardeth Bay (Oded Fehr) is the protector of the tomb. Him and the Maji are to make sure no one unleashes the creature. Oops.

"The Mummy" is summed up in one word: awesome. It is original (for a remake), fun, entertaining and holds on to the very last credit. Well, first credit. Most people don't watch them. Anyway, it's exciting and funny. John Hannah is hilarious as Jonathan. He has this look about him that helps his comedy. The movie has as much comedy as excitment. I think we have a new Indiana Jones of the '90's, and his name is Rick O'Connell.

Bamboozled: ***1/2

"Bamboozled" is a satire. And like every satire they're is a target that they are mocking. "Bamboozled" mocks both African Americans and Minstrel shows. The satire that is "Bamboozled" is original, intriguing, while shocking and racist.

"Bamboozled" is about Piere Delicroix (Damn Wayans) who is practically a white man in black skin. His boss (Michael Rapaport) is "more black than he is." He wants a new hip show for African Americans because all Delicroix makes is "crap." Aiming to get fired, he creates a minstrel show called "Mantan: The New Millenium Minstrel Show." It's a racist show that stars all African Americans in jet black make-up with huge red lips. At first the show is shocking to the viewers. But they catch on and the show becomes a hit. So Mantan (Savion Glover) and his side-kick Sleep'n'Eat (Tommy Davisdson) go on making the show along with Honeycutt (Thomas Jefferson Byrd), Topsy (Dormeshia Sumbry), Aunt Jemina (Tyheesha Collins), and Lil' Nigger Jim (Cartier Williams).

"Bamboozled" is a brilliant satire with the help of Wayans, Glover, and Davidson. Jada Pinkett-Smith is there, too as Delicroix's assistant. It was written smartly, it is shocking at times, but that is why the movie is here. To shock. To shock audiences. It is unbelievably racist, but that is the point. This isn't getting laughs for shock value (Tom Green, David Spade, etc.) it is shocking to prove the point of the movie, which doesn't really exist except for the fact that Delicroix wants to be fired.

Then, we have the minstrel show. And here is the only place where "Bamboozled" takes a fall. The show is shockingly racist, as it's suppose to be, but not as funny as the "audience" makes it out to be. I did not laugh during the minstrel show. It was the only real place that I felt bored at.

Glover and Davidson are good actors and I believe they will have a good career ahead of them. Wayans has a stupid accent to make him more "white." And Pinkett-Smith takes a dramatic turn and suceeds with flying colors.

"Bamboozled" has it's faults, it's racist, prejudice, sometimes mean-spirited, and brilliant

The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle: ***

Come on, people! Did you really expect it to be Oscar worthy? Here, we have a fun, good-natured comedy for kids and people are throwing up at it. The movie is full of puns (some are cheap misfires, but most are good) that are funny. The movie mocks itself. That is something we see in "The Simpsons" and everyone loves that. I wrote this review to defend the movie, because I think that this was a good movie.

"Rocky and Bullwinkle" is about the animated duo who go against Borris and Natasha after they have escaped from the TV. It's not exactly a good plot, but the movie needed a premise. Moose and Squirrel look great as CGI characters. Rocky is so lovable and Bullwinkle is so... uh...

Anyway, I will admit that DeNiro's performance was a *bit* over the top and Borris and Natasha's accents were a *bit* fake, but you could tell that the actors were having fun. And seeing all the other big name stars (Jeanene Garafalo, Randy Quiad, and David Alan Grier to name a few) was so much fun!

So, what I am saying is lighten up a little on this movie. Would you rather your children watch David Arquette roll around in dog crap and a dog bite off a man's testicle (See Spot Run, rated PG) or have them watch a funny, good-natured, *clean* family comedy (Rocky and Bullwinkle, *also* rated PG)? You decide, but if I was a parent I'd go with Rocky & Bullwinkle.

Spy Kids: ***1/2

"Spy Kids" is fresh, funny, and, most importantly, original. Who would have thought that the director of some of the most goriest movies would make such a fun film for kids and adults.

"Spy Kids" is about the Cortez's. The two parents are spies. They claim to be retired but when several secret agents go missing they go to try and solve the case. But they have been kidnapped and now it's up to their unknowing kids to help save them. This leads to numerous funny scenes while the children prepare.

Robert Rodriquez directed "Spy Kids" and it's just wonderful. It's such a delight. Watching the movie, it was like a Tim Burton movie gone retarded. The visuals are stunning and at times funny. It's "The Cell" for youngsters. And the fact that Danny Elfman did the theme didn't hurt at all. He is one of the best movie composers of our time.

