Bad script, weak storyline, inexplicable editing choices, along with weak 'special effects' and the stretching of the suspension of disbelief to a quantum level.
This movie abounds with illogical statements, actions and happenings, at times venturing into the realms of ludicrousness. There is nothing frightening about the 'monster'.
This is not a movie worth your time.
Review Containing Spoilers
In all fairness, I have seen worse. Some films I turn off well before the end, but in this case, I watched all of it.
Nicola Wright, who plays the lead role of the mother, is very good, considering the fact that she does not have much of a script to work with. At some points, her portrayal of a confused woman is exceptional, rising well above the quality of this film. Richard Harfst, as the gardener Bill, also limited by the script, is nonetheless excellent. An understated, believable, performance. One actor is allowed to chew-up the scenery, not quite to the Nicholas Cage level, but well on the way there. Shame on the director for allowing this to happen.
In the first act, when driving to their house in the country, the daughters make a brief stop for food. Their mother, Wendy, supposedly suffering from dementia, is asleep in the backseat. Unbelievably, while bickering, they get out and leave their mother behind, in the locked car, on purpose. Of course, Wendy wakes-up and freaks out, especially seeing, as she cannot open the car door, most likely due to child locks. To add insult to injury, when they return, they barely express any guilt.
Later, Wendy finds the Humpty Dumpty doll in an antiques shop. She does a terrible job of haggling over the price, ending up at £900 compared to her initial offer of £100 - always negotiate up from your own offer Wendy, not down from theirs. Not being able to get the money until tomorrow, they promise to return and pay then. None of this really matters, though, seeing as when they get home there is the doll sitting at the front door waiting for them.
Of course, one of the daughters calls the shop owner to find out what is going on. Nope. However, they do express concern about being accused of stealing it though. Nope. Well, they at least set about discovering how it could possibly have arrived there before them. Nope. So, what do they do? After a few brief comments, they take it inside with them. Sigh.
Now it appears that the shop owner, for reasons never explained, knows what is going on and that Wendy should have the doll. However, if that is the case, then why does she first tell them that the doll is priceless and therefore not for sale, then ask for £1,000, before finally landing on £900? After all, no money ever changes hands. In fact, when the youngest daughter visits the shop to learn more about the doll, the owner of the shop does not ask when she is getting her money. Furthermore, she already knows where the doll is, and alludes to his supernatural nature.
By the way, how dumb is the eldest daughter (scriptwriter). When the shop owner tells her that it is priceless, her reply is that if something is priceless, that means it is free. Worthless my dear, the word is worthless not priceless.
Humpty Dumpty is utterly benign, laughable in fact. It was stupid giving him teeth, at that too many for his mouth to contain, and appearing about as sharp as the non-existent brain of the puppet. Their first appearance made me laugh. There is no possible way he could use them, no wonder then that most of the time he uses a knife of some description.
For the majority of the movie, he moves very slowly, think traditional zombie slow. However, towards the end of the movie, there is a scene where Bill is staring at Humpty Dumpty from across the room. It goes on for far too long - as do a lot of other scenes - and while I was waiting for the inevitable movement of the doll, I thought to myself that there is no way the doll is suddenly going to be able to move super-fast. Surely, they will not try to do that and get away with it. Then the doll launched itself out of the chair at superhuman speed to attack Bill. However, why it needed to put its hands on the arms of that chair to lever itself up makes no sense at all.
Apparently, he can manipulate other objects with only his mind, as evidenced by his turning another doll's head. What does he do with this doll? I told you, he turns its head. Surely, you were not expecting more than that chilling act. I also noticed, earlier in the movie, he blinks his eyes, which only we witness. Why? I suppose in order to demonstrate to us that he is not just a doll, even though we already know that. Never does it again. A weird thing to do anyway, seeing as his eyes are made of solid wood, so do not need to be cleansed and moistened.
The plot is all over the place. There is an attempt at the end to have a twist, where they want us to buy into the idea that Wendy was actually doing all the killing and not the doll. Nice idea, but utterly fails due to a flawed setup and too much evidence that it could not be her. The eldest daughter turns out to be adopted, absolutely zero relevance to the story. If you can remove something from a script without affecting comprehension, it is nothing more than padding.
The end scene, when we discover that we have not escaped a character actually singing Humpty Dumpty, is spoiled by the fact that the supposedly dead, eldest, adopted daughter will not cease breathing. Not a forgivable minor lapse, but regular and obvious breathing. Director, where the hell were you?
There is so much more wrong with this movie, but unfortunately, I do not have time to write about it. The museum closes in about two hours, so I need to get going, as I have my eye on a priceless (free) Egyptian Mummy. Should look great in my bedroom. Just hope it is simply a Mummy and nothing more.
Till next time. That is if there is a next time. (Cue evil laughter)
SK.
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