orshansj's Reviews

American Gods (2017–2021)

3/10

22 February 2021

How do you know the show is pretty much done and you can stop watching it?

Three basic things.

One, there is a lot of slow motion and heavy dialog. And the motion is getting slower and slower and slower. Two, each show is no longer running for an hour. It's only 50 minutes or so. In fact, it's 7:10 right now and the show is just starting and I am sure it will end 5 minutes before 8. Three, It got so boring I started falling asleep in the middle of each new episode.

This happened so many times before. The show is no longer going anywhere and I am pretty sure now that I will not be watching the next season. If, that is, there is another season. Homeland. Billions. Game of Thrones, they all ended up this way. The writers run out of ideas and they started churning out sloppy crap.

Sure, there is a book and maybe they could follow it. But why should they follow it when nobody cares anymore.

Nobody, including the writers, know where things are going and what anyone is doing. Everyone appears on the screen for just a few minutes, not long enough to do or say anything meaningful.

This is sad.

I gave this show 3 stars simply because I loved seasons 1 and 2.

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Silent Hill (2006)

7/10

Laser Floyd

10 October 2020

Let me explain what I mean by that.

Years ago, in New York Planetarium they used to have something called "Laser Floyd". My friends and I would go there on the weekend, we would get a little high, and then we would sit in a dark room, watch lasers dance on the curved ceiling and listen to Pink Floyd. There was no meaningful dialog. There was no human drama. There was not story. There was just one awesome trip.

That's what Silent Hill is like to me. It is a visual piece of art. It has no story. It has no deep meaning, or any kind of meaning, actually. It shuffles along like some broken thing. And yet, it somehow manages to strike it with me just the right way. Its great visuals always remind me of that time, years ago, of how it felt sitting in that dark room watching the laser show and singing along to Dark Side of the Moon.

This movie is 16 years old now and as far as I am concerned, it doesn't have to be "good" in a traditional way. I watched it very recently and I still feel the same way about it. I liked it.

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The Deuce (2017–2019)

7/10

Loved it ... for a while

7 October 2020

The first season was great, to me, at least. I lived in New York during those times and I remember 42nd Street in all its grimy glory and I can say that things they showed were pretty authentic.

But then, second season came on and something happen that made me lose all interest in the show. It didn't connect with me anymore. I found its characters and their stories boring. Human struggles turned into an enterprise. Movies. Also, all the prostitutes, for whom sex business was just that, business, began to view it as humiliation. Then, anachronisms began to pop up, one after another, which killed for me all the authenticity of the Deuce of that time.

The last episode I watched was when an agent called one of the prostitutes "actor". Not actress, an actor. That gender neutrality was the last drop. I turned it off - in the middle - and never went back.

I gave this show a good number of stars, because, like I said, that first season was really good. After that, I was done with it.

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Antebellum (2020)

3/10

Basically junk but with some redeeming qualities

29 September 2020

Warning: Spoilers

Someone posted here that people who didn't like this movie should be ashamed of themselves. I say to that person, get over yourself. Who appointed you to be a moral judge?

Well, I am not ashamed to say that I didn't like this movie, but I didn't like it for a slightly different reason. Movies about human suffering are important. They are lessons to all of us. Movies that go on and on and on, keep showing never ending stream of abuse and humiliation and suffering, that gets not only unpleasant but it also gets boring in a hurry. That's how I felt about Antebellum. I got bored very quickly, and when I learned what that place really was I began to press skip forward button on my remote. It was pretty obvious what was going to happen next. Bad guys were all going to die a horrible death and the good guy is going to win.

If it weren't for some of this movie's better moments I would have just turned it off and gone back to watching French Open.

What better moments? There were two of them. The opening scene was really good. Also, I liked the main character. She was really good. It was because of her and the opening scene I gave this movie 3 stars instead of 1.

If you enjoy movies about human suffering, find something else to watch. This one is not good at all.

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The Rental (2020)

4/10

How a very small thing can ruin the whole experience

23 August 2020

12 minutes. That's how far I got into this movie. I gave it 4 stars randomly. After all, I turned it off after only 12 minute.

Why so soon? No, I didn't pass my judgement on it and determined that the movie was not good.

It wasn't anything like that. I just couldn't get past that zit scene at the beginning of the move. I was so disgusted by it I couldn't think of anything else and finally, I realized that it was no use to keep watching it. That scene would stay with me for the next 90 minutes and I won't be able to think of anything else.

It makes me wonder. Did director of this movie really think it was a good idea to give the viewers that little peace of "realism". I understand gratuitous nudity. Everyone enjoys it. But bodily fluids? What was that all about? What's next, people are going to blow their noses or take a dump and spend a long time examining what they have just ejected?

