Reviews

At the time of writing, there are four reviews, plus this one making a total of five.

I think two of them are from Chinese review farms, the other two are 1-star.

My friend Ash and I had decided to see this movie on a whim. We were looking forward to it. Borat was good, and Bruno looked promising. In the cinema, we noticed that there were only about twenty people there. In a cinema capable of holding 200, that was usually a bad sign. "Oh well," I told myself. "Maybe nobody is here because it's a Thursday. People other than myself have jobs these days." Five minutes passed, the theatre grew dark. As the paid adverts rolled, I inhaled a small tuna salad I had bought from a sushi bar downstairs. I nearly choked when I heard the first few lines from Scooter's "Nessaja." Being a guilty pleasure of mine, I loudly started singing along to embarrass Ash. I heard her mutter a quiet "Oh God" and my mission was accomplished.

The movie was slow to start. It took more time to establish Bruno as a character than I remember it taking Borat. In a ten-minute or so sequence we learn who Bruno was and his short stint as the biggest thing in Austria. After being shamed, he decides to try and make it big in the Christian States of North America. More commonly known as "the United States" Nearly fifteen minutes in and there has been one joke so far. Unfortunately it's been repeated nearly every thirty seconds. I started dedicating half my attention to the movie and the other half on the ways I could irritate the teeny-boppers in the row in front of me. Then I realised something amazing. For the entire time that the movie had been running, they hadn't laughed either. My detest of their backwards caps and Baby Milo hoodies faded immediately. Gen Y is one of the easiest markets to please. They don't realise it, but if a familiar media format (such as television or an ad on FaceBook) tells them a movie is funny, they'll laugh. The more formats that encourage them to enjoy it, the more amazing they'll find it, regardless of how well it was written and directed. And yet, they shared my dissatisfaction. Maybe there is hope for the world after all.

As the movie rolled along, the cinema was deathly quiet. I remember fondly sitting in an over-packed showroom much like the one I was in now, with the entire room laughing uncontrollably over most of the dialog. Every now and then there was a chuckle from someone behind me. I fear though, that they were laughing to justify buying their ticket. I was having a hard time doing so myself.

It was nearly halfway through the movie now. We've seen Bruno try to become a celebrity on TV and in movies. He's tried being a photographer and had annoyed most of America to the point of desperation. He'd been trading on the "I'm a fruit" joke for nearly an hour. My lips contorted into a toothless sneer as a foul taste rose in my mouth. It was the taste of pure dissatisfaction. I hadn't experienced it for many months but it was back with a vengeance. I had been watching a really long gay joke and the already-thin premise was transparent with overuse.

The credits rolled and I couldn't be quicker to leave. Ash and I exchanged knowing looks of "Why?!" and we made our way to the exit. Usually I would credit such a terrible experience to incompetent movie-makers trying to cash in big. But the matter is that it's not the case. Sacha Baron Cohen is a fantastic comedian and was amazing in Borat and Ali-G. But what puzzled me was why it was just not funny. Perhaps the pressure of Universal Studios and already trying to top his own work has made him lose sight of something at the core of his work. To me it felt like he didn't have a chance to really think about his work and was just told to make something by 2009. I felt disappointed more than hateful towards this movie. Maybe because we already knew him as Borat, and that's all he'll ever be. Or maybe this character wasn't as strong as the other two, and we'll see a return to form in the next film. But sadly, I can't rate this higher than 3 for sheer disappointment.

If you have had the misfortune of reading another of my haphazard reviews on this website, you will have no doubt found I have a great distaste for anime. I hate how it seems to draw in hordes of idiotic teenagers and pretentious 20-somethings. Generally, when they aren't waving around ridiculously sized swords for that 'awesome' effect without having any actual awesome, they're doing stupid things like collecting bad-arse trading cards or catching small animals in balls. Actually, come to think of it, a lot of anime has this 'collector' feel to it.

Anyway. I saw the trailer for Paprika years ago and was captivated by the soundtrack. Then I watched the images. Then thought this movie would be more for art than for the retarded fanbrats so I thought I'd get it to see. Two years later, I finally carted my arse off to the local Blockbuster and found they had a copy.

A group of scientists have developed a device that allows them to record and interact with the dreams of those who wear it. However, things go balls up and they call in a detective with a bit of baggage to help them find who took it.

I thought this movie was excellent. The aforementioned soundtrack is absolutely brilliant (Hirasawa Susumu is a frickin' genius). The plot, while looking a little threadbare in my review, is very interesting and won't catch on with the unwashed masses because it requires thinking. This is a movie that makes more sense the second time around.

This is a quick warning for those who don't like to think about their movies: this movie will confuse you for a while. About 45 minutes in though, you will say "OOOOH THAT ALL MAKES SENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!111one" TL;DR: Good movie.

