Reviews

This is one of the most poorly written, produced, directed, acted, edited films I've seen all year. It's all entirely incoherent with 0 logic put into it. From characters to story, everything is done completely wrong. The directing is very bad. You won't see anything more pretentious than the shots and color grading of Three Billboards all year. It's a lot of slow pans, hand-held, and shots of billboards that has no significant meaning. The lighting is also very unnatural too. There is a super pretentious deer scene that supposedly represents incarnation? What does that symbolic metaphor supposed to represent if her daughter is dead? UGGHHHHH. The music is absolutely horrible. It's this typical Coen Brothers esque music. Actually the entire film feels like a Coen Brothers rip off. There is also this obnoxious Southern music that will fill your mind with toxic. The characters and the story represents a Southern country. Another movie glorifying these obnoxious conservative Trump tards. The more we support these vagrant trash, the more the world will suck. Three Billboards is one of those cynical depressing movies that doesn't help anyone. "OH LIFE IS SO DEPRESSING, LOOK THE COPS DON'T HELP FIND THE RAPIST AND WE MAY NEVER FIND THE RAPIST SO LETS GO DO SOMETHING IMMORAL OR KILL OURSELVES." Seriously? The message is so bad in this film that it doesn't even make sense. The acting is some of the worst I've seen all year. No one is good in this movie and the characters are just down right awful. All of these characters have problems and they are so unlikable that you just don't care for them. They also make absolutely 0 sense. So, Frances McDormand is supposed to be this strong female character, but she is dependent on the cops catching her criminal? SHE ENDS UP GOING AFTER A RAPIST THAT ISN'T HER RAPIST, SO WHY DIDN'T SHE DO THAT WITH HER RAPIST IN THE FIRST PLACE? Oh yeah, to even add more heat to that ending. Apparently Sam Rockwell knows where that rapist lives just by getting his car plate number and the blood from him beating him? He's not a cop anymore, so why is he able to get confidential information that he shouldn't have access to? OKKAAAAYYY that makes no sense. Sam Rockwell becomes from a racist cop to good cop for some reason because he read a letter from his dead chief. Why? He despised his chief in the first half, so that right there is a plot hole. The editing is absolutely poor. Sam Rockwell decides to go beat up redhead boy funding the billboards after his chief kills himself cause I guess he think those billboards killed his chief? We never saw any of that anger so it is just came left field without reasoning. The chief killing himself also makes no sense. There was absolutely 0 development that he was struggling with cancer. Just one cough of blood here and there and some dark jokes about cancer. The movie failed to deliver that aspect and so him killing himself after making sex jokes with his wife made no sense. Here is where the movie gets even more messy. The town blames the billboards for what caused his death, but before that happened. Frances McDormand says to Woody that everyone knows he had cancer. SOOOOO WOULDN'T HIS STRUGGLE WITH CANCER BE THE REASON WHY HE KILLED HIMSELF? WOULD THAT BE A POSSIBLE EXPLANATION AND NOT THE BILLBOARDS? Way to contradict yourself director/writer. This film is full of contradictions like these. The movie itself overall doesn't work well as a dark dramedy. The comedy is not funny and repetitive. It's a lot of derogatory jokes and "oh that's from a book, oh that's from a movie." Those ships have sailed long ago. There is nothing original about this film at all. Anyways, this movie gets a 0/10.

The first Kingsman was subtle with Obama's head exploding. This here is just pandering and irritating. 2016 and 2017 are the years Trump gets bashed a bunch by angry voters and celebrities. At this point, it's real old and it's not funny anymore. It is so ham fisted in your face in this film that you just want to die. Basically, Trump is an evil man who wants to kill all the druggies so that no more drugs will be distributed. Then, they have Hillary Clinton who is the vice president. By the end you know it all, Trump's impeached. Hillary becomes the president of the United States.

After plagiarizing Perfect Blue with Requiem for a Dream and the entirety of Black Swan, here comes another movie he plagiarizes once more. This time it is Roman Polanski's horror masterpiece Rosemary's Baby. It is a shot for shot remake. If you've seen Rosemary's Baby, you basically know what happens. The only thing is that it is filled with horrible performances from the likes of modern thespians such as Jennifer Lawrence, Javier Bardem, Ed Harris, and Michelle Pfeiffer. Just terrible actors who can only act modern and you could easily spot who they are each time they are on screen. It's also poorly directed with bad CGI, bad camera work as usual, bad editing, and just crappy color grading. If you hate Aronofsky's look and style, you'll definitely hate this one even more. Darren Aronofsky proves himself to be an incompetent director who only knows how to steal from others once again. Do yourselves a favor and boycott this movie.

-100/10.

