Sat, Jan 10, 1981
The host for the episode is Ray Sharkey, and the musical guest is Jack Bruce & Friends. The skits for this episode are as follows: Jimmy the Weasel tells the truth and gets a bullet for his troubles. A special translator is called in when a WASP tries to express emotion. Valley girls Vickie and Debbie head down to a new wave club where they meet punk rocker Tommy Torture. A despondent Jimmy Carter drowns his sorrows at a bar as Reagan's inauguration looms closer. Dr. Gazzara, representing Citizens for a Better America, invites Ronald Reagan to give him a 'hum job'. During the Weekend Update, Eddie Murphy asks that the draft board pass him over in favor of Garrett Morris, since Garrett is now out of work. A horror movie features people being attacked by smile faces. A salesman approaches childless couples in the park and offers to sell them black market white babies. Eddie Murphy does a stand-up routine about insult contests popular in black neighborhoods. Jack Bruce & Friends perform "Dancing on Air" and "Living Without Ya".
Sat, Jan 17, 1981
The host for the episode is Karen Black (her second appearance), and the musical guests are Cheap Trick and The Stanley Clarke Trio. The skits for this episode are as follows: During the Carters' last days in the White House, Rosalyn instructs Jimmy and Amy to take away everything they can carry. A music company pitches an album of classical works that inspired the hit songs of today. A foundation to help the tragically hip solicits donations. Game show host Phil Lively meets his new neighbors. President-elect Reagan decides to name Nancy as his Vice President after Frank Sinatra recommends her for the job. For the Rocket Report, Charles Rocket interviews a daredevil cab driver. A museum guard confesses to the Mona Lisa that he has to break off their relationship. During the Weekend Update, Mary Lou James present diet tips for the stupid, and Joe Piscopo tries to scalp a pair of tickets to the Super Bowl. Dan Rather leads an investigation into why there are no female reporters at CBS. A stroke victim attempts to communicate with his visitors at the hospital, but fails. Karen Black gets interviewed by Pinkie and Leo Waxman, but can't keep up with their constantly shifting topics. To let people know that 'guns don't kill people, people kill people', the National Handgun Association presents a demonstration of a criminal using a black man to mug people. Cheap Trick performs "Baby Loves to Rock" and "Can't Stop but I'm Gonna Try", and the Stanley Clarke Trio performs "Wild Dog".
Sat, Jan 24, 1981
The host for the episode is Robert Hayes, and the musical guests are Joe 'King' Carrasco & The Crown and 14 Karat Soul. The skits for this episode are as follows: Ted Koppel announces that now that the hostages are safely back from Iran, NBC News will continue to harass their families as they count the former hostages' days out of captivity. For his opening monologue, Robert Hays notes that NBC will be using a new instant Neilsen Rating system to let everyone know how popular the show is, then is forced to start ad-libbing provocative topics to get the ratings back up. A Native American pitches the psychedelic pleasures of mushroom-based Dazola spread. Robert finds an inflatable prostitute in his hotel room, accompanied by her inflatable pimp. A sports reporter interviews video game champion Eddie Atari. NBC holds a telethon to help save the network. Three panelists discuss the upcoming Super Bowl, getting outrageously worked up over the game's importance. When the musician hired for a funeral can't make it, a ballpark organist fills in. For the Weekend Update, Charles Rocket reports on Jimmy Carter and Walter Mondale adjusting to life after politics, Tiffany Fleur presents the new fashions for engineers, Joe Piscopo uses a tabletop football game to preview the Super Bowl, and Eddie Murphy discusses how the recent Iranian crisis has affected his drug purchases. For the Rocket Report, Charles examines President Reagan's daily schedule. Eddie Murphy promises that he won't let stardom go to his head now that he's been hired as a full cast member. 14 Karat Soul performs "I Wish That We Were Married" and "This Time It's For Real" and Joe 'King' Carrasco & The Crown performs "Don't Bug Me Baby".