Too bad I won't be able to finish watching this movie. I probably would like it.

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Margin Call (2011)

5/10

Critics' reviews

18 July 2020

Warning: Spoilers

It was the very first thing I noticed, great reviews from critics. I am pretty sure that not a single one of those critics understood what really went on here, but it seems to me that these days it is really popular to hate people who make a lot of money in finance. They are all evil.

As someone who actually knows what went on in 2001 and 2008, I can tell you a thing or two about some flaws in this movie. They were very obvious flaws but a regular guy would never catch on to them.

First, a lowly analyst who comes out with a broken model would NEVER EVER EVER EVER trigger such a massive sale of assets.

Second, Kevin Spacey said, "No swaps". Why not? Swaps are insurance. Why not insure your asset rather than sell them for 65 cents on the dollar? Oh, yeah, I know. The mysterious man from England ordered to liquidate. He must know something. Well, guess what. I know something too. This was like taking your car with blown engine to a junk yard instead of having your insurance company fix it.

Third, all the traders in that firm could have just walked away. Quit on the spot and kept their reputations. 1.4 million bonus is a joke. 2.7 million bonus is a joke. These are traders and most of them were young people. They work in Fixed Income. They trade billions worth of bonds. They make $250K base salary plus performance bonus that could be 3-4 times the size of their salary. If they walked away, they would have been hired somewhere else and make this money in just a few years. 20 times that money during their careers. In the movie, they destroyed their careers, walked away with 1.2-1.3 million after taes and become ... what ... plumbers, car mechanics, nurses?

The characters in this movie were very authentic. The lingo was very real. The acting was good. That's the only reason why I gave it 5 stars. But the story was so anti-Wall Street, so simplified and skewed, made specifically to have people who "don't know" recoil in disgust.

Someone once told me, "Everyone hates a lawyer until they need one". The same thing is true about Wall Street. Except, there is no such thing as Wall Street. There is "Finance" and we are all mixed up with it up to our eyebrows. We get car loans and business loans and mortgages from banks and lenders. We buy annuities from insurance companies. We want our money to grow and we blame banks for paying low rates without actually understanding why they are paying low rates.

This movie was ok. Just ok.

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The Old Guard (2020)

1/10

This movie is terrible

10 July 2020

My first reaction when I saw this junk was, "I can't believe they signed Charlize Theron for this." But then I realized that she was the one producing it.

How sad.

Is this the sign that her career is on the decline? Well, Maybe not. After all, Sir Ben Kingsley agreed to take part in Prince of Persia.

On the other hand ...

Charlize is a beautiful woman and a good actress (I wouldn't call her ACTOR unless she grew a certain appendage) but this gross lack of taste in picking material for the movie saddens me.

And she brought Chiwitel Ejiofor for the ride. Ugh.

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Billions (2016–2023)

3/10

About to abandon

11 May 2020

First thing first. I worked on Wall Street my whole life, so I actually understand all the financial lingo. I also spent a few years working for Prime Brokers so I also know exactly how hedge funds are operating.

The law part of the show was a lot less clear to me.

Although most of the stuff they did in the first two season of the show was a total nonsense - Chuck's father loading up on the stock is called "insider trading", you know, the thing people go to jail for - it was still highly enjoyable. They had interesting characters with weird quirks. There was a a display of great wealth. There were great cameos. Mark Cuban, Metallica. And with all the financial and legal jargon the show was pretty easy to follow.

I am now at a point of abandoning this show. I have it at 3 stars, but I have a feeling that soon it's going to drop to 2 stars and then, bah bye.

There is no story anymore. Everyone just keeps betraying everyone else and things have gotten so contrived viewers are starting to lose track of what's going on and also lose interest. Well, maybe it's only me who is losing interest. Nah, it's not just me. I read other people's reviews.

There is no more display of wealth. There is no more family story. There is just talk and talk and talk with references so obscure you don't even know they are references to anything. "I'll flip you" was a reference to ad-lib line Benicio Tel Toro did in Usual Suspects.

I care less and less about ... well ... pretty much every character. Wags, who was my favorite character, just became a comic relief. Whatever new battles they are having are so insignificant, so ludicrous. "You stole my shaman". Seriously? People keep doing "brilliant" things that require a popup over their had saying "that was brilliant, if you missed it, it was probably too subtle for your simple mind to comprehend."

I really liked the first two seasons, but after that it became pretty clear that the writers have started to run out of ideas. I don't criticize them or blame them. I am an amateur writer so I understand that it's very hard to keep coming up with original material. But I don't have to suffer through their struggles.

I can see another season in the works, but no more than that. You can beat the dead horse for just so long before you finally admit to yourself that it's not getting up.

