Prepare to be Insulted

Casablanca (1942) - (You despise me, don't you?) "Well, if I gave you any thought, I probably would."

One-Eyed Jacks (1961) - "Get up, you scum-sucking pig!"

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966) - (Well, you're going bald.) "So are you."

Of Human Bondage (1934) - "And after you kissed me, I always used to wipe my mouth. Wipe my mouth! We laughed at you, because you were such a mug, a mug, a mug! You know what you are, you gimpy-legged monster?"

Ace in the Hole (1951) - "When they bleached your hair, they must have bleached your brains too."

It Happened One Night (1934) - "Aw, nuts! You're just like your old man! Once a plumber's daughter, always a plumbers daughter! There isn't an ounce of brains in your whole family!" Gone with the Wind (1939) - "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

His Girl Friday (1940) - "Listen, you square-toed, insignificant pimple-headed spy!"

Planet of the Apes (1968) - "Take your stinkin' paws off me, you damned dirty ape!"

Network (1976) - "You're madness, Diana. Virulent madness. And everything you touch dies with you."

Sweet Smell of Success (1957) - "I'd hate to take a bite out of you. You're a cookie full of arsenic."

The Maltese Falcon (1941) - "You - you - you imbecile, you bloated idiot! You stupid fathead, you - [cries]"

Monkey Business (1931) - "Is it true you're getting a divorce as soon as your husband recovers his eyesight?" Horse Feathers (1932) - "I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived." Duck Soup (1933) - "I can see you right now in the kitchen bending over a hot stove... but I can't see the stove." "Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot." "Not that I care, but where is your husband?" (Why, he's dead.) "I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse."

It's a Wonderful Life (1946) - "In the whole vast configuration of things, I'd say you were nothing but a scurvy little spider!"

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966) - "Well, you're going bald."

True Grit (1969) - "Fill your hands, you son-of-a-bitch!" Big Jake (1971) - "You're short on ears and long on mouth." The Cowboys (1972) - "You look like the vermin-ridden son-of-a-bitch you are."

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) - "I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!" "You tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms!"

The Front (1976) - "And, furthermore, you can all go fuck yourselves."

The Blues Brothers (1980) - "Ow, you fat penguin!" Ghostbusters (1984) - "Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by Dickless here." Grosse Pointe Blank (1997) - "Like I'm gonna put a bullet hole in your fuckin' forehead, and I'm gonna fuck the brain hole!"

WarGames (1983) - (Maybe you could tell us who first suggested the idea of reproduction without sex.) "Um... your wife?"

Dumb and Dumber (1994) - "Sucker of big brown dirty eggs! [...] Licker of salmon-fried fish! [...] Raider of the lost fart! [...] Licker of dirty chicken butts! [...] Soiler of towels! "Man... you are one pathetic loser." Liar Liar (1997) - "He's a pedantic pontificating pretentious bastard. A belligerent old fart, a worthless steaming pile of cow-dung." "You have bad breath caused by gingivitis! You couldn't get a porn star off! Your hairpiece looks like something that was killed crossing the highway. I don't know whether to comb it or scrape it off with a shovel and bury it alive! Loser! Idiot! Wimp! Degenerate! SLUT!"

O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000) - "You two are just dumber than a bag of hammers!"

Highlander (1986) - "You have the manners of a goat. And you smell like a dungheap."

Bull Durham (1988) - "Yeah? From what I hear, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a fucking boat."

Tropic Thunder (2008) - "First - take a big step back, and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE!"

A Fish Called Wanda (1988) - (Don't call me stupid.) "Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!"

The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996) - "Were you always this stupid or did you take lessons?"

Il buono, il brutto, il cattivo (1966) - "You'll always be poor, just like the greasy rat that you are." Heartbreak Ridge (1986) - (You're gonna pay full price, Highway. I don't give no serviceman's discount.) "Too bad your old lady does."

The Princess Bride (1987) - "I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon."

In Bruges (2008) - "YOU'RE an inanimate fucking object!"

A League of Their Own (1992) - "Did anyone ever tell you you look like a penis with a little hat on?"

The Silence of the Lambs (1991) - "Do you know what you look like to me with your good back and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube."

Shaft (2000) - "You wouldn't know Egyptian cotton if Pharaoh himself sent it to you, you knockoff-wearing motherfucker."