Sat, Feb 7, 1981
The host for the episode is Sally Kellerman, and the musical guest is Jimmy Cliff (his second appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: For the Rocket Report, Charles Rocket goes to one of the parades being held to welcome home the Iran hostages. An Italian stand-up comedian performs in front of his family while a talent scout looks on. Contestants on a quiz show attempt to identify taboo subjects. A group of upper-class women one-up one another with social faux-pas stories. A new book of Iranian jokes let readers entertain their families and friends. During the Weekend Update, Eddie Murphy announces that since the Emancipation Proclamation was never actually signed, people should go out and claim their very own black person while they can. A mother and father explain the facts of life in extremely graphic detail to their son. A councilor at a fat camp cracks the whip over her charges, until a member of the audience stops the skit to complain about the unfair portrayal of fat people. Members of a student council in Iran debate what to do now that the hostages have gone home. A criminal trial is shown on TV in talk-show format. Jimmy Cliff performs "I Am the Living" and "Gone Clear", and Sally Kellerman performs "Starting Over Again".
Sat, Feb 14, 1981
The host for the episode is Deborah Harry, and the musical guest is Funky 4+1 and More. The skits for this episode are as follows: Ronald Reagan invites Frank Sinatra to clear up the question of whether or not he's a hoodlum. For her opening monologue Deborah Harry introduces her parents in the audience, both of whom have the same hairstyle as her. A preview for a horror movie features leftovers that have been in the refrigerator too long. Game show host Phil Lively talks with a nurse from a retirement home about having his aging father live with with them. A man named Cooter has his life officially recognized as a Tennessee Williams one-act play. For the Rocket Report, Charles Rocket goes into Central Park to find out just how scary it really is. Jersey guy Paulie Herman goes to pick out a Valentine's Day card for his family and meets a New Jersey woman. During the Weekend Update, a spokesman for the Reagan administration announces that there are no poor people in America. Pinky and Leo Waxman go to Soho to visit their niece Susan in the hopes of setting her up with a boyfriend, oblivious to the fact that she's a lesbian. Valley girls Vickie and Debbie bump into Tina, a former classmate who dropped out of school. Deborah Harry performs "Love TKO" and "Come Back Jonee", and Funky 4 + 1 More performs "That's the Joint".
Sat, Feb 21, 1981
The host for the episode is Charlene Tilton, and the musical guests are Todd Rundgren and Prince. The skits for this episode are as follows: Joe Piscopo covers a boxing match between Rocko Weineretto and Weindulah, both of whom are hand puppets. Joe gets dumped by Ann Risley, then becomes enraged when he finds out that she's been seeing Charles Rocket in secret. A record company spokesman pitches a new album of unlikely make-out music. Mr. Robinson introduces the folks in his neighborhood and receives a package from Mr. Speedy. For the Rocket Report, Charles takes host Charlene Tilton for a ride on the New York subways. A new production of Fiddler on the Roof features Stevie Wonder as Tevye. The Reagans make their daughter-in-law Doria sleep in the haunted Lincoln bedroom. Charlene vows to get even with Charles Rocket for two-timing her with Ann Risley, and Gilbert Gottfried vows to get even with Rocket for dating all the hosts and leaving him with nothing. Before a piano competition, to rival pianists break each other's fingers. Two women in prison discuss the industrial revolution. During a skit about two people washing a dog, an unseen assassin shoots Charles in the chest. During the good-nights, Charles makes an unfortunate statement about the shooting, and Don Pardo admits to pulling the trigger in revenge for Charles' sleeping with his wife. Todd Rundgren performs "Healer" and "Time Heals" and Prince performs "Party Up".
Sat, Mar 7, 1981
The host for the episode is Bill Murray, and the musical guest is Delbert McClinton (his second appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: Before the show, the entire cast goes to Bill Murray's dressing room to share their anxieties. He gives them a pep talk about how ratings aren't all that important. During his opening monologue, Bill grabs a woman from the audience and has to be restrained by Eddie Murphy. Jersey Guy Paulie Herman praises the chemical industry. Walter Cronkite tries sensory deprivation and goes on a psychedelic trip. A scientist shows off his photos of DNA molecules. Lounge singer Nick performs for Mardi Gras party-goers on a Mississippi riverboat. A sports reporter suggests the use of softer sticks to tone down hockey violence. Bill makes his Oscar picks, all of which happen to be for films starring the original cast. A man with unusual tastes goes into a flower shop. A couple go to a house party but are put at a loss when they can't remember the name of their host's cat. During the good-nights, Bill apologizes to his former cast-mates. Delbert McClinton and Bonnie Bramlett perform "Givin' It Up For Your Love" and "Shotgun Rider".