Why this movie isn't in the top 250 is actually a mystery to me. It's one of the most touching, brilliantly made movies I have ever seen.

Jin-Seok and Jin-Tae are two brothers living in South Korea in 1950. Jin-Tae is a hardworking shoemaker and Jin-Seok is his younger brother, who is about to attend college. Then South Korea is invaded by the north, and the brothers are drafted into the army against their will.

The film is definitely not short of dark realism. The violence isn't Hollywood style over-the-top-pointlessness. Every battle has a point. The characters are believable and deep. And the ending is spectacular. I was surprised that the film didn't choose sides as to who was right or wrong in that war, and just chose to show what both sides believed.

I apologise for the crappy review. At the time of writing, I'm still crying thanks to this movie.

I made the mistake of watching this film back in 1997, when I was the tender age of seven years old. Back then, this was the most cruel, disgusting thing I had ever seen and it sent me into shock.

Now, at the ripe old age of eighteen, I can proudly say, this is the movie that made me the twisted monkey I am today.

The film itself was done by the same guy who directed the infamously long "Lord of the Rings" trilogy, Peter Jackson. You wouldn't guess it by the budget, but that doesn't remove any enjoyment. The film reeks of genius, taking something very fun and family friendly (The Muppets, and any other puppet-based kids show) and adding some not-so-family-safe elements (drugs, sex, killing, STDs, blackmail, date-rape, porn, swearing, toilet humour, homosexuality, eating disorders, emotional instability, smoking, suicide and excessive amounts of blood).

But how does it add up? Well, quite honestly I think this movie is one of the best pieces of satire ever created. Having seen a fair few puppet shows, it never crossed my mind about what Kermit would be like as a drug addicted ex-Vietnam veteran, or if the rest of the crew went bad. And Peter Jackson brings out the depravity greatly, with most of the movie being filmed in a cramped back-stage area that is covered in filth.

I would recommend this to anybody who has a very wicked sense of humour, since this has quite possibly destroyed more than a few childhoods. It definitely ruined mine, and I certainly would say adults only. Only show it to your children if you're sick in the head, or if you hate them.

As someone who does his research, I find it hard to believe that Scientologists haven't done a mass spamming of 10-Star ratings to get this movie into the top 250. But then I remember there aren't enough Scientologists to counter common sense.

The story is based off a book that can best be described as pulp. It's cliché, over the top, unrealistic and the human hero is a self-insertion of L. Ron's on belief that he was the greatest man to have ever lived. And that's not true by a long shot, since I'm here.

So anyway, the idea is that in the year 3000 CE humans are dominated by a malicious race known as "Psychlos" (L. Ron instilled a fear of Psychiartrists into Scientologists, or "Psyches" as he called them, claiming they were behind the concentration camps in Nazi Germany) and humanity has turned into a bunch of pack animals that eat rocks and rats. The Psychlos are using people to hunt for gold (again, one of L. Ron's batshit crazy beliefs) and misuse them and treat them like animals.

That's about as far as I got. I watched about 45 minutes of this crap and couldn't finish it. What has is bad has already been said and is deserving of the critique.

But take a moment to think about this. L. Ron wrote this...thing...and was meant to have written the 'holy' texts of the Church of Cashmaking, er, Scientology. If people are taking this as fact, then there is something wrong with them. As I said. I did my research. People believe this is going to be a real future event. Pathetic.

When I walked into the cinema, the only thing going through my mind was "Give it a chance, give it a chance, give it a chance." When in the cinema, the only thing on my mind was "Kill me, kill me, kill me." I'll start with the praise of this film, as most reviews do.

...

Good, now that's over with. Let me rip this to pieces.

Overall, this is another cockslap to Star Wars fans. The story, while not totally awful, was more or less a thread to link overly flashy battle scenes together. While the scenes can be praised for being unique to the Star Wars universe, this is completely shot down in flames by realising that every other sci-fi techno war movie has beaten Lucas to the mark.

This film has by far the worst voice-acting I've ever heard in a big budget film. Every time that orange Twi'lek sidekick...thing (don't correct me, too busy raging) opened her digital mouth, I let out an audible groan that the entire theatre agreed with. And it wasn't just her. The guy who did the voice for the Clone Troopers and Anakin were the best in the entire film. Too bad the lines they had to deliver sounded like a kindergarten school play. I got that it was meant for kids. But come on.

And just for nitpickery, watch when a Clone Trooper dies. It's like they're the lightest substance in the universe, having no actual mass when they hit the ground.

I'd vote 0/10 if I could. Spend your money on something better. Like "The Dark Knight," a copy of "Watchmen," or perhaps a hatchet with which to kill yourself if you ever have the misfortune of watching this.