The two children are such a treat. They act like adults and that is what makes it funny. They take the movie seriously which isn't true for most child actors (ahem, Jonathan Lipinski). And look for George Clooney, who has a cameo. I must say one thing, Alan Cumming is one the most underrated actors. He is brilliant as Floop. Scary and sort of charming and caring at the same time.

"Spy Kids" is a wonderful, inventive, slightly brilliant movie that's great for the whole family.

Get Over It: *

"Get Over It" is another stupid teen romance comedy thing. It's like a horrible creation. It's "Bring it On" and "She's All That" gone horribly wrong. The humour is really bad, too. As the movie progressed I counted: 3 hits in the crotch, 3 scenes involving a humping dog, 2 flatulation jokes, a dominatrix scene, a scene where the parents incourage their son to masturbate and not to mention numerous drinking scenes. This is what is presented to teens these days. That is just wrong.

"Get Over" is the same formula for all these movies. A guy loses girlfriend. Girlfriend finds new jerk boyfriend. Guy gets jealous and get a girl to help him get girlfriend back. Guy and girl fall for each other. End of movie. Oh, plus there's Sisqo! I don't know which character I hated more: The jerky boyfriend or the innocent guy who got dumped. I know I'm not suppose to hate the guy. But he is so pathetic and annoying. All he does is walk around through the whole movie and complain about his girlfriend.

The movie stars Kirsten Dunst, who I really like. And she is good in this movie, but c'mon! She really picked a bad one this time. And practically everyone else in the movie is stupid and I hate them. That sounds mean, but OH WELL! The only characters I like are played by Martin Short, Swosie Kurtz and Ed Beagly, Jr. And look, they're all adults. I took more pleasure watching the adults more than the teens in a TEEN MOVIE!

There is one scene that I actually liked. It was in the beginning where the dump-ee is walking down the street after being dumped and this girl is singing about love and a bunch of couples are dancing around her. It was fun. I have just wasted an hour and a half of my life that I will never get back. Oh, how I pity myself.

Whipped: no stars

No... Just... don't. By all means... don't.

The Wedding Planner: **

The first twenty minutes of "The Wedding Planner" are very enjoyable. It starts out very funny. Then the romance kicks in and it's sappy and predictable. Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Lopez don't have the much chemistry. And you can't make a good romance without chemistry.

"The Wedding Planner" is about Jennifer Lopez's character who is a wedding planner. One day, she is saved by McConaughey and they hit it off. Meanwhile, she has a big wedding to plan. And GUESS WHAT! The groom is McConaughey! Big surprise. Lopez gets angry and the two banter back and forth until he saves her again. And so on and whatnot.

The acting is alright, but there is no script. The actors try, but nothing happens. One thing I must say, though, Judy Greer (Jawbreaker) is hilarious as Lopez's fellow wedding planner. "The Wedding Planner" tries, but never gets there

*Note: Look for Kathy NiJimy in her most... uh... glamorious role ever.

Movies like Traffic are few and far between. A movie that grabs your attention and forces you to watch it. This isn't a movie to see in a case where you are looking for laughs. For laughs, go down the hall to Miss Congeniality. Anyway, it is a drama that is gripping, intelligent, and smart. It is based on the British mini-series Traffik written by Simon Moore. Stephen Gaghan writes the screenplay for Traffic and it won him a Golden Globe. The plot is a little complicated. There are about three different stories going on at the same time. One of the plots involves a Mexican police officer, Del Toro. He is working against a Tijuana drug cartel. These sections are in Spanish and that adds to the authenticity of the movie. The next plot involves Michael Douglas. His character is a speaker against drugs. But the irony of it all is his daughter, Christensen, is a cocaine addict. She will do anything, and I mean anything for drugs.

The next one is about Catherine Zeta-Jones' husband who has been arrested for drugs. Two cops, Cheadle and Guzmán, think she might be involved, so they follow her around. The movie isn't as complicated as it sounds. You can tell what story is taking place by the color tone. The Del Toro scenes are orange-ish. The Douglas scenes have a blue tint, and Zeta-Jones' is regular.

The drama and suspense build as the movie progresses. The performances are great. Del Toro won the Golden Globe for best supporting actor, a well-deserved win. There is every sign of a great drama: Good plot structure, good performances, and, most importantly, it is interesting. The movie shows all the bad things about drugs. It leaves in all of the ugliness of them. Because, in life, there is nothing pretty about drugs.

Eyes Wide Shut: *1/2

"Eyes Wide Shut" is confused, dark, dreary, and unappealing. It is a movie so bad, I can't understand why critics gave it positive reviews. (Thank God "Entertainment Weekly" gave it a negative one, though.) The movie is like a sponge. It pulls you in scene by scene so you can see what happens next. But when the end comes and everything comes together, you're sitting there thinking, "That was it? That was the whole movie? That's what I wasted two and a half hours of my life on?" It is so utterly bad, that can't help but watch. Then you get that feeling at the end.

