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matty_mushroom1983
Reviews
Vengeance: A Love Story (2017)
Fabiosa's best work so far
You know those dreadful internet stories about a guy who's rude to someone of a minority or lesser privileged persuasion, and it turns out the guy they were rude to was the CEO about to hire them? That's pretty much what this is.
A whole court scene that shows the quintessential small, southern town backwardness play out with a jury that could be entertained by watch you slice a block of cheese.
This pic has no real grasp of reality when it comes to important details. Very lazy, very rushed.
The acting is terrible, the plot is like Swiss cheese, Cage is wooden as always.
Just don't waste your time,, it was barely good for a slanderous chuckle.
Chicago (2002)
I'm not a fan of musicals
I grew up in musicals and never liked them. Think of the saturation effect to make sense of that.
I didn't love this though. It was good entertainment that reshaped my view on some of the cast (namely John C Reilly).
I have to say though; what's with all of the SJW high grounding in the reviews? You're not supposed to have an opinion or an expectation, you're supposed to be entertained and be able to objectively accept a story for what it is. Chicago pretty well portrayed the hypocritical nature of people in the public eye, and exploited old fashioned, well undershoots mindsets to do so. You're not meant to feel redeemed or enchanted, you're just meant to watch a film and either be entertained or bored.
It's a nihilistic story of the reality of wealth and influence with some fun scores.
The Strays (2023)
Callous.
How could a story with near to no violence be so brutal? I can't say much without spoiling the picture, but I was gutted.
Nihilistic, callous and unapologetic.
Unsatisfactory.
I love it.
The Coen brothers wouldn't be surprised.
So what's with all the low ratings?
Well...
When you decide to invest time out of your day to an entertainment medium you tend to expect it to pay off, but sometimes you get unlucky and end up putting up with Final Destination sequels purely for the sake of irony.
I love the The Strays doesn't care what you think, whether you're entertained, whether you're going to like the outcome. It's purpose is to tell a story and whatever you feel about that is your own problem.
Personally I loved it. While consumed and intrigued, I was compelled o see it through and was sorely disappointed in the most brilliant way that I won't forget about in a hurry.
Need to show my love this movie when we get the chance.
Unlocked (2017)
Generic
So mind numbingly generic it makes me wonder why anyone bothered in the first place.
Each and every moment could be seen either miles or minutes away. I was surprised by absolutely nothing and feel as though I was deprived of my Sunday afternoon having randomly stumbled across it.
Nothing I can say would effectively constitute as a spoiler because nothing of any value or interest happens.
But, I do like violence (even if so mild) and having something on in the background while I do my raid weekend attacks on clash of clans and listen to my dog snore so peacefully to the sounds of the same boring crap she hears on any other dedicated bludge day.
The Weekend Away (2022)
Band name: Leighton Meester and the subpar crew
Seriously she was the only contributor to this movie. The directors, writers, other actors all fell short and gave us a b grade dribble tray.
She can display emotion convincingly, yet soap operaishly (it's a word now. Not a good one but a word nonetheless).
Crappy plot twist, crappy cast, crappy story, just over all crap. Uninteresting and unclimactic. Then there was an even crappier plot twist, one that clarified why there was still so much time left for the wind down. Straight outa the 90's it was!
I wonder how long it will take to reach the 600 hundred characters...
I hate this new feature.
Dual (2022)
Implicating of a sad reality
Different.
A break from the usual garbage pumped out by Netflix and the like.
Very interesting film from the start.
The atmosphere is of an ominous impendence. Good visuals, decent performances by lesser experienced actors.
Im not sure what era or reality this is based in but the way everybody speaks is very non-colloquial and matter-of-factly. It adds some unique tones.
It's the philosophical factors that make some good gravy for me. Chronologically more disturbing as I watch the double take over the protagonist's life in such a demeaning fashion.
The Replacements program info-vid was a bit disturbing in its implications; doubles are essentially sociopathic, personality mirroring manufactures of yourself that your families can fool themselves into thinking are still you (while enacting a cognitive dissonance to drown out the fact that they are not). Basically every time your double has a memory lapse, your family is remind that you're dead. I think as a philosophical sci-fi concept it's gripping. The film harnesses this in such a cold fashion that you begin to wonder if Sarah would be better off just ...speeding up the dying process to a more immediate resolution.
It only get worse for Sarah from there.
Whatever you expect from Dual up until now, you may be internally twisted up by the mid point. I hope so anyway, I was and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Young Sheldon (2017)
Please do not compare to Big Bang Theory
Big Bang theory is driven by stereotypical idiocy.
Young Sheldon is the brainchild of those who saw the one and only good aspect of BBT (Sheldon's brilliant mind) and knew that there was a much better story to be told about this character.