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005) - "Look up 'idiot' in the dictionary, you know what you'll find?" (A picture of me?) "No! The definition of the word, 'idiot', which you fucking are!"

A Fish Called Wanda (1988) - "You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole!"

Three Amigos! (1986) - "You dirt-eating piece of slime! You scum-sucking pig! You son of a motherless goat!" Roxanne (1987) - "Let's start with... Obvious: 'scuse me, is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?" Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987) - "If I wanted a joke, I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak."

Ghostbusters (1984) - "Yes, it's true. This man has no dick." What About Bob? (1991) - "Shit-eating son of a bitch! Bastard, douchebag, twat, dickhead..."

As Good as It Gets (1997) - (How do you write women so well?) "I think of a man... and I take away reason, and accountability." "People that talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch."

Scarface (1983) - "Hey, Frank, you're a piece of shit." [...] "You know what I'm talking about, you fucking cockroach." Glengarry Glen Ross (1992) - "You stupid fucking cunt. You, Williamson, I'm talking to you, shithead. Where did you learn to trade, you stupid fucking cunt, you idiot?" Carlito's Way (1993) - "Maybe I don't give a shit. Maybe I don't remember the last time I blew my nose either."

Weird Science (1985) - "Boy, I wouldn't give a squirt of piss for your ass right now." Aliens (1986) - "Hey, Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?"

Scarface (1983) - "Even if I were blind, desperate, starved and begging for it on a deserted island, you'd be the last thing I'd ever fuck."

The Way of the Gun (2000) - "Shut that cunt's mouth or I'll come over there and fuck-start her head!"

Stand by Me (1986) - "Why don't you go home and fuck your mother some more?"

Erin Brockovich (2000) - "That's all you got, lady. Two wrong feet and fucking ugly shoes."

Heathers (1988) - "You goddamned bitch!"

Predator (1987) - "You're one ugly motherfucker." The 6th Day (2000) - "You should clone yourself... so you can go fuck yourself."

Gleaming the Cube (1989) - "If I had a dog with a face like yours I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards."

The Ref (1994) - "You know what, Mom? You know what I'm gonna get you next Christmas? A big wooden cross. So every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it." Swimming with Sharks (1994) - "Who do you think you are, you snot-faced little punk? Let me make this clear for you, okay? You are nothing! If you were in my toilet bowl, I wouldn't bother flushing it. My bathmat means more to me than you!"

Rhinestone (1984) - "You can always tell when Barnett's been over to my house: the toilet ain't never flushed and the cat's pregnant."

The Departed (2006) - "Who put the fucking cameras in this place?" (Oh. Who the fuck are you?") "I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy."

Training Day (2001) - "You disloyal, fool-ass, bitch-made punk."

Good Morning, Vietnam (1987) - "You're in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history." Hook (1991) - "Math tutor. [...] Prison barber. [...] Near-sighted gynecologist. [...] You lewd crude bag of pre-chewed food dude!" "You two-toned, zebra headed, slime-coated, pimple-farming, paramecium brain, munching-on-your-own-mucus, suffering from PETER PAN ENVY!!!"

The Last Boy Scout (1991) - "Ask me how fat she is. [...] She's so fat I had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot. Motherfucker, you gotta slap her thigh and ride the waves."

Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) - "If staying here means working within ten yards of you, frankly, I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's ass."

Glengarry Glen Ross (1992) - "Fuck you, that's my name!"

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989) - "I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is!"

The Witches of Eastwick (1987) - "You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell."

Nine Months (1995) - "You miserable piece of dick-brained, horseshit slime-sucking son of a whore bitch!"

Gangs of New York (2002) - "I don't give a tupenny fuck about your moral conundrum, you meat-headed shitsack." There Will Be Blood (2007) - "You're just... afterbirth, Eli. You slithered out of your mother's filth. They should have put you in a glass jar on a mantlepiece."

True Grit (1969) - "I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man."

Full Metal Jacket (1987) - "It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!" "You climb obstacles like old people fuck, you know that, Private Pyle?" "I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamned common courtesy to give him a reach-around." "How tall are you, Private? [...] 5'9", I didn't know they stacked shit that high!" "Were you born a fat, slimy, scumbag puke piece o' shit, Private Pyle, or did you have to work on it?"

Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980) - "Why, you stuck up... half-witted... scruffy-looking... Nerf-herder!"

Nine to Five (1980) - "You're a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot. You're a foul heart - a wart on the nose of humanity and I'm going to blast it off."