The movie is confusing. But more, I think the movie itself is confused. Is it a drama? Erotic thriller? What? Tell me. I missed something. Now, Stanley Kubrick was a great director. But it's said to see him go out with this. His career was like, great film, great film, great film, and then this. This... this... monstrosity.

Cruise and Kidman are very well respected actors by me. "Rain Man" great film, "Batman Forever" good film. "Eyes Wide Shut" horrible film. I mean, they ARE good in this. They are the only ones working hard in this movie. Everyone else doesn't seem to care very much. And neither did I. The plot is not very well planned out. It's confusing and it doesn't even seem to be there.

I didn't care for this movie to much. So to Roger Ebert and everyone else who loved it, sorry. But what were you thinking?!

Go: **1/2

"Go" is an odd movie. It tells three different stories that take place at the same time. The idea was neat. But they didn't do enough with it. It was neat when they went back to the same scene and then a different character and his/her story. The best story was the first one involving Sarah Polley. The one with the group of guys (Taye Diggs and others) was the worst.

The movie is filled over the top with sex and drugs. Not cool. It's just unnecessary. It does play a part in the plot, but they didn't need to show EVERYTHING. The plot involving the most sex is the worst. It involves a stripper, but they could have made it so there wasn't that much sex. Then Simon Baines (Desmond Askew) was so annoying. He did things he wasn't supposed to. He did things people told him not to do. I mean, come on. We can do better than that. The movie could have been so smart and clever, but it took the easy way out. And the easy way wasn't enough.

The Cell: ****

"The Cell" is a bizarre trip into the mind of a serial killer. Catharine Deane (Jennifer Lopez) is a child psychiatrist who can go into the minds of coma victims. Carl Stargher (Vincent D'Onofrio) is a serial killer who turns his victims into dolls. Peter Novak (Vince Vaughn) is a detective look for Carl Strargher. When Strargher is diagnosed with a form of schizophrenia, he goes into a coma. Novak needs to figure out where he is keeping his latest victim. He confronts Deane and asks her to go into his mind. She agrees and enters his mind to find the victim.

"The Cell" is visually stunning, suspenseful and smart. Lopez's acting is very good. She can act scared very well. But, we already knew that because of "Anaconda." D'Onofrio is a very creepy guy. He handles this role well because of his odd looks and creepy motions. "The Cell" is brilliant in it's own odd way. It takes you up and down, right and left, and sideways. The special effects are great. They help the story move right along. The visions are scary, but intriguing. The movie is all around brilliant.

Miss Congeniality: ***

"Miss Congeniality" is one of those movies that brings back the meaning of the word "fun." Sometimes, it is hard to go out to a movie where you don't have to deal with concentrating on plot or watching people get butchered. But this is a movie that is just plain fun. Sandra Bullock stars as Gracie Hart. Gracie is a nerdy FBI agent with no friends. She always messes up her assignments. When Eric Matthews (Benjamin Bratt) gets assigned to a case about the "Citizen," (The "Citizen" is a killer who leaves odd notes and things, then strikes. His next move is at a beauty pageant.) Gracie gets assigned to go under cover as a contestant to help find the killer.

Sandra Bullock is delightful. She has a certain charm that you can't resist. This movie goes under her "Best Movies" category. It is very funny and sometimes hilarious. It is so much fun that you don't really care who the "Citizen" is. Bratt, who is so much better than he was in "The Next Best Thing", has comic timing that fits right in. As the movie progresses, you have: a smile, a chuckle, a few chuckles, laughter, and then finally laughing loudly. Great movie to see for the holidays.

The Muse: ***1/2

"The Muse" is witty, wry, and charming. I really enjoyed this movie. Alfred Brooks is so great at playing neurotic characters. Sharon Stone is always great and the real surprise is from Andie MacDowell. She is very funny in this movie. The story is as follows: Steven Phillips (Brooks) is a struggling screenwriter. He was nominated for an Oscar, but since then, he's lost his edge. Jack Warrack (Jeff Bridges) tells him to get a muse to inspire him. Because, of course, that's what a muse's job is... to inspire! Sarah Little (Stone) is the muse. She has helped such great directors as James Cameron and "Marty" Scorsese.

"The Muse" is not a movie to watch when you are feeling silly. It is a smart comedy with smart jokes. That's what makes it brilliant. It's not a comedy like some of the stupid movies out there today (i.e. "Dude Where's My Car?"), it has class. It's smart and it knows it's smart. The screenplay is very funny. It has cutting edge dialogue. Just one little note though: I feel that Alfred Brooks is playing the same character in his movies. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's not necessarily a good thing either.