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Snatch (2000)

10/10

Loved it

25 February 2020

I find it quite interesting how most critics poo pooed this movie while almost three quarters of a million people gave it a stellar 8.3 star rating.

Now, what does it mean? Are people so superficial that they would like any kind of schlock? Or are the critics simply fully of it?

You make the judgement. One of the critics said that Guy Ritchie was lacking talent, just like his wife. Seriously? Madonna has no talent? You may not be a fan but to say that she has no talent is just stupid. How about Michael Jackson or Prince? No talent either? Another critic said Sean Penn's movie are better then Guy Ritchie's. Well, that's like saying, I don't like strawberries but I like to drive fast cars. Ever hear of such thing as apples and oranges?

I guess my judgement has been rendered on clueless people who dismissed this movie.

Regarding the movie itself. It's one of my favorites. Guy Ritchie has his own style, like Quentin Tarantino or Wes Andersen or Jim Jarmusch. Granted, he is not exactly in the same league as those three, but his movies are fast paced, fun, quotable, and Snatch is my favorites. I loved everything about it. its quirkiness, and its funky characters, and its interesting story and the whole plethora of accents (love that word, plethora).

My advice to people who haven't seen Snatch. Ignore the critics. Give it a try. You might discover that you love it just as much as I do. Worst case scenario, you might learn the meaning of the word "nemesis".

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Cats (2019)

1/10

Creepy

25 January 2020

I gave it one star not because it deserved it, but because there was no way to indicate how unsure I was about this movie.

The music was nice but ... it felt a little creepy, watching those people in their skin tight cat suits.

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Idiocracy (2006)

8/10

Hilarious

29 December 2019

Am I am writing a review for a movie that came out 16 years ago? Hmm, how about that?

Well, I was watching it the other day and I noticed a traffic light that only had green and yellow colors. What can I say. This movie is hilarious.

It's a satire, maybe not very subtle, but still satire. Almost every line in it is quotable. Electrolytes. Carl Jr. Hell, how about this one - "I love money though". It also has all my favorite funny people.

You can watch this movie for years and still find a funny gem that you never noticed before.

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The Lighthouse (I) (2019)

Lunacy

28 December 2019

First, I have to give credit to the two actors. Willem Dafoe's performance phenomenal, as always, but Pattinson's performance was a real surprise, a very pleasant surprise, especially considering that his claim to fame was those fluffy Twilight movies. Bravo to both of them.

Now, the movie. This requires a backstory. Many years ago, someone ran an experiment. They had a monkey (I believe it was a chimpanzee) slap some paints on the canvas and then they showed it to the critics. Not knowing who painted it, critics raved about all those masterful strokes and complicated colors. When they were told later that it was a monkey that painted it they didn't feel at all embarrassed. They kept insisting the painting was a masterpiece.

I do understand that some art can be complicated. I don't claim to understand every form it and I openly admit it that it may have been something that I simply didn't get. But when someone turns in all black canvas with a hole in the middle, or takes a banana and tapes it to the wall, or encases his feces in 24 karat gold and passes it for art, or makes movie like this one, I take offence. It was a waste of two very good actors' talent.

So, here we go. This movie is horrible. It is a product of deranged mind and has no merit. And the critics that rave about it are nothing more but a bunch of (I am quoting Startlord from the Guardians of the Galaxy) a-holes. It was nicely shot in black and white and performances were top notch, but as a film it has no merit.

I am sure a lot of people will think of me as a simpleton and that I don't get a real art, but I would urge those people to think about it and ask themselves this simple question. Was this movie shot by a real director or was there a chance that was directed by a monkey that randomly picked dialog from a bunch of scripts put before it by some prankster?

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6 Underground (2019)

1/10

Moving to North Korea

22 December 2019

No, not me. I am staying in the good old US, but Michael Bay should really move to North Korea, because little Kim needs "feel good" propaganda movies like this one more than we do.

What a junk.

I really shouldn't be writing a review for it because I fast forwarded through most boring parts (god, there were so many of them) while played Candy Crash through the rest.

I am stunned it got such a high metascore with critics. I also feel sad that after Green Lantern fiasco Ryan Reynolds would agree to shoot this schlock.

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Castle Rock (2018–2019)

10/10

What a nice surprise

5 December 2019

When you read a story, you get your own movie running through your head, and maybe that's why I didn't like any of the movies that were based on Stephen King's books. None of them came even close to what my mind was able to conjure up.

To be fair, some of the King's movies were pretty good, Shining, Stand By Me. The rest I didn't like. It is simply not possible to fit so many King's complex characters into a two hour movie. Then there is a matter of all the freedom that the movie folks take with the characters' authenticity. Just as an example, in Shawshank Redemption, Andy Dufresne was a tiny man, not 6.5 Tim Robbins, and as much as I love Morgan Freeman, his character's nickname was Red because he was a white man with red hair, an Irishman.

