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Reviews
Orange Is the New Black (2013)
Orange is No Longer the New Black
Four episodes into Season 6 and sorry to read that there is a Season 7. The show is just a shell of its former self and so far, we've seen it all before - even if it is now set in maximum security. I may take a plea deal and get out early.
Anna (2013)
But, Why Didn't She Just....
But, Why Didn't She Just - RUNAWAY!!! Gee, Anna that was an awful lot of work just to escape the house. The only lock was on your bedroom door and you already could unlock it. So, why throw a woman over the balcony, mindblow an investigator and poison your parents? Just walk out the front door and leave!!!
This was a decent story looking for a reason to exist like frame the investigator for murdering her parents so she could be free to continue to be a psycho on the loose. Instead, all was tossed so there could be a happy ending. Awwwww, she showed proof of life so he could be released from prison and he can now move on with his life. Hugs all around.
As soon as he said that the viewer is sometimes barely seen in the memory session, we were tipped off that this entire thing was his memories of working with Anna. Better placement of the person in the movie may have actually made us believe he was being followed, or was in the house. Paging, Alfred Hitchcock! You're needed on the set!
O.J.: Made in America (2016)
Reluctant to Watch. Glad I Did!
For over a year, OJ was all America talked about. Every tiny detail or gossip was a headline. I had no interest in reliving it all by watching this movie. Then, credible sources were saying this miniseries was really quite good. It is!
I had forgotten so many of the crazy and insane twists and turns of this trial. Learning more about the motivations, interactions and histories of the people involved was an eye opener. Even the jurors point of view is well done.
Everyone who was in that courtroom - except OJ - desperately wanted to be there. It wasn't long before they all regretted it.
Arrowhead (2016)
Ed Wood Would be Proud!
Someone should have put out some moth balls because the script had way too many holes in it. Also, appears they were going for the record for goofs listed for one movie on IMDb. As for characters, what does it say when Reef the computer is the best by far. I get the time part of the story. I did not understand the moon and/or creature(s) story line regarding the reanimating, cloning or maybe just pooping out the dead. I just wanted him to stay dead so the movie would end. An extra star for doing well with a budget of under a million dollars. However, they're gonna need another million because I will need to be paid that to watch this movie again.
London Has Fallen (2016)
I've Fallen and I Don't Want to Get Up!
More like, "Script Standards Have Fallen". Was this an exercise in how much money will it take for these great actors to sell themselves out? This movie had to have been written for The Simpsons' McBain. Not even a good popcorn movie. Fortunately, most Londoners who survived The Bliz have passed away so they didn't have to suffer again by having to watch this movie.
The Grey (2011)
Stupid People Get Eaten in Stupid Movie
I understand one has to suspend some disbelief when watching a movie. However, this movie requires one to throw common sense, the laws of nature, physiology, and gravity out the airplane door. For what, I do not know. To fight the good fight? More like, make a good paycheck while making a really terrible movie.
We have all seen enough nature programs, survival reality shows and Jackass stunts to pretty well understand what the basic truths of the world are. With that in mind, I will rattle off my list of, "What? Really?"
Liam is thrown clear of the plane wreck despite not just wearing one seatbelt, but two seatbelts! And damn, he's in one piece!
The bite to Liam's leg is pumping blood as fast as the guy who just bled to death ten minutes earlier, yet he lives and the injury doesn't bother or slow him down at all.
Despite being surrounded by wolves, the first guy killed decides that its still just fine to step into the darkness to take a pee.
Liam decides that 'a forest' miles away is better protection from the wolves then the shelter and resources of the crashed plane. My vote, was to stay with the plane and the obnoxious cholo. And it was confirmed many times over throughout the movie.
Lets collect the wallets. Um, why? It's not like they aren't going to find the wreck. Now the bodies don't have identification on the. (Side note: I guess I'm the only father who doesn't have pictures of my kids in my wallet. I bring shame on myself and my family. I have them on my phone; do I get credit for that?)
Liam lets the walking survivors string out. The great wolf expert forgot his lessons from Wolf 101 - they pick off the wounded stragglers.
In the forest, Liam comes up with some shotgun shell on a stick idea to use as a weapon. The cholo is right that it is "McGuyver". The obvious weapon was to take the big knives they were using and to tie them on the end of the sticks. It's called a spear. Works every time. Never during this whole stupid movie did they make a spear. "So simple, even a caveman can do it!"
We all know how far a person can jump. This movie apparently took place on the Moon as one guy jumped a gorge that Johnny Knoxville would say is impossible.
And how about those wolves? They're already on the other side of the impassible gorge (took the tram, I guess). They're so inconsistent in their behavior, I began to wonder if they were bipolar. Maybe the ASPCA only allows wolves to hunt in movies for so many minutes a day because they sure weren't around much. They were sporting too; the Alpha allowing Liam so much time to weapon up for the big rumble. Yeah, wolves are like that.
I watched this for free on Netflix and I still want my money back.
Driving Miss Daisy (1989)
Was Right to Avoid for 25+ Years
Best picture??? Bad choice; shouldn't even have been nominated. How about My Left Foot, Field of Dreams, Glory? This so called relationship film is Tandy's being ultra-cranky and Freeman shucking and saying, "Yes'm." This goes on for decades!!!! The viewer gets more out of Freeman and Akroyd's relationship. Further, the movie skips through time like a rock skipping across water. Never staying long enough for us to grow along with the relationship. Only once, when Freeman confronts Tandy about having to go to the bathroom is their an actual face-to-face discussion of an issue and even then we are then whisked off with out any satisfaction of resolution. The soundtrack will kill you too, very dated. Zimmer at his worst.
Late Show with David Letterman (1993)
Goodbye Dave
I have been a fan of Dave since the early eighties when he was on during the afternoons. However, a few years ago, I turned him off as the show just wasn't entertaining or funny anymore. This past week, I thought I'd give Dave another try. What a mistake. Going on and on about America being number one in jumping jacks became downright annoying - and this is from one of the few who thought his Uma - Oprah bit was funny! Then there was the interview. Dave has turned into a parody of himself. Worse, it's a poor one. How could someone turn an interview of a young woman who charged a grizzly on horseback to save a little boy into something so painful to watch? He kept getting confused, interrupting, asking irrelevant questions and laughing like Ed McMahon. I truly felt sorry for the guest. I will never watch again as I would like to preserve the memories I have of Dave at his finest.
The Ghost Writer (2010)
Chinatown Not!!!
The first ghost writer tells the foreign minister on a cell phone that if he should something happen, the secret is in the beginning of the book. Why not just tell the foreign minister that the secret is that the PM's wife is a CIA agent during that same conversation on the cell phone????
I have scores more flaws in this wanna-be Hitchcock thriller but will limit to one more: The CIA desperately wants the manuscript. But the CIA agent wife who has access to it, has no interest in retrieving it.
How do awful movies like this get green lighted? Forget it, Jake. It's Hollywood.