Dracula 2000: ***

"Dracula 2000" is a thrilling, wild ride, that, unlike some teen slasher movies, is original and scary.

"Dracula" is about Christopher Plumber's character who guards the tomb of Dracula. But when a group of thieves (Jennifer Esposito, Omar Epps, Danny Masterson, Lochlyn Munro, Sean Patrick Thomas, and Shane West) steal the coffin and release Dracula, Plumber goes to America to try and stop it and find his daughter, Mary.

"Dracula" starts out with disturbing images of a ship and all of the crew members dead. That is a truly haunting image. As the movie continues, Dracula turns most of the people who opened his coffin into vampires. Esposito is one of the main ones. She uses her good looks to get what she wants. Dracula, himself, is creepy looking.

Mary is haunted by visions of Dracula in her every day life. Some of those visions are very scary. The movie is not a "jumpy" movie. It doesn't burst out its soundtrack every time something scary is happening. It is more of a thriller/suspense movie. It is filled with suspense and terror, murder and mayhem. There is a lot of blood in it, so if you're squeamish pass on it.

"Dracula 2000" is a hip, clever, scary, creepy, spooky wild ride.

**Note: When I watch movies, I watch them as the audience it is targeted to. This movie is targeted at teens, of course. So you can decided if you want to see it or not.

102 Dalmatians: ***

"102 Dalmatians" is a cute, harmless little movie. The plot is about Cruella De Vil (Glenn Close) who is after the puppy coat the she was deprived of in 1996. She hires Jean-Pierre Le Pelt (Gérard Depardieu) to make her coat. She has her butler, Alonso (Tim McInnerny), kidnap the puppies. The owner of Dipstick (one of the puppies from "101") is Chloe Simon (Alice Evans), a dog lover who is upset about the release Cruella from prison. Cruella claims to be cured but when Big Ben goes off, she goes back to normal. Also in the plot, Kevin Sheperd (Ioan Gruffudd) owns a place called "2nd Chance" where he takes in stray dogs. One of the dogs is actually a bird (voiced by Eric Idle) who thinks he's a dog. And of course, a romance starts between Chloe and Kevin.

"102" was critically bashed. But it's harmless. I know, it's not a great film. It's barely even good. But think about how a child would feel about it. The movie is aimed at children, that's why it's hard to review movies like this. It's a cute little family film. Aimed at families that have small children. You can take your child to this movie without having to worry about sex, violence, or language. The only violence in it is slap stick, which is completely harmless. So if you go to the movie expecting it to be good you will be very disappointed. But if you go to this movie with an open mind and just want to see a good natured movie, I think you'll have fun.

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory: ****

"Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" is a wonderful movie that should be viewed by everyone. It is one of my personal favorites.

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is about a poor boy named Charlie (Peter Ostrum). His life is horrible. But one day, he hears the news that Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder) is sending out five golden tickets and then letting the winners go into his factory. The first four winners are Augustus Gloop (Michael Bollner), Veruca Salt (Julie Dawn Cole), Violet Beauregarde (Denise Nickerson), and Mike Teevee (Paris Themmen). Charlie then wins the fifth golden ticket by luck.

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is visually stunning and cleverly written. The songs are remarkable. The whole movie is a fun journey through the chocolate factory. It is very enjoyable, fun, and clever. The scenery and props are eye candy.

The most underrated character in the movie is Mr. Turkentine. He is only in three scenes, but everytime he is on screen he is hilarious. I love the quote: "I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest." He is very, very funny.

Julie Dawn Cole plays Veruca so well. She is so bratty and she is one of those characters that you hate so much you love them. Roy Kinnear (who will be missed) is hysterical as her father. The whole movie is funny in it's own odd and strange way. It is a classic that will be treasured for many years to come.

Gone in Sixty Seconds: *1/2

"Sixty Seconds" is plotless, pointless, brainless, stupefying, and just plain bad.

It is about... well, does it matter? There is no plot. It's just a movie where they put awesome cars and car chases in it and don't care about plot, characters, or even acting for that matter. You wait an hour to see some car chases and then they aren't even exciting. What happened to pomp? What happened to suspense? What happened to quality?

The cast is amazingly incredible. Three Oscar winners and not a drop of talent. Don't get me wrong, the actors have tremendous talent. But the acting in this movie is like watching cardboard on screen for two hours. I expected to see some awesome car chases and didn't. They were so disappointing. And was the subplot with the dog necessary? No. Not even close to necessary.

The only real neat part is, well... actually I'm drawing a blank. I can't think of any! That is how memorable it is. I feel bad for the cars that were destroyed during the filming...