This show is a such a pleasant surprise. Despite all the deviations from what the characters are supposed to be - Ace and Pop were serious a-holes and Annie Wilkes was not bipolar - it is a pleasure to see them in their altered roles.

I don't think Stephen King is involved in the show's development, which is probably a good thing. He is a spectacular writer but when it comes to making movies he sucks.

Castle Rock is a great show with just the right amount of weirdness to hook in people who are not Stephen King's fans and to give us, his fans, very King like entertainment.

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Murphy Brown (1988–2018)

Didn't even give it a try

2 December 2019

I used to love this show and I was actually looking forward to a reboot. All my favorite characters were going to bring back some good memories. But then I saw previews and it was all about ridiculing Trump, nothing else, so I didn't even watch the first episode.

Well, I guess we all know how well this show connected with people if it was canceled just after 1 season.

Who needs to watch more actors bashing Trump when you are over saturated by "former" news networks like CNN.

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Loveless (2017)

5/10

Ah, those Russians

22 October 2019

That was a quote from Boney M song, Rasputin. It described how I feel about the ability of Russians to make a good movie. They fail at it every single time. Oh, you can forget about good reviews by critics. They are trying to find another Tarkovsky in this movie, but in fact, they are just a bunch of intellectuals who are gushing over a painting made by a monkey. If you don't know that reference, look it up.

First, I must give this movie some credit. Cinematography was wonderful. Every scene is beautiful. Excellent camerawork. I was really impressed.

Acting wasn't bad at all. Although their "slang'ish" dialog annoyed me terribly. "Pognali". "Gde vi tusuetes'". "Vpered i s pesnej". People forgot how to speak Russian. Sad.

Music was very good, although - this is pretty common in Russian movies -there were long scenes with dead silence. It was as if the sound guy who was supposed to add sound fillers went to the bathroom and was too lazy to come back and finish it.

Story. What story? There was no story. A child runs away and everyone is searching for him. People are walking around and saying some things. Oh, and there was a lovely but totally gratuitous shot of a pregnant woman.

Without story, there is no movie. You might as well string together a bunch of famous paintings and show them in sequence.

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Glass (2019)

3/10

This is only my opinion

21 October 2019

It's kind of funny how people review this movie. Some see it as a great addition to Unbreakable and Split. Oh, what a great acting. Oh, what a wonderful story. I think they just want to like this movie because they liked the last two so much. Well, Split was not even close to being as good as the other two. In fact, all 3 movies were completely different.

Then, there are other people who were disappointed with this movie. But it seemed to me that the culprit here was the ending. Is it fair to dismiss the whole movie just because of the ending?

I didn't like Glass, simply because it was not as good as the other two.

I had mixed feelings about Unbreakable. It was odd, definitely not one of Shyamalan's better movies, but it had a decent plot and it had all my favorite actors, and it was really, really, really well shot. Shyamalan is very good at that. Split was not just good. It was spectacular, and not just because of McAvoy. Everyone in it was perfect. So many unexpected twists and turns. Story was phenomenal. I loved Split so much I couldn't wait to see Glass. And then it came out and I was really disappointed. The story was weak. Yes, it still had my favorite actors in it, but their performances were disjointed and didn't connect. Even McAvoy's hoard, by now well known, was not so as effective.

My verdict, the movie was a miss.

Still, I loved many Shyamalan's movies, so despite the failure of Glass, I am sure he will come up with something better. I am looking forward to it.

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Into the Wild (2007)

8/10

Hard to connect

29 September 2019

For someone who worked all his life to provide for his family and to ensure comfortable retirement, I had a hard time connecting with this character. I see many people like him on city streets. Young ones, those look fine. For now. Older ones, well, that's another story.

I liked this movie. It was well made, well acted, and I even appreciated the message, such total freedom. But as I watched it, I couldn't help feeling the sense of dread lurking inside me. People like him don't end up in a good place. They end up in homeless shelters or living in tents, locked inside their own minds for such a long time they begin to talk to themselves.

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Midsommar (2019)

There are some movies that just insult your intelligence

29 September 2019

And this is one of them. A total piece of dreck.

I like all kind of movies, no matter how weird or absurd. But this movie is just ridiculous. It's nothing more but a knockoff of Wicker Man (oh, how original) and not even such a good knockoff. Performances are weak. You feel no real connection to any character at all. There is no original story (Wicker Man was done twice already). It's a lumbering disjointed thing, limping along for two and a half hours.

Oh, there was one thing I liked. Blue sky. Yeah, blue sky always puts me in a good mood.

I am astounded that critics rated it so highly.

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