ManRank: The Chris's

The hottest Chris/Christopher there has been or will ever be- I will fight you on this.

I keep forgetting how many times a Google Image search of this guy left me readjusting in my seat.

Vh1's Surreal Life. Look it up!

I guess this is where the list, not as a whole but rather as a section, basically disappears into a black hole- I have so much trouble drumming up any enthusiasm for the Hemsworths. I don't know what it is. When I look at this man, I think of anything but sex. This guy is the antidote to my horniness. His brother is much more attractive.

Sorry to differ from the screaming crowd but he was hotter as a teen, with jet black hair, and even then he had no ass. So... here's to the very specific and conditional beauty of the prettyboy which most people seem to prefer as a blond. (I don't get that.) I was into him for awhile but I'm kind of very, very over him now.

Despite his reputation, some of his awful choices in acting roles, and his goofy impressions, Rock has always been one of the best looking men of his era. Period. I think he's more handsome than Denzel Washington and would look a lot better holding a rose and bottle of champagne (obvious joke is obvious) than Brad Pitt. He would make an interesting James Bond, as a matter of fact (long as he keeps the mustache). I'm not saying Idris Elba wouldn't be a better James Bond but... Chris Rock to me is sexier than Idris Elba. So long as he's not making a Bugs Bunny face. Rock's confidence makes him sexy without making him stoic. (More than I can say for Idris or Denzel.)

This picture makes me want to throw things (like an animated villain in a control room after their plot has failed) but, damn it, CDB is still hot as hell.

See the film The Whip and the Body, Christopher Lee was absolutely gorgeous in his late-30's to mid-40's.

Okay, what's up with this trend of professional pics of beautiful men looking animalistically hairy + wet like they just came in from being homeless in the rain? You'd never see Emma Stone take a picture like that. I would never cast an actor who used this as a headshot or signature photo. What the fuck? It's stupid. Screw this dumb, shitty trend.

Judged purely on his role in The Sound of Music, which is the only film I've seen him in before the late 80's when he suddenly aged like a piece of fruit. (Sorry, Mr. Plummer. I really mean that- you *should* in fact be recast in every male role in almost every Kevin Spacey film.)

I'll admit his smile makes it look as though he's going to murder you with a spiked golf club while secretly wearing underwear with Jared Leto Joker imprints on it. But he was damn hot in his 30's and 40's. No denying that bod.

The more his publicists posed him like Elvis, the more he wound up looking like Lyle Lovett. But, #1: he used to box. And, #2: he used to look great with his shirt off.

I'm not blind.

Here's a case of always having had the ideal bod but being cursed with a face of pure rock. It's nice to have a square jaw but an entirely square head? I haven't seen him in much at all but my wish is that he ages like Jon Hamm.

His looks are weird. His body does this thing to our collective eyes like the reflection in a Funhouse mirror. But he actually has muscles and is very wiry and physically healthy in his key 90's and early 2000's roles.

Hotter than he ever shows us. And I really wish he'd show us more.

Forget the weird, frazzled mad scientist with cotton-white clown wig hair. Remember Professor Plum. In the Lounge. With his leg wrapped around Miss Scarlett (so long as she consents to this, of course). The man is handsome and had excellent thighs.

Judged by his role in American Beauty in that tight, wet tanktop. R. Lee Ermey so wishes. Every single night before he falls asleep.

Though he's most famous for his beefed-up, almost squeaky Shower Bod role in American Psycho- he's never had that body anywhere else. Don't kid yourself. He was a dream spokesmodel for classic briefs in exactly one movie and that is all. But... yeah, that was one incredibly memorable movie.

Only took him nearly 40 years but he finally filled out. He used to be *way* too skinny, is what I'm trying to say.

All I can say is that Scary Movie 2 was a terrible publicity move for his sex appeal considering Groundhog Day found him less sexy than Bill Murray. (For the record, he's always going to be sexier than Bill Murray.)

Stop dancing in suits. Please. You're not Betty White. Also, he's never going to be James Spader and I think he and his legions of fans are just fine with that. He was never supposed to be sexy and outside of his role in A View to a Kill, he'll never be mistaken as such. At least, not by me.