This movie is filled with ridiculous amounts of profanity after another by little kids telling jokes every few minutes because people think kids yelling the F word, C word, S word is funny. Not, this movie is horrible and completely misses the point of what It is supposed to be. It is supposed be terrifying, dangerous, grueling, grim, and depressing. Not this joke fest they've made. Completely overdone and only has 10% of gore of what the book has to offer. This film was supposed to offer NC-17 level violence and even controversial scenes such as a child having sex with another child. There's none of that in here. There's only an arm rip scene, which was done in the most non-disgusting way. Probably because Hollywood has a cynical view of cinema and they can't go all out because they're too wussy to take their ambitions to greater heights. The production is mediocre. Lots of fake looking sets, cheap digital effects that may put the audience off. The child performances are horrible as always. Just straight up cringe. Bill Skarsgaard is okay, but at times he is way too obvious. Once again, a horror film reduced to dumb characters making very dumb decisions. The cinematography was standard, shot composition was below average, lighting wasn't too good, color grading is the blue and orange teal and every Hollywood movie. Do yourself a favor and save yourself from It. It will just irritate your mind the more you watch It.

2/10.

This episode is just so cringy, derivative, and poorly done. The beginning fight scene was over stylized and unwatchable due to how many cuts the editor constantly made second after second. The narrative was as rushed as the typical introduction to the characters in Suicide Squad with weird music choices to unnatural dialogue. The part where I just decided to turn off the episode was when Rosario Dawson says "shall we get that coffee?" Cringe, then the sex scene rapidly edited with cheesy slow music, cringe even more. I am not even going to bother to watch the rest as I can already see this show being crap due to the producers being so clueless of what they're doing.

This movie is a mess. The action was hamfisted and mediocre. While the stunts are okay on a professional standard, they're horribly shot and edited. There were so many quick cuts in this film. I understand they are trying to sync with music, but action scenes are nothing when YOU CAN'T SEE ANYTHING. The tequila scene gave me Tak3n syndrome and it was god awful. The story is very simple/mediocre typical story. All characters are archetypes of 70s - 80s action flicks. They're very one dimensional and it's just not original. The film takes a lot of influence (both narrative and visuals) from 1978 thriller The Driver. Lots of shots of vehicles closing in, drifting, pov shots, rear views, inside shots, etc. The main character is even a mute, but he's autistic and has tinnitus for the sake of being an annoying plot device. The music was the most annoying part of them all. They just put in some crappy pop and rock old music and try to be all hipster. This film starts with one of the most autistic and cancerous scenes I've seen all year. It was worse than the entirety of La La Land. It was cringeworthy bad. There is a bait and switch in the film that ruins the rest of the 3rd act. Jamie Foxx is basically killed off and Jon Hamm's stupid booboo starts playing Rambo at a point blank range. It's stupid stuff characters do like that that gets themselves killed. Then, Mr. Buddy blames Baby for the reasoning why his stupid wife died. From that course, we get an over the top performance from Mr. Hamm as the main villain. Baby of course kills him. The ending is your typical cliché happy ending.

4/10.

This film is on all levels of stupid. The characters are entirely clueless and are like caricatures of the previous groups in the Alien franchise. Yes, this film does destroy the mythology of the Alien franchise. At this point, who cares though. If Ridley can cash in and become lazy by turning the Alien films into slasher flicks like Friday the 13th or Final Destination, let him. Either you pay to see or you avoid. They're 100% stupid, funny, and entertaining. There were pacing issues and boring points of talk about evolution and dying species, but when the action kicks in, it's terribly done and it's just all funny. I have never laughed so hard at such a self serious film as Alien: Covenant before. Everyone took it so seriously that you almost feel bad for the entire cast and production. Michael Fassbender carries this film a lot and he says some of the most ridiculous things with a serious face. This is essentially a villains film. It's as much as a villain film as Split was. I question though, how did Ridley Scott knew Shyamalan was going to make a villains film? They must have been exchanging emails or texts and decided to copy each other. Is it possible Shyamalan wrote Alien: Covenant. oooooooooooo.

Jokes aside, I will give this two ratings.

5/10 - overall.

8/10 - entertainment.

This film has to be one of the most manipulative films to date. While gangsters did kill his puppy and take his car, it gives him no right to go after and kill them. He thinks revenge is justice and besides, he kills people for money. How are we supposed to care for this disgusting person? The whole film is him getting revenge, it's boring and uninspired. The fight choreography here is decent, predictable and repetitive at times, but it works. It certainly doesn't scream "best assassin in the world", but it's better than most modern action films. The cinematography is slick and cheap, but does give the world an ominous and gloomy atmosphere. The music is as expected, generic club music probably produced by some amateur artists. It's technically competent, but it's still an awful film regardless.

1/10.

As expected, this is a thriller about a very stupid person who doesn't have common sense. The girl meets a stranger and decides to ride along with him. It is no wonder she is later captured and locked away in his house. How is this possible? There is no explanation why she is so stupid, but she just is. Her parents must've failed her considering the fact she trusts strangers. She would be raped anywhere she goes. It's a very generic film, with very little performances or any artistic integrity. The film is shot with a fuzzy lens and lots of shaky cam. The soundtrack is an eerie rip off of Misery. This film is a cop off of Misery, except Misery doesn't have a stupid character. This is easily a rental at best.

5/10.