When Louis Met Paul and Debbie (2001 TV Movie)

Paul Daniels: Self

Quotes 

• Louis Theroux : [reading a feature about Debbie in The Sunday Telegraph]  "Debbie McGee is pleasant, thoughtful, hospitable, forthcoming, and considering the things that have been written about her being a gold-digger and considering the fact that she's been the subject of sexually depraved photographs..."

  Paul Daniels : What?

  Louis Theroux : "... the result of computer generated..."

  Paul Daniels : Oh, yeah. Somebody on the internet has, erm... mocked up some pictures, apparently, and I keep trying to... Everybody that writes to me and says - I get a lot of email about it - I say "Please, if you know the site, if you know where they're at, tell me." You know? Perhaps apparently they're really bad.

• Louis Theroux : [narrating]  The next day, rehearsals continued, and so Paul took me to Doncaster to a warehouse where he keeps his old magic props.

  Louis Theroux : Maybe we could do some tricks when we get there.

  Paul Daniels : [driving the van]  You forgot to bring Debbie.

  Louis Theroux : Meaning? I'll be Debbie.

  Paul Daniels : She's got to get in them.

  Louis Theroux : [singing]  "I'll be your Debbie tonight."

  [At the warehouse. Paul shows Louis a magic box that Debbie would stand inside] 

  Paul Daniels : But you see, if you stand in there, you see...

  Louis Theroux : Quite a tight squeeze isn't it? Is that safe?

  Paul Daniels : It's all safe, yes.

  [Louis squeezes his lanky 6'2" frame inside. It's not high enough for him to stand up straight] 

  Paul Daniels : But if you stand in it, you see... you're far too big for it. D'you see what I mean?

  Louis Theroux : Go on, close the door.

  [Paul shuts the door and turns the catch] 

  Paul Daniels : [to the camera crew]  Right, I think it's coffee break time, don't you? Everybody say yes to a coffee? Everybody, yes? The team? The 20?

  Louis Theroux : [from inside]  How long would you have to stay in here for, like, a magic trick?

  [Paul stays silent] 

  Louis Theroux : Paul?

  [Paul laughs silently] 

  Louis Theroux : It's quite nice in here.

  [the picture fades to some minutes later] 

  Paul Daniels : [opening the door]  Well, I'm glad about that, I'll tell you why - all the boxes I made...

  Louis Theroux : Please close it.

• Louis Theroux : [narrating]  There were still some last minute problems to sort out, and with Paul and I starting to get better, I saw a chance to be involved in the production.

  Louis Theroux : [to Paul]  Would it be OK if I pulled the swan tonight?

  Paul Daniels : It would not be OK. Ask me why.

  Louis Theroux : Why?

  Paul Daniels : You have a devious and distorted sense of humour.

  Louis Theroux : You know, though, if you entrusted that to me I would be a model of efficiency and decorum.

  Paul Daniels : I don't know that. I would expect it, but then you might want to create the unexpected.

  Louis Theroux : You're not in charge anyway, Debbie is.

  Paul Daniels : [laughs]  This is wonderfully true. It's great.

• [In one of the backroom of the theatre, Louis is making tea for Debbie while she writes good luck cards for the dancers] 

  Debbie McGee : My husband's a real chatterbox, isn't he? Can you hear him now?

  [Paul's voice can be heard from another room] 

  Louis Theroux : Yes, he does go on a bit. Well, I mean it's nice that... er, he likes to talk.

  Paul Daniels : [in the doorway]  What?

  Louis Theroux : What are you doing up there, lurking?

  Paul Daniels : Waiting for my cup of tea!

• Louis Theroux : Debbie, do you know Paul - can I say this, Paul? The thing about what Debbie reminded you of when you first met her?

  Paul Daniels : She knows already.

  Louis Theroux : Does she?

  Paul Daniels : Yeah. The little mannequin that separated the paragraphs in... I can't remember whether it was Penthouse or Playboy.

  Louis Theroux : What did you think?

  Debbie McGee : I thought it was funny. I'd never seen it so I couldn't really form an opinion.

  Paul Daniels : Very attractive. And the odditiy - it is an oddity in this day and age of who cares - it that Debbie's still the same shape. It's fabulous.

  Louis Theroux : You do have a great figure, Debbie. Presumably that's partly not having had children? Do you think?

  Debbie McGee : No, I think it's looking... People say that, but look at Jane Seymour and how many children she's had and she's older than me, she's got an amazing figure.

  Louis Theroux : Did you ever want to have kids, Debbie?

  Debbie McGee : No, never.

  Louis Theroux : Do you know why?

  Debbie McGee : No, I don't. I just never ever have, I didn't play with dolls when I was little, I read books. My sister played with all the dolls.

• [the opening night of Debbie's ballet production has been a success and everyone's celebrating in the foyer] 

  Louis Theroux : [holding a bottle wrapped in paper]  Debbie - sorry to interrupt - small token and congratulations and felicitations.