Anime and I don't agree. I tend to be driven away from seeing any by the sheer number of idiotic fans that the genre seems to draw. Countless of teenage boys and girls with identity issues flock to anime movies and conventions like flies to dung salads. And often they find it necessary to dress up like their favourite Japanimation character and get on my nerves.

My date suggested that we go to this. Many of the better things I could be doing came to mind, but being the wimpy unmanly pushover I am, I agreed.

When the movie started, I was mildly impressed at a slightly unusual art style which only rarely pandered to the anime clichés that we all know and hold in great contempt. There is one particular chase scene in this movie which I found to be particularly enthralling and for the most part the movie did hold my attention.

However, my main gripe is that the characters are very cookie cutter. They're about as deep and well thought out as your average fanfiction writer's self insertion character. The plot was great, the style was great, the characters were stinky.

While it was only an average fair as a movie, it was better than I was expecting and worthwhile. Worthwhile as long as you can stand screaming idiots who believe they speak Japanese better than Emperor Hirohito.

Some movies are gems in the sewer that is the modern-day movie Western World movie industry. While Hollywood has done everything worth doing and refuses to let anything other than unimaginative bile spew forth from its over-stuffed bowels of mediocrity small companies make movies that are worthwhile, fun and make movies for art rather than for the sake of profit. Having said that, there is sometimes a lot of cinematic excreta to be found there too.

This movie came highly recommended to me by an idiot and someone who thought Superhero Movie was funny. Even though warning sirens were going off in my head like a million babies screaming at once, I thought that I may as well keep an open mind and hope that it wasn't so bad. And to my surprise it was just as idiotic as I expected.

I don't mind gay people taking pride in their sexuality. I'm straight, go me. They're gay, good for them. But I like a bit of taste in my comedies, which is why I usually shy away from high-concept (read: trashy) comedies. But this took gay pride and cheap, trashy, smutty humour and then went way overboard with it. I felt this movie might have been more akin to homo-erotic videos than to an actual movie.

Another gripe of mine was that the characters were so stock they pretty much came out of the Hollywood "Sweatshop for Token Characters Factory for Movies that Appeal to F***wits." And do the people responsible for this movie *seriously* expect me to believe that absolutely everyone within a town is gay? I'm going to stop myself here before I rage further. Anyone who sees this movie and enjoys it should consider a dose of shotgun mouthwash immediately. But it won't matter anyway, since you're all going to accuse me of homophobia. Not that you just read that part, since you stopped reading when I didn't kiss this film's ass.

Godzilla movies have been very hit an miss in the past. Many of them missed. Many of them had scenes that managed to provoke emotion in me that American movies can't. The special effects have always been about rubber suits and model cities, and in my opinion that'd never detracted from the charm.

But in Gojira: Fainary uozu, I find its a nice blend of new, old and what may come (forgive the cliché).

The movie is homage to Godzilla turning 50, so it is a giant orgy of monster battles at some points, but many times it's all about the people rather than Godzilla.

As a tiny bit of revenge on Hollywood's treatment of Godzilla, the American Godzilla has been adopted by Toho Studios and can be seen as one of the few 'vicious' creatures within the series.

And I must say that Keith Emerson's music is definitely a nice addition, in my opinion, giving the film a more modern feel.

But it does have it's faults, like any film. Some of the fights are too short, by far. The unexplained appearance of Hedorah has me slightly confused, and Minya is just as annoying as I was lead to believe.

Plus: -American Godzilla fighting the Japanese one -New envisioning of Godzilla

Minus: -Short monster battles -Two minor actors need acting lessons

9/10

I was lead to believe that a parody was meant to be a work that mocked other works. Not copying the material almost identically.

I endured this movie to see if it was as bad as IMDb community said. Well, yet again, you are right.

What can I say that already hasn't been said? This movie insulted my intelligence far too many times for me to remember. The jokes where childish and foul. The plot was scarce, to say the least. And of course, it's one hour of my life I wont ever have back.

There seemed to be an abundance of ghetto themed jokes in this movie. And no doubt this will send everyone up in arms when I say, every single ghetto joke has already been done, it's just not funny anymore. It has become a rarity to find a comedy movie that is actually funny, rather than what Hollywood wants you to believe is funny.

1/10, because I can't place a vote in negative numbers.

I wasted a decent two hours of my life on this movie. It had a lot of potential, but it refused to use it. Many of the jokes were predictable and some didn't come off that well at all.

Most of the children featured in the movie (and a few adults) had very irritating personalities. One boy is a nature lover who insisted that an irritating rat be trapped in a humane way. Two female geniuses who just didn't know when to shut up. The husband of the oldest daughter was over protective of their unborn child (eat organic foods, read to it while it's still gestating). And the father, well, don't get me started.

Generally this movie made me writhe in pain. I had more fun starting that food fight.