30 Rock (TV Series)

Hey, Baby, What's Wrong?: Part 2 (2012)

Tina Fey: Liz Lemon

Quotes 

• J.D. Lutz : Every time I get a good thing going, I do something stupid and blow it. You want to know the reason why Lutz is alone? Lutz! And Dollhouse penis syndrome.

  Liz Lemon : Oh, my God. I'm female Lutz.

  J.D. Lutz : I love you too.

  Liz Lemon : No, I mean I'm my own worst enemy. Do you want to know the reason Liz is alone? Liz. Also I menstruate a lot. Oh, God, does this mean I have to change? I have to go back and be the bigger person? What if Criss already left and I have to go find him? It's so cold. Oh, realizations are the worst.

• Liz Lemon : [talking on her cellphone on the street]  You can never sleep with her, never, never, ever, ever Never, ever, ever...

  [still talking, walking up stairs to her apartment] 

  Liz Lemon : ... never, ever, ever, ever!

  Jack Donaghy : I get it, Lemon. Thank you. Just hearing your labored breathing while you walk up stairs has purged me of all sexual desire.

• Hazel Wassername : You're the head writer of TGS? But you're so beautiful.

  Liz Lemon : Charlie what now?

  Hazel Wassername : I love your brown hair. It's so bouncy, like the "after" picture in a lice ad.

  Liz Lemon : Thank you. It's from intermittent washing.

  Hazel Wassername : And you own this place?

  Liz Lemon : Yeah.

  Hazel Wassername : Holy Moly, there's stairs? And a dining room table? Is this your boyfriend?

  Liz Lemon : Yeah. He made me dinner.

  Hazel Wassername : Mashed potatoes in a Martini glass! Who are you, the president? Of France?

• Hazel Wassername : Excuse me? I have a package for Liz Lemon.

  Liz Lemon : Sure, come in.

  Hazel Wassername : You're the head writer at TGS? But you're so beautiful.

  Liz Lemon : Charlie what now?

  Hazel Wassername : I love your brown hair. It's so bouncy, like the "after" picture in a lice ad.

  Liz Lemon : Thank you. It's from intermittent washing.

  Hazel Wassername : And you own this place?

  Liz Lemon : Yeah.

  Hazel Wassername : Holy moly, there's stairs? And a dining room table? Is this your boyfriend?

  Liz Lemon : Yeah. He made me dinner.

  Hazel Wassername : Mashed potatoes in a martini glass. Who are you, the president? Of France?

  Liz Lemon : I know, right?

  Hazel Wassername : You are an inspiration, Liz Lemon.