True Romance (1993) - "You're part... eggplant."

Glengarry Glen Ross (1992) - "You're a fuckin' secretary. Fuck you. That's my message to ya: Fuck you and kiss my ass."

Reservoir Dogs (1992) - "Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie? Or are you gonna bite?"

Con Air (1997) - "To me you're somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you're really thirsty."

Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) - "You gump-face, blown-up, baboon-assed bastard!"

A Clockwork Orange (1971) - "How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap, stinking chip oil? [...] You eunuch jelly thou!"

48 Hrs. (1982) - "I've never seen so many backwards-ass country fucks in my life." The Nutty Professor (1996) - "Hey man, what's wrong with that breath? I can smell it over here! Reggie, your breath is so stinky, people look forward to your farts." "Oh, Reggie, I heard of dreadlocks, but shitlocks? That ain't you hair, man. Take that pile of shit off your head."

The Breakfast Club (1985) - "Yeah, I got a question. Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?" "Face it. You're a neo-maxie-zoom-dweebie."

Raging Bull (1980) - "You listenin'? Your mother sucks fucking big fucking elephant dicks. You got that?" Casino (1995) - "You shit-kicking stinky, horse-manure-smelling motherfucker you!"

Barfly (1987) - "Your mother's cunt stinks like - sniff - carpet cleaner."

Big Trouble in Little China (1986) - (I'd go with you, but...) "I know. There's a problem with your face."

New Jack City (1991) - "You're incapable of running this shit. *Sit* your five-dollar ass down, before I make change." White Men Can't Jump (1992) - "Shut your anorexic malnutrition tapeworm-having overdose on Dick Gregory Bahamian diet-drinking ass up."

Bad Santa (2003) - "You smell like a bum's nut sack."

Biloxi Blues (1988) - "Selridge, you would need three promotions to get to be an asshole." True Romance (1993) - "You're a cantaloupe!"

Stand by Me (1986) - "Suck my fat one, you cheap dime-store hood!"

Silver Streak (1976) - "You stupid ignorant son-of-a-bitch dumb bastard! Jesus Christ, I've met some dumb bastards in my time, but you outdo them all - get over there!"

Toy Story (1995) - "You are a sad, strange little man. And you have my pity."

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) - "You look like a blueberry!"

Point Break (1991) - "Listen, you snot-nosed little shit! I was taking shrapnel in Khe Sanh, while you were crapping in your hands and rubbing it on your face!" "I was in this bureau when you were still popping zits on your funny face and jacking off to the lingerie section of the Sears catalogue!"

Uncle Buck (1989) - "Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face."

The Women (1939) - "There's a name for you ladies. But it isn't used in high society... outside of a kennel."

Caddyshack (1980) - "You're a lot of woman, you know that? Hey, you wanna make fourteen dollars the hard way?" "Oh, this is your wife? A lovely lady! Hey, baby, you're alright, you must have been something before electricity, huh?" "Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this, I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? [...] Oh, it looks good on you, though."

Dumb and Dumber (1994) - "Weirdo. Idiot. Moron. Rump-roast! Buttfish!"

Happy Gilmore (1996) - "You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?"

Get Shorty (1995) - "Fuck you, fuckball!" Snatch (2000) - "Shut up and sit down, you big bald fuck!"

Aliens (1986) - {Hey, Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?) "No. Have you?"

The Mist (2007) - "The day I need a friend like you, I'll just have myself a little squat and shit one out."

The Long Good Friday (1980) - "Shut up, you long streak of paralyzed piss!"

Sexy Beast (2000) - "You're the problem. You're the fucking problem, you fucking Dr. White honkin' jam-rag fucking spunk-bubble!"

Happy Gilmore (1996) - "You're in big trouble, little pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!"

City Slickers (1991) - "I crap bigger than you."

The Usual Suspects (1995) - "Fuck your father in the shower and then have a snack. You gonna charge me, dickhead?"

The Warriors (1979) - "I'll shove that bat up your ass and turn you into a popsicle."

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982) - "It's nothing like that, penis breath!"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) - "Holy Hell, son, you're about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop."

Back to the Future (1985) - "Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?"

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) - "You are a smelly pirate hooker!" [...] "Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?" "You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science." Step Brothers (2008) - "I tea-bagged your fuckin' drumset!"

The Women (1939) - (Nevermind, dear. Chin up.) "That's right: both of them."