Young Sheldon is actually a brilliant show. Styled similar to what could be a more mature take on Malcolm in the middle, YS explores the family dynamic behind a brilliant little boy with an equally brilliant family ... but they're all brilliant in their own ways. Not so much the parents, but the siblings and the grandmother. They demonstrate levels of intelligence with varying philosophies of survival and personal nourishment. For the timeline the show portrays, Georgie, Missy and Connie are all socially and emotionally intelligent in ways that give them, what seems to be, an undeserved advantage.
Young Sheldon is well worth the time and emotion one can invest in a cathartic series.
BBT should be ignored, even via avenues of curiosity.
The Punisher (2004)
Dreadful.
So dreadful that it insults the genre and Punisher story.
The entire premise is a glaring plot hole that no one thought or point out: HE didn't kill Howard's son. The kid was in the wrong place, taken there by someone of his own entourage, and shot by the police! If anyone should have been held accountable it's either the police for physically killing him, or the guy who dragged him along.
The whole flick is corny and contrived, lacks originality, brutality and genuinity.
It was actually suggested by a friend of mine to watch this as a warm up to Green Lantern because, as much as I get off on my own sense of superiority by watching badly made films, apparently I'm not prepared for Green Lantern.
Blackout (2022)
I can tell you what went down in the pitch meeting...
Essentially what happened was a guy said "Jason Bourne who?" And everyone else winked and laughed maniacally then came out with Blackout.
Then they asked themselves the most important question before running a bgrade, stylised and conceptual knockoff of a block buster series... "who can we afford?"
Enjoy.
293 characters to go huh?
Ok so I'm no critic, nor a movie making genius or an actor, but I'll take a guess that the cast and crew of Blackout aren't forklift certified either so I'll allow them to judge my technique of moving heavy loads momentarily.
Since I've reach the character minimum now I can just say that the acting isn't great and the concept, music and style are all naively derivative of the Bourne series. Especially the music, like, unashamedly derivative.
Rick and Morty: Rest and Ricklaxation (2017)
OMG the beginning made me cry with them lol
Yeha I'm very empathetic, And Morty's pained, traumatic wailing deeply disturbed me
I've always revered Rick and Morty as possibly the greatest animated series ever conceived.
I find it incredible that Morty, while relieve of all toxins, manages to confidently manipulate people to the point where he is effectively toxic to other people.
The psychology, the theoretical physics, the social dynamics, the moral irony, I honestly think the creators and writers of this series are geniuses.
They hit the mark consistently and I've actually learned a fair bit about the above mentioned subjects as inspired by events int he series and my resulting googling and probing of questions I didn't myself constantly asking myself having watched each episode easily 10 times.
There's Someone Inside Your House (2021)
Slow-burningly terrible
The mrs made a good comment: this is one of the movies that starts out looking like it might be good, but it becomes dreadful so slowly that you don't even realise it until the climax and you think "we'll we've come this far, may as well hold out for closure and let it end so that it disappears from the continue watching list.
I literally have nothing else to say about this flick, but I have to use 600 characters, so QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKL that should be enough now. HOW IS THAT NOT ENOUGH CHARACTERS?!
Where's the damn counter? I mean I wouldn't have to type all this nonsense just to reach a character if there was a counter.
Click (2006)
Simultaneously heartbreaking and ridiculous
...But it's Adam Sandler after all.
So as horrendously low brow and corny as his humour can be, he delivers it with a twisted charisma that only he can pull off.
The destructive repercussions of a haughty lifestyle choice; losing everything and having no control over the past.
One of the more intense moments showed how hard it is to fake crying when you're not a sociopath (Jake Hoffman) but another more heartbreaking scene earlier only needed to show...... actually I don't want to tick the spoilers box so I'll digress.
It is worth the watch but just remember that it's a product of it's time and creator.
Rampage (2018)
Look at the parents guide
The parents guide is an indication of how intense, frightening and exciting Rampage isn't.
Dwayne And George Johnson save a city from other dangerously oversized animals (ok that was a mile wide shot but I watched this alone and the family is asleep, someone had to hear it)
I don't know what else to tell you, are you hoping from something original? A surprise? No. If I gave you the dictionary definition of Kaiju I would have to Rick the spoiler box because that's how generic and predictable this flick is.
Kong: Skull Island (2017)
Tacky and unoriginal
Basically King Kong meets Moby Dick
The animals were cool, was all going pretty well til the human colonel swore revenge on a billion storey tall gorilla, then it became style over substance and I basically just finished out the movie cus it was nearly bedtime and I needed something mind numbing to get me there.
The Black Phone (2021)
Solid 9 stars
For a full cinematic experience, you need the cinema.
Highly recommended for Black Phone as you're forced to pay full attention... so when that introductory score kicks in you can be made to feel dreading and unsettled.