Sat, Apr 11, 1981
The musical guest is Jr. Walker & The All-Stars. There is no host. The skits for this episode are as follows: Chevy Chase finds Mr. Bill while rummaging through some supply closets. The two reminisce about old times until Chevy accidentally crushes Bill. Frank Sinatra puts on a show to encourage people to buy American cars by bashing everything Japanese. Bill Cosby sells light beer to kids. A husband accuses his chimpanzee wife of having an affair. During the Weekend Update, Raheem Abdul Muhammed gives a movie review but confuses 'Altered States' with 'Stir Crazy', Laurie Metcalf asks people on the street if they would take a bullet for Ronald Reagan, and Al Franken tells viewers to forget about SNL and just let the show die peacefully. An Italian father gives his son some advice on his wedding day. Irene Cara sings about how all her songs sound alike. Chevy tries to convince viewers that the show is getting better, but Robin Williams and Christopher Reeves come on to voice their disagreement. As a bag lady shuffles around outside, onlookers make comments about her. Jr. Walker & The All-Stars perform "Road Runner", "Shotgun", "How Sweet It Is" and "What Does It Take?"
Sat, Oct 3, 1981
There is no host for the episode, but the musical guest is Rod Stewart. The skits for this episode are as follows: Little Richard Simmons gets fat people to exercise as he sings updated versions of his rock classics. Andy Rooney starts musing about shoes, and gets sidetracked onto random thoughts about Nazis and his co-workers' names. A literary critic introduces the next generation of great writers, all of whom are just getting out of prison. Muammar Khaddaffi shows off his latest fashions. A man gets over-attached to a woman he has a one-night stand with, to the point of being oblivious when she gets a phone call saying her father has just died. While at her father's funeral, a woman has to deal with selfish and insensitive relatives, followed by an old one-night stand who won't leave her alone. Christine Ebersol, the wife of producer Dick Ebersol, asks viewers to send in their home movies, then introduces a film about John Lennon produced by Yoko Ono.
Sat, Oct 10, 1981
The host for the episode is Susan Saint James, and the musical guest is The Kinks (their second appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: The Exxico company promises customers yesterday's technology at tomorrow's prices. During her opening monologue, Susan Saint James asks the audience to vote on whether the parody of her TV series, McMillan & Wife, should be done with McArthur, McBeth or McDonald. Ronald and Sally McDonald solve a murder while making love in their bedroom. Buckwheat, from the Little Rascals series, pitches an album of his unintelligible singing. Mr. Mike presents Bizarro World, where logic is exactly the opposite of how it is on earth, but the Bizarro president seems to be very familiar. Christine Ebersol sings about the problems for women trying to find good men at singles bars. Tim Kazurinsky presents a skit for men's Sta-free pads that was rejected for being too cheap. Alan Alda provides sensitivity training for men. The Kinks perform "Destroyer" and "Art Lover".
Sat, Oct 17, 1981
The host for the episode is George Kennedy, and the musical guest is Miles Davis. The skits for this episode are as follows: While taping a game show, all the cameras go out and the technicians all have heart attacks, so George Kennedy has to take charge and talk the show through to safety. Mr. Robinson presents some more characters from his neighborhood, including the landlord he's always trying to avoid. Andy Rooney shares more of his disorganized thoughts. Velvet Jones invites students to enroll in his school of technology. Harry Anderson does a stand-up act. Mr. Bill goes to Los Angeles, but his troubles follow right behind him. Kids are all playing with the new Rubik's Teeth toy. An advertisement pitches new spray-on Laetril. Marilyn Monroe sings "Downers are a girl's best friend". Miles Davis performs "Jean-Pierre".