  Debbie McGee : Louis! Excuse me, have we got a straw?

  [laughs] 

  Debbie McGee : [kissing him on the cheeks]  Thank you. You've been so wonderful. Thank you very much.

  Paul Daniels : He's just trying to get into your bedroom, Debbie!

  [some women go "Ooooo!"] 

  Paul Daniels : He's been trying for 3 weeks to get into your bedroom!

  Debbie McGee : But you're always there, darling!

  [they laugh] 

  Paul Daniels : Oh, little ol' party pooper me!

• [Paul is going to appear on Celebrity Ready, Steady, Cook] 

  Louis Theroux : Do you think you might do some magic on the show?

  Paul Daniels : No, none at all. I think it's... You shouldn't cross that kind of boundary. If they want that kind of crossover they should plan that well in advance. Cos magic should not just be a passing, children's party thing. It should be thought through.

• Louis Theroux : In your autobiography there is quite a bit about your sexploits.

  Paul Daniels : I had a good time, yeah. It was the time for having a good time, that time?

  Louis Theroux : 70s, 80s... What, 70s, was it?

  Paul Daniels : Uh... yeah, it would be, I guess.

  Louis Theroux : And is that true about, about the more than 300 partners?

  Paul Daniels : Uhh... yeah.

  Louis Theroux : Was that, like, groupies who would turn up to your show?

  Paul Daniels : Sometimes. Yeah, sometimes. It was just... there was a lot of sex around because the girls had discovered the pill and started to do everything the lads had been doing for years. I was my own, and travelling, and so it, uh... it was just the scene. And then suddenly along came herpes and AIDS and all that.

  Louis Theroux : And Debbie.

  Paul Daniels : Oh, yeah. And Debbie.

  Louis Theroux : Could you remember all the names? Or was it like, you know, the one in the back of the Cortina?

  Paul Daniels : A Cortina!

  [laughs out loud] 

  Paul Daniels : Oh dear, yeah, I did have a Cortina at one time, yeah.

• [Heavy rain has caused Paul and Debbie's riverside house to be flooded] 

  Louis Theroux : How much water was in here, then?

  Paul Daniels : About an inch.

  Louis Theroux : How does it look upstairs?

  Paul Daniels : It looks just the same as it did before.

  Debbie McGee : That you didn't see before, Louis.

  Paul Daniels : The bit you never get to see.

  Louis Theroux : Maybe it would make sense for me to have a quick look.

  Paul Daniels : No.

  [he laughs] 

  Paul Daniels : I like you. Not a lot, but I like you.

  [they laugh] 

• [as Louis drives them to Harlow, Paul and Debbie clowning around in the back of the car, singing "Anything you can do, I can do better"] 

  Debbie McGee : We mustn't be this mad.

  Paul Daniels : Why not?

• [Paul is giving an autograph to a middle-aged woman] 

  Woman : I'd come to see you at Yarmouth, years ago.

  Paul Daniels : Am I the father of your child?

  Woman : No.

  Paul Daniels : Oh, just checking.

• [Louis is having dinner at Paul and Debbie's house on the final night of the documentary] 

  Louis Theroux : To the three of us.

  Paul Daniels : To the three of us.

  [they chick their glasses] 

  Debbie McGee : Ménage à trois.

  Louis Theroux : Cheers.

  Paul Daniels : [to Debbie]  Pardon?

  [Debbie giggles] 

  Paul Daniels : You're saying these words, you have no idea what they mean, you know.

  Debbie McGee : I do.

  [she laughs] 

  Paul Daniels : [laughing]  Oh!

  Debbie McGee : I realised after I said it it was on camera.

  [they laugh] 

• Paul Daniels : [using kitchen funnel like a megaphone]  And here we are in the kitchen of Debbie McGee.

  Debbie McGee : Where a garden gnome has come in from outside and sat on my work surface.

  Paul Daniels : Thank you very much.

  Debbie McGee : That's my office over there.

• [Louis says how he's been amazed that there's been no tension between Paul and Debbie about Debbie being in the limelight with her ballet production and Paul behind the scenes funding it all] 

  Paul Daniels : It actually upsets some journalists, you know... I know you're a journalist... And it upsets them that we kind of get along and it upsets them that we're happy together, and I think "Well, get a life of your own. Stop poking into mine."

  Louis Theroux : A genuinely happy couple, I think, is a rare thing.

  Paul Daniels : No, it's not!

  Louis Theroux : I think it is a rare thing.

  Paul Daniels : No, I don't think it is a rare thing, I think there's billions of us out there, and it's all the little manky, miserable little people who aren't, who make the biggest shout.

  Louis Theroux : God, you're so bitter. Why'd you suddenly get so angry about that?

  Paul Daniels : No, I'm not so bitter, I just think it's so sad that these people have the voice, when the truth of the matter is that most people on the planet are very happy.

  Louis Theroux : [narrating]  Paul and Debbie do seem happy. They genuinely care for and rely on each other, united against the manky and miserable little people. A magic circle of two.