The thing with this film is that it's not what you would expect because it's not horror or a slasher, but I still found it thoroughly terrifying and that was aided heavily by the cinematic effects.
Watching the bullying scenes were particularly triggering for me so I won't pretend there's no bias in my assessment.
Brawl in Cell Block 99 (2017)
One word: brutal
Not just brutal for the violence though.
I don't like ticking the spoiler box so the most I can say is that for a man who has so little regard for the lives of other men, he sure does love those close to him.
Another hard watch from a. Craig Zahler, a man who seems to get off on his own gratuitously horrific imagination.
Terminator Genisys (2015)
I'm very disappointed in you, Kalegridis Anne Lussier
John?
You really did that to John?
Of all the ideas you could have come up with, you chose to do THAT with other John?
Unbelievable.
Well I have to reach 150 character.
Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)
Inaccurate for cheesy effect but Rami is brilliant
If you find yourself wondering why the formula of Bohemian Rhapsody is cut and paste cheesy it's because the truth was much less entertaining, in many aspects. I mean they fabricated an entire character to reject a record deal over bohemian rhapsody, their greatest song ever made. This film focused more on an effective story that fit the formula of a typical biopic than on capturing reality
But my god did Rami Malek give a performance!
The King's Man (2021)
Really? You guys voted LESS on this than that second instalment mess?
It's a sad indication of the lack of taste the general populace of the internet would possess, the fact that this prequal instalment would be voted with lass of a rating than that corny mess that was the second instalment of this series.
With scenes of heroism, combat scenes that far out do the original two and a much thinner layer of both corn and cheese, where I was deeply critical of instalments 1&2, granted 7 stars between them, I've grant another 7 stars solely to this prequal.
There is a lot I could see being done better but I actually enjoyed it quite a bit.
Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)
Idk what I expected after the last monstrosity
Somehow I got expected slightly worse but in my ever jading state I managed to underestimate just how bad a sequel could be
The original instalment was so cheesy I had to pause it to go make myself up a nice assortment of Camembert and smokey with quince and fig crackers, this time around I was dipping Doritos in corn relish
In short, incredibly corny with gratuitous cameos with their attached references, Jeff Bridges with a cowboy accent, Elton John with a karate abilities, channing tatum appearing redundantly just so he could take his clothes off and be frozen through most of the movie even though he was introduced as if he would actually play an important role
I'm insulted for having say through this, but since I have Covid I have nothing better to do and lack the brainpower to sit through anything of substance.
Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)
Hilarious in the exact opposite way it intended to be
This flick had its intended subtle humour, doesn't take itself too seriously in this it tries to keep a a Gir and atmosphere of excitement about it, but just couldn't put down that unsterilised needle of style that cheesy action flicks rely upon so badly
Time for rehab, because the style has to go, it's just distracting and so cheesy it had me salivating for a whole wheel of Camembert before the protagonist was even introduced
Cue the pub fight and I was wishing I had something smoky too
Cue the training sequences and I was pausing the film to go shopping.
Come back and sit down, resume play and I'm. Spreading danish blue and Camembert over fig and berry crackers with some quince paste to compliment.
A sip of pink moscato and I'm not even interested in this film anymore.
4/5 stars for my luncheon due to budget, 0stars for the film itself
I'm kidding Ofcourse, I'm just so bored by this film that I'd rather write a review, but thanks to the posh waffle in the background I went into a trance of personality mirroring and ended up writing smug, pretentious piffle.
The Drop (2014)
Intense
Tom Hardy never disappoints
Drop makes good with intensity and intrigue.
I really liked this one. No cliches, no punchy shock tactics, good character development
I'd definitely watch it again. Give it a year when I hopefully forget a lot of the story and I can enjoy it again
Honestly I think anyone saying this moves too slow or drags on just had horrible attention span and needs validation through violence and drama. The intensity in most scenes is enough to keep one interested should they appreciate a good crime story.
Kickboxer: Vengeance (2016)
Lol what is this?
Dudes brother volunteers to an underground fight for a lot of money, but he dies (at the beginning).
So his brother seeks vengeance
I mean really?
Action was alright, a bit stylised for my liking and the whole thing was corny but idk good back ground stuff til the action happens.
The Silencing (2020)
Disappointing
I had no idea what to expect and was still disappointed.the sad thing is I have to use a minimum 150 characters for a review
There's nothing new about the silencing.
I'd it was made in 2000 I'd have been less surprised by my disappointment.
The Tax Collector (2020)
Monotonous and cheap
Honestly played more like one of those stupid Facebook videos where someone takes a segment of a movie and plays some awful electronica over it.
Shia LeBouf wasted his time on this and I hope he made decent bank for his time.