Sat, Oct 31, 1981
The host for the episode is Donald Pleasance, and the musical guest is Fear. The skits for this episode are as follows: A Jogger Motel traps annoying joggers with a glue they can't jog out of. Jerry Lewis shows people his two completely different personas. Donald Pleasance shares his pumpkin carving tips. Tips are provided on how to survive in Harlem. A repeat skit presents rising literary stars who are all ex-cons. Other skits include vomiting for luck, profiles in British courage, 'Last Night I Killed My Husband', tales from the hip, Annie intermission, sugar breakfast, Andy Warhol's TV, and the Vic Salukin Show. Fear performs "I Don't Care About You", Beef Bologna", New York's All Right If You Like Saxophones" and "Let's Have a War".
Sat, Nov 7, 1981
The host for the episode is Lauren Hutton, and the musical guest is Rick James. The skits for this episode are as follows: The Exxico corporation has a message for consumers everywhere: stay out of our way or we'll kill you. TransEastern Airlines welcomes passengers aboard with a message from each of the employees who do their part to flying as miserable an experience as possible. Another skit that was rejected for being too cheap is presented. Velvet Jones pitches more of the benefits of enrolling in his school of technology. William Burroughs reads poetry. A button marked 'push to explode building' invites people to give it try. A bitter comedian rants about all the big stars that don't want him to open for their shows. Additional skits include Bill Cosby, Reagan's script, Whisper Bubble Bath, Harlequin Romances for men, Reach Out, and 'Art is Ficial'. Rick James performs "Give It To Me Baby" and "Super Freak".
Sat, Nov 14, 1981
The host for the episode is Bernadette Peters, and the musical guests are The Go-Go's and Billy Joel (his second appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: The Texxon Corporation reassures customers that for them 'Life is Second Only to Money'. After the success of Escape From New York, more films start featuring people fighting to get out of the city. Tim has further issues in his marriage with Madge the Chimpanzee. Eddie Murphy has a message for SNL viewers. The cast try to carry on with a skit after the lighting fails, but they are interrupted by a network censor who complains that everything sounds dirty now that the audience can't see what's really going on. Additional skits include Johnny Keep Your Gun Clean, Hidden Photo, Bedtime Story, Man Ray & Mic, 42nd Street, Nick the Knock and Rock & Roll Heaven, Inc. The Go-Go's perform "Our Lips Are Sealed" and "We Got the Beat". Bernadette Peters performs "Making Love Alone". Billy Joel performs "Miami 2017" and "She's Got a Way".
Sat, Dec 5, 1981
The host for the episode is Tim Curry, and the musical guest is Meat Loaf (his second appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: The Texxon Corporation warns viewers that the SNL writers will end up like Karen Silkwood if they don't back off. Mick Jagger talks with fellow music superstars Barbara Mandrell, Frank Sinatra, and Buckwheat. The Reagans must deal with Ronald's illegitimate son. Frank gets more advice from his Papa. Tim Curry and Meatloaf team up to open a One-Stop Rocky Horror Shop. Dan Rather muses on what might have happened if Reagan had survived his assassination attempt. Tim Curry performs "The Zucchini Song" and Meatloaf & The Neverland Express perform "Bat Out of Hell" and "Promised Land".
Sat, Dec 12, 1981
The host for the episode is Bill Murray (his second appearance as host), and the musical guests are The Spinners. The skits for this episode are as follows: The phone company admits that its highly touted technological breakthroughs are just hot air used to justify rate increases. During his opening monologue, Bill Murray introduces his best friend, Santa Claus. Tomorrow host Tom Snyder sulks. Father Guido Sarducci talks about the benefits of MX-5 tampons. During the Weekend Update, Brian Doyle-Murray reports on the proper spelling of the name of Libya's leader and an attempt in Arkansas to have creationism taught as science, and Joe Piscopo interviews an aging Muhammad Ali to find out if the legendary boxer is still the greatest. A skit features Christie Brinkley for designer fairy tales. Father Guido Sarducci returns to make his predictions for the coming year. A skit looks at the home life of a family of psychos. Honker gives his views on the economics of Christmas. The Spinners perform a "Then Came You", "I'll Be Around" and "Working My Way Back to You". Michael Davis and the Yale Whiffenpoofs made credited guest appearances.